Chapter 11
Jenna
I hope it works , I think to myself as I walk out of my room the next morning. I’m up before the sun, with every intention of spending every spare second I have today working on my window display.
I’m sure I will have customers throughout the day. This is one of Christmas Tree’s busiest times of year, and it’s where I’ll make the most money. Although, Aunt Janet said that with online shopping now, she gets a rush in the fall where people are ordering trains online for Christmas gifts.
Those are all things I’m going to learn as I work with her, and I suppose this is my first true test.
Although I would have failed it without Nate. I don’t like to admit that. I don’t want to be dependent on anybody, and especially someone who’s let me down so terribly before.
I walk into the shop, and my eyes go to the window glass, where I can see the Christmas decorations and the lights on the light poles shining in.
There’s a man standing next to the light pole in front of my window.
Nate is here. It looks like he’s been waiting a while. He’s leaning against the light pole, his hands shoved deep in his coat pockets, one foot crossed over the other, as he has his back turned toward the window, watching the sky slowly start to lighten.
I take a moment to admire him. Broad shoulders, confident demeanor, and... He did what he said he would do. He always did. I can’t remember one single time he lied to me or didn’t come through for me through any fault of his own. I absolutely believe him when he says he thought he was doing what was best for me when he broke up with me. I know that was the advice he was given.
What if I get back with him and someone tells him ten years from now that it’s best for him to divorce me? Is he going to listen to them?
Maybe that’s not a fair question. After all, I can look back and see the lessons I learned from that, but I’m not giving him any credit for learning anything.
I walk to the door, unlocking it and sticking my head out. “Come on in. I put some hot chocolate on.”
“You said the magic words,” he says, straightening and turning, and looking at me with an easy grin, despite the early hour. He has to be cold. It’s freezing outside, but he seems just as easygoing and happy as he always has been.
“I didn’t realize you were out there. How long have you been standing there?”
“Thirty minutes or so. I don’t usually get to just stand in the middle of town, staring at the decorations, watching the sky light up over the mountains, and thinking about how blessed I am to be here. It was a good morning.”
Of course. That’s Nate. Always looking on the bright side and never making anyone else feel bad for any suffering they put him through.
Yet I want to punish him for my suffering.
Of course, my suffering was because of him.
What if we had gotten together right out of high school? Would my life have been better?
I want to say yes, but I know that the pain and suffering that I went through at that time, and the experience that I had, going to college, finding that other men were not Nate, not even close, and realizing that I wanted to come back to my hometown... Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to do that if he and I had gotten married and started a family. Maybe I would have been locked into a nine-to-five job I couldn’t get out of and wasn’t happy in. Maybe he would be the same.
Maybe the timing was absolutely perfect, and God knew exactly what He was doing when He didn’t allow us to get together eight years ago.
“You’re awfully quiet this morning,” he says as I step behind the counter and work the hot chocolate machine.
“I guess I’m just thinking. I haven’t had a chance to check the candy cane to see if the glue worked.”
“I’m checking it now, and I think it’s going to be just fine. I’m pretty sure it’ll work well enough to do a display in the window.”
“Really?” I say, bringing my head back into the game. I have a display to set up and a competition to win.
“Yep. The pieces are hanging on even though I’m picking it up and shaking it,” he says, and I turn around and watch. Sure enough, he has the candy cane in his hand, and he’s holding it, waving it back and forth over the floor. I haven’t heard a single piece clink to the ground.
“All right then. It’s going to be pretty easy to finish that part of the display, and then we’ll see what we need to add.”
“That’s gonna be your area, because you know I’m terrible with design.”
He’s good with everything else. And he’s really not terrible with design.
“You’re the one that came up with this idea.”
“I have no idea where it came from, but I’ve been thanking God ever since it happened.”
I laugh a little, but he shakes his head. “I’m serious.”
Our eyes meet, and I wonder what he’s thinking. He’s looking at me as though he’s wondering the same thing. Like maybe he wants to know whether a night’s sleep has changed my mind about him.
I have to admit, it’s kind of flattering to have someone want you so much. But I’ve never enjoyed power trips, and I would never string him along or hold out, just to see how long he’ll chase me. That’s not my goal at all. We would already be together if it were up to my heart. But I can’t get over the idea that that way lies a lot of pain.
I pour hot chocolate into two mugs and carry one over to him, handing it to him while he murmurs a thank you.
Our fingers brush as he takes it from me, and I grit my teeth together to keep from showing any kind of reaction. I don’t want him to know I’m weakening.
Although, why can’t I?
“You’re such a temptation to me,” I say, blowing on my hot chocolate and then meeting his eyes over it.
“I like that,” he says, his voice low but full of surprise. There is a little smile on his lips. “Does this mean you’re thinking about me?”