Chapter 49
Remi
The world can change without consent,
And steal the things our hearts have spent;
But even loss can leave a spark,
A small, defiant flame in the dark.
Days passed slowly in the week following my departure.
I’d rather my life flew by from here on out, but that was probably the depression talking.
If only I had the type that let me sleep all day and dissociate from reality.
Instead, I had to keep myself busy, and when I lay down after closing the bar, I stared at the ceiling.
At least the poetry was coming along again. I hadn’t written this much in a long time. If I cared about validation, I might start posting them online or something, but I’d had enough publicity to last me ten lifetimes.
As I checked the bar to make sure it was ready to open, I hummed Three Little Birds. Oli taught it to me when we’d shared a room back in the day, and it eased some of the turmoil inside of me. Because every little thing was gonna be alright, god damnit.
The front door swung open, and I put a hand over my chest. “Jesus. I told you to stop coming.”
Tommy sat on his usual barstool. “I told you that’s not an option.”
“This is my bar.”
“And I don’t work for you.”
“Is he really still paying you?” I tried to keep my voice steady, but it came out too small.
“According to my bank account.”
With a derisive scoff, I turned and straightened the already perfect bottles. “I’ll contact him and put a stop to it.”
“No, you won’t.”
I whirled on him. “And why do you say that?”
“Ain’t no way you’ll talk to him.”
“To get rid of you? I’d shamefully crawl back into his bed.”
He chuckled and tapped his fingers on the counter like he did every time he needed a refill of his virgin mojito. With a huff, I took my sweet time making it for him. I might have added a bit too much lime. He puckered but went back for more without complaining.
If he didn’t have a family to take care of, I would really find a way to get rid of him. Poison was always an option.
“So, the wife doesn’t work or . . .”
His eyes flicked up to mine. “No wife.”
“Let me guess. She ran off with the mailman.”
“Cancer rotted her brain until there was nothing left of her.”
“Oh, Jesus.” Shifting closer, I reached out to touch his arm. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled back without a word. I thought about saying something else, but he didn’t seem the type to want condolences.
“Want a real drink?” I offered.
He shook his head. “Two years sober.”
“What the hell are you doing working in a bar?”
“Don’t worry about me, kid. I’ve endured worse than a little temptation.”
A sound from the back of the bar made me turn suddenly. “Did you hear that?”
“You probably put one of those boxes too close to the edge again.”
It didn’t sound like something had fallen off the shelf, but it was possible. Since Tommy didn’t seem interested in doing his job right now, I decided I would just have to scream really loud if someone was lurking around to assassinate me. A super-fan, maybe.
Grabbing my gun from beneath the counter, I held it at my side as I cautiously started toward the back.
I looked at the rear door, which wasn’t closed all the way.
After yanking it shut, I continued silently.
With the office cracked, I couldn’t see enough to verify if it was empty, so I took a deep breath and adjusted my grip on the gun before I flung it open.
Immediately, I tucked the weapon behind me, out of sight.
“What the actual fuck?”
“Swear,” Mal said in her familiar monotone. I had to blink a few times to work through my emotions.
She was sitting on my desk, swinging her legs idly. She had her Mustang resting in her palm.
“How did you get in here?” I asked.
She set a screwdriver on the desk. I stared at it, more than a little impressed. I hadn’t engaged the deadbolt, but it was still a badass thing for her to do.
“Don’t tell me you walked all the way here.”
Her eyes rolled. “Too far.”
“Have you learned the art of teleportation? Or maybe you’ve sprouted your Valkyrie wings.” I peered around her to check.
“Will has a car.”
“You expect me to believe that you convinced a teenager to drive you to a bar and leave you here alone?”
“Smoothie place. He sneaks his girlfriend into his room at night.”
“Ah, blackmail. What an honorable art.” The smoothie shop was only a block away, but it terrified me to think about her walking that far by herself. Dropping into my chair, I pulled out my phone. “Someone’s gonna have to come get you.”
“No.” She tried to grab my phone, but I rolled the chair backward.
“You can’t stay here, Mal. I have to work.”
“I’m not in the way.”
“That’s not the point.”
“I’m staying.”
