4. Chapter 4
4
Rose
T he feeling of anxiety that crept up my spine as I looked into the bathroom mirror was unmistakable. I could barely focus on applying a thin layer of mascara to my eyelashes. I could have said no, I could’ve said I would stay home - but that would look suspicious. I didn’t know how much Lindsey had told Kelly, and none of us had really spoken about the elephant in the room. The tension. The silence.
So, I took a deep breath, screwed the cap back onto the mascara, shoved it in my clutch and headed towards the living room.
“Kelly is still getting ready,” Lindsey said from where she was leaning against the kitchen entryway.
I eyed her face for a moment before I stepped close. I watch her shoulders tense.
“Come here,” I ordered, though I hadn’t intended for my voice to be as harsh as it was.
I leaned against the kitchen counter. Lindsey stepped fully into the kitchen and folded her arms.
“What?” she asked. I glared at her.
“Why did you invite us to dinner with Kelly and Emily?” I asked, voice low.
I watch Lindsey’s body language shift at the sound of my voice. Her face flushed.
“I think it would help,” she insisted.
I tightened my jaw. “In what way?” I asked, “We’ve barely spoken since…the other night and now you want to go to dinner?”
Lindsey stepped closer to me and brushed her finger along the strip of skin revealed at the front of my shirt. She tilted her head to the side.
“Well, I want to work on things,” she cooed at me.
I knew her too well. Her finger tip along my bare skin caused heat to rise in my groin, and suddenly in my ears and frustration bubbled up.
I brushed her hand away from me.
“Don’t manipulate me,” I hissed. “You know I don’t want to go.”
Lindsey reached for me again, her eyes widened in one last attempt to sway me.
“Don’t touch me.” I put a hand out towards her.
Her expression changed, eyes narrowed.
“If you just tell me… who , then you we don’t have to go,” Lindsey said. “I can tell Kelly we changed our minds.”
I blinked, and a hard laugh escaped me.
“Seriously?” I asked, my Italian accent thickening as I grew more frustrated. “That is very mature, Lindsey.” I tossed a hand into the air, doing my best not to mess up my freshly washed and dried hair.
Lindsey stepped closer again, and this time, I let her touch me. Wondering just how far she was willing to go to manipulate me. It was strange, seeing just what she was like when things got rough. I knew I was to blame, my feelings were on me. Still, I didn’t expect that.
“Just tell me who you have feelings for, and we don’t have to go,” Lindsey said softly, her fingers curling into my shoulder as she made direct eye contact with me.
“…and what?” I asked her.
“We can work on things.” Lindsey insisted.
I swallowed hard. Guilt swam in my stomach. What was there to work on? Our marriage had never really been about love. Not the kind Lindsey wanted everyone to think it was. Maybe we could at least learn to live together and enjoy each other's company, but—
“If I told you who, you wouldn’t want to work things out, trust me,” I told her and brushed her hand away from me.
Lindsey huffed and stepped back, holding her arms over her navy dress. Her bottom lip stuck out in that familiar pout, and annoyance racked through me.
I sighed.
“What are we supposed to do, then?” Lindsey asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “You’re the one who avoided me all weekend, and now we have to go to dinner with your sister and her best friend.”
Lindsey opened her mouth to say something, but the sound of a door closing caused her mouth to shut right after.
“Emily says she’ll meet us at the restaurant. Who’s driving?” I heard Kelly’s voice before I saw her round the corner to stand in front of the kitchen.
“Rose,” Lindsey replied.
My heart lept into my throat.
Kelly stood there in the entryway. A strappy low neck dress extenuated her soft and curvy body, in a deep emerald. It hugged her bust, waist and hips and flares out around her thighs to her knees. A light black cardigan was tossed over it, the sleeves pushed up in a haphazard manner. My blue eyes slid up to her face, capturing the curve of her red painted lips, and moved to her delicate curls that were pinned back at the sides.
I felt stuck where I stood. Lump in my throat.
“Rose?”
I barely heard Lindsey’s voice.
“Rosalinda.”
I blinked and tore my gaze away from Kelly to meet Lindsey’s confused gaze.
“Driving, me, right,” I cleared my throat, “I’ll be driving. What restaurant?”
“Uh, Portabello’s,” Kelly replied.
I watched Lindsey look between Kelly and me, the expression shift on her face from confusion to realization, then her face flushed a deep pink. I knew she was figuring it out. I swallowed hard and looked away from her as she shifted on her heels.
