Chapter 30
By the time Cam finished helping one of his employees, it was half past five and he was ready to go. The only reason he’d been dragging his feet was the knowledge of what he’d planned to do once he arrived home. Unfortunately, he couldn’t put it off forever.
As he said his goodbyes and headed home for the night, he tried assuring himself it wasn’t a bad idea to have waited until the evening. However, his mind kept sending thoughts about dinner time and people needing a break after work that had him second-guessing it. But there was no way he could wait until the weekend and he sure wasn’t going to bring up personal matters with his boss during the workday. Not even on lunch.
He ended up spending most of the drive home not hearing the music. Whenever he made it, he quickly changed out of his work attire and began browning meat for tacos. The idea of how much food he’d have for leftovers had him thinking about Emma and her late-night snacking habits. The thought wrenched his gut.
After Cam ate dinner, stashed the rest of the food in the fridge, cleaned up the kitchen, and took a seat on the couch, he knew he didn’t have any more ways to procrastinate the phone call he was dreading. He pulled up the contact number he’d saved last week whenever Henry told him about the flight information, took a deep breath, and pressed to dial.
He felt pathetic being this nervous, but he couldn’t stop it. He was about to confront someone he respected and then lied to. He swallowed as the phone kept ringing. A small part of him hoped Henry wouldn’t answer, but then he’d have to dread getting his call back. Or sit wondering if he ignored him on purpose. Wow, he was losing it, he realized, rubbing a hand down his face.
About the time he expected the voicemail to pick up–something he hadn’t thought about what he’d say–a gruff voice answered.
“Hey,” Cam started. “Is now an okay time?”
“Sure. What can I help you with?”
Cam didn’t know if he should be thankful Henry wasn’t immediately telling him what a piece of shit he was or skeptical that he was being nonchalant about the call.
“I was hoping to talk.” He was surprised by how steady his voice sounded. “More like apologize,” he added.
There was a brief silence and Cam felt it in his bones, the dread of what was to come. “Okay,” Henry said. “One second.” Cam heard faint rustling noises. “Alright,” he came back on the line. “Had to clear off my desk so I could focus,” he huffed a laugh. “I don’t like to miss a good apology.”
Cam winced.
“I’m messing with you,” Henry said. “I was guessing I’d hear from you sooner or later.”
He let out a deep exhale as quietly as he could, nodding his head to encourage himself to plunge forward. “I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner, but I thought everyone might want the weekend to recoup from the trip home and I didn’t want to bother you during the work day.”
“I figured as much,” the man responded, his tone neither friendly nor rude but rather direct.
Alright, enough stalling, Cam told himself. Time to dive in. “I wanted to address my part this past week,” he started, all the words he’d planned now failing him. He frowned. “Well, I just wanted to let you know I take full responsibility for my role in lying to everyone and barging in on a trip I should have never been on.”
He heard Henry start to say something, but he kept going, not wanting to stop until it was all out. “It wasn’t my intention to pretend to date Emma or lie to your daughter and Asher, to a colleague, or my boss. I didn’t want to take advantage of you all, especially not your money, which is why I stand firm on insisting you let me reimburse you.” He swallowed. “I know I don’t deserve your trust, but I still want you to know that it was never my goal to use this as an opportunity to scale up at work or anything of the sort.”
He didn’t know how to read the scoffing sound that came from Henry, but he kept going before the man could say anything. “However, I should also admit that I would do it all again.” The line went silent. “I’m not proud of lying or deceiving, and I hope I’ve not ruined my reputation in your eyes–although, I understand if you think I’m scum–but at the end of the day I know I would do it all again if it meant getting to help out Emma.” He hadn’t planned on saying that, but it was true and it felt right to admit it.
“I could have stopped our crazy actions in their tracks, especially when I realized who we would be deceiving, but I didn’t. So all of the chaos and fighting and mess is as much my fault as it is hers, if not more for willingly going along with it. So I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m a better and more honest guy than that, and I take the blame for the fallout I caused your family.”
