Chapter 2 – Liam
2
LIAM
“S o, what’ll it be, boys?” Melanie’s sultry voice purrs as she saunters up to the counter to place bar napkins in front of each of us. She shoots me a flirty gaze and leans her elbows on the bar.
Danny and Jack, both long-time married guys, are immune to her low-cut tops and seductive confidence. Melanie is only trying to attract my attention anyway. She and I have been doing this dance for over twenty years, and for some reason, I can never take it any further than the occasional banter that spirals her into false hope.
“Just whatever you have on tap, Mel,” Danny says, gesticulating to the row of draft beers along The Ugly Mug bar with a wave of his hand.
Melanie rolls her eyes and mimics his gesture by dramatically opening her arm in the direction of the beers on tap. “There are like fifteen beers here, Daniel.”
“Surprise me.” He winks.
“Me too,” Jack agrees.
Melanie drops her arms in defeat. “Ugh, fine.” Then she walks a few steps over to me, an inviting gleam in her eyes. She traces her finger along my bunched-up fist. “What about you, Liam?”
She’s asking what I want to drink but there is another implication here. Melanie wants to know where I’ve been and why I have been blowing her off lately. We’re just friends—at least that’s all we’ve been for the last couple of years—but Melanie always gives me the impression that if I went for it, she’d want more. Guilt nags at the back of my neck when I think about what a terrible friend I am to her. I often ignore her calls and texts for weeks on end, even though she’s done nothing to deserve it.
Melanie has seen me through my darkest days, and for that, I’ll always care for her, but my feelings for her ebb and flow with the tide. She probably knows me better than anyone. She’s part of our group of buddies, and she’s friends with their wives. We have history . I shouldn’t be blowing her off. I should at least respect her enough to be honest about where this friendship isn’t going.
A memory flashes in my mind of Melanie and I on side-by-side gurneys, twenty-two years ago, while the Jaws of Life cut Cara from my mangled vehicle. The shattered glass in the road reflecting the lights of the emergency vehicles, and all I can hear is Melanie’s wailing. At the sound of her voice, I shake my head to clear the memory.
“Hello—earth to Liam?” She is waving her hand in my face. “Cat got your tongue?” She winks.
“Sorry,” I sputter. “Just a Corona is fine.”
Melanie clicks the gum in her mouth and makes some kind of “oookay” sound before sauntering away to get our drinks.
Danny nudges me. “What’s with you, man? You’re out there today.”
“I’m just tired,” is all I can offer him. It’s true, and I don’t have a lot of energy to take the conversation any further. I’ve had my niece Lucy for the past five months, but she’s only been legally mine for three. It’s been an adjustment, to say the least. My sister, Leah, died while serving in the Army Reserves, and she didn’t have a will. She had just been called up to active duty when her helicopter went down in a training accident in Texas. She never even made it overseas.
“I remember those days,” Jack commiserates. “Up at night with a cranky baby. Can’t say I miss it.” He grins. “What about your mom and dad? Have you talked to them recently? Maybe they can come up to help out a little.”
I groan. “You know they’re no help.”
My relationship with my parents is rocky, to say the least. They left New Jersey twenty years ago for a retirement community in Boca Raton, after gifting me and Leah the house I live in. They have zero plans to return to New Jersey, but I thought maybe they would for Lucy. Turns out, coming back here was too hard for them. They can’t even look at me, and with Leah gone, they can’t look at Lucy either. I guess it’s the two of us against the world.
“You’ll figure it out, man,” Danny reassures me with a pat on the back as Melanie brings our drinks to us.
“Figure out what?” She nib-noses, with a sideways glance in my direction.
“How to dad ,” Jack answers for me. “Liam here is tired. ”
I am not sure I like the mocking tone of his voice, but before I can say anything Melanie interjects.
“Well, if Liam would let me help him, he might feel a little better.” She is being snarky because I have told her I don’t plan to introduce any woman to Lucy unless I am prepared to be serious with her. She took great offense to that. I do feel bad, but it’s not fair to Lucy to lose a mother figure twice. I don’t want to confuse the kid by bringing around different women. It’s better if I just don’t date at all.
I groan. “We’ve had this conversation, Melanie. And if you don’t mind, I’m really not up for it again today.” I run my hands down my face in exasperation.
Melanie holds her hands up in defense. “Okay, okay.” She feigns a smirk as she backs away, but I see the hurt behind her eyes.