“I’ll be in the car,” Lindsey said. She dashed past Kelly and out of the kitchen in a huff.
I watched Kelly blink, a look of confusion on her face.
“Tell Emily we’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” I replied, pulling myself together before walking out after Lindsey, just in time to watch the front door close behind her.
I did my best to keep my eyes off Kelly. It was easy when I had the road to look at, not so much once we were heading inside the restaurant. She was shorter than me but walked quicker. I watched her hips sway side to side for a moment before yanking my gaze up to the back of her head. Heat flooded my neck. Guilt ached in my stomach. I listened to the harmony of heels clicking on the pavement. Emily’s red hair came into view, then her sharp face as she turned to look at us with a wary smile.
My jaw set. I doubted Emily wanted us to be there. Lindsey shouldn’t have intruded, but Emily seemed to be doing her best to welcome us.
“Hey, I’m glad you could be here,” Emily loosely hugged Kelly, not touching her made-up face to hers. She waved at Lindsey and I.
“It’s on me,” I insisted.
Emily blinked. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
“I know, my treat,” I smiled. I liked Emily. Kelly needed a good friend like her. What with the last group of people she had hung around with…
Emily shrugged. “If you insist, come on, I called to make sure it wasn’t too busy so we can get a good booth.”
I followed behind the others, staying out of my way. I met Lindsey’s gaze, seeing irritation there. She didn’t like when I offered to pay for dinner out with others. Well, I didn’t want to be there at all—so I guess we could both be unhappy.
At the table, things were awkward, to say the least. Lindsey was not saying anything. I was doing my best to be charming and polite, but it was clear that Kelly was uncomfortable. Her hands on her lap, I occasionally heard the sound of her fiddling with her purse. Her shoulders were tense.
I shifted in my seat, and my feet brushed against hers under the table. I looked up to watch her face flush a beautiful pink. I blinked and focused intently on drinking ice water.
“Alright, have you all figured out what ya want?” the waitress, Josette, asked.
I looked around to let whoever wanted to go first go, but it seemed no one did.
“I’ll have the Tutto Di Mare , white sauce, please,” I answered while closing my menu. One could never go wrong with shrimp, calamari and mussels over pasta.
Josette wrote that down and looked at the others for their answers.
“I’ll have…the Pasta Del Estate , thank you,” Kelly ordered and looked at Emily.
Emily crinkled her nose, seeming uncertain for a moment.
“I’ll have the same thing as her,” she motioned to Kelly and chuckled.
I smiled and looked at Lindsey. My smile faded immediately. She was all but glaring holes into Kelly’s skull.
“ Fettuccine Alfredo ,” Lindsey said curtly and handed her menu to Josette.
I sighed and looked up at Josette. “Can we get an extra side of garlic butter for the bread as well?” I asked.
“Of course, I’ll get your order in and bring that right over,” Josette smiled.
“Thank you.”
I watched Josette walk away before I started drinking my water again, wishing it was something stronger, but I planned on driving home.
Everyone was quiet until the extra butter was brought over and we were all digging into the complimentary bread. I noticed Lindsey picking at hers in small ridiculous sized bites, as she thought so hard I could feel it in the air beside me.
Guilt temporarily dissipated my appetite, and I set my bread down on a napkin before using another to wipe my fingers.
Lindsey frustrated me and our marriage had been growing more and more tense, and less affectionate for a while now, even before Kelly - but I did care about her.
I wouldn’t have married someone I didn’t care about at all.
I reached a hand over underneath the table and brushed my fingers against her hand.
Lindsey looked over at me, the tension in her face breaking for just a minute before she brushed my hand away. I guess I deserved that. However, it got her to loosen up a bit. Her shoulders relaxed, she sighed and took a drink of her soda
“So, Rose,” Emily started, “Kelly told me you recently got a promotion. How’s that going?”
“Good,” I replied, “I spend a lot more time at the office than when I was a rep, but I think I prefer being in charge of pharmaceutical representative more than being one,” I explained.
Emily nodded. “I don’t I could ever work for ‘Big Pharma’,” she admitted.
I heard Kelly choke on her sweet tea and then clear her throat.
I chuckled. “I don’t blame you. I have a few issues with the whole system myself, but trust me when I say I’m doing my best to run my team as ethically as possible,” I told her.
Emily pursed her lips and then nodded before going about eating her bread.
