Chapter 10 #2
“I know,” she said, calmer now, but still firm. “But we came over here to eat, not do all that.”
I kept my composure. I just let her handle it, ’cause I could see she ain’t like where it was goin’. And hell… I ain’t either.
Her mama spoke up then, smoothin’ it out. “Alright now, let’s not turn lunch into a meeting.”
Her pops gave a small nod and let it go without draggin’ it out.
“Alright,” he said. “I hear you.”
After that, the conversation changed, and I went back to bein’ myself, crackin’ jokes, keepin’ it light, talkin’ with her mama and askin’ her pops more questions about his work. But that other shit still sat in the back of my mind.
Before we left, her parents hugged us both. Her mama kissed her cheek, and her dad shook my hand again.
The drive back was quiet, but I tried my best not to let that shit get on me wrong.
I reached over and grabbed Reni’s hand, holdin’ it while I drove and rubbin’ my thumb across it like I always did.
She ain’t say nothin’, and I ain’t either, but I could feel all that shit sittin’ between us. Everything her pops said, everything I said, and even the parts we left alone… it ain’t just disappear. It stayed right with us, even when I tried to play it cool.
But even with all that, I still kept her hand in mine, holdin’ onto her.
I wasn’t goin’ nowhere, even if I ain’t have all the answers yet…
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Later that night…
Tonight, I was in the gym with Pressure and ’Lo, and it was lit up just enough to catch every line in a nigga’s body while we worked out.
I was on the bench, pushin’ the weights up, feelin’ that shit hit my chest and arms while I worked through it. My grip stayed tight on the bar, and every time I pressed it up, I felt it all the way through, but my mind wasn’t even on the workout like it should’ve been.
“Aye,” Kay’Lo said from across the room, watchin’ me while he wiped his face with his towel, “what the fuck wrong with you?”
I racked the weight and sat up, grabbin’ my towel and runnin’ it across my face before lookin’ over at him. “Ain’t shit wrong with me, nigga.”
“Man, cut that bullshit,” he replied, already shakin’ his head. “You been in this bitch quiet as hell. We been workin’ out for like twenty minutes, and you ain’t said some reckless shit yet. That ain’t like you.”
Before I could even respond, Pressure let out a low laugh from where he was adjustin’ the weights on the cable machine.
“Reni stressin’ that nigga out,” he said, not even lookin’ at me.
I let out a short breath and grabbed my water, takin’ a sip before I answered. “Get the fuck outta here. Ain’t nobody stressin’ me.”
Pressure glanced over at me then, with one brow lifted like he already knew I was on bullshit.
“A’ight,” he said, draggin’ it out. “So, you just woke up and decided to be weird as fuck tonight?”
’Lo shook his head. “Exactly. That ain’t even you, nigga. You movin’ different. We barely see yo’ ass now.”
I shook my head, standin’ up and walkin’ over to the dumbbells, pickin’ up a pair and droppin’ it for my next set.
“Y’all niggas need to worry ’bout y’all selves.”
Pressure chuckled under his breath. “Nah, nigga. We worried about you.”
I started pressin’ the dumbbells up, feelin’ my arms tighten again, but these niggas wasn’t lettin’ up.
“You been lowkey withdrawin’ a lil’ bit,” Pressure added, his tone still calm but direct. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”
I pushed through the last rep and dropped the dumbbells, sittin’ up slow before lookin’ at both of ’em. “Man, y’all the last niggas that need to be speakin’ on me bein’ wrapped up in a woman.”
That made ’Lo grin. “Oh yeah? Talk yo’ shit then.”
I pointed at him first. “Nigga, you went MIA when you first got with Toni. We ain’t know where the fuck you was. You just disappeared like a ghost.”
He laughed, shakin’ his head. “I was locked in. Somethin’ yo’ ass need to do.”
“Locked in?” I scoffed. “Nigga, you ain’t tell nobody nothin’. You just popped back up actin’ like shit was normal. You would’ve left yo’ fuckin’ head if it wasn’t attached to your body for Toni.”
Pressure laughed at that, but I turned to him next. “And nigga, you,” I said, pointin’. “You chased Pluto all over the damn world. Nigga, you was flyin’ out here, flyin’ out there and all that extra shit. We thought you was ’bout to literally lose yo’ damn mind.”
He smirked, unbothered. “It was worth it too, nigga.”
“I’m just sayin’,” I muttered, grabbin’ my towel again. “Y’all sound crazy.”
Kay’Lo rolled his shoulders, still smilin’.
“That’s cool, bitch. You can say whatever you want, but at least we knew who we wanted.”
That shit kinda landed, and I looked at him like, ‘Nigga, really?’
