Chapter 23
I’m sure you’re great with all the pans.
EMMY ELLISON’S PERSONAL VLOG, AUGUST 5
EMMY: Hey, everybody, this is Emmy Ellison coming at you with my usual nonsense, and I don’t know why you put up with it. But today is special. We’re doing Venn diagrams with Jason Connor! Yay! So exciting! Oh, and here he is!
JASON: Hi, everyone!
EMMY: Hi, Jason. Welcome!
JASON: Thanks for having me.
EMMY: I love it when he’s all formal. So, in case you don’t know what a Venn diagram is…
JASON: I didn’t know what it was…
EMMY: It’s a couple of overlapping circles, and you can have three if you want. Just draw them like this, and the idea is that, if you have something in common with the person you’re doing it with, you put it in the overlapping part of the circles. And if it’s something that you don’t share with that person, you put it just in your circle. You’ll see how it works. So, the circle on the right is my circle…
JASON: And the circle on the left is mine.
EMMY: Easy as killing stormtroopers, right? Our first topic is Things We Suck At. Let me write that at the top of our whiteboard. Okay, we got a little head start on this earlier.
JASON: Emmy sucks at singing.
EMMY: I do. But Jason’s a good singer. So we’re writing that in only my section. Singing. Get it?
JASON: I think they’ve got it.
EMMY: Feel free to make your own Venn diagram to see if you suck at the same things we do. We established earlier that Jason sucks at keeping plants alive.
JASON: And cold fusion.
EMMY: Well, everybody sucks at cold fusion. That one doesn’t count.
JASON: Why doesn’t it count?
EMMY: Because it’s impossible right now with our current level of technology. It’s like saying you suck at time travel.
JASON: I do suck at time travel. Emmy sucks at baking.
EMMY: Just baking in round pans.
JASON: I’m great with round pans.
EMMY: I’m sure you’re great with all the pans.
JASON: She sucks at anything on Pinterest.
EMMY: That is a true statement.
JASON: I do, too, so that one can go there.
EMMY: Awww! See that? We have something in common! Doesn’t that make you feel closer to me?
JASON: Oddly, it does.
EMMY: Okay, what else?
JASON: You forgot cold fusion.
EMMY: Fine. I’ll write down cold fusion.
JASON: See how she humors me?
EMMY: It’s easier than the alternative. Jason, what else do you suck at?
JASON: Loading the dishwasher. I’m a disaster.
EMMY: I’m good at that. But I’m awful at getting splinters out. If my daughter gets a splinter, it’s a medical emergency.
JASON: Yup. Put me down for that, too.
EMMY: Dishwasher… that goes in yours. Splinters, another thing we share.
JASON: We’re both good at dancing.
EMMY: Yeah, but we’re not doing what we’re good at. We’re doing what we’re not good at.
JASON: We’re not good at sucking at dancing.
EMMY: You’re complicating this unnecessarily. Oh, we’ve got someone on the live chat. Let’s see what they have to say! You read it, Jason.
JASON: Okay. @Shoopsaywhat says, You two are adorable. When’s the wedding? [ fake laughs ] What am I supposed to say to that?
EMMY: The wedding’s tomorrow. Sorry you’re gonna miss it, Shoop.
JASON: You can’t put that on the internet! Now people are gonna think we’re getting married.
EMMY: My followers aren’t idiots. They’re just smart-asses. We’re fine. I promise. Okay, why don’t we try a different topic? Does anyone have an idea for a topic? Jason, will you reset the board for us?
JASON: Absolutely! It would be my pleasure!
EMMY: I love it when he gets eager. Okay, Shoop, are you the only one out there today? Did the zombie apocalypse happen, and we missed it? Shoop suggests Places You Want to… Oh no, we’re not reading that. Shoop, shame on you!
JASON: The board is reset!
EMMY: That’s great, Jason. Can I have the pen? Let’s do bucket list items, all right? That’s a safe topic. You go first.
JASON: I want to do indoor skydiving.
EMMY: Oh, that sounds fun! I’m gonna put me down for that as well.
JASON: I want to climb Mount Everest, too.
EMMY: That’s a hard no for me. I don’t do snow. I want to have tea with the queen.
JASON: I’d do that. I want to live forever.
EMMY: I want to live forever, too.
JASON: I want to have more kids.
EMMY: Wow, really?
JASON: Yup. For sure. I think it’d be great for Mattie to be a big brother. What about you?
EMMY: Umm… well… actually, yes. I’d like to have more kids.
JASON: Another one for our overlap. This is fun!
EMMY: I want to swim with dolphins.
JASON: I’ve done that. For Hashtag Celebrity Crush . It was awesome.
EMMY: I’m jealous. I want to not be jealous.
JASON: I’m thirsty. I want a glass of water.
EMMY: I want a glass of water with a slice of cucumber in it.
JASON: I want calamari.
EMMY: I want a pair of those earrings where it looks like they’re going up the side of your ear.
JASON: Aren’t we supposed to be writing these down? Here, I’ll do it.
EMMY: I want a guy who writes things down for me so I don’t have to.
JASON: You already have him. It’s me. I’m right here.
EMMY: Well, I don’t really have you.
JASON: For all intents and purposes, you have me. At least for right now, when you need someone to write things down for you.
EMMY: I always need someone to write things down for me. It’s a constant need of mine.
JASON: Maybe you should want to not have to write so much stuff down.
EMMY: Yeah, put that down.
JASON: Okay. Our Ben chart is looking pretty full.
EMMY: Venn diagram, and you’re right. I think we’ve done our job here. Share some of your Venn diagrams in the comments, and we’ll post a collage tomorrow. This is Emmy Ellison with Jason Connor. Good night and thanks for joining us. Don’t forget… like! Subscribe!