9
Something has changed, I know that much without even having to open my eyes.
Something feels different.
As the cogs in my mind begin to turn and the haze of sleep wears off, I notice the air smells fresh and clean, unlike the stench of stale air, body odour and piss that I’ve been used to for I don’t know how long. The silence is replaced by a steady beep somewhere beside me and the sound of rain pattering against a window is comforting. The bed I’m in feels like I’m lying on clouds, and my head sinks into the plush pillow beneath me.
I go to reach for my face, but something stops me. I peel my eyes open, letting my eyes adjust to the harsh white light of the room I’m in.
I’m in the hospital.
Relief washes over me, but I have to take a moment to make sure I’m not dreaming.
Tiny flashes of images flicker in my mind.
I remember the room I was locked in… I remember Ollie and Austin fighting… Austin shot him! Did he live?
I remember the pain in my stomach, I felt like I was dying. My hand stretches over my belly which is sore and bruised under my touch. I remember being weightless in someone’s arms, then waking up here.
I glance down to my hand to find it clasped in somebody else’s as it rests at my side on the mattress.
“Sierra? Princess?” I know that voice, it’s a voice I’ve been dreaming of hearing for so long, but as my eyes search for the source of the voice, my blood runs cold.
The face staring at me isn’t the one I thought it would be. The one staring back at me is a face from my nightmares.
“No!” I breathe out, snatching my hand out from under his.
“Sierra, it’s alright. It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you.” He reaches for me.
“No! Get away from me!” I scream, my voice rough like I’ve swallowed a piece of sandpaper. It’s dry and scratchy.
I desperately try to shuffle across the bed, but the wires that hook me up to the machines beside me and the pain that slices through my abdomen halt my movements.
I lean too heavily on my left arm and wince, noticing the cast that binds my forearm.
“Princess, please.” There’s only one man who calls me princess, and this man’s face doesn’t match up that his voice.
What is going on?
“No!” I cry.
The door swings open and two more men pile in.
“What happened?” one of them asks. I know that voice too.
“She woke up and started freaking out,” the man to beside me explains.
“Sierra, calm down. You’re safe,” the other says.
“G—get out! All of y—you! Leave!” I cry, my breaths jagged and strained.
A nurse bursts into the room. “I think you should all leave now. You being here is disturbing your sister. She’s scared and confused. You can come back when she’s more stable.”
The three men reluctantly leave the room, the one whose hand was holding mine peering over his shoulder briefly before following the other two out.
The nurse makes her way over to me. “It’s alright, sweetie. You’re safe.”
∞∞∞
“By the time I’m done with you, you’re gonna be so well used, your brothers will only ever see me when they look at you…”
My eyes fly open, a sharp gasp escaping my lungs as the memory of Austin’s voice vanishes from my brain when I see I’m in the hospital.
It’s over. I’m safe.
My eyes are drawn to the nurse in the corner of my room with her back to me, scribbling on a clipboard. When she turns to me, I recognise her face. She was here earlier.
“Hello again, Sierra. How are you feeling?” she asks, smiling sweetly.
“Like I got run over by a dump truck,” I reply groggily.
She laughs softly. “My name’s Tessa, I’m going to be taking care of you, and I promise, most of the time you won’t even notice I’m here, but if you ever need anything, come to me, okay?”
I nod. “Who were those men? The ones from earlier?”
“Your brothers. You’ve been at the hospital since yesterday evening. You woke briefly about five hours ago and became a little agitated so we sedated you to calm you down.”
I frown. “My brothers? But there were three of them, I only have two brothers.”
She gives me a knowing smile. “That stays between you and me. As far as everyone else in this hospital is concerned, you have three, okay? Visiting is for close family only, but the way the mysterious, muscly one with the grey eyes looks at you, he is definitely not your brother.”
The one with the grey eyes…
Alec.
“I’ll go fetch the doctor, she’ll want to know you’re awake.” With that, Tessa places the clipboard onto the holder at the foot of my bed and excuses herself from the room.
I try to pull myself up to sitting but I cry out from the pain slicing through my lower belly, and after several failed and painful attempts, I give up.
A minute later, an older female doctor with brown hair in a long white coat walks in, giving me a kind smile. “Hello, Sierra. I’m Doctor Fowler, you’ll be under my care while you’re here. How are you feeling?”
“Everywhere hurts,” I complain.
“You’ve been through quite the ordeal which has taken a substantial toll on your body. I would like to discuss with you your injuries and what we had to do when you were admitted. Would you like someone with you? I believe your sister-in-law is outside in the waiting area.”
“Why do I need someone with me? Is it bad?”
Her face doesn’t give anything away. “I think it would be best.”
“Um… Okay.”