Things grew awkward again, so I tried to bring up a topic I knew Kelly and Emily would enjoy.
“I was thinking about stopping by the book store sometime. I haven’t had much time to read in years, but I want to get back into it,” I admitted. “Any you’d suggest?” I asked both of them.
I watched Kelly’s eyes glitter with interest, and Emily smiled.
“It depends. What genres do you like?”
We were off.
It however, only lasted ten minutes until the food arrived. Then the silence was back as we all ate. Any attempts to come up with a topic of conversation were short-lived.
Halfway through my delicious food, I decided I needed a break from the table. I scooted out of the booth, grateful that I had chosen to sit on the outside, so I didn’t need to ask Lindsey to move.
“Bathroom,” I explained briefly, and turned away from the table.
“Oh, I need to go too,” Kelly’s voice said from behind me.
Suddenly I felt her presence behind me, heard her heels clicking in tandem with my own as we headed for the bathroom.
I didn’t actually have to go to the bathroom, and wasn’t willing to waste with a pretend flush. So, I simply stood in front of a sink as Kelly went into a stall, and used a tissue from beside the sink to fix the smears of my lipstick and food on my chin.
As Kelly came out, I realized we were the only two in the bathroom. I turned the water on and washed my hands as she was, too.
The silence was even more deafening, and wasn’t helping. I took a slow breath and looked up into the mirror as I turned the water off, hands dripping.
“Lindsey told me,” Kelly said as the water she was using turned off as well.
I froze.
“What?” I asked.
“That you have feelings for someone else,” Kelly replied.
I swallowed thickly. I turned to grab a hand towel from beside the sink and dry my hands before placing it in the ‘to be washed’ bin beside it. More and more restaurant were taking this approach instead of paper towels or dryers.
I was quiet.
“Is it true?” Kelly asked.
I turned to face her where she stood between the two sinks.
“You don’t believe her?” I asked, tilting my head.
Kelly glared at me.
“I just want to know from you,” she insisted.
My heart squeezed in my chest. I tried to ignore how lovely she looked standing there. Even under the unflattering bathroom lighting.
Get your shit together.
“Yes,” I replied simply.
Kelly’s face contorted.
“How long?” she asked, “…and how long did you keep it from her?”
My face grew hot.
“I don’t have to answer to you,” I replied. I knew I’d need to answer to Lindsey soon, but I wasn’t going to be questioned by Kelly. Not when I could barely breathe with her around.
Kelly stepped just a little closer to me.
“I know you don’t like,” Kelly accused, “…but you really had me thinking this was just about me. That maybe you hated me so much, you didn’t want me there anymore.”
My heart thudded painfully, heat rose to my ears.
“…but no, you’re just a liar.” Kelly spat at me.
A growl escaped my mouth, and I stepped forward. My hands made contact with her shoulders, and I pushed her against the mirrored wall between the sinks.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I hissed.
“So, you do hate me?” she asked.
Kelly’s face pinked as I had her pinned against the wall.
“I never lied. Fuck, I didn’t even really want to admit it to myself, Kelly,” I told her, “…and trust me, I have never hated you.”
Kelly’s face was so close to mine. The light strawberry scent of her hair flooded my senses. My flushed face was mirrored in her beautiful brown eyes.
“Who?” Kelly asked again. She was almost more stubborn than Lindsey - but she wasn’t trying the same tricks Lindsey had. Instead, Kelly was staring at me, red faced, so intense that it felt like she might have been able to see directly into my thoughts whether I spoke or not.
“Who, Rosalinda?” she repeated herself. Her voice was stern, unwavering. It called to me in ways I didn’t know still existed. I ached to bring her down to a level that even I was surprised by. Or perhaps I ached to be brought down by her.
One of my hands slid from her shoulder to the base of her throat, and my thumb caressed her neck. I felt her pulse there, quick, but strong.
My eyes flitted to her throat, even my pulse so quick it was frightening. Exhilarating.
When I looked up into Kelly’s eyes, I knew.
She knew.
Her eyes were wide, panicked. Her face even more red than before.
She choked out, “How long?”
It was over. I couldn’t deny it any longer. I couldn’t hide it.
“Two years,” I told her. It was not the complete story, but it was the first time I really felt something, even if I had brushed it off.
Kelly’s eyes glistened. I felt her hands shove me and I stumbled back a step.
Heels clicked furiously. The door swung aimlessly on its frame.
Then, I was all alone in the bathroom.