I strung her along for years which wasn’t fair to her. Now, we’re both forty. Melanie could have found literally anyone else. She’s gorgeous with a great body and strawberry-blonde hair that cascades down her back. When we were younger, she and I had an off-and-on thing, and Melanie is constantly trying to turn it back on. In the past, I was happy with the occasional tryst. I wouldn’t let anyone closer than that anyway because if they really knew me, they’d probably run for the hills. I just can’t give her what she’s after, especially not now that I’m learning how to parent. Lucy has to be the only girl in my life.
When Melanie’s gone, Jack changes the subject. “So what else is new besides you avoiding commitment?” He laughs at himself and Danny joins in.
I ignore it. I’ve known these guys for thirty years, and like Melanie, they have seen me through my darkest days. I know they’re disguising a serious conversation with the cover of messing around, but I avoid it anyway. “Ellie has a new tenant in the guest house. I met her yesterday.” Everyone knows Ellie; she has been the neighborhood auntie on Perry Street since we were kids.
Danny and Jack look at each other with raised eyebrows. “A woman?” Danny asks with a grin. “Is she hot?”
Jack holds up his hand. “Hold on. The more important question is, is she single?”
I roll my eyes. “Guys, I don’t know. I met her for like a second. She was alone though.” I take a long swig of my beer. When I put it down and glance sideways, they’re both staring at me, waiting for more. “What? You asked what else is new. That’s about it these days.”
“Don’t tell Miles. He will sniff her out like he does every other newcomer.” Jack laughs.
Our buddy Miles is recently divorced and always looking for the next pretty lady to add to his bedpost.
“I don’t plan to tell Miles.” I roll my eyes. This town is small enough, especially during the offseason. Miles is a popular real estate agent in town—it won’t take him long to find her if she decides to stick around.
“Is she at least hot?” Danny asks again.
I shrug in mock resignation. “I mean, sure. Yes, she’s cute.” I give them a smirk. “I was trying not to gawk at her.”
I did look at her though, and she is cute, even if she looks a little sad. However, if I am not dating Melanie, I certainly shouldn’t be trying to date the new girl in town either. I’ll admit, I want to know her story but it’s mostly out of curiosity. I only brought her food last night to be nice because I was a jerk the other day. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
“Well, do better,” Jack scolds. “We want the scoop.”
I drain the last of my beer. “I’m sure your wives will be happy to hear that, ya filthy animals.” I stand up and push my stool in. “I gotta pick up Lucy before I take any more advantage of Ellie’s kindness.” I throw a ten-dollar bill on the bar for Melanie.
“Later,” Danny says into his beer.
“Bye!” Jack calls after me as I’m walking away.
As an afterthought, and so I don’t look like I am the jerk, I call back, “Tell Melanie I said bye.”
* * *
It isn’t until later that night, when I’m outside with my golden retriever, Maggie, that I allow myself to wonder about the pretty brunette staying next door. She has big woeful green eyes and long wavy hair. I bet she has a beautiful smile even though I wasn’t privy to it. Something about her face is so familiar and it’s bothering me. I am less curious when Ellie rents the cottage to young couples during summer weekends over pretty, single girls. It’s more than that though. I bet there is a lot more to her than a pretty face and sad green eyes.
Why do you care? I scold myself. This is ridiculous. I told myself that I’m going to focus on Lucy and my new role as her dad, not dating. Not Melanie, and not anyone else either. No matter how cute she is.
Maggie breaks my stare when she nudges me with her wet nose and her ball. I pat her head before throwing her ball.
Sometimes, I think it would be nice to share my life with someone though. Someone to wake up to, drink morning coffee with, and take a walk with the baby and the dog. But for that to happen, I’d have to really let someone in, and I’m not sure I’m capable of that. Even if I was, who would want me? I have a past that I’m not proud of and walls built up too high for anyone to want to climb.
Maggie comes galloping back to me with her soggy ball. She is two years old and thinks she’s a lapdog, even though she weighs sixty-five pounds. Most nights, she is the only girl keeping me company. I’m fine alone, is a regular pep talk I give myself.
These are the nights I wish I could sit out here with my sister. Leah and I would often sit together after Lucy went to sleep and throw the ball for Maggie, just talking about our days.
“Did you build anything good today?” she’d ask me, a twinkle in her eyes.
“Nah.” I would shrug. “Did you take anyone to jail?” I’d tease, nudging her with my elbow. Leah was a police officer when she wasn’t serving in the Army Reserves.
“Why do you always think I’m arresting people?” she’d ask, laughing. “It’s pretty uneventful around these parts.”
