Chapter 11
Solé Gardens
The same night…
After gettin’ off the phone with Renza, I felt uneasy and couldn’t go to sleep, so I called my girl, Mecca. She picked up on the second ring like she was already up scrollin’ or doin’ nothin’ important.
“Hello?”
I sighed as soon as I heard her voice and rolled over on my back, starin’ up at the ceiling. “Girl…”
She let out a light laugh. “What happened now?”
I closed my eyes for a second, pressin’ my lips together before I answered. “I just got off the phone with Renza.”
“Mm,” she hummed, already catchin’ the tone. “And?”
“And it just pissed me off,” I said, rubbin’ my forehead. “Like… I don’t even know how to explain it without soundin’ crazy, but I feel like I’m not wrong.”
“You probably not,” she said calmly. “What he do?”
I let out a breath and turned my head to the side, starin’ at the wall. “We was talkin’, and I asked him straight up if marriage is somethin’ he even wants, and he basically told me yeah… one day. Not right now.”
I paused for a second, then shook my head. “And what’s crazy is, we had just left my parents’ house earlier. My daddy straight up asked him when he plan on marryin’ me.”
Mecca made a sound. “Oh wow.”
“Yeah,” I said, sittin’ up a little. “Like right there at the table. He just laid it out, and Renza didn’t disrespect him or anything. He kept it real respectful, but I could tell it caught him off guard.”
“And?” she asked.
“And ever since then, he been movin’ a little off,” I admitted. “Even on the ride back, he was quiet. Then, tonight, when I brought it up again, it’s like he backed up even more.”
I rubbed my arm, tryin’ to make sense of it myself. “So now I’m sittin’ here like… okay, was that too much for you?”
Mecca went quiet for a second, then sighed. “Okay… and how you take that?”
“Like he don’t take me serious,” I said, my voice gettin’ a little tighter. “And I know that might sound dramatic, but that’s what it feels like.”
She didn’t cut me off, so I kept goin’.
“I’m not sayin’ we gotta get married tomorrow,” I added. “I’m not dumb. I know that’s a big ass step and I know it’s not somethin’ you just rush into. But it’s been almost two years, Mecca. Two.”
“I know,” she said softly.
“And I still haven’t formally met his parents,” I went on. “Like… nigga… what are we really doin’?”
Mecca let out a long breath through the phone. “Okay, now that part… yeah. That’s crazy.”
“Exactly,” I said, feelin’ a little validated. “He claims they know all about me, but what the fuck ever. And his excuse is that his family was goin’ through stuff with Kay’Lo and that whole trial situation.”
Mecca clicked her tongue. “I mean… that was a big case, though.”
“I don’t care how big it was,” I shot back, shakin’ my head even though she couldn’t see me. “You mean to tell me out of all that time, you couldn’t find one moment to introduce me? Not one? That don’t even make sense.”
She was quiet again, and I could tell she was thinkin’.
“The more I think about it, the crazier I feel, like maybe I’m sittin’ here lookin’ stupid and don’t even know it.”
“You not stupid,” she said quick.
“I might be,” I muttered. “I’m really sittin’ here thinkin’ about just breakin’ up with him and bein’ done with it. ’Cause why you movin’ like that with me? And Lord knows I be tryin’ to be understanding and cut this nigga some slack but come on now.”
Mecca sighed. “Two years is a long time, Reni. I’m not even gon’ lie.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “That’s all I’m sayin’.”
“But…” she added, draggin’ it out just enough to make me roll my eyes, “Renza don’t seem like the type to just be out here playin’ games either. He just seem like he keeps a lot to himself.”
I sat e for a second, then scoffed. “Yeah, and that’s the problem. He don’t share nothin’. But expect me to share everything with him.”
“That’s fair,” she said.
I rubbed my face, feelin’ that irritation creepin’ back in. “And it’s not even like I be sittin’ around tellin’ him everything I feel. Most of the time, I don’t say nothin’ until it start sittin’ on me too long.”
Mecca stayed quiet, listenin’.
“But when I do finally say somethin’, he be smooth with it. He’ll listen, pull me in, kiss on me, make it feel better in the moment… but he don’t really say shit for real. Like he fix it his way, but I still be sittin’ here not knowin’ what’s in his head.”
Mecca was quiet again, then I heard her shift on her end.
“So, okay… let me play devil’s advocate real quick,” she said.
I sighed. “Go ahead.”
“What if it ain’t you he hidin’?” she asked. “What if it’s them?”
I frowned. “What you mean?”
“I’m sayin’, what if he’s not embarrassed of you… but more so embarrassed of his family?” she explained. “He done joked before about how they is, and let’s be real… them Mensahs got a reputation.”
