Chapter 1
RAQUEL
I wonder if there’s an alternate version of ourselves somewhere. Like a mirror reality, but better.
If there is, I’ll be the first in line to go. Just drop me in there, no questions asked, because I’ll bet it’s better than my life on this side of the world.
I’ve always been a good daughter. There was never a time when I disrespected my parents or caused them grief of any kind.
I was obedient and responsible at all times.
I got good grades and went to medical school.
I made them proud, or at least I hope I did.
You’d think they’d give me an ounce of respect back, but they haven’t.
I may be twenty-eight, but to them, I’m still a child. Someone whose life they can control. They’re always ignoring my input, especially about the man I should marry.
When I thought of marriage as a young girl, I imagined falling in love with an amazing guy. Someone I’d chosen. Instead, they chose for me. And he couldn’t be any worse.
Carlito, the man they threw at me, is not someone I’d ever want to end up with. He’s vile. Angry. Constantly groping me in private when I ask him to stop. Telling me how much he can’t wait to do whatever he wants to me.
No one would stop him, either.
In our circle, women have no voice and men have all the power. Even my own mother expects me to be a dutiful wife and listen to my husband. It’s sick, really.
He can hit me or cheat on me, and no one will care. No one will help me.
I’ll be alone. Forever.
I can’t live that kind of life.
I won’t.
Being a Bianchi has its advantages, like money, but no amount of money will get me to settle for a life I want no part of.
Growing up, we didn’t struggle. I’ve always lived in a large, expensive home, and I attended a great school and an even better university.
But I’d give it all back if I didn’t have to be forced to marry.
My father, Salvatore, is a powerful man.
He’s been a consigliere, the advisor to the don of the Palermo crime family, for as long as I can remember.
All the money comes from whatever illegal operations they’re a part of.
I’ve done what I can to keep my eyes closed when it came to that side of my dad.
My uncle Faro Bianchi, the don, is as ruthless as they come. He treats my cousin Chiara like absolute shit. She and I are really close. We were born a few weeks apart and are more like sisters than cousins.
I guess I’m lucky that my parents do love me.
They just have a crappy way of showing it, especially my mother.
She’s always been tougher than my father.
I’ve tried to make them both understand that I don’t want Carlito, and I don’t want the kind of life they want for me, but it’s as though I’m talking to a wall.
They think they know what’s best, and Carlito is it.
He’s a soldier in the Palermo family, someone they believe will give me the type of life they think I should have. His family comes from old money, and for my mom especially, that’s what matters.
Chiara has tried to help me with Carlito by talking to my parents and even her piece-of-shit father, but it hasn’t helped.
I’m doomed.
Lately, I’ve considered dying. The very thought makes me sick, but what else can I do? I spend most nights crying myself to sleep, knowing it’s either true death or a lifetime of living death.
I’d rather have the former.
Carlito will ensure that every day I take a breath, I’ll regret ever doing it. That’s no way to live.
The mere thought of him makes me sick. He’s fourteen years older than me, which isn’t a deal breaker, but he’s just not a good man.
My friends from work have seen him out at clubs making out with random women, touching them, leaving with them.
It’s humiliating to hear their stories and not know what to say in return.
I wish they’d never found out about him, but he loves stopping by my job and making sure every man there knows I’m his.
How do I tell my coworkers that my parents are making me marry him? They probably wouldn’t understand how a grown woman can’t just say no.
My wedding is supposed to be in six months. I have some time to figure out my options before I pay the ultimate price for my family’s intrusion. There’s no way I’ll allow my parents to ruin my life this way.
There has to be something I can do. Some option I’m not seeing yet.
“We’re almost home,” Mom says as we drive back home well past midnight, with Carlito at the wheel.
His cousin got married and we were invited, to my absolute displeasure. I had to act like the devoted fiancée all damn night while everyone came up to us, telling me how much they can’t wait to attend our wedding. Carlito was practically glued to me the entire night.
If only there was someone to help me run far away from here. I’d leave it all behind—my family, my job, everything—for a chance to escape.
Once the car stops in front of the house, I immediately get out from the passenger side, hoping to finally be away from my future husband. I wait for my mother to join me, but she doesn’t.
“Come in for a cup of coffee, Carlito,” she says from the back, opening the door.
My eyes widen.
What the hell is she doing? It’s late!
“You sure?” he asks, grinning like a fool.
“Yeah.” She waves a hand. “Come on. I’m not even tired.”
“Okay.”
Mom shuts the door, allowing him to park in the driveway.
I can’t believe she’s entertaining him at this insane hour.
My father would’ve been at the wedding too, except he’s currently at war with someone.
He’s been in hiding with my uncles for over a week now.
I don’t ask many questions. I don’t want to know any of it. The further I am from that, the better.
Chiara and I both want nothing to do with this lifestyle. She swears she’s going to stay single forever, or at least until she can meet someone who can defend her against her father.
Who’d be willing to do that?
My other uncles, Benvolio and Agnelo, are the underbosses in the family, in that order.
I do have another cousin, Aida, who’s Agnelo’s daughter, but we aren’t close, though we could be if she was allowed to do anything.
Chiara thinks something bad is going on with her, that Uncle Agnelo has her scared.
I wouldn’t put it past him. He’s got a frightening way about him, like the devil is constantly on his shoulder, leading him into hell.
Once the car is parked, Carlito gets out.
