Chapter 10
Nate
I can only say that my idea came from the Lord. I certainly don’t typically have ideas like that, and I’m terrible at decorating anyway. But I’m just thanking Him right now because the look on Jenna’s face is priceless to me. She looks happy and excited, for the first time since she opened that box earlier.
We don’t linger over our food, even though I would really like to talk to her some more. I want her to believe me when I say that I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to hurt her, that I’m taking responsibility, but I also thought I was doing what was best for both of us, and that’s the bottom line. I thought I was doing the best for her . Doesn’t she realize that I’ll always do what I think is best for her?
I suppose, she is afraid that if I think it’s best for us to break up, I’ll do it again, and she’s justified in that fear. I don’t think I would ever do that, no matter what people say to me, but I understand if she wouldn’t believe it.
We go back to the store, and she unlocks the door. Dark has fallen, and it would have been a romantic walk along the sidewalk with the Christmas lights and the scent of pine in the air. Instead, I drive quickly, because I know we’re short on time.
She walks in and then turns around and says, “You really don’t have to stay. It’s going to be a late night for me, and... We might not even be able to get all of the materials this evening.”
“I have a few things in my workshop. My parents have some things in theirs as well. If we can’t get it tonight, we’ll go to the hardware store first thing in the morning.” I pause, and then I say, “I’m in this with you. I’m not going to abandon you.”
I mean that, not just for this project, but for life. I stare at her, willing her to see into my heart and know what I’m saying. She’s looking at me as though she gets the double meaning of my words.
“I really appreciate this,” she says, ignoring my last statement. I don’t blame her, but I guess however long it takes, I’ll keep telling her that I’m going to stick. Maybe eventually she’ll believe me.
We go to the back room, where her aunt keeps all the supplies she’s used over the years for the decorations in the windows.
We actually find large, white, plastic candy canes. But I’m not sure we have any glue that will stick to the plastic.
“Could we try a small spot on them? I don’t want to use too much and ruin the candy canes, but... We could try it tonight, see if it works, and in the meantime, we can get to work on the cotton. The red material won’t be the same, but if we arrange the cotton with a red stripe down it, it might give the impression of a candy cane backdrop.”
“I can see that working,” I say, knowing that I’m not very good at picturing things in my head. “I definitely think it’s a good idea to try the glue on one spot of the candy cane, maybe just four inches up the bottom of one of them. We can check and see if it sticks in the morning once it’s dry. If it works, we can work on doing the rest of them tomorrow. We could do one side in the morning, let them dry, and then flip them, maybe.”
“Yeah. That’ll work. And if it doesn’t stick to them...we’ll still have time to try to find some Styrofoam somewhere, or cardboard might even work, if we wet it and wrap it and allow it to dry.”
“We need enough time for it to dry, but maybe we could use a blow-dryer if we need to.”
“Brilliant,” she says, her eyes shining.
We’re throwing ideas back and forth the way we used to when we were lab partners in biology and chemistry. We did so many things together that our brains just click.
By the time it’s time for me to go, we have most of the backdrop done, and the candy cane is drying on a rack.
“I really appreciate you helping me tonight,” she says as we survey our handiwork. We have a lot of work to do the next day, but I really have a good feeling about this. It’s new, and like she said, a great twist on old ideas.
“It’s my pleasure. I appreciate you not holding what happened eight years ago against me. I appreciate you listening to me and maybe even believing me a little when I say I thought I was doing the best thing for both of us. But most especially for you. I didn’t want to keep you from what you were supposed to do with your life by hanging on to a boyfriend who was an entire continent away.”
“I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you had tired of me or that Abby was better, and you wanted someone like her, that I wasn’t good enough. I...didn’t understand how we could have such a great connection, and all of a sudden, you didn’t want it anymore. It really hit my confidence hard.”
She swallows loudly, as though remembering how much it hurt, and my heart just bleeds for her. I miss her, I missed her a lot, but I never had the feeling that I wasn’t good enough or that she chose someone else over me. I realize now that’s what happens when you are the one who does the breaking off. I thought I was doing what was right, a good thing, and all she saw was that I was throwing her away like a piece of trash. Even though I was very clear about the reasons that I was breaking up with her. At least I thought I was.
I shake my head, running a hand through my hair, knowing that I can’t change it. “I hate that. I hate the pain you went through, and I was oblivious. I wish I could change it.”
“I told you, it made me stronger.” She gives me a smile, and it feels brave and forced, but I can see in her eyes that she really does mean that. “I’ll see you in the morning, although...if you don’t want to come, it’s fine.”
“I told you I would be here. And I meant it.”