I didn’t say nothin’ at first, but I felt that land.
“You seen all that stuff that came out during Kay’Lo’s trial,” she went on.
“The headlines, the stories, all the mess they had tied to they name. It was a lot. Girl… the whole damn island know to leave them damn people alone, so I don’t know.
Maybe he just don’t know how you gon’ take the rest of his family, especially ’cause he know you don’t really rock with his cousins like that. ”
I let out a slow breath, leanin’ my head back against the headboard.
“And if his family really like that,” she added, “he might be tryna protect you from it instead of hidin’ you from it. I could be wrong.”
I sat here thinkin’ about that, my fingers playin’ with the edge of my blanket. I thought about what I already knew of his family.
“Maybe,” I said after a while. “But that still don’t make it right.”
“It don’t,” she agreed. “I’m just sayin’ it might not be what you think it is.”
I swallowed, my chest feelin’ a little heavier now. “I’ve been tryin’ not to pay attention to all that stuff about his family. I really have. I just been focusin’ on him.”
“And that’s understandable,” she said.
“But I’m not blind. I seen all that shit too. All that stuff in the news… the way people talk about them… it ain’t normal, but I try to be open-minded because I love Renza. I can’t always put my finger on why I do… but I do.”
“It’s not normal,” Mecca said.
“And then when I’m around his cousins and their wives…” I trailed off, shakin’ my head.
“I know… girl, you told me.”
I hesitated for a second, then just said it. “They are weird.”
Mecca laughed a little. “You always say that, but weird, how?”
“I don’t even know how to explain it,” I said. “It’s just… different. The way they move, the way they talk, the way they interact with each other… it’s a lot.”
“Chaotic?” she guessed.
“Yes,” I said quick. “Exactly. Chaotic.”
She hummed. “That’s probably how they always been though.”
“And them kids…” I muttered before I could stop myself.
“What about the kids?” she asked.
I sighed. “I’m not tryna talk about nobody kids, but them kids bad as hell.”
Mecca laughed for real that time. “Reni…”
“I’m serious,” I said, shakin’ my head. “It’s like nobody got no control. They just do whatever they want, and everybody laughin’ it off.”
“That’s wild,” she said, still amused.
“And Pluto pregnant again, and the poor girl look like them wifely duties is kickin’ her ass. “Like… it’s just a lot goin’ on over there.”
Mecca let out a breath. “Yeah, that do sound like a lot.”
I leaned my head back again, closin’ my eyes. “That’s what I’m sayin’. It’s like I’m tryin’ to figure out where I even fit in all that.”
“But at the same time,” she said carefully, “none of that really got nothin’ to do with how he treats you.”
I opened my eyes again, starin’ at the ceiling. “You right.”
“So don’t mix the two,” she added. “You can feel how you feel about his family, but that still don’t excuse him not bringin’ you around or not bein’ clear with you.”
“Exactly. That’s my whole point.”
We sat on the phone for a little while longer, goin’ back and forth until the conversation started slowin’ down.
“A’ight,” Mecca said after a while. “You need to get some sleep. You think better when you not in your feelings like this.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not in my feelings.”
“You are,” she said flatly.
I let out a light laugh. “Okay… maybe a little.”
“I’mma call you tomorrow,” she said.
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up and dropped my phone on the bed beside me, then lay on my back, starin’ at the ceiling again.
The room was quiet, but my mind wasn’t.
Everything me and Mecca just talked about kept replayin’ over and over, and no matter how I tried to look at it, I couldn’t land on one clear answer.
I knew Renza wasn’t the type to just jump into somethin’ like marriage without thinkin’ it through, and I respected that. I really did. I didn’t want no rushed, half-done commitment from him just to say we did it.
But at the same time…
Two years was a long time, and not meetin’ his parents after all this time didn’t sit right with me no matter how I tried to flip it.
I turned on my side, pullin’ the covers up a little as I stared at the empty space beside me.
I couldn’t even lie to myself. I was hooked on him, from way he moved, the way he handled me and the way he made me feel when we was good…
it was hard to walk away from that. But then it was this feeling like I was givin’ more than I was gettin’.
It was like I was waitin’ on somethin’ that he wasn’t ready to give me yet.
And I didn’t know how long I was supposed to sit in this space before I started losin’ myself.
I let out a slow breath and closed my eyes, tryin’ to calm my thoughts down, but it wasn’t workin’ because o matter how much I cared about him…I cared about myself too.
Right now, I couldn’t tell if stayin’ with him was me bein’ patient… Or me bein’ stupid…