“What a beautiful wedding that was, wasn’t it, Raquel?” My mom’s voice goes all chirpy. “I bet it made you want to have your day too, right?”
“Right,” I grumble in response, waiting a few feet ahead.
I’m not sure what she’s trying to pull, bringing this up when she knows my feelings. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since she doesn’t hide her extreme desire to see me marry this horror of a man.
Begrudgingly, I follow Mom and Carlito into our house.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell them while I head for the stairs. “I need to go change.”
“Okay,” Mom replies, slipping out of her shoes, leaving them in the foyer closet, and then going to the kitchen.
“Wait.” Carlito’s tone crawls with a roaring whisper as he grabs my upper arm, his fingers viciously piercing into me and making my skin burn.
Glaring, I whirl around with pursed lips. “Yes?”
“What’s with the fucking attitude?” he chides with the odor of his liquor bathing my lips, twining with his nasty breath.
I internally hurl in disgust.
“Got something to say?” he throws out.
I have a lot to say, but I’m also not stupid.
“I’m tired. It’s almost three a.m.”
He clenches my arm tighter, his drunken expression turning hostile and his nostrils flaring. “Who was that guy you were talking to at the wedding?”
“No one.” My lips contort with a grimace from the pain he’s causing. “He’s a doctor. A friend of the groom’s. He found out I’m doing my residency and was asking how I liked it.”
“Remember whose ring you’re wearing. You don’t fucking talk to other men. You hear me?” he barks in a whisper as he lowers his face to mine, the tequila on his breath slithering into my mouth. “If you tarnish my name by acting like a whore, I’ll make you pay for it. You understand?”
My heart beats like a hammering drum.
“I’ll ruin your fucking name so badly, no one will wanna marry you,” he snarls.
“Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing,” I shoot back, grinding my teeth until they rattle as I stare into his dirt-colored eyes.
His upper lip twitches before he thrusts a fist into the air.
I draw in a quick, shallow gasp, my eyes popping wide as his knuckles near my jaw and press into me.
“I can’t wait,” he threatens with that soulless expression beating into mine.
I know what he means. He can’t wait to hurt me.
He relieves some of the pressure on my arm from his continued grip, and I take that second to pull away.
I rush upstairs without looking back, my chest heaving.
Shutting the door behind me, I lean against it, my eyelids drifting to a close as the tears fall, slow at first, then rushing out like a colossal storm.
I sob soundlessly into my palms, my entire body breaking and trembling in the wake of my tortured pain.
Crying is all I have. I’ll always suffer in silence.
Fingering the ring he once gave me, I pull it off, leaving it beside my feet. There was no real engagement. Our parents met in our dining room, with us present, and Carlito handed me a ring like a collar for a shackled animal.
After a few moments, I hear my mother and Carlito talking. Prying the door open a little, I listen in, wanting to know if they’ll talk about me. At first they don’t, but then I hear the conversation switch to the wedding.
“So, I was thinking we can move the date up a little. Maybe by three months?” Mom’s voice climbs up, going all sugary. “I spoke to your mother and made all the arrangements, and she’s fine with it. I know how much you’re looking forward to marrying my daughter.”
The blood drains from my face, and my eyes go round, a cold shudder running up my arms.
No. She can’t do this to me.
“That’s fine by me. The sooner, the better,” Carlito agrees fiercely. “I need a good woman in my life.”
“I know you do, and my daughter is a perfect match for you.” I hear the smile in my mother’s voice.
The cell phone in my hand vibrates and I find Chiara’s name on the screen. I quickly answer, telling her everything that’s happening, and that I can’t live this life anymore and I’d rather die.
She thinks there’s something we can do, but we both know that’s a lie. It’s over.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Mom continues. “My girl isn’t getting any younger, you know. She has to start having children, which I’m sure you want too.”
“I definitely do. A lot of them,” he chuckles.
I hurl; the whimpers coming out of me sound like they belong to my ghost.
Chiara remains quiet, and I don’t blame her. What can she say that she hasn’t already?
“We should give my daughter the good news,” Mom adds. “Where in the world is she, for God’s sake? Raquel?!” Her shouting whips across my skin. “Come down already.”
Oh, no. I can’t face them. I have to get out of here. I need to find a way out of this house before she finds me.
“I have to go,” I tell Chiara before hanging up. “I think she’s coming to my room.”
Rising from the floor, I slip into a pair of sneakers from the closet, still in my black cocktail dress and coat, then grab the handbag I dropped beside the door.
My mom will kill me for this, and Carlito will be more than enraged that his soon-to-be wife is running around in the middle of the night in a slinky dress, but I don’t care about the consequences.
I just know I can’t be here. I’ll break down in front of both of them once they mention the wedding, and that will make Carlito mad.
The last thing I want is for him to get angrier at me.
Deciding to take the back way out of the house in hopes of leaving before my mom gets up here, I tiptoe down the stairs, knowing she won’t see me from where they are.
All I have to do is get downstairs and dart right around to the back door, then run outside.
I can call an Uber once I’m far enough away.
A chair scrapes across the floor just as I hit the last step. My heart pounds in my ears as I dash the last few steps toward the door and turn the knob.
“Raquel?” Mom calls. “Is that you?”
Her footsteps trudge over the carpet, getting closer. My anxiety clutches its furious grip around my throat, squeezing as I gently pull the door open and close it behind me.
Then I run like hell.