Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The first time I heard the term “honesty minute,” I was shirtless, hiding between the wall and Davis’s bed.
His mom walked in on us mid-makeout, and I quickly rolled off the bed and hid in shame.
His mom wasn’t mad, but she wanted to make sure if we were doing anything sexual we would have all the information we needed.
I never had a sex talk from my own parents, so getting one at sixteen from my boyfriend’s mom felt mortifying at the time. Now I realize she did us—me—a favor by making sure we had all the facts before we had sex.
Roxanne took me aside and told me if I had any questions about anything, I could come to her. She never made me feel ashamed about learning about my body, and even recommended some reading material to help me understand what I was feeling.
The second honesty minute I took part in was more like an hour, where I spewed everything going on at home to Roxanne and Guy.
I showed up at their house at nine o’clock on a school night, after a particularly bad fight with my mother, but Davis wasn’t home from his study group yet.
Roxanne answered the door and immediately ushered me inside and sat me down.
They listened while I recounted the venom my mother spit at me, the harsh words she kept in her arsenal and brought out when she really wanted to make me bleed.
They never questioned me showing up late at night ever again, and even started keeping extra toiletries and clothes for me for such occasions.
Both times started out embarrassing, but ended up being blessings in disguise.
I highly doubt this one, with Ezra, will be.
What good can come from him knowing I heard him getting multiple women off through the wall? Why the hell did I bring it up in the first place?
Damn my low alcohol tolerance.
And damn Ezra for being such a safe, comforting person.
If he were just another asshole who never listened, this wouldn’t be happening to me. Why does he have to look so sincere, so stricken with curiosity?
Why, of all people, does my heart want him?
Ezra unlinks our pinkies and pulls out his phone, opening the timer app and setting it to sixty seconds. “Ready?” I reluctantly nod, taking a deep breath.
As soon as his thumb hits the button, the words tumble out of me.
“The first night after I moved in, I heard what sounded like a moan from the other side of the wall, but I chalked it up to me hearing things since I had a show on in the background while I was unpacking. Then, it happened again two nights later, and then again… and again. I figured out after the second time you didn’t seem to have anyone over—for…
you know—past nine, so when I would hear the first moans, I would just put on my headphones. ”
“Did… did it bother you? Hearing that?” Ezra asks. I can’t read the expression on his face, but I don’t sense any embarrassment from him.
What would it be like to be so confident in your sexuality?
I shrug, shaking my head. “It didn’t bother me, honestly. Besides, what you were doing was none of my business. Add that to the fact that I didn't know it was you yet.”
Ezra restarts the timer on his phone. “It wasn’t me.”
“What?”
“My room is on the opposite side of the apartment.”
“N–no…You mean this whole time, I was hearing—”
“Kendall.”
“Oh god.” I cover my face with my hands again, even more mortified than I was before. “I don’t know if that’s worse or better.”
Ezra scoots closer to me, pulling my hands away from my face again. He’s much closer than I thought he was, just a few inches from my face. His low chuckle raises the hair on the back of my neck and sends chills down my spine.
“Can I ask you a really invasive question, that I have no right to ask, but I need to know?” He asks. I nod, holding my breath. “Do you want to fuck Kendall?”
The blunt way he asks has a nervous giggle exploding from my throat and though he tries to hide it, his face falls.
“God. No.” I suck in a deep breath and try to stop laughing.
“I don’t want to fuck Kendall. It did make me curious, I guess.
I’ve always craved that kind of passion, since I’ve never had anything close to it.
But now that I know it was Kendall, and I know he’s with a new woman every time, it makes me feel a little sad for them.
Connecting with your partner, on a deeper level than purely sexual, can enhance everything. At least, that’s what I’m assuming.”
“I get that.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I mean, I moved here only knowing Kendall, and he didn’t seem to have a problem hooking up with random strangers.
I figured I might as well try it out because I was pretty lonely, and he seemed to be thriving.
Maybe he is, but I quickly learned it wasn’t for me.
” He reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, in an almost shy gesture.
“I always wanted to cuddle after, or go grab food. I wanted more.” He looks up at me then, and I’m pulled into his soulful blue eyes.
“I want a deeper connection, but the only women interested in more, were only in it for the status they thought I could give them. They were pretty disappointed I wasn’t on the same level as an NHL or NBA player. ”
“That’s ridiculous,” I scoff. “But their loss is my gain, because spending time with you is one of the best things that’s happened to me. It’s made the transitions I’ve made over the past few months so much easier.”
“Really?” I hear the hope in his tone.
“Really. And when you’re ready to start dating again and find the love of your life, I’ll be on the sideline cheering you on and making sure she’s worthy of you.”
