15. Shiloh
Shiloh
What was I thinking? What am I doing? I shouldn’t be kissing my husband who is basically my landlord and … no, just no.
But oh my word, his mouth. That mustache, those muscles.
I could get lost in that man.
But I shouldn’t. He’s so buttoned up, and I’m so not. Honestly, he’s equally as irritating to me as I am to him. Yet, he kissed me like the world was ending and all we could do is die in each other’s arms.
No, Shiloh. No. You can’t like him. You just got out of a relationship. You don’t need to dive right into another one.
But I’m already married to him.
Not that he wants a real relationship. I’m assuming.
Maybe he’s a short-term kind of guy. My brain shakes in my head at the thought. No, he’s not that man, and I’m willing to bet he never has been.
But maybe … no, I can’t suggest that. If I offer, then he’s going to think I … no. There’s no way he would be open to scratching the itch. Maybe the bigger question is, do I want to do that?
I’m a woman on a mission. My goal is to save enough money, get an apartment, and do things on my own. I’ve only ever been with my dad or Grey. It’s time to fly solo for a bit. Right? That’s how this is supposed to work.
I sigh, replaying the kiss again because I can’t get the way he groaned into my mouth, held my face, kissed me out of my mind. It’s imprinted there, it’s never going to fade away, and as much as I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want it to.
What do I do?
My alarm went off, but I haven’t rolled out of bed because I can’t get my husband out of my head, and I’m far too comfortable replaying that kiss over and over again. I went to sleep thinking about him and woke up thinking about him.
When his phone rang, we were saved by the bell because I wouldn’t have stopped, and I don’t know any man with that kind of restraint, except for Ledger.
It’s fine, we don’t need to talk about it. I’ll pretend it never happened, and maybe he will too.
The door slams, and I sigh.
Or maybe I’m far too versed in lying to myself.
I stare out the window of the diner at the empty street, absently wiping the counter down. The look in his eyes before he pushed me up against the wall makes my thighs squeeze together.
He held me captive. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. I wanted him to do whatever he wanted, and my only answer would have been yes. It still would be yes if he asked.
“Shiloh!” Mollie-Mae yells.
I startle and look over my shoulder. “What?”
“I said your name three times, are you alright?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh.
Mollie-Mae frowns and puts her hand on her hip. “Are you not feeling well? Do you need to go home?”
I glance at the clock and my shift ends in two hours.
“No, I’m fine.”
She hums, and I pour myself a cup of coffee. The bell dings as someone walks in, and I turn around to go serve them and find Cooper and Fletcher Hayes dropping into a seat at the booth. Five seconds later, Tatum and Cooper’s wife, Mae, come in.
They smile at their women, and my heart twists in my chest. I want that. I want what they have. It’s real.
My mind goes back to Ledger, and it’s ironic that he too is a Hayes. I’m surrounded.
“Um, girl, do you want the table or not?” Mollie says, irritated with me.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m going,” I mumble and grab a couple of cups.
I bring them over to their table and pour them each a cup of coffee. “Hi everyone, what can I get you to drink?” I ask them.
Cooper, Fletcher, and Mae all say they’re fine, and Tatum asks for a ginger ale.
Once I get their drinks, I give them a second to decide.
Cooper stares at me for a minute, and I try not to focus too hard and spin my wedding ring around on my finger so they don’t see the stone, and hope they assume it’s a random ring on my ring finger. Subtle, Shiloh. Real subtle. I wonder if Ledger has told them anything about me.
“Do you know what you’d like?”
Everyone gives me their orders, and I hand them off to Bear for him to get started. But while I work on cleaning the already clean counter, refilling two ketchup bottles, it feels like Cooper’s staring, but I dutifully ignore it.
The bell rings again, and Mollie gets a dreamy look on her face. I spin around to see who she’s crushing on this week, and it’s Ledger. I have no reason to be jealous. He’s not mine for real. But I’d really like for her to stop looking at him like that because he’s definitely not hers.
He stops in the threshold and stares at me unabashedly. No one else except his family and my coworkers are in the diner.
My skin tingles, and my lungs tighten.
He tips his hat before turning towards his family, and grabs a chair from one of the tables to sit at the end of the booth with the rest of them.
“I’ll get him!” Mollie says a little too excited, and I nearly grab the back of her dress to hold her back.
“Nope, that’s okay, I’ve got it,” I say quickly.
She pulls back with a frown, and I hustle over to him.
“Family lunch date?” I ask.