I pointed back at Pressure. “Man, he was stuck between two women. That nigga ain’t know what the fuck was goin’ on with his heart.”
Pressure let out a laugh, shakin’ his head. “And you thought that shit was funny back then,” he said. “You used to clown me and ’Lo like this shit was a game. Now look at yo’ ass.”
I frowned a lil’. “Man—”
“You don’t like that shit, huh nigga?” he cut in. “You feel that shit settlin’ on you, and you don’t know what to do with it. Yo’ ass don’t like ACCOUNTABILITY.”
That made me pause for a second longer than I wanted to.
Pressure watched me, then asked it plain. “Where ya heart at, nigga?”
I stopped movin’ completely, lookin’ at him like he done lost his fuckin’ mind. “What the fuck that supposed to mean?”
’Lo stepped in, noddin’ toward me. “You know what it mean, nigga.”
“No, the fuck I don’t. Y’all niggas questionin’ my love and loyalty, and I don’t like that,” I shot back with my brows pulled together.
Pressure leaned against the machine, foldin’ his arms. “Ain’t nobody sayin’ you don’t love Reni.
I personally think you do got a lot of love for her, but she be puttin’ some serious heat on yo’ ass, whether you wanna admit it or not.
It just seem like you tryna put out more than you can really give. ”
Then, outta nowhere, he added, “And don’t think we forgot ’bout Sha’Nelle.”
That made Kay’Lo laugh instantly. “Nigga, we heard you was laid up with her weeks ago… the same night as my reception.”
I paused, then looked between them niggas, frownin’. “Damn… when the fuck y’all start gossipin’ like hoes?”
That made ’Lo laugh instantly. “Nigga, I know you ain’t mad about it.”
“I’m deadass,” I said, pointin’ between them. “Y’all get married, and now y’all sittin’ around collectin’ tea and shit, like some housewives,” I said, still lookin’ between ’em.
“Every time I turn around, one of y’all got some info. I know Pluto and Toni be feedin’ y’all that shit too. And y’all just be sittin’ there listenin’. Y’all startin’ to act just like them.”
’Lo laughed harder, leanin’ over. “Nigga said we actin’ like them.”
Pressure shook his head, smirkin’, but I could tell that hit. “A’ight, so you wasn’t with her then?”
“If you wouldn’t have spiked them damn cupcakes, I would’ve been home,” I shot back.
Pressure looked at me for a second, then gave a small nod.
I could still see that smirk sittin’ on his face.
The gym got quiet for a minute after that with just the sound of weights clankin’ and our breathin’ fillin’ the space. I found myself driftin’ off again, replayin’ that lunch with Reni’s people in my head whether I wanted to or not.
I shook it off and grabbed another set, but it ain’t stick.
That shit kept comin’ back; the way her pops was lookin’ at me and the way he said certain shit like I was supposed to jump ’cause he said so.
At the end of the day, I was a man first, and older or not, I wasn’t just gon’ let no other man run shit I had goin’ on over this way.
I dropped the weights back in place and sat up, rubbin’ my hands together before lettin’ out a breath.
“Man…” I muttered, shakin’ my head a lil’. “I went to Reni’s people house earlier.”
That got both of they attention without me even havin’ to look up.
“And?” Pressure asked, watchin’ me now.
I leaned forward, restin’ my forearms on my thighs. “Her pops was pressin’ me.”
“Pressin’ you how?” ’Lo asked.
“On marriage,” I said, finally lookin’ up at ’em. “Like… pressin’ pressin’. That shit caught me off guard.”
Kay’Lo let out a low breath and nodded like he already knew what type of time that was. “Yeah… that sound about right.”
“They don’t know you,” he added. “They just see they daughter and what they expect for her.”
“Exactly,” I said. “And I ain’t even mad at it. I get it, and I respect it. Some shit just be common sense, but that don’t mean I’m about to jump up and make no big ass move like that just ’cause he feel like it’s time.”
Pressure smirked. “You should’ve told that nigga to stay in his lane.”
I shot him a look. “Man, I wanted to. But I ain’t disrespectin’ her daddy like that. I know where he comin’ from.”
’Lo nodded again. “They just don’t know how you move yet. You ain’t the type to rush shit.”
“That’s all I’m sayin’,” I replied. “But that don’t mean I can’t see Reni bein’ my wife… one day.”
Pressure let out a laugh under his breath. “Nigga, I can’t even picture you bein’ nobody husband right now.”
’Lo shook his head. “Or no daddy.”
I smirked, lookin’ between both of ’em. “I’m about to be a daddy.”
They both froze for a second.
“To who?” they asked at the same time.
I leaned back like it was nothin’. “To yo’ baby, nigga,” I told Pressure.