The timer on his phone rings and he takes it from me, keeping his hand on top of mine as his eyes bore into mine.
“I’m not interested in dating anyone except one specific person.” His confession is a whispered rasp that sends goosebumps skittering up my arms. “And she’s more than worthy of me. In fact, I’m probably not worthy of her.”
“You’re wrong,” I whisper, my mouth going dry at the intensity in his blue eyes. “You could have anyone you want, and they’d be lucky to call you theirs.”
“I don’t want just anyone, Sutton...”
I just want you.
God, I shouldn’t be filling in the blanks. It’s probably not even what he’s thinking. I’m projecting my own feelings onto him and—
A breath stutters out of me as his fingers gently trace my cheekbone, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear like he did earlier in the restaurant. I lean in to his touch, wanting to be closer. He leans in too, slowly, like he’s trying to give me time to move.
His tongue slowly swipes across his lips as his eyes dart down to mine, then back up to meet my eyes. “Sutton?”
“Yeah?”
His throat bobs with a harsh swallow and his hand shakily moves to cup my cheek. “Can I kiss you?”
“W-what?” The alcohol must be affecting my senses because there’s no way he just asked me that.
“Can I kiss you?” He repeats softly as his thumb strokes my cheek.
“We shouldn’t.”
“I know.”
“We work together.”
“I know.”
“This could end horribly.” I know he knows this. I can’t tell if I’m trying to convince myself or him right now. If we kiss, if we take it further, if I give in to these feelings I’m having for him…
I lean back to get some space, and it feels like I’ve just been hit in the stomach when I see the dejected look on Ezra’s face.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying to blink back tears of frustration. “We can’t. You don’t want me.” Ezra shakes his head, his features determined. “You can’t want me.”
“I do want you, Sutton. And I think you want me, too. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to come to terms with it.”
“We’re friends,” I protest weakly. It sounds like the lie it is, even to me.
“You’re my best friend,” he agrees. “But that only makes me want you more. Let me show you how much.”
All I can manage is a slight nod of my head as the blood rushes in my ears. Ezra doesn’t waste any time, leaning in slow enough to give me a chance to see it coming, but quickly enough that I won’t overthink it.
His lips are soft and warm as they press against mine. Hesitantly, he presses harder, and I let myself melt against him, deepening the kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck. His deep groan of pleasure sends a rush of arousal through me, and my thighs clench together.
Ezra Gentry knows how to kiss.
One of his hands cups the back of my head while the other grips my hips the way it has before, but it feels more desperate this time, like he’s worried I’m going to pull away.
Ezra kisses me like he’s trying to memorize every curve of my lips, and when his tongue swipes my lips in question, I let him in. His tongue slowly strokes mine, sending a rush of desire between my thighs.
He pulls back abruptly, leaving me chasing his lips. “Fuck, Sutton. We need to stop or I’ll—”
The door to the roof bangs open and hushed, masculine voices carry over to where we’re sitting. Ezra and I break apart, putting a reasonable amount of space between us as Corbin Mackey and Grant Foster appear in our line of sight.
The men stop their conversation, Corbin’s back snapping straight as his usual scowl deepens. Grant looks between us with a puzzled expression on his face.
“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt,” Corbin says, his eyes boring into Ezra.
“You’re not interrupting, we were actually just about to head inside,” I lie.
“Yep,” Ezra says quickly. “Sutton was getting cold, and I need my beauty sleep.” He stands offering me a hand which I take, trying to ignore the pang of disappointment.
“Right, yeah. Well… goodnight, I guess?” Grant says, sharing a confused look with Corbin.
On auto pilot, we say goodnight and Ezra and I make our way down to our floor.
The elephant in the room suffocates us as we avoid the topic of what just happened.We stop in front of our respective doors, both of us hesitating to go inside.
Ezra clears his throat and steps closer, opening his arms for a hug.
It’s not a new motion, it’s familiar, something that’s become a habit for us when we part ways.
I step forward and wrap myself around him, laying my head on his chest like I’ve done so many times before, but I’ve never been this aware of him.
His fingers tighten around my waist and cradle the back of my head as his chest expands on a deep inhale
He tips my chin up, gently pressing a kiss to my lips, and when he pulls back, he traces my them with his thumb.
“Goodnight, Sutton.”
“Goodnight, Ezra.”
When he steps back, I have to steady myself with a hand on the door. I clamp my lips shut before I beg him to come inside and show me exactly how much he wants me.
I fumble with my keys, missing the lock twice before I finally get my door open and when I close it I sink to the floor and bring my fingers up to trace my lips, still tingling from his kiss.
What on earth just happened?