Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lily
I woke up disoriented, not knowing where I was. Under me was something soft and not the hard, damp floor I had grown used to. But that didn’t make me feel instantly better.
There were mattresses in my prison. I’d seen other girls on them, shackled and bound just like me. I’d just been the only one left on the floor and beaten. And I was broken. Even in my jumbled mind, I knew that. They had broken me.
A single tear slipped down my face, and I reached for my cheek to capture it on my fingertips. It was then that I realized I could move. There were no chains around my throat. The sheets over me were clean and fresh, and the mattress was soft. It smelled like home.
My eyes flew open, and I found myself staring up at a familiar ceiling. The lights were off, but it wasn’t dark in here. There was light coming through the drawn curtain, and a lamp was on by the side of the bed.
The whole place felt instantly familiar. I didn’t even have to look around to know where I was. A wet sobbing sound hit my ears, and it took me several seconds to realize that the sound came from my lips.
I was home, I was safe.
“Lily?”
Slowly, I turned my head. Every move I made was agony. “Daniil?” I croaked.
It was definitely him, I would know him anywhere, even if my eyes were blurry. He stood and came to me in a rush. The mattress dipped as he went to grab me. I scuttled back, with a small scream, and his arms dropped to his side. When he looked at me, there was nothing but pity in his eyes.
“It’s just me, Lily.” He perched on the edge of the mattress. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I nodded, settling back down against the pillows, but I kept some distance between us. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust anyone. And I didn’t want to be touched. Not even by him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered my eyes on my lap.
“It’s ok, Lily. I shouldn’t have rushed towards you like that. We can take it slow,” his voice cracked. “How are you feeling?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? How was I feeling? Silently, I took stock of my body. “Sore but better,” I admitted finally.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his lips twitch. “That’s good. The arm will heal as well as your ribs, but it’s going to take some time. I want you to take it easy until you feel better, ok? I’m going to need you to do this for me, ok? Let me look after you.”
I met his eyes finally, and I could tell he was serious. “You sent me away,” I whispered. “You told me you never wanted to see me again. But you came for me?” I didn’t actually know what I was asking, but it was a question anyway.
Daniil’s face grew troubled. “I was wrong. I won’t ever send you away again. You’re mine, Lily. You have always been mine, but now—”
“The baby,” I whispered, and my hand went to my stomach. “Is—”
“The baby is fine,” he answered softly. “We did a scan yesterday when you were asleep.”
I blinked at him in shock. “How long have I been sleeping?”
“Three days. You’ve woken up a few times. Don’t you remember?” h,e asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“It’s understandable, Lily. You were pretty out of it. But you seem more lucid.”
“I don’t remember.” My voice broke, and my panic began to rise, my breath catching in my lungs so only a wheezing sound left my lips. Daniil was next to me instantly. His big hands cupped my face, but he didn’t draw me to him. “Look at me,” he ordered.
I did it with difficulty. Meeting anyone’s eyes was dangerous.
“You are safe. You are loved. And you are home.” His lips lowered over mine, and I yanked my head back. The look he gave me was full of hurt. I blinked at him in surprise. Had he just said loved?
“It’s just—” my voice broke. “I can’t explain it.”
How could I explain to him what had happened to me without admitting it to myself? I’d only survived this long by taking myself out of my body and pretending it had happened to someone else.
The bad things couldn’t touch me if I didn’t admit they had happened to me.
With a sigh, Daniil dropped his hands to his side. “It’s ok, Lily. You don’t need to talk about it unless you want to.” I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, least of all him.
Another sigh, and I knew he had read the truth in my eyes. He stood slowly. “One day, hopefully, you will be able to tell me everything, but I won’t push you. I just want you to know that every single person who hurt you will pay for it.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Greg?”
Darkness filled his eyes. “Gone, but I will find him, and he will pay, Lilly. I promise you that. You should rest now.”
He was almost at the door when I called him back.
“Don’t underestimate him, Daniil. He’s dangerous.” I just hadn’t realized how dangerous he was until recently.
Slowly, Daniil turned. “I won’t ever underestimate him again.
Just like I won’t ever take you for granted again.
” A smile tugged at the edges of his full mouth.
“Now rest. It’s been hard to keep Timothy away from you the last few days, and he will want to see you when he comes home from school. If you think you want to see him?”
My heart felt suddenly lighter at the sound of that little boy’s name. Bad things had happened to me. Lots and lots of bad things, but Timothy was a light in the darkness.
