Chapter 31
Exhausted. That was how Emma was feeling. Physically and emotionally exhausted. The past twenty-four hours had been a rollercoaster ride mentally from the moment she knocked on Lauren’s door to the point of hugging Lulu goodbye this morning.
Yet she felt better, even if she looked forward to sleeping on this next flight. She looked out the window, wondering how long it would be before the flight attendants began their announcements and the airplane made its way to the take-off strip. She let out a sigh, noticing the person seated next to her looked ready to grab a nap too.
As fellow passengers continued to make their way to their seats, placing their carry-ons in the compartments overheard, Emma’s thoughts roamed back to her conversations with Lauren and Asher, then Lulu, then Henry.
She’d been terrified that Lauren would slam the door in her face, but the moment their eyes met, it had been like looking in a mirror. She had as much regret over her words and insults as Emma did. They’d both spent plenty of time apologizing and reassuring the other that they hadn’t meant what they said. Emma had even apologized to Asher for the insults to their relationship, the shame over being that kind of person to suggest such things still lingering. Lauren had admitted she’d panicked over her surprise wedding plans not going as planned, especially for them to fall apart the morning of, and that she’d been saying anything and everything to try and retain what control she could.
It turned out that they decided not to proceed with the wedding. Lauren didn’t know when they would do it, or if she should stick with the public affair for her audience, but she said it didn’t feel right to do it without Emma by her side. Lulu, too. Emma had teared up, saying she’d be honored.
They’d insisted on her staying for the night, but she explained she was on a tight schedule and still needed to speak with Lulu and Henry. Thankfully, the former insisted on meeting her at the latter’s house, suggesting it would be easier on Emma. However, both women knew that Henry always made the best dinners. With a phone call for a heads up, the delicious aroma of steak welcomed her through the front door. She had almost considered ringing the bell, then shook that ridiculous thought from her head and pulled out her key to let herself in. It’d always been her home too, even whenever she left Dallas for college, and it still was.
The three of them enjoyed the delicious meal, making small talk about their weeks until Lulu finally brought up why Emma wasn’t headed halfway across the world. She divulged the details, noticing no one asked about or mentioned Cam. After dinner, Henry made a point to excuse himself, stating he had some stuff to take care of real quick. In reality, she knew he’d been giving her and Lulu some privacy to talk.
Naturally, she’d told them both how sorry she was the moment she’d seen them, but they’d waved it off. She had decided to enjoy the dinner, knowing the time to talk would come later. As she and Lulu got comfortable in the sitting room, Lulu having snagged a box of snack cakes from the pantry first, she opened it and tossed Emma one. She’d gladly accepted, feeling like old times with her best friend.
However, that carefree atmosphere quickly grew tense as the conversation turned more serious about the underlying issues that propelled Lulu and Emma to get mad at each other over breakfast on vacation. It wasn’t surprising to her that they had more to talk about because whereas she and Lauren had said hateful comments to hurt one another, Emma had been inconsiderate in the role she’d asked her best friend to take in between the people she cared most about. It was a realization she’d had after her aunt left her apartment back in North Carolina. Emma had never stopped to consider what her actions would mean for Lulu.
Even with the conversations that needed to take place, the self-accountability, apologies, and even Lulu admitting she’d felt guilty for allowing herself to go along with it whenever she knew Lauren’s secret and then Emma’s, they were able to end their evening together in smiles and hugs. Whereas Lulu acknowledged she knew they’d be fine, Emma had feared things only turning worse and losing the people she cared about.
Eventually, her friend asked about Cam, admitting they’d chatted on Monday. Emma’s heart ached at his name, at knowing he had felt guilty about his part in her scheming. Yet, she wasn’t surprised that he’d been able to acknowledge and own up to his wrongdoings faster than her. That he’d made amends while she was still trying to figure it all out. Lulu had given her hand a caring squeeze and a reassuring tidbit about knowing they would work it out if she wanted to. She decided not to go down that road, not ready to have more people than necessary watching her heart shatter if things didn’t go well.
Whenever Lulu left to get home for a long day at work Friday, Emma went to find Henry, who was in his office looking over something on his laptop. He quickly welcomed her in, making a point to power off the device and clear his desk of paperwork. She had smiled, aware of how he’d always given all three of them his full attention whenever they’d wanted to talk to him.
She had been dreading owning up to her actions to Henry the worse but in a different way than her friends. He’d opened his house to her, always had a place at their table, and had even been like a father figure her entire life. But she had been willing to throw all that away in the heat of the moment, to insinuate all of his generosity and love had been nothing more than a conditional sort of line in the sand. She’d tried so hard to ignore the emotions that ate at her, ignoring how it must’ve felt like a slap in the face to someone willing to take her in as his own, but it caught up with her. She had so much to say to him.