“God damnit, Mal. I will sell you on the black market. Don’t test me.”
She looked away from me. “You don’t miss us.”
With a sigh, I started typing a message. “Of course I miss you.”
“Come home.”
“This is my home, kid.”
“Why?”
“Because sometimes people go in different directions. This only makes it harder.”
“Life sucks. Get over it.”
I snorted a laugh. “Sounds like what I would say.” More than likely, I had said it to her at some point. Scooting the chair closer, I put my hands on the desk on either side of her. “Look, Mal. We all have to move on.”
“Can’t.”
“You can.”
She jumped down, forcing me to back up. “I can’t!”
When she marched out of the office, I groaned but followed. “You’re terrible security,” I told Tommy.
“Do you want me to throw the toddler out on the street?”
“She’s nine, and no. Maybe you can hold on to her until her ride comes, though.”
A smirk settled on his lips. “So, you are afraid to face him.”
“Actually, I texted her mom.”
Mal turned around. When I registered her expression, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You wanted to make me talk to him. You crafty little shit.”
Crossing her arms, she sat in one of the booths and proceeded to ignore me. I made her a sugary drink as a peace offering, then joined her on the other side of the table. In silence, we sat there, waiting for Avery to arrive. A knock on the door made Tommy get up, and when he opened it, he snorted.
If that wasn’t enough, the scent that wafted in was. I wondered if it would be suspicious for me to make a break for it. I could overturn the chairs behind me, using them as obstacles.
Amir reached the table and stood beside it with his hands in his pockets. I looked at him and found his eyes on his daughter. There was a stern expression on his face, which I’d very rarely seen. I imagined this was the worst thing she’d done, so it was warranted.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
When his attention moved to me, I wanted to shrink, but I kept myself composed.
“You texted, and I quote, ‘Your spawn is at Remi’s.’”
“Yeah, but I didn’t text you. Aren’t you supposed to be out of town anyway?”
“Avery has a night class to teach soon, and I landed an hour ago. This was more convenient.”
“Right, that’s some impeccable timing.” Getting to my feet, I smacked my hands on my legs. “If you don’t mind, I’ve got a bar to run.”
“Do you have a minute?”
I looked from him to Mal’s uncharacteristically smug expression, then back.
“I really don’t.” After a brief pause, which I used to take him in—from his slacks to his buttoned-up blue shirt to the stubble on his face that made me want to drag my fingers down it—I took a step away.
“Thanks for coming, Amir. You look really, uh, healthy.”
When he breathed a laugh, I felt my cheeks flush. Deciding not to draw it out, I turned and walked directly to my office. I pulled up the cameras and watched as Amir stopped at the counter. He set something on it, then hesitated, his gaze seeming to linger in my direction. Then, he was gone.
Rushing to the front, I grabbed the envelope and tore it open.
“But you don’t care, huh?” Tommy said. The condescending tone was a bit much, so I ignored him.
I frowned when I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill. On it, he’d written ‘No Change’. On the other side, it said ‘However’.
However what?
I flipped it, but there was nothing else on it.
The other paper inside the envelope confused me more than the money.
It was a ticket to the next game, two days from now in Boston.
That sure wasn’t happening, no matter how much I wanted to go.
The fact of the matter was, my acceptance of his invitation would mean something. At least, he’d see it that way.
Did he think me that desperate?
Sliding the ticket over to Tommy, I smiled. “When’s the last time you went to a game?”
“Not since I was a kid.”
I set the bill in front of him. “Get a babysitter and have yourself a self-care day.”
A rare smile settled on his lips. “Maybe I will, but only because you forced my hand.”
“Clearly.”
As he tucked the ticket away, I felt a twinge of doubt.
It was the right move, though. I refused to give either of us hope for something that couldn’t happen.
My reasons for walking away hadn’t changed, and as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t throw out my own boundaries.
That was how I’d ended up in bad positions my entire life—by not advocating for myself when it mattered.
Remember your fire. Remember your will.
Pain is fiercest to those who stand still.
No god lifts a man who refuses to stand.
The world must be tamed in the palm of your hand.
I was putting myself first and remembering who the fuck I was meant to be. I refused to feel bad about it.