16. Renza Mensah #3
I stared at the watch, then glanced toward Pressure and Kay’Lo.
Pressure’s grin had eased into somethin’ more serious, and Kay’Lo just looked at me over the rim of his cup like he already knew what part had landed.
I rubbed my hand over my mouth and looked away for a second ‘cause I ain’t wanna stand in the middle of a jewelry store gettin’ emotional in front of everybody.
“Y’all crazy,” I muttered.
Pressure laughed low. “Put that shit on, nigga.”
The jeweler took the watch out real careful, and I held my wrist out.
When he fastened it, the weight of it sat perfect.
I turned my wrist under the lights, and diamonds caught every angle.
The whole store clapped, and somebody in the back yelled my name.
Then I heard Blaq talkin’ loud about how he had helped pick the right one.
Pluto came beside me again and leaned into my arm. “You like it?”
I looked down at her and shook my head. “You got me talkin’ all that deep shit in the car while you knew y’all was about to do this.”
Her smile softened. “Both things can be true.”
I stared at her for a second, then laughed under my breath.
Kay’Lo handed me a cup, and I took it from him.
“Y’all really thought this shit out,” I said before takin’ a sip from my cup.
“Had to,” ‘Lo said. “We wasn’t ’bout to let you disappear for yo’ birthday.”
“I ain’t disappearin’.”
Pressure snorted. “Nigga, please. You been in the house watchin’ sports and actin’ like a nigga on house arrest.”
I took a sip of the drink and shook my head. “Outside been corny.”
“Then we brought outside to you, but with diamonds and family.”
Kay’Lo laughed into his cup, and Pressure grinned. Then my mama called my name, and everybody started movin’ me deeper into the store.
I ain’t want no party. I ain’t want everybody lookin’ at me, askin’ if I was good, or makin’ my birthday feel bigger than I was ready for it to be.
But this ain’t feel like people just wantin’ to turn up.
It felt like they had all seen me driftin’ and decided to pull me back without askin’ permission.
It was my mama holdin’ my face, my pop’s hand on my neck, Pluto’s soft smile, Pressure’s loud ass love, and Kay’Lo standin’ close enough to let me know he was there without makin’ it a speech.
I looked down at the watch again while the lights hit it, and my throat got tight enough that I had to take another sip.
Pressure bumped my shoulder. “Don’t start cryin’, nigga.”
I ain’t have nothin’ smart to say back to that, so I just shook my head and let my people move around me.
A nigga like me wasn’t supposed to be easy to fool, and somehow they had me thinkin’ I was the one runnin’ the play.
I had walked Pluto into her own setup with my chest out, tryna make sure she ain’t catch Pressure slippin’, and the whole time she was walkin’ me straight into mine.
I should’ve been mad at these niggas for not listenin’. I probably would’ve been mad on any other night, but standin’ here with this custom Rolex heavy on my wrist and my family laughin’ around me, I couldn’t make myself feel nothin’ but grateful.
So, I lifted my cup when Pressure looked over at me, and he lifted his back with that same proud smile on his face. Kay’Lo tapped his cup against Pressure’s, then nodded toward me. Blaq stood beside me with his cup lifted too.
For once, I stopped fightin’ it. I took another sip, looked down at the watch again, and let myself stand here inside all this love without tryna run from it.
Tomorrow was my birthday, and even though I had told everybody I ain’t want nothin’ big, my people had decided I was gettin’ celebrated anyway.
Maybe I needed this shit more than I knew.
My birthday celebration was still goin’ and by then I had enough liquor in me to loosen up without bein’ too fucked up to know what was happenin’ around me.
I spent most of the night movin’ from one person to the next, laughin’ with my family and takin’ whatever gift somebody shoved in my hands. Every time I thought I was done openin’ shit, somebody else came walkin’ up with another box or bag.
Pressure came past me with his cup and bumped mine with his. “You enjoyin’ yo’self?”
Yeah, I am,” I said, takin’ another drink.
“That’s wussup.”
Blaq was already standin’ with us, and Kay’Lo joined us a minute later with his drink in his hand. We stood here choppin’ it up for a while about some shit Pressure had goin’ on, then the conversation moved to what everybody had planned for the rest of the week.
Blaq was supposed to handle some shit the next mornin’ and was already complainin’ about how early he had to get up after drinkin’ tonight.
