Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I’ve felt guilty all week about going behind Ezra’s back, especially after our kiss last weekend. Even though he said last night he wasn’t upset, my stomach has been tying itself in knots all day, for so many different reasons.
Last night, I don’t know where I found the courage to straddle his lap unbidden. I don’t know what I’m doing at all when it comes to Ezra—what we’re doing—but I can’t find it in me to be scared of the consequences. Not when he makes me feel more desired, more free, more me, than I’ve ever felt.
Grinding against him was the single most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced, and the possessive grip of his hand in my hair and teasing kisses between his raspy, dominating words…
I’ve never been wetter in my life. It took nothing at all for me to orgasm when I had my vibrator between my thighs last night, but it didn’t sate my need for him at all. If anything, it amplified it, and made me regret not asking him to come to my place when Kendall interrupted us.
On the flight here, Ezra sat in the seat directly next to me instead of leaving it empty between us, under the pretense of us watching a movie on his phone. He spent the whole flight brushing my thigh with his pinky, and when I thought the coast was clear, I finally let my pinky twine with his.
I swear my face has been beet red all day, and I can only hope no one’s noticed, though it doesn’t stop me from wondering if they have.
Did anyone see the sly wink Ezra gave me in the locker room before the game that had me clenching my thighs?
Did anyone see us on the plane, leaning too close together?
Did they see the way his hand brushed mine as he made his way to the field for warmups?
The thought of possibly losing this job before I’ve even been for a full season has a pit of anxiety forming in my stomach every time I think about it.
I don’t want to be like my mother and give up my dreams for a man, only to pop out a bunch of kids and then silently resent everyone I’m supposed to love.
But Ezra isn’t like my father, he made it clear my career is as important to him as it is to me.
He knows how I feel about my future, my fears of having kids and having to give up my career.
Not that we’re even remotely close to making those decisions.
We’ve merely kissed. We haven’t labelled anything, and we’re taking it one day at a time.
As someone who likes schedules, I’m struggling with that part, not that I’d ever admit it to him. Until we know what this is, we can’t make rash decisions.
During this game, my mind has admittedly been elsewhere, worrying about a thousand things at once, but not about the Knights winning. With only five minutes left in the game, we’re so far ahead, it would take a miracle for the Connecticut Kings to win.
Ezra’s been a machine; playing his absolute hardest. I know it’s because he knows his family is in the stands and feels the need to prove something. His mom texted him this morning to let him know she and his dad, and Davis would be in the stands, and asking if they could take us to dinner after.
Us.
Not just Ezra.
I was shocked I was invited, and when I tried to politely decline, Ezra insisted.
Dread has been a pit in my stomach since I agreed.
It’s not the thought of seeing my current-maybe-something’s older brother, who also happens to be my ex-fiancé, again that’s making me nervous.
It’s not even seeing the people I used to think of as parental figures.
There’s an amalgamation of so many different things I’m stressing about, all piling into a lead ball weighing down my stomach.
I can’t pinpoint what feels off, but I know it’s something.
Something more than my feelings for the inside center who kisses me like I’m the air he needs to breathe.
At first, I chalked it up to being on a plane again.
My flight anxiety hasn’t improved, and this flight was much longer than the one to Vegas.
Ezra distracted me through take off, and helped keep my mind occupied the whole flight, so it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as it was last time, but I still hated it.
When we got off the airplane, I felt untethered.
I thought it could be the fact I’m on the East Coast again after being gone for so long, but quickly shoved that away.
We’re not close enough to my hometown for me to run into my parents or my siblings.
Not that any of them even know I’m here, nor would they care if they did.
They wouldn’t make the time to see me anyway.
The only thing I can come up with is seeing the Gentrys again.
When I left, I cut all contact with them, and that was more difficult than cutting off the family I was born into.
I had to, though, because staying in touch would have been much more painful.
It would have kept an ember of hope burning alive in all of us that Davis and I would find our way back to each other.
How is one even supposed to act around their ex-fiance after a decade?
Especially when one’s lips knows the feel of their ex-fiance’s younger brother?
I guess I do know why I’m so nervous. Being around Ezra’s parents when I used to date one of their sons, and now I’m actively thinking about having sex with the other, makes me feel like…
well, I don’t know. A hussy? I don’t like using that word, or feeling shame for my feelings, but I’ve never been in this type of situation before.
I don’t know anyone else who has, either.
I’m so distracted by my worry about dinner I don’t even realize the game has ended, and the Knights have won, until Dr. Kipp whistles from beside me and starts shouting.
My eyes immediately track to Ezra, covered in sweat, grass stains, and dirt. The widest, brightest, most stunning smile has stretched his face as he and Kendall hug each other. Like he senses my gaze, his blue eyes meet mine across the pitch and his smile grows impossibly wider.
My stomach swoops the way it does every time he looks at me, and I can’t stop myself from smiling back at him. He looks so happy right now, and his happiness makes me happy.
How am I supposed to keep my feelings off my face in front of his family?
Kendall whispers something to Ezra, nodding in my direction, and whatever it is has him rolling his eyes and shoving him away playfully. Kendall cackles, clapping his bestie on the back before both men head toward the sidelines.
Toward me.
“Great game, gentleman. Any injuries I need to be made aware of?” I ask as they come to a stop in front of me.
“No,” Kendall scoffs. “I’m in peak physical condition, Ms. Brady, as you well know.”
“Right,” I deadpan. “Which is why you needed an extra ten minutes in the ice bath last week after Corbin tackled you too hard.”
“I was just giving you a chance to check out what could be yours for one night, and one night only.”
“Stop flirting with her,” Ezra grunts.