“I’d really like to see him,” I said softly and was rewarded by a bright, happy smile.
“Good.” Daniil nodded his head. “Now rest. I’ll check up in an hour.” He went to shut the door.
I bolted upright. “Please don’t,” I yelled raggedly, and he froze. “Please don’t shut the door. Please don’t lock me in.”
Daniil’s eyes grew soft. “I’ll leave the door open, Lily. You’re not trapped. You are safe now.”
A week went by, and then another, but instead of getting better, I felt worse and worse.
Not my body, that healed, but my mind? Yeah, that was still broken. It didn’t matter how many shrinks Daniil had to come in to talk to me, or how many times he tried himself to make me feel safe. I just couldn’t let my guard down, not around him.
The only time I ever felt an ounce of peace was when Timothy was with me, curled into my side after school. Reading him stories and listening to his childish jabber helped push the darkness back for a little while before I was alone again.
I didn’t leave my bedroom. Even though the door was wide open because I was safe in here. Nothing bad could happen to me in here.
Those four walls became my entire world.
I’d just emerged from the bathroom, my robe tied tightly around my waist, when a movement behind me made me whirl around and scream. There was someone in my room, standing right behind me. My throat closed up.
“Lily.” Daniils voice was low and steady. His hands came down onto my shoulders firmly, but without hurting, and I slapped at them anyway. Scurrying away.
“Lily, it’s just me.” He said in that same steady voice. “I’m not going to hurt you. You know that.”
Clutching the robe closed over my throat, I forced myself to calm down. Except I couldn’t. My heart felt like it was going to beat its way right out of my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to croak. “You scared me.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to.” He looked around the room like he was just seeing it for the first time. And his nose wrinkled. “You can’t keep yourself locked away anymore, Lily. It’s not healthy.”
“I’m not locked away. I’m not a prisoner,” I retorted, but there was no fire in my voice. “The door is always open. I just—”
“You keep yourself locked away, even if the door is open.” He reached up and tapped his temple. “In here, you are still a prisoner.”
I opened my mouth to argue back, but there was really no arguing. He was right. There was just nothing I could do about it.
“I need to get dressed,” I whispered. “Can you leave, please.”
I didn’t want to be around him. Every time I was recently, I couldn’t help but blame him for all the things that had happened. Yes, Greg had sold me. But if Daniil had wanted me, none of this would have happened.
He was the one who had sent me back to be taken. He hadn’t protected me. How could I trust him to protect me now?
He always said the right things, but at the end of the day, they were just words. They didn’t mean anything.
“No.”
My head snapped up to his in shock. Had he really just said no?
“No?” I parroted back. “What do you mean, no?”
“No,” he said more firmly. “I am not going to let you do this to yourself. Anya is coming for dinner, and I would like you to come down and eat with us.”
“I’m tired, Daniil. I don’t want to see anyone. I just want to be left alone.”
“I’m sorry,” he said and sounded just like his old self. All that cocky confidence was back. Almost like he knew he would be obeyed. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I explained myself properly. You will be joining us for dinner, Lily.”
“But I—”
He headed towards the door. Pausing just before he reached it. “It’s just a casual family dinner, Lily. You will be surrounded by people who love and care for you.”
His eyes bored into mine. “Do you love and care for me, Daniil?”
Daniil didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
“Yet you let this happen to me.” The first real note of anger entered my voice and made it crack.
“Yes, I failed you.” He didn’t even try to argue back.
“I know that just like I know I will have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But I also know I won’t lose you again, Lily.
I know I’ll protect you even if it means I have to protect you from yourself.
You are not this victim. You are not a prisoner.
Now get dressed and come down for dinner. ”
The moment he left, I sat on the edge of the bed and cried into my hands. I knew he was right, of course, he was, but I just couldn’t break out of the emotional prison I had put myself in.
I was free and safe, but in my head, I was still locked away in that dank basement with a thick metal collar around my throat. It felt like I would never be free, but Danill was right about something else as well. I had to try.
Taking a few steadying breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm me down, I stood and headed towards the dresser. Tonight I would get dressed and go have dinner like a normal person. I would be safe.
It might even be nice. I told myself over and over again. It would be nice to see the people I liked and be like the old me again. Only I could never be the old me. Sitting at the vanity, I began to pull the brush through my wet hair.
No, I could never be the old me ever again. But I could fake it until I realized who I was now.