Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Dakota,” I hiss, shoving the pine green lace back in the bag. “What the hell is this?”
My best friend rolls her eyes, tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear. “Lingerie, S.”
“I know it’s lingerie. Why are you giving it to me?”
“Because you’re single now, and you deserve to have some sexy things to make you feel pretty when you finally find someone to fuck you better than your ex. Which, let’s be real, won’t be difficult.”
“This is too much, Ko.”
“It’s not, promise. I had a gift card and a coupon for buy-one-get-one free so we both got something, even if mine will sit in my drawer for the foreseeable future.”
“So will mine.”
“I don’t know about that. Not every man is as stupid as your ex, and will freak out when you wear something sexy.
And you live in a building full of hot rugby players.
I’m sure at least three of them would be more than happy to show you just how strong those thighs of theirs are,” she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
“In fact, I’m sure your neighbor would be the first in line. ”
“Don’t start, Ezra is just a friend.” The words feel like a lie, even though they couldn’t be more true—if one sided.
“As a bartender, I’ve learned how to pick up on other peoples’ body language, and he was watching you like he wanted to eat you last night. And don’t think I didn’t see the way you relaxed around him. It’s okay to like him, you know.”
“It’s not, though. Not that I do! But… he’s a player, and he’s Davis’s brother. Wouldn’t that be unethical on both counts? Not to mention, I just broke up with Jace like, a month ago.”
“I don’t know about your job, but it’s been ten years since you were with Davis. You’ve both grown and moved on, right? There’s nothing unethical about it unless you plan on using Ezra to get back with Davis.”
“I would never use Ezra.”
“I know, which is why I think you should let yourself feel your feelings. As for Jace, fuck that guy. You don’t owe him anything.
” Her phone alarm rings, and I know from the disappointed look on her face she has to leave.
“I’m sorry, S. I need to pick up the kids from Parker’s mom’s.
I expect pictures of you in that set as proof you tried it on. ”
We stand, and I hug her goodbye, before walking her to the door.
The hot pink gift bag catches my eye, and curiosity gets the best of me.
I snatch it off the couch, shaking my head when I notice Dakota’s wallet on the couch.
I shoot her a quick text letting her know she left it, and head to my room, quickly changing into the set.
The pine green bralette is nearly sheer and does very little to hold up my breasts.
The matching panties are high cut, hugging my hips and barely covering my ass.
My mind flashes back to the last time I tried on lingerie.
My stomach shouldn’t be twisting in knots like a pretzel over the idea of seducing my boyfriend, but as I tie the tiny bows on my panties at the dip in my hips, I second guess myself.
Is this a crazy idea? I didn’t run it past anyone, but it’s my last ditch effort at seeing if our relationship is salvageable.
If he can’t be seduced, what hope of a future do we have?
Furthermore, what if he doesn’t like my surprise?
What if he’s put off by the peach colored corset and coordinating lacy panties?
Jace has never been the type to care what underwear I’m wearing.
Most of the time, I’m showered and in pajamas by the time he comes over for sex.
No need for any type of seduction when you already know what’s going to happen, in what order.
After a lot of self-reflection, I’ve realized I want more from a romantic partner.
I want to come home from a date and have him get handsy in the elevator because he can’t stand not touching me.
I want the casual, familiar touches I see traded between other couples.
I want the public displays of affection that seem so easy for everyone else.
The most PDA I’ve experienced with Jace is hand-holding.
He won’t kiss me if anyone else is around, and I never realized it hurt until I started questioning my relationship.
Jace has always had perfect control over himself. Like me, he craves routine and familiarity, but he’s so set in them he doesn’t see the point in changing.
He’s not a bad person. He’s never raised his voice at me and we’ve never had any major arguments. I pushed aside his blasè attitude, and lack of interest in most aspects of my life, because I thought he was the best I could do.
There’s got to be more to life than settling for a man who doesn’t hunger for you or make you feel butterflies.
I crave passion, the honeymoon phase where we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other, something Jace and I didn’t have even in the beginning.
It took him three dates to kiss me, and two months before we had sex.
Our first time was fairly clinical, and frankly, kind of boring.