Then we would sit in comfortable silence or talk about something cute that Lucy did. I can practically hear her voice in my head still. Leah was my best friend. I miss her like words can’t describe. She was the person who never gave up on me. She never stopped believing that I would be okay, that I would find my footing again. I’m sure that’s why she left Lucy with me when she got called up. She knew I would rise to the occasion. Now, what I wouldn’t give to pick up the phone and call her. Sometimes I feel the same urge to call my parents, but the conversation is forced and often leaves me feeling lonelier than before.
Maggie nudges me again with a snort and forces her ball into my hand. “Okay, okay, girl. I bet you miss her too, don’t you?” I wrestle the ball from the strong grip of her jaw. With a windup, I throw the ball as far as I can. Maggie takes off excitedly and I shake the doggy drool from my palm. Days like today, I’m especially grateful for this dog. I might otherwise give in to my loneliness and make a bad decision, like call Melanie for some physical comfort. Maggie quells that urge for me with her earnest company.
The thought of Lucy having lost her mom makes my chest ache though. Maybe I need to try harder to find a wife or maybe even just a girlfriend. The problem is, I have too much baggage for anyone to ever accept me for who I am. I don’t like the person that I used to be, but I work every day to make sure I am never that person again. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I also know not everyone will accept it. I don’t let my walls down because I am so terrified of ever feeling that level of pain again.
I have pretty much given up on the idea of that real world-series kind of love. I must focus on learning how to be a parent. I can’t be a good dad if I am focused on dating and finding a mate who will accept everything about me.
I am just about to call Maggie inside when I hear the distinct sound of someone crying from beyond the fence. From my deck, I can see into Ellie’s yard. That girl Sophie is sitting at the café table. She aggressively wipes her eyes as she reads her phone, then takes a big swig of her wine before typing quickly. Her body language makes me grateful I’m not on the receiving end of whatever that is. Then, she picks up her belongings and marches inside the cottage. Now I’m not only wondering about the cute girl next door, but I’m also wondering who hurt the cute girl next door. Just what I need.
I feel guilty thinking about how rude I was to her the other day. She is probably dealing with something that I wouldn’t understand. Hopefully I made her day a little better by dropping off some food. I feel a rush of heat crawling up my neck. Now I also feel as if I invaded her privacy, listening to her cry and watching her send text messages.
“Come on, Maggie.” I whistle. “Let's go, girl.” Once inside, I pick up my phone. There’s a message from Danny asking if I want to work for his construction company tomorrow. I text back that yes, I’d love the work. Diapers, after all.
I work for Danny as often as possible but custom woodworking is really where my passion is. I plop down in the wooden Adirondack chair on my deck—it was the first thing I ever built on my own and it’s so special to me. It’s old but every few summers I sand and polish it up to keep it alive and to remind myself that even when things look bleak, they will always get better.
Ellie’s husband Eddie is the one who taught me how to do woodworking. For him it was just a hobby, but I found solace in it. He showed me how to use the tools needed to create the works of art we spent hours creating—cabinets, furniture, and even wall art. Eddie gave me a sense of purpose again. When I was in the woodshop, I didn’t have time to think about anything except what I was doing so I wouldn’t lose a finger. I may have blown my chance at school, but Eddie made me realize I had a talent, and I could have a future doing something entirely unexpected. He worked on projects for people around town and often let me assist him, until one day, he thought I was ready to take on projects myself. He told everyone I was his apprentice and that they could ask me to do jobs for them too. By the time Eddie passed away, I was as good as he was. I was in my mid-twenties, living mortgage free in my parents’ house, and I realized I could make this my job. So, I did.
My phone buzzes. It’s Melanie telling me I left my hat at the bar today and offering to bring it by.
Melanie is a good woman. That’s the issue here. She is so nice, I can’t bring myself to officially let her down. Maybe I should ignore my doubts and give the relationship a chance.
I wouldn’t have to explain any of my past to Melanie, since she was there. She knows who I am, and she likes me anyway.
I rub my hand down my face. Is it better to be lonely, or to be with a woman I have lukewarm feelings for? I could see if Ellie can watch Lucy one day this weekend so I can take Melanie out and get a feel for where her head is at. I’m tired of thinking about it.
I pick my phone up and shoot Melanie a text back.
Me: Thanks. If you don’t mind, I’m pretty tired. Want to bring it by in the morning?
Melanie: Sure, I can do that. I’ll see you then.
