14. Sha’nelle Harper #3
Then there was the question of where the hell I was supposed to live once I got to Trill-Land.
I loved Toni. Everybody and they mama knew that was my bitch, but I wasn’t about to move back in her house with her, and Kay’Lo like I ain’t have no pride.
Renza still had his place with Pressure, and I wasn’t movin’ in there either.
That damn mansion was already full, and even if nobody made me feel unwanted, I would feel like I was in the way.
Renza had money, and I knew he could buy another house without thinkin’ twice about it.
He probably could’ve had somebody find one before we even landed, but that wasn’t the point.
The point was that he kept decidin’ what my life was gon’ look like without ever stoppin’ to ask me if I was ready to make a bunch of impulsive moves.
I stared toward the wall and took in a slow breath while Renza shifted behind me. His arm tightened around my waist, then his lips brushed the back of my shoulder like he already knew I was up.
“What you thinkin’ about?” Renza asked, his voice low and rough from sleep.
I closed my eyes for a second ‘cause I ain’t wanna start this conversation, but I knew I couldn’t keep layin’ here actin’ like everything was good. “What you said last night…”
Renza kissed my shoulder again before his hand moved across my stomach. “What part?”
“The part about me leavin’ with you.”
His body went still behind me, and that alone told me he already knew where the conversation was headed. I turned in his arms until I was facin’ him, and the look on his face made my stomach tighten ‘cause Renza wasn’t confused. He was waitin’ for me to say the wrong thing.
“I’m not gon’ be able to go to Trill-Land with you right now,” I told him, keepin’ my voice calm even though my heart was already beatin’ too fast.
Renza stared at me for a few seconds before his brows pulled together. “That shit don’t make no sense.”
“It make sense to me,” I replied while pullin’ the sheet higher over my chest. “I got a whole life here, Renza. I can’t just get on a plane in two days and act like none of that matter.”
“A life? What kids? You got kids I’on know about ‘cause that’s the only shit that would keep you here. The whole reason I came out here was to get you,” he said, his voice gettin’ harder as he sat up against the headboard. “What the fuck you thought all this was?”
I pushed myself up beside him and looked at his face. “Just ‘cause I ain’t got kids don’t mean shit, Renza. And I thought you came out here ‘cause you missed me. I ain’t know you came with some plan to pack me up and take me back without even askin’ what I wanted.”
Renza looked at me like I was bein’ difficult on purpose. “I know what you want.”
“No, you know what you want,” I corrected him. “You want me in Trill-Land, and you decided that was what was gon’ happen before I even knew you was in Greystone.”
“‘Cause that’s where you ‘spose to be,” he replied without hesitation. “With me.”
That was the problem with Renza. When he wanted somethin’, his mind turned whatever he felt into a fact, and everybody else was supposed to fall in line behind it.
He ain’t see himself as takin’ away my choice.
To him, he was fixin’ the situation and puttin’ me where I belonged.
I’m sorry, but that shit wasn’t gon’ fly with me.
I moved the sheet off me and got out the bed ‘cause layin’ next to him made it too easy for him to touch me and make me forget why I was irritated.
The second my feet hit the floor, Renza watched me cross the room without sayin’ shit.
His eyes followed every step I took, and I could feel his mood changin’ behind me.
I grabbed my clothes from the chair and turned toward him. “Renza, I can’t just pack my shit up and leave just ‘cause you want me to.”
He pushed the sheet away and stood from the bed, completely naked and already lookin’ pissed off. “The fuck you mean you can’t? If you love me like you be sayin’ you do when I’m fuckin’ you, then you can. It’s really that simple.”
My mouth fell open ‘cause the nerve of this nigga was unbelievable. “No, it ain’t that damn simple.”
“It is to me,” Renza replied as he walked closer. “You love me, I love you and I’m tellin’ you to come home with me. What else the fuck is there to figure out?”
“My whole damn life,” I told him, holdin’ my clothes against my body. “My family, my grandma and where the hell I’m even supposed to stay once I get there. You ain’t asked me about none of that.”
“I’ll handle all that shit.”
“You don’t get it,” I said, my frustration risin’ as I looked up at him. “You think throwin’ money at everything mean I don’t have no reason to think for myself.”
Renza’s eyes narrowed. “I ain’t say you couldn’t think for yourself.”
“You don’t have to say it,” I replied. “You been doin’ it all week. You wouldn’t even let me go to my mama house for clothes ‘cause you decided I ain’t need to. Now you tellin’ me I’m leavin’ the city with you like I’m one of them bags you got packed.”
“I kept you here ‘cause I wanted time with you,” he said, his voice turnin’ rougher. “Don’t sit up here and make it sound like I had you chained to the damn bed.”
“That ain’t what I said, but you been controllin’ everything since you got here.”
Renza shook his head and looked away from me for a second before turnin’ back. “You only callin’ it control ‘cause you got that other nigga waitin’ on you.”
My stomach dropped, but I kept my face straight. “This ain’t got shit to do with another nigga!”
“Bullshit,” Renza replied, pointin’ toward me. “If that nigga wasn’t in the picture, you wouldn’t be standin’ here givin’ me all these damn excuses.”
“They not excuses, Renza. They real reasons.”
“Nah, the real reason is you still worried about him,” he said as his voice got louder. “You worried about how that nigga gon’ feel when he come back and realize you gone.”
I looked at Renza and felt somethin’ inside me start hardenin’ ‘cause I wasn’t about to let him turn the whole conversation into Couture. Yes, Couture was part of the mess, and I still had to deal with that, but my decision wasn’t only about him.
“This is exactly what I’m talkin’ about,” I told Renza. “You don’t listen. Soon as I say somethin’ you don’t like, you decide it gotta be about another nigga instead of lookin’ at what you doin’.”
“I know where that nigga stay,” he said, and the way his tone dropped made every muscle in my body tighten. “I know what airport he comin’ back through too. Soon as his ass land, I can handle the whole problem.”
I stared at Renza ‘cause I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. “How the hell you know where he stay?”
“That shit don’t matter.”
“Yes, it do,” I snapped. “You been followin’ him or somethin’?”