A small part of me kept saying things would change as we got more comfortable with each other, but two years later and it hasn’t.
I want to feel desired. I want Jace’s perfect facade of control to crack just the tiniest bit.
I feel bad for lying to him and saying we need to talk, but it’s not a total lie, is it? We do need to have a conversation, but I need to prove to myself I can seduce my boyfriend first. I need to see if he can break the routine we’ve been in and have spontaneous sex.
Somewhat spontaneous, since this is still planned on my part.
I turn off the big lights in the living room, and light a new candle I bought for just this occasion. As the mahogany teakwood scent fills the air, Jace knocks on my door and my stomach swoops and plummets with anticipation.
Here we go.
As I open the door, I try to pose in a way that pushes out my boobs to draw his eye, but Jace has his nose buried in his phone, and walks past me without a second glance.
“I have an impromptu lunch meeting, so whatever you want to talk about, let’s make it quick.”
“On a Sunday?” Trailing a hand down his arm gets his attention, and he does a double take when he sees my outfit.
“What are you wearing? Where are your clothes?” His eyes don’t hold the interest, the fire, I was hoping to see. His face is pinched with confusion, glaring at the delicate lace like it’s a puzzle he doesn’t understand.
I shrug. I don’t feel as confident as I thought I would, but I want to prove to myself I can do this. “I… I missed you. I wanted to see you today and spend some time together since we’ve both been so busy. I was feeling… I want you, Jace.”
Jace’s brow furrows further, the lines in his forehead deepening. “We’re scheduled for Wednesday, right? Can’t you wait until then? Or use a toy or something? I don’t have time to play games with you, Sutton.”
I was hoping to feel the heat of lust tonight, but instead, I feel the heat of embarrassment as I admit, “It’s not a game, Jace. I don’t want a toy, I want you to fuck me.”
“What’s gotten into you? First you want to take pottery classes, then you want me to come to your silly rugby games, and now this? This isn’t who you are.”
“But what if it’s who I want to be? What if I want to start trying new things? What if I want to have a quickie before we go out? What if I want to have sex more than once? What if I want you to whisper filthy things in my ear, and try a position other than missionary?”
Jace reels back as if I’ve slapped him. “You’re being irrational right now.
I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I think it’s best if I go.
” When he reaches the front door, he stops before he exits, turning toward me.
“Maybe you should take the next few days to think about your actions and decide if this is who you really want to be, because the Sutton I know isn’t a whore. ”
Hot tears of frustration start to build behind my eyes as the door clicks shut, and I try to blink them away, worried I’ll ruin my makeup.
It doesn’t matter now, does it?
A knock at the door pulls me from the memory, and I shake off the icky feeling it leaves.
Dakota must have come back for her wallet.
I don’t check the peephole, which turns out to be a mistake when I find Ezra standing on the other side, holding a plate covered in plastic wrap.
My eyes trail from the top of his damp hair, down to where his cropped black shirt shows a peek of the trail of brown hair that leads down into his gray sweatpants.
I snap my gaze back up to his, only to find he’s looking at my body.
Shit. I’m not wearing any clothes!
“Oh my god!” I shut the door, “Let me grab my robe. Hold on.” I say through the door before I rush to my room, cursing myself the whole way. Slipping a robe over my lingerie, I cinch it at the waist and rush back to the front door pulling it open to find a bright red Ezra.
“Hi.” I clear my throat when my voice comes out squeaky. “What’s up?”
“I-uh, I made too many cookies and wanted to bring some over…” He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. “But it seems I’ve interrupted something so I’ll just—”
“No, no. You haven't interrupted anything. I was just…” God, this is mortifying. “I was trying on a gift from Dakota.”
“Oh. Well, uh… that’s… great. She…she did a good job picking it out. It looks amazing on you.”
All I can do is stare, and wonder if my face is as red as his. “Would you like to come in?”
“Yeah. Okay. Sure.”
I open the door further and motion him in. He sets the plate on the counter, pulling the plastic wrap off.
“I don’t know if these will be as good as my mom’s, but it’s her recipe, and I remember how much you loved them.”
“Oh my god, are those buttermilk chocolate chip cookies?”