Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Daniil
“You have to be patient with her, Daniil,” Anya sighed from the other side of the table.
Grumbling my agreement, I dragged my fingers through my hair, tugging at the strands until I felt the familiar sting in my scalp.
I knew I had to be patient, and I was trying, but the longer she was here and hiding herself away in her room, the more it felt like I was losing her, just slow motion this time, and I couldn’t stand it.
“I know, and I’m trying, but I’m worried.” I kept my voice low. “She’s healing. The doctors say she is doing great and the baby is as well.” My voice turned softer. Even I could hear the mixture of emotion in it. “But it’s like she’s dying anyway, like she’s not her anymore.”
“Of course, she’s not her anymore, Daniil.” Anya’s tone was sharp. “She’s been through a great ordeal. Do you not remember what I was like after the accident? And what Lily has been through is so much worse. She may never be the same girl you fell in love with, Daniil.”
I shot her a look, but I didn’t know how she knew I was in love with her:
“I can’t lose her.”
“You won’t.” Reaching across the table, she took my hand and squeezed it, and I took comfort in my sister-in-law’s presence.
“But you have to let her find out for herself who she is now.”
For a second, I closed my eyes. “I know. It’s just—”
“Lily.” Anya cried out excitedly. And I turned around sharply to find her standing in the doorway, dressed casually in jeans and a sweater, with one sleeve rolled up over her cast and a silk scarf around the almost faded bruises and cuts around her throat.
Her red hair was damp and pulled back from her makeup-free face.
She looked unbelievably beautiful even without trying. Jumping out of my seat to greet her, I had my hands wrapped around her upper arms, and my lips descended towards hers before I remembered what had happened. I let go of her quickly and stepped away.
As always, she had gone rigid the moment I touched her. Anya’s voice echoed inside my head. I had to be patient with her, and God, I was trying, but it was hard when all I wanted to do every second of the day was hold her in my arms and tell her she was safe. I ached to kiss her.
“Anya.” Ignoring me completely, Lily rushed forward to hug the younger woman, leaving me standing there and staring.
She was ok touching Anya, and she liked Timothy’s company. But mine? Me she couldn’t seem to stand being around at all.
“You look great, Lily.”
Lily blushed. “Thank you, but I don’t—”
I cut her off because I hated that she was about to put herself down. “You’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful.”
It was a compliment, but her features tightened anyway.
“Thank you,” she said in a clipped voice before pulling out a seat and turning her attention back to Anya. “So, how have you been? Are you excited for your wedding?”
Lily came alive talking to Anya. Silently, I took my seat so I could watch her face.
It was becoming clearer and clearer that she just didn’t like to be around me anymore, and I knew why. She blamed me for what had happened to her, and who could blame her? I blamed myself as well.
Settling myself and pushing my anger down, I watched as they talked. Every now and then, Lily would glance in my direction and frown. She had heard our conversation. I could see it in her eyes and the way she looked at me like I was her enemy.
I wasn’t. I would give up almost anything to take back the stupid things I had said and done. All she had to do was give me a chance.
When Timothy came home, she lit up, opening her arms so the little boy could climb onto her lap. I listened intently to their conversation, and not once did she mention me or anything about her future.
Her face was animated, and she was deep in conversation, but I saw right through it. Lily was putting on an act. There was absolutely nothing in her eyes. It was like she was already dead and gone, and what I was looking at was just a zombie. Lily was literally a shell of herself.
Dinner was strained. Sure, conversations flowed, but all I could think about was how hollow she seemed to be. When Timothy was in bed, and Anya had left, she rushed off to her bedroom.
“Lily, wait.” Calling after her I caught up with her on the stairs. “Can we talk?”
“Of course. I’d like that.” She nodded, but there was no emotion in her voice.
She was just saying what she thought I wanted to hear, and it was driving me crazy.
I fought back the urge to tell her that, to shout at her until she yelled right back because I’d take her being angry with me over this weird emptiness in her eyes.
“Let’s go to your room, where it’s more private.”
She trembled:
“Not like that, Lily,” I said quickly. I might not know exactly what had happened to her, but I could guess, and even an asshole like me would not force that on her until she was ready.
“You know I would never—”
She cut me off. “You don’t want to?” She asked in an accusing whisper. “You think I’m damaged goods now?”
“I don’t think any such thing. Do not put words in my mouth, Lily. I am trying to be a gentleman and give you the space you need. But don’t think for a second that means I don’t ache for you, because I do.”
For a second, her eyes softened. “I’m not ready for that. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” Tears flooded her eyes and wet her cheeks. Turning away from me, she ran up the stairs. I chased after her. Catching her around the waist, I pulled her into my arms and crushed her against my chest.