What the hell could be so bad that I need someone holding my hand? Am I dying?
Doctor Fowler leaves the room, but returns a second later with Reese on her heels.
She looks like she hasn’t had a wink of sleep, her eyes are red and puffy and she looks not far off how I feel. When her eyes meet mine, she gives me a teary-eyed smile.
“I’m so happy you’re awake.” She rushes over to me, reaching for me as if she were going to give me a hug, but she hesitates at the last second and instead, settles herself into the chair beside me.
“So what’s the verdict, Doc? What’s so bad I need a chaperone?”
She takes in a lungful of air and my stomach drops and I mentally prepare for what she might say. “I have the understanding you’ve been sexually assaulted?”
That’s putting it mildly.I nod stiffly.
“The good news is there are no signs of any sexually transmitted diseases, but we will continue to monitor you closely…” She then goes into a monologue about my injuries, going into detail about every single one that conjures vivid images in my mind of how I acquired them. She then goes on to tell me how many of my ribs are cracked, my arm fracture, and the various cuts and bruises I have. The rest of what she says fades into a blur and I can’t figure out if it’s real or if I’m dreaming.
Ruptured uterus… Bleeding… Hysterectomy…
My mind gets caught on that last part. I hear the words but they don’t make sense, like I’m hearing them in a different language. It’s as if it’s happening to somebody else. Not me.
It can’t be me. Can it?
My whole world shifts on it’s axis.
Reese cries silently beside me. I hadn’t even noticed her hand squeezing mine, and I hadn’t even realised that my other hand had moved to my belly, feeling the faint outline of a scar running along my lower abdomen beneath the dressing.
“A… a hysterectomy…?” I let the word sink in. It echoes through my head, the full weight of its meaning hitting me full force.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s difficult to process, but had we not removed the uterus, there was a chance you may not have survived,” she explains.
“No…” I breathe out.
Without a womb, I’ll never be able to get pregnant. I’ll never be able to carry a baby inside me. I’ll never give birth…
I’ll never be a mom.
Tears burn in my eyes. How is this happening? “No. H—how…? No! No! But I— I’m too young!” I scream.
“I’m very sorry.”
“But h—how will I have a baby?” My voice cracks at the last part.
“Your ovaries are fully functional, and in the future you have the option to harvest your eggs should you wish to reproduce, but unfortunately your body is physically unable to carry a child yourself. You may also find that you experience the menopause a lot sooner than usual given the operation we had to conduct. This is perfectly normal. I understand this isn’t the news you ever hoped to hear, Sierra, but saving your life was our priority.”
“I… I don’t know what to say…”
“I’ll give you some privacy. Get some rest, Sierra.” Doctor Fowler slips from the room as if she hadn’t just shattered my entire world into a million tiny pieces that I’ll never be able to repair.
“I’m so sorry, Si,” Reese says.
“This can’t be happening. I—” My voice is swallowed up as a sob from deep in my stomach rises up and rips through me, my cry probably loud enough for the entire ward to hear.
I’m hysterical, and I can’t seem to take in enough oxygen to fuel my cries. All I seem to be able to manage are tiny gulps of air that only make me panic more. It’s like… it’s like I’m having a panic attack.
“Sierra? Si, calm down, it’s alright.” Reese’s reassuring words have no effect as I gasp for breath.
“Alec!” Reese yells just seconds before the door swings open, crashing back onto the wall behind it.
Two strong hands cup my face, and I flinch from their unexpected touch. “Sierra? Sierra, look at me.”
My eyes flick up to meet a pair of grey ones I’ve seen in my dreams, eyes I’ve drowned in so many times.
Eyes the colour of storm clouds.
Alec.
“Breathe, princess. Just breathe,” he soothes, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. “In and out, nice and slow, copy what I’m doing.”
I mirror him, inhaling and exhaling with him, the repetitive, slow movements of his thumbs on my cheeks calm me.
“That’s it. Keep looking into my eyes. It’s me, Alec. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You’re safe with me.” He speaks softly, and I focus on the tiny flecks of silver and white in his eyes that I’ve never noticed before.
After what feels like a lifetime, my breath finally comes back to me as my tears begin to slow. My forehead falls to his shoulder as he gathers me in his arms, his familiar scent of citrus and sandalwood drifting into my nose, settling some of the unease inside me.
He strokes my hair. “It’s alright, Sierra. You’re safe, I promise.”
I might be safe, but my life will never be the same as it was before I was kidnapped. It will forever be altered by recent events.
I thought that when I finally made it out of that hellhole, that I’d be free. That I’d be able to restart my life and put it all behind me. But it seems it wasn’t just my virginity they stole from me. They’ve stolen away my entire life and all my dreams with it.