However, he’d caught her by surprise whenever he started the conversation first, stating matter of factly that no daughter of his was allowed to apologize for being human and saying things she didn’t mean. He insisted everyone was allowed to make mistakes and say things they regret. She was crying before he finished, ignoring his statement as she promised she didn’t mean to insult all the good he’d brought to her life and apologized profusely for lying and taking them all for granted.
Henry gave her a reassuring smile and chuckled as he’d said that it was precisely what made them all a normal family, the fact that they knew where their words would cut deepest and how to land a verbal blow. Then he’d shook his head as she’d cringed with acknowledgment of how she’d done just that. “It’s not what we say, but what we do afterward that matters,” he’d said. “And confronting it head-on so that you don’t lose the people you love says more than any insulting comment.”
She had wiped her tears, a small smile forming. “And what about lying?” she had asked. “I’d say that action says a lot about me.”
He only chuckled. “I think you’re already dealing with enough punishment from that on your own account.” He looked at her with those all-knowing eyes. “Speaking of which, I talked to Cam on Monday.”
She tossed her arms up in the air. “Come on,” she said exasperatedly. “Did he have to beat me to it to everyone?” she groaned, causing Henry to laugh.
“He’s a good man.”
“Were you mad? Or are you, I should be asking,” she corrected.
He shook his head no. “Kiddo, I’ve watched you, Lulu, and Lauren pretend to be princesses, monsters, aliens, and even those trees back in that old play you had to do for school.” Emma laughed at the memory. They were shit trees. The absolute worst. They kept talking in the background and moving when they weren’t supposed to. Henry had snapped photos of them that still hung in the den. He’d been so proud of them.
“Your tree was more believable,” he said. Then they both laughed.
“Are you serious? So you knew the whole time? Why’d you go along with it?” She was filled with questions.
He smiled big and wide. “Because it was entertaining for starters,” he commented. She rolled her eyes but laughed. “Also, I got all the intel I needed that same night about Cam before I booked him a flight.”
She frowned. “What kind of connections do you have?”
He let out a roar of laughter. “Not the kind you’re thinking of,” he said. “I meant I made some calls to people he’s worked with and his boss in St. Louis. I wanted to get the gist of him.”
That made much more sense, she realized comically. Gosh, this was the best she’d felt all week since leaving St. Croix, except for the comforting hug her aunt had given her.
“I trust you, Emma,” he said, bringing her attention back to their conversation and putting her on the verge of tears again. “I may not always understand your decisions, but I will support them and trust you.” He cleared his throat and she got the impression this next part was harder for him. “However, I owe you an apology.”
She frowned again. “For what?”
He let out a deep breath. “I hope you know that I’m always here for you,” he started. “I believe it’s my job to make sure all three of you know that this home,” he waved around them, “as well as myself are safe spaces to be yourselves, whatever you have going on in life.” She swallowed, not bothering to stop the tears sliding down her face. “I never want you to feel like you have to lie, like you may be judged, or anything else whenever I’m around, and I want to apologize for not doing a better job of that.”
She tried shaking her head no, but he continued.
“It was a shock to learn a man who was dating one of my girls was then dating another one, and it’s not an easy place to be in, but I should’ve made it clear that my concern was always for both you and Lauren.”
“I know,” Emma said. “You’ve always created that space and I know you care. I was just dealing with my own stuff.” She swallowed past the lump. “I was scared you’d all pity me. That I would be the outsider again.”
He looked at her, nothing but love and care in those eyes. “You have never been an outsider with us, Emma. You never will be.” Then he straightened in his chair. “And as far as pity goes, that’s not something you’ll get from me. I’ll always care and worry, but I know your heart and spirit is strong. You don’t need pity, kiddo.”
She rose and crossed the room to wrap him in a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
He only nodded as he hugged her tight. Once she let him go and settled back into her chair, he leaned forward onto his desk and clasped his fingers together. “Now, let’s get down to business.”
“What business?” she asked in surprise.
“This Cam business,” he said. “You can’t hide it from me. I can see you’re hurting. What can I do?”
She laughed, warmth filling her heart knowing that he meant every word. He’d do anything he could to help her when she needed it. So she decided to divulge him in her plans, realizing she didn’t need to hide her hopes and dreams from any of them, even if it might mean a broken heart and needing time to recover. They cared about her, and so she told him where she was flying to in the morning.