Lily fought back for ten whole seconds, her small fists hitting me in the chest, but I didn’t loosen my grip.
“I’m so broken, Daniil.” Limp in my arms, she sobbed into my chest. “I’m broken, and no amount of patience will put me back together.”
Up and down her too-slim back my hand moved as I tried to soothe her.
“You are not broken, Lily,” I whispered into her ear.
“You’re not, but I know you need to heal, and that’s why I’m not going to let you lock yourself away.
” Holding her out at arm’s length, I stared down into her eyes.
“I won’t let you lock me out either. I need you.
And I’ll wait a million years for you if that’s what it takes. ”
She blinked blearily up at me. “You could have anyone you wanted. You could have your pick of women.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her, even though I hated this new, unsure of herself, Lily.
“The only woman I want is you, Lily. Now, would you like to sit on the bed alone while we talk, or can I sit with you?”
She stared at me for a full minute before making her decision. “We can sit together.”
Again, she was saying just what she thought I wanted to hear without any real emotion in her voice. Taking up a seat next to her, I took her hand and entwined our fingers. She didn’t close her fingers around mine, and I fought the urge to scream.
“I want you to know that,” I took a deep breath, “I am hunting down all the people who hurt you.”
Lily’s head snapped around. “What does that mean?”
“It means,” I said evenly. “That anyone who had a hand in your kidnapping and imprisonment,” I purposely didn’t say abuse, “will pay for it. There are certain people whom I haven’t tracked down yet. But I will, and until then, I will never leave you unprotected.”
She closed her eyes, taking several long deep breaths. “Piotre and—”
“His brother Dominik. And Greg,” I said softly, hating the way her face paled. I squeezed her hand. “But I will find them, Lily, because I want you to be able to live your life safe in the knowledge that they will never hurt you again.”
My thumb brushed back and forth against the back of her hand. “I want you to be able to leave here and feel safe.”
Her head jolted up. “You want me to leave?”
“No.” I shook my head rapidly. “No, I don’t mean leave me. I don’t want that.”
“Ok.” Her voice shook a little. “So our arrangement still stands?”
My eyebrows shot up. Without thinking, I cupped her face in my hands and brushed my lips against hers over and over again, and she kissed me back, tentatively at first, and then her lips parted.
I melted into her mouth. Savoring the taste of her lips after so long. And God, she tasted and felt amazing. It was almost like old times.
My eyes fluttered open to find her staring straight ahead. She hadn’t closed her eyes at all. Letting out a sigh of frustration, I leaned my forehead against hers with a groan. “The arrangement is over. Things are different now,” I mumbled.
“Why? Because of the baby?”
Cupping the back of her head to keep her close to me, I shook my head. “No, not because of the baby, Lily. Because you are so important to me, and I want us to be together.”
“What if I can’t—”
“I’ll wait as long as you need me to. Just as long as you are mine.” I rubbed the tip of my nose against hers softly for a second. “Just don’t push me out.”
“Ok,” she said softly, right before her lips found mine again, but not before I had seen the lie in her eyes.
She was still playing her part. Or the part she thought I wanted her to play anyway. And it was driving me insane. I didn’t want this pretend Lily. I wanted the real her. The her I had fallen in love with before those men had taken her away from me.
As gently as I could, I pushed her away from me. My anger was already rising, and I didn’t want to be around her when it erupted.
“Get some sleep now my love, and I’ll wake you up tomorrow with breakfast before our doctor’s appointment, ok?”
“Ok.” She didn’t even look at me as she slipped under the covers fully dressed and turned her back on me. Sighing, I headed towards the door. I wanted, no, I needed things to be better between us, but how could I make this happen when she was faking being ok?
She didn’t want me to touch her, and yet she let me kiss her. She agreed with everything I said without one smidge of emotion in her voice.
She was a robot. No, not a robot. She was like a zombie, animated on the outside but dead on the inside, and there was nothing I could do to help her but give her time.
“Good night.” I hesitated at the door and stared at her back. “I love you, Lily.”
She didn’t answer me. With a sigh, I left her alone. I wasn’t a very patient man. I never had been, and I didn’t know how I could help her.
Except I did. I knew one way I could help her. I could keep my promise to her and take out all those that had hurt her, and I knew just where to find the next one because I had ordered him taken to one of the warehouses on the docks for questioning.
A smile tugged at my lips as I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my car keys. The idea of hurting someone who had hurt Lily made my heart beat a little faster in anticipation.
I wasn’t good at being patient. But one thing I was good at was exacting revenge. Screaming bloody revenge.
And I was about to get that revenge for Lily.