Cam clenched his jaw to keep from saying more. He said his piece and now he had to face the consequences. No matter what Henry said or how he deemed his character, he would accept it. He would deserve it.
What he wasn’t expecting was to hear the loud belly laughs break out from the man through the phone. Cam didn’t know what to think of that.
Henry finally said, “Son, I appreciate your owning up to everything.” Another chuckle. “However, I hate to break it to you that you’re not as good of a liar as you think.”
Cam’s stomach dropped as his heart rate escalated. Of all the reactions he expected, he hadn’t accounted for Henry thinking this phone call would be a ploy to get back on his good side. He’d meant everything he said.
“I know my girls well, so when I say I knew for damn sure that you and Emma weren’t dating, you can believe that.”
The words rattled in his mind. Heknew? “How?” he asked, relief washing over him that Henry hadn’t meant what he thought he’d been saying.
The man let out a laugh and Cam got the image that he was sitting relaxed back in his office chair at home without a care in the world. “Because I pay attention,” he answered, as though that was explanation enough. “I know Emma. I’ve watched her grow up and seen that intelligent mind of hers at work. I recognized her panic at the restaurant, the deer in the headlights look on your face, the knowing teasing Lulu offered all week.”
Cam swallowed, a mixture of shame and comfort washing over him. “Yeah, I guess we should’ve known better to think we could fool anyone.”
“I think Lauren would argue otherwise,” he replied. “She was pretty upset that she’d been thrown through the wringer on that one, but I’d say that has less to do with you and Emma and more to do with her own guilt and actions.”
A thought occurred to Cam. “If you knew from the beginning, why’d you go along with it?”
Henry made a sound like he was expecting that question. “I trust Emma,” he said plainly. “I wouldn’t mark it as her brightest plan, but she’s a grown woman. Knows how to make decisions for herself. Sometimes you have to step back and let it all play out, hoping they know you’re there for them no matter how it turns out.” The last part had sounded like it was said more to himself than to Cam.
Still, Cam frowned. “I’m still sorry for lying,” he said. “And for the way Friday morning turned out.” The way Henry had given him that unreadable expression when he left the breakfast table that day now made sense. He had known more than he’d let on.
“Friday morning wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular,” Henry said, followed by a long sigh. “I told you on that boat, sometimes a person has to accept that others will need to work out their issues and it means taking a step back, staying out of it, and letting them do just that.”
Cam felt like the man was frowning through the wise and sad tone. He hadn’t thought about what it must’ve been like for Henry to sit there and watch the fallout of his daughters, all three of them. “If there’s anything I can do to help,” Cam offered, “Let me know. I’ve already apologized to Lulu, but I wasn’t sure if reaching out to Lauren would do more harm or good.”
Henry laughed. “Don’t bother there. That turmoil is between her and Emma, not you.”
Cam nodded, but Henry wasn’t done.
“There is one thing though.”
“Yeah? What is it?” Cam would do anything to help mend these fences he helped to obliterate.
“Don’t hold it against her.”
His chest tightened. “What?”
“I saw the way you looked when Emma outed your ruse,” Henry said. “But I also saw the way you two had been looking at each other all week. It may not have started out real, but I’d bet my salary it turned out that way.” Cam didn’t have the heart to deny it. “I’m not saying you should ignore what she did, but try understanding the way she was feeling.” His voice turned solemn. “After she was done trying to push us away, I’m sure she did the same to you.”
It wasn’t said as a question, but rather a statement from someone who knew and loved Emma well. “I was mad about it, no doubt. But I’d also forgiven her the moment I made it to our room.” Cam blew out a breath. “Why?” he decided to ask. He didn’t have to explain the question. Henry knew what he was asking.
“I told you,” he responded. “I like you for her.” He was referencing their conversation when they went fishing.
Cam liked himself for her too. If only she’d have him. “Unfortunately, she made it clear that it was over.”
“Give her time,” he replied, reminding Cam of Lulu’s same advice. He shouldn’t let it give him hope, but it did. If anyone knew her, it was her family.
“She can have all the time in the world,” he admitted. “I just hope she’ll still think of me at the end of it.”