I turn my phone off and head upstairs, peeking at Lucy on the way to my room. She’s sound asleep with her little butt up in the air. I flick on the lights and strip down to my boxers. Maggie hops right up in her spot on my bed. I always swore I’d never let a dog in the bed. She sure showed me who’s boss. I turn off the lights and climb in. It doesn’t take long before I’m dead asleep to the soft sounds of Maggie’s snores.
* * *
Morning comes quickly and I don’t want to get out of bed when my alarm starts buzzing angrily. I groan and roll over, checking my phone. There’s a text from Melanie confirming that she’ll drop my hat off before I leave for work. I roll my eyes to myself. She could just as easily bring it by later in the morning instead of seven o’clock, but I have a feeling she’s trying to make sure we see each other.
Construction starts early, and Danny will be expecting me so I get Lucy up and ready as quickly as possible. I am trying to avoid Melanie seeing Lucy at all. I know as soon as that girl catches sight of the baby or even more so, me with the baby, we’re both doomed. Balancing Lucy on my hip with her diaper bag slung over my shoulder, I walk to Ellie’s.
Ellie meets me at her front door and immediately takes Lucy from me. “You’re a little early this morning,” she raises her eyebrows and nods as Melanie’s black Honda Accord pulls up to the curb. “Got company?”
I roll my eyes. I knew she would catch onto that. “What do you do, sit here and just look out the window all day?” I scoff. Ellie doesn’t miss a trick.
Ellie scowls at me. “Hey buddy, neighborhood watch.” She jabs me in the chest with her index finger.
“Melanie is just dropping off my hat that I left at the bar last night.” I hold up my hands defensively.
Ellie’s lips press together. “If you say so,” she says.
I scratch my jaw, hesitating. “There is one thing though that I was thinking about.”
Ellie raises her eyebrows. “Well, go on,” she shakes her head at me with a smirk.
“I wanted to ask you if you’d watch Lucy one night this weekend so I could take Melanie out.” I am holding my breath.
“Take her out?” Ellie mimics. “You better stop playing with that girl,” she warns, narrowing her eyes. “Melanie may not be your soulmate, but she is a nice girl. I know she thinks she can change you, but she probably can’t, so please stop playing with her heart.”
Ellie is serious now, giving me a stern look. She has known all of us since we were kids. She’s always been my parents’ next-door neighbor. When we were teenagers, Leah and I would putz around the yard and the streets with our buddies, and Ellie got to know and love them all.
“I know, Ellie,” I say through gritted teeth. I glance behind me and notice Melanie watching us from her car. “Look, I’m not making the girl any promises. I just want to see where her head is at.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Liam; it’s none of my business.” Ellie folds her hands over her heart in an inward gesture. “But I am actually not around this weekend. I am going on a little book club retreat to the mountains.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, I didn’t even ask her yet so it’s no big deal.” I exhale and I realize I might be relieved.
Ellie taps her chin thoughtfully. “You know, you could ask Sophie. I don’t think she has a lot of plans while she’s here. Maybe offer to pay her though,” Ellie suggests, winking.
I look at her dubiously, my jaw slack with surprise. “Haven’t you known her for like two days? She could be crazy.” But even as I am saying it, I know it’s not true.
“Liam! You surprise me that your judge of character is so poor,” Ellie chides. “Sophie spent the day with us yesterday, and she is lovely. Besides, I think she could use the distraction. Give it some thought.”
“Okay, whatever. I got to go.” I turn and jog down the steps where Melanie is patiently waiting for me on the sidewalk.
“Hi.” She hands me my hat, a tattered old Phillies cap that I honestly don’t care that much about anymore.
“Thanks,” I say giving her a tight smile and a nod.
“No problem.” Melanie seems chipper this morning. “Can I see the baby?” she asks earnestly.
There it is.
“No. Absolutely not.” I am firm on this. As I have said many times before, I will not introduce Lucy to just anyone. Not that Melanie is just anyone . “Mel, you know where I stand on this. I am not letting any woman get close to Lucy right now. Poor kid is confused enough without Leah. Maybe someday but not yet.” I watch her face fall and immediately feel the need to acquiesce. I suck in a breath before adding, “But what are you doing on Friday?”
“Why?” Melanie eyes me warily and folds her arms into herself, as if to guard her feelings.
“I was thinking we could get something to eat. Maybe talk about some things,” I suggest, trying my best to sound noncommittal.
Melanie softens, chewing on her lower lip. “Okay,” she nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
I force a smile. “Good. I’ll touch base later this week,” I promise.
We say our goodbyes and I hop in my truck to go to work, all the while wondering why I’m forcing myself to see something that really isn’t there.