I looked down at the Rolex on my wrist again and rubbed my thumb across the side of it.
I still couldn’t believe them niggas bought me this shit, but I wasn’t about to spend the rest of the night gettin’ emotional every time I looked at it.
I had already let enough show earlier. Tonight I wanted to drink, laugh and enjoy the people who showed up for me.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, the music got turned down and everybody started movin’ toward one side of the room.
I looked over and saw the cakes. Mine and Pluto’s was set apart from each other instead of bein’ some lil’ matchin’ birthday shit.
Both of ‘em looked expensive as hell, which ain’t surprise me at all.
Nobody around us knew how to buy some regular ass cake from a bakery and call it a day.
Even the damn candles looked like somebody had thought too hard about ‘em.
Pluto came over next to me with her drink in her hand, smilin’ while everybody gathered around us.
“Come here,” I told her.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against my side while keepin’ my cup in my other hand. Pluto leaned into me and looked around at everybody as the first few people started singin’ happy birthday. The rest of the family joined in, and before long the whole room was loud with it.
I looked around while they sang and couldn’t stop the smile on my face.
My mama was singin’ like she was in church.
Pops had a smile on his face while he watched me.
Pressure was loud as hell and nowhere near the right note, and Kay’Lo wasn’t no damn better.
Blaq was singin’ with his cup held up, and a couple of my cousins was laughin’ at somethin’ while still tryna keep up with the song.
Pluto looked up at me. “They sound terrible.”
I laughed. “Every last one of ’em.”
Pressure shook his head at me and pointed in our direction. “Blow the fuckin’ candles out, nigga.”
Pluto laughed and moved closer to her cake. I set my cup down and leaned toward mine, and we both blew our candles out while everybody started clappin’ and yellin’ again.
After that, people started comin’ at us from every direction.
I hugged my mama again even though she had already hugged me about four times tonight.
Pops pulled me in and slapped my back before tellin’ me happy birthday again.
My aunties came through, then my uncles, then my cousins, and by the time I got through everybody, I was halfway ready to sit my ass down somewhere.
Then Toni walked up. I saw her comin’ before she got to me, and somethin’ in me shifted without permission.
Toni had been family to me for too long for me to look at her like she had everything to do with what was happenin’ between me and Sha’Nelle.
She didn’t, and I knew that. Still, seein’ her this close after I had spent months doin’ everything I could not to hear Sha’Nelle’s name or think about what she was doin’ made that shit hit me in a place I wasn’t expectin’.
Toni stopped in front of me and looked up.
For a second, she ain’t say nothin’. Her eyes moved over my face like she was lookin’ for somethin’, and I could tell there was a whole conversation sittin’ behind her mouth that she wasn’t gon’ have.
I knew Kay’Lo had already told her to stay out my shit with her cousin, and Toni knew better than to come over here tonight and start diggin’ into somethin’ I clearly wasn’t ready to talk about.
Instead, she held her arms out.
I looked at her for another second before puttin’ my cup down. Toni wrapped her arms around my neck and held me tight. The hug got me more than I wanted it to.
I hugged her back and closed my eyes for a second while she held on.
I ain’t wanna make the moment bigger than what it was, but I needed Toni to know I ain’t have no problem with her.
Whatever happened between me and Sha’Nelle wasn’t gon’ change what Toni meant to the family or how I treated her.
I kissed her on the cheek before loosenin’ my arms around her.
She pulled back slowly and looked at me again. “Happy birthday, Renza.”
“I appreciate it.”
Her lips pressed together like she wanted to say more, but she didn’t and I respected that.
Toni gave me a smile before turnin’ and walkin’ back toward Kay’Lo. He opened his arm for her before she even got all the way over there, and she stepped right into him. Kay’Lo wrapped both arms around her waist and kissed her temple while she leaned against his chest.
I looked at ‘em a second longer than I meant to, ‘cause that simple shit did somethin’ to me. It wasn’t jealousy or no wild shit like that.
I loved seein’ my cousin happy, and Toni fit right where she was standin’.
The problem was that watchin’ her settle into him made my mind go somewhere I ain’t want it goin’.
It made me think about havin’ somebody who knew exactly where they belonged beside you.
Somebody you could reach for without thinkin’, and who could walk across a room and make you feel like everything in it got quieter.
I grabbed my drink before my mind could carry that shit any further.
Fuck that.
Tonight wasn’t about Sha’Nelle…