31. Alexis
We said goodbye to my parents this morning, who left for a Mediterranean cruise. I won”t say I necessarily cheered when the door closed behind them, but I definitely thrust my fists into the air in victory.
In all honesty, my mom did calm down a lot and was almost a normal human being by the end of the weekend. Hopefully, this is a sign that she will remain chill.
Ha. No, she’s just saving up her energy.
Since I’m about to start three overnight shifts followed by two days on-call, Jason and I are settling in for a quiet day watching movies.
I’m in the kitchen popping our first round of popcorn when his phone goes off. I watch as he pulls it out, grimaces, and shuts off the ringer. It’s the fourth time I’ve watched him do that today. Not to mention the number of times he did that all weekend. I’ve seen his call screen; I know it’s his agent. What I don’t understand is why he won’t talk to the guy, clearly, he has something to say.
My first instinct is to say it’s not my business and let him talk about it if he wants. Fuck that. He’s the first person I want to talk things out with, and after that gift he gave me, I know he feels the same. We”re barreling toward a lifetime together, so we need to start talking about the stuff that scares us, not just the fun stuff. My stomach clenches. I”m nervous about bringing it up, but I know if I don”t, I”ll regret it.
Popcorn in hand, I join him on the couch. He helps me get settled under the blanket, and I take the leap just as the opening scenes come on screen.
“Are you going to answer Steven next time he calls?”
Silence.
I think he didn”t hear me for a second, but when I turn my head to look at him, he”s scowling at the TV. Shit, maybe I shouldn”t have said anything. But no, this is what being in a relationship is about. I can”t back down at the first sign of resistance.
”I understand why you might not want to talk about it, but Jason, my job as your girlfriend is to be your sounding board. Not just when you”re happy about something, but when you”re struggling too.” I take a breath and pause; at his silence, I push on.
“I know you said you didn’t like anything he’s brought you in the past, but there are probably new options by now. Maybe you should hear him out?”
Jason briefly closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he blows a breath out and turns to look at me finally.
“I’ve looked at everything he sends me. Nothing is speaking to me. And he just won’t leave me alone about it.” He takes my hand in both of his and begins playing with my fingers. “I honestly don’t know what to do.”
I let out a breath, incredibly relieved that we”re finally talking about it.
I twist around so that I’m seated facing him directly, the movie can go fuck itself for all I care.
“Jason,” I wait for him to look at me again. “I want you to listen to everything I have to say and not interrupt. Do you think you can do that?”
He nods, his frown deepening.
Here goes nothing.
”I finished your short stories last night. They were wonderful.” He opens his mouth, and I cut him off, ”nope, you promised to let me finish.” I wait for his mouth to close again before continuing.
”You weren”t wrong that there were some structure and grammatical issues in some of your pieces from high school, but the storytelling and the stories themselves? I loved every minute of them. Now, I”m not saying you need to pursue your writing, but I want you to know that you are good; the praise you got from teachers was warranted. As for acting? Maybe you need a break. You”ve said it several times, nothing is speaking to you right now, and maybe that”s a sign that you need to take a step back. I know, I know. You”ve been off since wrapping your last movie, but it”s been with Steven looming in the background, pressuring you into picking your next project. Not to mention your parents asking you constantly too. I can”t help but think that you”ll find your footing again if you take an official break and have time to really think about what you want to do next without all these outside pressures. Babe, I want you to be happy, and sometimes it just doesn”t feel like you are. I love you, and I”m here.”
I can”t look him in the eye; I”m so nervous that he”s going to explode at me like the last time I tried to talk about this.
When he remains silent, I chance a look. He”s back to staring at the TV, but his expression is more contemplative than angry or frustrated. Maybe I wasn”t entirely off base here.
”I honestly don”t know, Lex. What you”re saying makes sense, but the thought of telling everyone that I”m taking a break from acting also scares me. I don”t want to take a few months off and come back to find that no one wants to work with me anymore.” He focuses back on me, and I can see the anxiety and indecision in his eyes. I wish I could make it easier for him. ”But I”ll think about it.” I smile and pull him close for a chaste kiss.
“That’s all I can ask for. Now let’s get this movie marathon going.”
We both settle in and spend the hours leading up to my night shift in perfect companionship.