15. Shiloh #2
When I get home from running errands, I almost sprint to my room because he’s home and I don’t want to talk to him. I’m afraid of what I’ll say, and I still need to call my dad.
Yeah, that’s my excuse. I have to call my dad.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Ledger asks, sitting in the living room with a book face down in his lap.
I’m too busy freaking out to pay attention to the title.
“What?” I ask, playing dumb. It’s the easiest out. It worked with Grey, why couldn’t it work with Ledger?
Oh, wait because Ledger isn’t an idiot.
My stomach twists, and I hate even considering that either of them are similar. Ledger is the best man, short of my own father, that I’ve ever known.
“Shy,” Ledger says, almost exasperated.
I finally look at him and I can’t read his face. He’s either hopeful, or trying to let me down easy.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say and rush to my room, closing the door behind me.
I barely take a breath and he barges through. “Yes, you do, and I need you to answer my question,” he says.
“Does this have to do with your case?” I ask him.
He huffs, irritated. “No, and you know that.”
“Hmm, no I don’t,” I say and shrug, avoiding looking too closely at him, for fear I’ll be snatched up into those warm brown eyes and there will be no going back.
But I do want to ask him one thing.
“Why were you like that at the diner?”
He tilts his head. “Nice?”
I snort. “You … touched me, you, I don’t know flirted with me in front of your family.”
Ledger shrugs. “That was flirting?”
I snort. “I thought you wanted to keep me living here, and the whole marriage thing, on the down low,” I offer.
“I only said that because, well two reasons. That night, I don’t have to spell it out.
And you’re somewhat involved in one of the largest cases in Paxton’s history.
If a judge or a jury were to find out that you’ve been living with me and contributing to the case, or maybe have knowledge you shouldn’t, it could cause the whole thing to be squashed.
And also I don’t want my family all over … you.”
“Oh,” I mumble. I didn’t realize it was that serious.
“But what about the marriage thing?” I ask him.
“Wouldn’t apply, your involvement with the Kensingtons all happened before we got married. Why did you think I asked otherwise?” he asks.
I nibble my bottom lip and look away. “I thought maybe you didn’t want people to see us together,” I say quickly.
“Again, you’re not wrong, but it was because of the case. It wasn’t because…” he trails off and coughs clearing his throat. “It wasn’t because I don’t want people to see us together. I don’t want the questions, but it has nothing to do with you.”
“It’s that simple?” I ask him.
He nods and crosses his arms. “It can be if you let it. So are we going to talk about it?”
“Do we have to?” I whine.
His lips roll over his teeth and he nods. “That’s okay I can take a hint. Goodnight,” he mumbles and leaves my room, closing the door behind him.
The moment the latch clicks my eyes burn and I blink away the tears. We won’t work. We won’t work. I have to believe that. All reasonable logic says as much. Right?
I dig my phone out of my purse and dial my dad. He’ll know what to do, and it’s probably time to tell him what happened.
He picks up on the first ring. “Hey sweetheart, how are you?” he asks.
My stomach unclenches and I smile tossing myself onto the bed. “I’m… I’m alright.”
He hums. “That doesn’t sound alright to me.”
“I miss you Daddy,” I mumble.
“I miss you too, when are you coming to see me?” he asks.
I sigh and recall the number I saw in my bank account. I can’t afford to go visit him right now.
“One day, I’m saving up.”
“Good, I’d rather you live down here though.”
I smile and stare at the ceiling. “You know I don’t like the desert,” I tell him.
It’s the first excuse I came up with, and I’m sticking to it.
I don’t know that I care that much if I had to choose, but there is something about those mountains that feels like home, like they are the exact place I’m meant to be.
“I don’t know why, yeah it gets hot, but at least the sun is always out.”
I hum and listen to him talk about the desert and the work he’s doing. He sounds happy, and that alone makes me feel better.
“So tell me, little one, why are you just alright?” he asks.
My father has called me little one ever since I was little. I was always smaller than the other kids, but my attitude always bigger.
I burst into tears and he doesn’t say anything right away, he lets me cry it out.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Where do I start,” I mumble.
“From the beginning,” he says gently.
I take a deep breath and rub my thumb over my chest. “Grey and I broke up,” I tell him.
“And why did you do that?” he asks.
“We decided it was time to end things,” I tell him. He doesn’t need to know the details, except that Grey isn’t in the picture anymore.
“I see. Well, I can’t say I ever liked him that much, but you can make your own decisions, even if they’re stupid.”
I snort. “Daddy.”
“It’s true, he was a tool, and he didn’t treat my daughter the way she deserves. Plain and simple,” he says.
My mind immediately goes to Ledger. He would know how to treat me.
“I know that now,” I rasp.
“I’m sorry Shy,” he says.
“Me too, but it’s probably for the best.”
He hums. “So did you get your own place? Do you need me to help you move? I can come up.”
“No, I’m okay I’m uh…I’m living with a friend.”
“Who’s the friend?” he asks.
I groan. “Dad why do you have to know everything?”
“Because I’m your father and I’m not down the street and I need to make sure my daughter is healthy and happy and safe.”
I’m healthy and safe, but I don’t know about happy.
“I’m safe, I promise.”
I open my mouth to tell him the truth and then snap it shut. There’s nothing to tell him. If I tell him I’m married to Ledger, it will only make him ask why, and I’ll have no choice but to tell him he kept me from jail and homelessness.
He’s better off not knowing any of the details until maybe many years down the road when I can laugh about the fact I married Ledger Hayes, had feelings for him, and eventually made myself walk away.
He will be a distant dream and something to make me smile despite the reasons why, because nothing is going to happen.
“You’ll tell me if you need anything. Right?” he asks.
“Of course.”
“How’s the diner? I miss that chocolate cake.”
I snort. “The same as always, including the cake.”
“I was thinking about coming up there for Thanksgiving. What do you think?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I haven’t even thought about tomorrow. Maybe I’ll come down there.”
“That would be fine too,” he says, and my heart twists. I didn’t get to see him last year for Thanksgiving or Christmas because Grey wanted me to stay with him.
I’ll forever wish I went to my dad’s because I’ll never get that party out of my head, it lives in my mind no matter how much I’ve tried to move on.
We talk a little more, he tells me about a lady friend he met at the bar, and some buddies he works with. I tell him little things because that’s all I have to offer and we eventually hang up.
Wrapping myself in my robe I carefully peek out my door but the lights are off and Ledger’s bedroom door is shut.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I get myself into bed and fall asleep thinking of Ledger.