Henry chuckled. “Said like a man in love.” Cam didn’t bother with a response. If he was going to speak of love, it’d be to the woman who never let his thoughts rest. As if Henry knew he wasn’t going to respond, he changed subjects. “As far as us,” he said. “We’re fine. I won’t hold your scheming against you.” The words were harsh but the humor with which they were said was a relief.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“You’re a good man, Cam. She’ll see it.”
He swallowed, not wanting to think about what life would be like if she didn’t. If he never got to see her again, hear that joyful laugh, watch her eyes dance with excitement, hold her in his arms. No, he couldn’t let himself think about that.
They ended up getting off the phone soon after that, and Cam sat there, staring at the now-dark screen. Did she know he didn’t hold it against her? Did he make his feelings clear enough? He tapped the side of his phone with his finger. Did he dare put himself out there again? Risk the pain that would no doubt lance through him at the repeated rejection.
Only one way to find out. He unlocked his phone and found her number. He swore he couldn’t breathe as the phone rang and rang until finally her voicemail picked up. He sighed.
“It’s me,” he said after the beep. “I was hoping to talk. You can call me back anytime.” He added a quick and weird feeling “Bye,” then hung up.
◆◆◆
Three days later, and still no returned call or even a simple text. Time, Cam tried convincing himself. Maybe she was already busy with her new job. Or maybe that week in St. Croix was meant to be nothing more than the kind of memory that snuck up on a person, making them wonder about what could’ve been.
◆◆◆
Emma held her phone to her ear as she waited at baggage claim, replaying that same voicemail from Monday night for the hundredth time. Cam’s voice washed over her like a hug she didn’t deserve. But she couldn’t get herself to call him back, or so much as send a text.
This was proving to be the longest week of her life. After her aunt left on Saturday, she’d felt a weight lifted, but it hadn’t been enough. She forced herself to keep barging forward, prep her apartment, pack another suitcase of clothes. By the time she was seated on a plane Sunday, her heart ached, head throbbed from the constant flow of thoughts she was trying to sort through, and she hadn’t spoken to anyone but her aunt still.
She had known she should’ve called them, apologized profusely. But she was holding onto her anger like it was the only thing that could keep her from crumpling under the shame and guilt she felt for what she’d said to the people she considered family and what she’d done to the man she couldn’t deny caring about.
It wasn’t until she was sitting in a room filled with friendly and inspiring people, their smiling and eager faces over what was to come, a moment that should’ve felt like the beginning of a new start, that Emma realized how alone she felt in this world.
As one of the coordinators was speaking, all she could do was stare off into space and question the decisions that brought her there. For the first time in her life, she understood what people were talking about when they emphasized it doesn’t matter how great your life was if there was no one to share it with. She used to roll her eyes at that. But now she knew. Now she realized.
They weren’t saying a person needed to settle down or partner up. They simply meant that neither the journey nor the destination was worth it if everyone who cared and loved you had been pushed away.
Before she knew what she was doing, that conference room grew quiet as she stood up in the middle of the speech. She didn’t want to be there. Her heart wasn’t in it. Her goals didn’t include having her name in a fancy publication. And she knew it was her last chance to make things right, give herself the life she wanted versus the one she thought she should want.
So she did the unthinkable. She said no, made the arrangements necessary so that they could get her replaced, and she left. She couldn’t get on a flight back home until Tuesday, and she needed to go there first. Her suitcase held all the wrong things for the next trip she needed.
By Wednesday, her bravery started to waiver, especially with that voicemail playing over and over in her head. However, she knew how she needed to move forward.
It was now Thursday. And when she finally saw her luggage on the baggage carousel earlier, stashed away her phone and Cam’s voicemail with it, she had made her way to the apartment in front of her. She took a deep inhale and knocked.
Whenever the door swung up, a very surprised Lauren stood in front of her, but the shock quickly turned into a look of relief and Emma didn’t think twice as she lunged forward and hugged the woman tight.
Family. She was part of her family, and she wouldn’t let pride, shame, guilt, or any ugly fight keep that from being true.