He tried to hold it together, but I caught that grin creepin’ in. “Nigga…”
He shook his head, laughin’ low. “She asked Sha’Nelle too.”
’Lo lost it. “Oh yeah, that’s yo’ god baby mama now.”
“Man, shut the hell up,” I said, laughin’ with ’em, shakin’ my head.
We finished up after that, everybody gettin’ their last sets in before callin’ it a night.
I grabbed my towel and threw it over my shoulder, then headed out the gym, lettin’ them keep jokin’ behind me.
By the time I got back to my side of the house, the quiet hit different. I went straight to the bathroom, cut the shower on, and stepped under the water, lettin’ it run over me while my mind replayed everything ‘Lo and Pressure said.
I ain’t like how they kept bringin’ up Sha’Nelle when I ain’t even seen that damn girl. That shit ain’t have nothin’ to do with nothin’. But at the same time, the way they brought her up out the blue like that made me pause a lil’ longer than I wanted to.
I washed up, stood there for a minute longer, then got out and dried off. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, then grabbed my grease and brushed my waves down until they sat right before throwin’ my durag on.
I pulled on some black sweatpants, left my chest bare, and walked over to the couch in my room. I cut the TV on, flipped to the sports channel, and rolled up.
The smoke hit smooth as I leaned back, lettin’ my body relax into the cushion while the game played in the background. I ain’t even know how much time had passed until my phone lit up with Reni’s name on the screen.
I answered, bringin’ it to my ear. “What’s good, baby?”
“Nothin’, layin’ down,” she said. “I thought you was comin’ back over here tonight.”
I leaned my head back against the couch. “Nah, I ain’t gon’ make it tonight, baby. I just got done workin’ out. I’m tired as hell.”
She went quiet for a second, and I already knew she was readin’ into it.
“You feel some type of way about what my daddy said?” she asked, like she had been thinkin’ about askin’ me that shit all day.
I paused, lookin’ at the TV but not really seein’ it. “Nah, that ain’t why I ain’t comin’. I am tired,” I said, keepin’ it real. “But… I ain’t gon’ lie, that shit did get to me a lil’ bit.”
She sighed. “I figured. I could tell in the car.”
I rubbed my face with my free hand. “It ain’t nothin’ crazy. I just need a minute to clear my head.”
“All of a sudden you need to clear your head?” she replied, and I could hear it in her voice now.
“It sounds like you tryin’ to pull away.”
“That ain’t what I’m doin’,” I said. “I’m not pullin’ away. I just need a minute. Baby, I been with you two weeks straight. I haven’t even spent the night at home. Please don’t take this shit personal.”
She went quiet again, then asked, “Is marriage even somethin’ you want?”
I took a breath before answerin’. “Yeah. One day. But right now, I can’t just jump into somethin’ like that.”
“I get that, but the way you sayin’ it sounds very unsure, and that don’t sit right with me,” she said.
“It don’t sit right ’cause you takin’ it like I’m rejectin’ you. And that ain’t what I’m doin’.”
She ain’t say nothin’ for a second, then finally spoke. “Okay, Renza. I know you, and you sound like you don’t wanna be bothered. I’mma let you have the rest of your night.”
“Baby…” I said, sittin’ up a lil’. “Please stop doin’ that. I don’t like it.”
“Stop doin’ what?” she asked.
“Every time I say somethin’ that don’t line up with what you want, you try to cut me off.
I love you. I just want shit to be smooth between us.
We be clashin’ sometimes, and I just want us to get to a point where we actually know how to move a hundred percent through that shit.
I know you a real woman. I know what you need, and I’m workin’ toward that.
But I gotta be ready too. Marriage ain’t just some cute shit. ”
She was quiet again, then all she said was, “Okay, Renza.”
“I love—”
The line went dead.
I sat here with the phone still in my hand, starin’ at the screen for a second before tossin’ it on the bed.
I leaned back, bringin’ the blunt to my lips again, lettin’ the smoke fill my chest while my thoughts ran wild.
Right now, this shit with Reni ain’t feel light.
Every other week, she was fightin’ with a nigga, and I was always tryna clean it up ’cause I knew I wasn’t always right.
But damn… How could I even give her the type of commitment she wanted if every time we exchanged words, she was ready to cut a nigga the fuck off?
How could I fully trust her with my thoughts and emotions if she was gon’ dismiss the shit every time I spoke up, just ’cause her ego was bruised?
I wasn’t even the type of nigga to be quiet, ’cause I stayed talkin’ my shit, but here I was…
not knowin’ if I should call back or just let that shit ride.
Whatever this was between me and Reni was startin’ to feel complicated.
It felt like pressure and control… and I ain’t even know if I was built for that.