“Touchy,” Kendall mumbles. “My offer still stands. Z and I are rooming together again, so you know where to find me. We can let him listen from the hallway. Maybe he’d learn a thing or two.”
With a salacious wink, Kendall heads inside to the visiting team’s locker room.
I chuckle, shaking my head at his audacity. I don’t know where Kendall finds it. When I turn back to Ezra, he’s glancing around nervously, likely looking for his family.
“Hey,” I say, placing my hand on his arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I can always make up an excuse for us not to go. Or if you don’t want me to come, I can say I’m not feeling well.”
Placing his hand over mine, he sighs. “No, I want you to be there. It would make me feel better knowing I have someone who supports me by my side.”
“Then I promise not to leave your side. Touch your nose three times if you need me to get us out of there fast.” My joke helps ease some of the tension in his shoulders.
“Thanks, Sutt. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
My heart rate picks up at the intense sincerity in his eyes and the way he gently squeezes my fingers. Tension pulls taut between us, the air thickening as if it’s trying to push us together.
I never thought I’d humor the idea of doing anything sexual with a player, but my mind spins back to last night, having Ezra’s hands on my body.
From what I’ve seen, he doesn’t need to learn anything from Kendall.
I have every confidence Ezra knows exactly what he’s doing, and I’m more than ready to find out.
“Sutton! Ezra!” A familiar, feminine voice calls.
We step apart like two teenagers caught kissing. Not that we were doing anything wrong. I was just comforting him. The touch wasn’t even remotely inappropriate.
But your thoughts were.
Clearing my throat, and hoping my smile looks happy and excited instead of the grimace I feel as Roxanne, Guy—Ezra’s parents—and Davis approach us.
It feels surreal to see my first love again after all this time.
I expected to feel some kind of regret, or have old affection bubble up if we ever crossed paths again.
I feel nostalgic of our time when we were teens, and a wave of gratitude for him helping me find a safe place to land when I needed it, but none of the romantic feelings I had for him are there anymore.
The oldest Gentry child blatantly looks me up and down as he comes to a stop in front of me and adjusts his glasses.
His blue eyes are a darker shade than Ezra’s, and they don’t hold any of the familiar warmth and humor I’m used to.
It takes more effort than I thought it would to stop myself from shrinking under his gaze.
“Oh, Sutton! Look at how gorgeous you are! You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman, just like I knew you would.
It’s so good to see you,” Roxanne gushes, wrapping me in a hug that has emotion sticking in my throat.
She still wears the same perfume she did a decade ago, and her hair hasn’t changed save for a few more grays woven into the sandy brown color.
Roxanne, unlike my own mother, never made me feel an ounce of shame over my body.
I have three sisters who inherited my mother’s lithe, thin frame, and the woman who birthed me always hated that I never thinned out as I grew up.
It was the source of so much contention in our relationship.
She had me on diets before I was even a teenager, and would complain every time we needed to go clothes shopping.
Roxanne helped me learn to love my body and teach me to nourish it instead of trying to starve my way to thinness.
When Davis and I went to senior prom, it was her that took me to find the perfect dress.
If I had gone through with the wedding, it would have been her who I took dress shopping.
I think I missed Roxanne more than I missed Davis.
“It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Gentry.”
“Don’t you start with that, Sutton. It’s Roxanne to you, and you know it.”
Guy holds out his hand to me for a shake, which I take gratefully. He’s never been much of a hugger, so this is about as affectionate he gets with anyone that’s not his wife.
“Thank you for inviting us tonight, Sutton. We were happy you called. Kylie had a shift she couldn’t get out of, but she’s sorry she missed it.”
“I’m sure we’ll be back for another game. Hopefully she can make the next one,” Ezra says, nodding at his dad. “I’d hug you, but I probably smell awful. Let me hit the showers real quick, then I’ll meet you out front?”
“Yes, yes. Go shower. We’ll wait for you.” Roxanne agrees. “Sutton can show us where to go.”
Ezra glances at me like he’s looking for approval, so I give him a reassuring nod. He hesitates for a brief second before he darts inside. I don’t realize I’m staring after him until Davis knocks his elbow against mine.
“I think he knows how to get to the showers,” he teases.
I hope the stadium lights aren’t amplifying how red my cheeks are. “No—yeah. I know, I was making sure Dr. Kipp wasn’t trying to get my attention.”
“Mhm. It looks like you’re free to go. Need anything from inside?”
“No, I just need to grab my bag from behind the bench.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“Uh, okay?” The bench is only like, fifty feet away. Davis doesn’t need to come with me, but I don’t want to be rude.
He matches my pace as we walk over to the bench and I grab my backpack, doubling checking that everything is still inside.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and check my texts, grinning when I see a text from Levi, saying he’s coming to the next home game with Lilah and a few of his buddies.
He jokingly says he’s bringing up all the eligible bachelors in Kane County to see if any of them catch my eye.
“Boyfriend texting you?” Davis asks, startling me from my thoughts.
“Hm? Oh, no. I don’t have a boyfriend. Just Levi saying he’s coming up for the next home game with Lilah.”
“Oh, good. That’ll be fun. I’m glad to see you two are still close.”
“Levi’s like the brother I never had,” I joke dryly. Davis laughs, knowing good and well I have three brothers.
“God, I’ve missed you. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to—”
“Davis! Sutton! Come on! We don’t want Ezra to think we left without him,” Roxanne calls out.
Thank god.
I’m not sure I want to know what Davis was going to ask. For a minute, he looked like the awkward teenage boy who shyly stood by my locker for three days before asking if I wanted to go get ice cream after school.
As much as Davis meant to me, and as grateful as I am, being around him for less than ten minutes has made two things abundantly clear:
I have no romantic feelings for Davis Gentry.
I’m head over heels for his brother.