Chapter 50
Amir
Well, that backfired.
I knew that it was possible—likely, even—that Remi wouldn’t come to the game. What I wasn’t prepared for was that someone would be in his seat, making my heart beat faster for a second before I realized it wasn’t him.
That was fine. I could be creative, and if needed, relentless.
When I walked into the bar, Remi was behind the counter. He was wearing his headphones and a black flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It was so like the way I’d seen him the first time that my steps faltered for a moment.
Tommy raised a brow when he saw me, but he didn’t say anything as I sat down in my place.
“Hey, what are you hav—” Remi stopped when his eyes landed on me. He slung the towel over his shoulder and cocked his head. “Did you lose your spawn again?”
“I’ll take a whiskey.”
His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second before he turned around. I smiled when he grabbed the one on the upper shelf. A little aggressively, he set a glass in front of me, then flipped the bottle until he’d poured two fingers.
“Thirty dollars,” he said.
I pulled out my wallet. The bill was waiting right in front, and when I set it down, his jaw ticked.
“No change.”
“Mm.” He swiped it, then walked over to the register. He stuffed it inside, pausing for only a second to read what was written on it.
“Did you enjoy the game?” I asked Tommy.
“Sure did. I’ll have to take my boys one of these days.”
“I’ll get you tickets.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s nothing, really. If I’d known you were interested, I would’ve offered sooner.”
He dipped his head. “Thank you.”
I returned my attention to Remi, who was fussing with bottles that didn’t need it. “People are starting to ask about you.”
“They’ll forget about me soon enough,” he said without turning.
“I don’t know. They’re pretty invested in our relationship.”
Finally, he whirled around. The shock on his face was better than his mock-nonchalance. “They should get un-invested, considering we’re not in a relationship.” When I didn’t respond, his lips turned down. “You haven’t announced it yet? It’s been almost two weeks.”
“You don’t pay attention to what’s going on?”
“You know I don’t use social media if I can help it.”
I hummed. “Looks like what I make public is up to me, huh?”
“God damnit, Amir. I told you I want out. Can’t you respect that?”
Without giving me a chance to respond, he made his rounds to check in with the tables.
“You’re not good at this,” Tommy said without looking away from his book.
“That much is obvious. They say to never give up on what you want, though.”
“Sure, if you’re into harassment.”
“I can see why he complained about you all the time.”
“He complains, but he likes me because I’m real. That’s what Remi values most: authenticity.”
“I’m authentic.”
“But you asked him not to be. You still are.”
I frowned down at my whiskey. “I’m not still asking for that.”
“Of course you are. What else is there when you started your relationship the way you did?”
“He told you?”
“He talks a lot when he’s working.”
With a sigh, I drained my drink, then stood. There was no reason to hang around, and it wasn’t my purpose for coming.
“Until next time, I guess.” After dropping an envelope on the counter, I walked out of the bar.
*****
“Again?” Remi groaned.
“I’ll take a whiskey. No change.”
He snatched the bill and flipped it to check for writing, which made me smile. I ducked my head to hide it, then drained the alcohol in one go.
“Sinking to alcoholism and abandoning your child weren’t what I expected,” he said.
“That’s a bit of a reach, don’t you think?”
“For some, it doesn’t take much. Negative emotions are the worst catalyst for addiction, you know.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Yeah, you should.” While drying a glass, he met my eyes. “I’ve seen people around me lose to their vices, all in different ways, but every time they lost. That’s why I made Oli swear to never touch something that could take away his control.”
“What if you’re my vice?”
He scoffed.
“Is that so hard to believe?” I asked.
“This is the sixth night you’ve come in here. It’s time to give it up.”
Leaning forward, I grabbed the front of his shirt to drag him closer. “Why should I?”
He pried my fingers away and dropped my hand on the counter. “Because desperation isn’t cute.”
“I lean more toward commitment than desperation.”
“If Avery never let you go, would it have been romantic?”
“That’s different.”
“Only the details.”
“The details are important.”
“Like your little messages? ‘However long it takes, I’ll be—’ What? What will you be? A thorn in my side?”
The corner of my lips lifted. “Find out tomorrow.” The smile fell from my face. “Tuesday, actually. I’m out of town the next two days.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I thought you didn’t check on what I was doing.”
“I already know the schedule.”