They all nod, and Ledger looks up at me. I almost wipe my face, wondering if I have something on it.
“Can I get you something?” I squeak. I don’t know what to do or how to act, especially since his tongue was down my throat less than twenty-four hours ago.
The corner of his mouth tips up, and I bristle a little. He’s enjoying this.
“A cup of coffee and whatever today’s special is.”
I spin on my heel, trying to get away from them as fast as possible.
I give Bear his order and bring a cup of coffee over to him.
Instead of letting me set the cup on the table, he takes it from me, grazing our fingers in the process, and I realize it’s entirely possible I might spontaneously combust right here and now.
“Thank you, Shy,” he rumbles.
“Yep,” I say and turn around.
The bell dings. “Order up!” Bear yells.
I nearly run to the window because I need to put distance between us and reach for a tray, filling it with their food.
Lifting it onto my shoulder, I walk back, and Ledger stands and takes the plates off my tray, handing them to his family. I stare at him, holding the now empty tray, and he winks before sitting back down.
I start to ask the rest of the table to see if they need anything else, but they’re all staring at us.
Oh no.
I spin around and almost trip over my feet trying to get away. I’m not a clumsy girl, but my knees feel weak and I need some fresh air.
“Bear, holler at me when the next order is ready. I need a minute,” I mutter, breezing past him and out the back door like my ass is on fire.
The cool air fills my lungs. Fall is nearly here, and it’s refreshing. This summer was too hot for comfort, and I love the crispness it brings.
Leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and will my heart to stop dancing around. It doesn’t want to believe that Ledger and I aren’t a thing, can’t be a thing, and won’t be a thing even if I wanted it.
I dig my phone out of my pocket and pull Dad’s number up. It’s been a while since we talked, and I should call him.
“Shy!” Bear yells.
I groan into the sky and force myself back into the diner. Bear holds out Ledger’s plate for me, and I carry it to his table, setting it in front of him.
“Thank you,” he says quietly, as if we’re the only people in the diner and his family isn’t staring at us.
“You’re welcome. Can I get you anything else?” I ask him and surprise myself with my professional fake customer service voice.
Something flashes in his eyes, and his brows do that cute crinkle thing before he shakes his head. “I’m good.”
“Uh, can I get some more coffee?” Cooper calls.
“Owe! What?” he says.
I look at Cooper and his wife is whispering something in his ear.
He glances at my hand. “Oh, ohhh,” Cooper says to Mae.
I roll my eyes and go get the carafe to fill it.
Once I’m done, I wait a breath. No one asks for anything, and I take my leave, hoping and praying someone else walks through that door so I don’t have to keep checking on them every five minutes.
Eventually, a few more people come in. Mollie and I go back and forth serving the tables. I drop the check at the Hayes table and run away before anyone has the chance to say anything. I don’t even care about the tip. I don’t want a tip.
When they get up to leave, Ledger comes up to the register and hands me a stack of bills for the meal. I ring it up and hand him the change back.
“No, it’s yours.”
I huff through my nose. “I don’t want your tip.”
He frowns. “Why? You earned it?”
“Ledger, please,” I whisper, holding the change out. Rocks are filling my throat and for some strange reason my eyes are burning like I want to cry. Why in the world would this make me cry?
He lifts his hand as if to take the money and instead takes mine, using his thumb, turning the ring on my finger in the right direction — stone up.
“Fine, give it to Bear,” he mutters, and drops my hand.
I take the cash. “That I can do.”
He dips his head once, looking me straight in the eye, and my heart combusts.
I don’t know what I was thinking, but … I can’t be friends with this man.
“I’ll see you at home,” he says quietly.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He spins on his heel and walks out the door, leaving me completely overwhelmed by the tangible chemistry between us.
I felt it in the laundry room, hell I felt it when invited me to live in his home.
But he’s the sheriff, a cowboy, a good man, known in the community, and I’m a criminal.
Albeit a previous criminal, sort of. But I’ve cleaned up my act because I learned my lesson, but it doesn’t change the fact that the whole town knows about my past. So it’s safe to say I wouldn’t make Ledger look like an upstanding Sheriff.
I sigh and wipe the table.
If he hadn’t kissed me, I think we could resist because when we said ‘I do’, the kiss wasn’t enough to feel anything.
But we did cross the line, and we can’t go back, and I don’t want to feel the way I’m feeling, but I do. I’m falling for my husband and there’s no doubt it cannot end well.
Yup, I’m screwed.