“Good, then you know what day this is for.” I dropped the envelope on the counter. He shook his head as he grabbed it. It went straight into the garbage, but I tried not to show the way it affected me.
I was halfway to the door when his voice stopped me. “Why?”
I turned around and looked at his pinched expression. “Why what, Remi?”
“Why not let it go? You said that you wouldn’t come after me, and you didn’t that night. So, why?”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t intend to fight for you. I always did. I just needed a minute to figure out how to make it the last time.”
“And what’d you come up with, baseball man? Getting a drink every night and hoping I’ll change my mind?”
“Honestly? I haven’t figured it out yet, but like I said, you’re my vice. I can’t stand the idea of not seeing you while I get there.”
He didn’t appear inclined to respond, and I didn’t have anything else, so I left. I knew that all I had to look forward to was another night staring at my ceiling with nothing to show for it, but I had to keep believing that one of these days, I’d find the key that changed everything.
*****
“Whoa, you look like death.”
My mouth opened, but no words came out. Oli smiled at me from his place behind the bar. It was a warmer expression than I’d received since coming here over the past couple of weeks, but I preferred Remi’s scowls. After the two days I’d spent in Chicago, I’d been looking forward to seeing him.
“Here’s not here,” Oli said before I could ask.
I sat on my stool and poked at my cheek with my tongue. “Where is he? This is quite literally where he lives, so don’t say he’s home sick.”
“Call it a mental health day.”
“Just one?”
As he poured me a whiskey, he offered me a kind smile, but he failed to answer the question.
“So, why do you look like this?” He gestured at me.
“I spend half my time on planes and in hotels. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” He tapped his chin, as if it wasn’t a rhetorical question. “I think you’re burning yourself out, which doesn’t do anybody any good.”
“The only other option is to give up, and that’s not something I’m willing to do.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s ‘hmm’ mean?”
“Dunno, dude. I’m just along for the ride.”
“Are you stoned?”
“Never touched the stuff,” he replied. “High on life is the way of the wizard.”
“Alright, Gandalf. Maybe you’ll help a guy out.”
He scoffed. “What do you think I can do?”
“I don’t know. You’re his best friend.”
“That doesn’t translate to, ‘Oli can work miracles.’ Because that’s what you’re asking for here.”
“I . . .” With a sigh, I took a long drink. “I’m trying to be what he deserves.”
“Nobody has ever said you don’t deserve him. That’s not always enough, so what else do you want to be?”
“Someone who will fight for him.”
“For him or for you?”
“What?”
After filling a glass with root beer, he lifted himself onto the counter and sat crisscross facing me. “You know one side of Remi. I know all the sides. The dude is a hexagon, at minimum.”
“Give me one roll of the dice.”
“When he says he’ll kill for the people he loves, he’s not being dramatic.”
“He’s protective. I get that. But this isn’t just about me. He’s said as much multiple times.”
“He’s doing what’s right for him,” he agreed. “As much as I like you and want you to marry each other, I can’t and won’t fault him for that.”
“Even if it’s the wrong choice?”
“Who’s to say it is? Remi, despite his precious eccentricities, isn’t impulsive. He knows what he’s doing at all times. When he went back to Cole, he always knew what would happen, yet he did it over and over. Why?”
“I don’t know. Why?”
He shrugged. “If this is his decision, he won’t change it unless the circumstances are drastically different. Unfortunately, this one appears to be fixed.”
“You’re saying the real problem can’t be changed, so I have to accept that it isn’t going to work.”
“Sure, if that’s how you interpret it.”
I blinked a few times. “Well, is that what you’re saying?”
He smiled while he took a drink. “We all have a different lens through which we see the world.”
“This isn’t really helping.”
“I never said I’d throw you a bone, buddy.”
After finishing my whiskey, I dropped a hundred and an envelope on the counter.
Oli looked at the word written on the bill, then chuckled. “Ah. You’re not a master of words, but you’ve got heart.”
“Do you guys share everything?”
“Duh. We’re trauma-bonded or something.”
“Isn’t that a bad thing?”
“Everything is relative, friend.”
“Right, well, I’m heading out.”
“Oh, did I tell you? Dean and I have an out-of-town guys’ weekend starting Friday.”
“That’s cool for you, I guess.”
He raised and lowered his brows. It wasn’t until I got outside that I realized what he’d meant. Luckily for me, I’d be doing a home series until Monday.