Chapter 3 – Sophie
3
SOPHIE
I t’s already Wednesday and I still have no idea what I am doing here or what I am doing with my life. I do know that I can’t spend another day wallowing and avoiding the inevitable. I decided to wake up early and go for a run, which is really a walk/run since the last time I ran any sort of distance was about ten years ago. I let my memory guide me, and I can already tell, the exercise is so good for me.
I run up a block to a park I visited often as a girl and I take a lap around it, watching families play together and reminiscing about my own childhood. After that, I run up a few blocks to the beach and walk barefoot along the water’s edge. As soon as the waves hit my toes, they trigger a dormant memory of childhood summers with sticky sand clinging to my feet, the salty tang of the ocean air, and bittersweet farewells to the summer days spent on a windswept beach. How did I ever leave this? I wonder. Then I put my shoes back on and run back to Ellie’s house.
I am kicking myself now, though, as I approach her front stoop. One should never put sneakers and socks back on a sandy foot. I can feel a blister popping up on my heel, making damn sure this is the only time I will run this week.
I plop down on Ellie’s front step and take off my shoe. I’m inspecting my wounds when I catch sight of Liam on the sidewalk, saying goodbye to a woman I have never seen before. She looks exactly like the type of woman a guy like him would go for. Tiny waist, big boobs, low-cut top. Check, check, and check.
I notice her but if she notices me, she doesn’t make it obvious. She clicks the key remote for the black car directly in front of me and gets in at the same time he gets into his truck. I smirk to myself. Well, clearly, he is unavailable. I scold myself for the envious feeling that catches me by surprise. In the six weeks that I’ve been single again, it has seemed to me that literally everyone else is attached. I’m going to have to get used to the feeling of loneliness, I think.
Shaking Liam out of my head, I dust off my sandy feet and head for Ellie’s front door, because naturally, I don’t have any Band-Aids in the cottage. I find her sitting at the kitchen table with a gentleman who also appears to be in his sixties. He has glasses, a balding head, and is sipping coffee while Ellie chats away.
“Oh, Sophie! I’m glad you’re here.” Ellie smiles and holds up an empty mug. “Would you like some coffee?”
I hesitate. “I, uh—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I need a Band-Aid and of course, I didn’t bring any.” I duck my head, feeling embarrassed.
Ellie waves her hand in dismissal. “Don’t be silly, dear. They are in the medicine cabinet in my powder room. Go help yourself and then come back and join us!”
“I’ll just be right back then.” I give them a shy smile. I know there is no getting out of this coffee date with Ellie. As soon as she heard about James, the woman convinced me to hang out with her all day yesterday, saying that I shouldn’t be alone at a time like this. Ellie means well, and I will certainly enjoy her company when it’s offered to me.
When I return to the table, Ellie has poured me a steaming cup of coffee and put a cinnamon roll on my plate. “These rolls are from Sticky Ricky’s,” Ellie shares excitedly. “Robert brought them over. They’re famous here.”
“Oh, I know that place,” I say nodding. “We got them all the time when I was a little girl. My grandparents lived just a couple of blocks up on Jackson Street.” I sit down and inhale the scent of the sticky bun, immediately awakening a dormant memory.
“Sophie, this is my dear, dear friend, Dr. Robert Stevens. He’s the only psychiatrist in town and we’ve been friends for years.” She’s beaming. “I wanted you to meet him. He helped me so much when my Edward passed away,” Ellie gushes, eying Robert carefully. “Sophie is a marriage and family therapist. I think you two might have stuff in common!” Ellie looks very pleased with herself.
I blush, wondering about the reason for this visit. Is Ellie implying that I should talk to someone about my failed marriage? On the one hand, I probably should, but I’m confident I can handle it myself. I am bothered by the insinuation, but then I shrug it off. I’m sure she’s just trying to help. It doesn’t seem like Ellie has a mean bone in her body.
“Hi, Dr. Stevens. It’s so nice to meet you.” I pick up my coffee and take a big sip. Ellie is an expert with the French press, and the caffeine instantly picks me up.
“Please, call me Robert.” He smiles. “Ellie was just telling me you’re here visiting Cape May because you’re recently divorced, is that right?” His face is amiable and curious, but I feel embarrassed anyway.
I sigh. “I am. I know I should probably talk to someone to help me navigate this. I take for granted that this is what I help other people do.”
“Oh, Sophie, I don’t want you to feel like this is an ambush! Robert was over for our weekly breakfast anyway,” she says, glancing his way.
Is she mooning over him? Maybe Robert isn’t just a friend, I wonder silently.
“I just wanted to introduce you because Robert is a great friend to me,” Ellie says apologetically. “Please don’t feel like I’m butting my nose in your business!”
I don’t know why, but I feel my heart expand. Ellie seems to care about me in a nurturing way, the way my mom would have. My dad means well, but since my mom’s death, there are some things he just doesn’t know how to help with. Maybe an outsider’s perspective will help.
I do need to determine where to go from here. If I am being honest with myself, going back to Scranton is not appealing at all. Scranton isn’t a small town where I would constantly run into James, but I just feel as though there is nothing left for me there. For the first time, I’m starting to envision myself here in the long term.
* * *
I spend the morning drinking coffee with new friends and playing with baby Lucy. Lucy is a joy on an otherwise mundane day in my post-divorce life. She seems to be enjoying herself as we play on the floor and when I push her on the swing at the park. Her giggles are melodic and contagious.
Ellie is more than happy to let me play a role, so after we feed her lunch, I rock her for her nap. She falls asleep in my arms, clinging to the collar of my T-shirt with her chubby baby fingers. I can’t bring myself to put her down, instead enjoying snuggling her for the duration of her nap.
Spending time with Lucy is becoming therapeutic for me, and I find myself smiling much of the day.
Back at home, I’m saying goodbye to Lucy when Liam enters the front door. “Hey everyone,” he says from the kitchen entryway. He eyes me holding Lucy but doesn’t move from the doorway. His greeting hangs in the air, and I don’t know what to say after hellos are exchanged. I move to hand him the baby, and he takes her from me, nuzzling her a hello with a peck on the head.
“I should be going…” I say awkwardly. “Thanks, Ellie, for a great day.” I give her a warm smile as I move toward the back door.
“Wait, Sophie,” Liam stops me by touching my arm. He moves it quickly but the place he touched is tingling. “Ellie says you’ve been hanging out with her and Lucy the past couple of days. It seems like Lucy is really comfortable with you.”
“Well, she’s an angel,” I say, gazing affectionately at Lucy. Then I meet his eyes and nod. “She’s really brought joy to me the last few days.”
He gives me a look I can’t read. “I was wondering,” he says, pausing in hesitation, “Ellie isn’t around this weekend. Is there any off chance you’d be able to watch Lucy on Friday night?” I can feel the heat rising up my neck from the way he is looking at me. I immediately think of the food he left on my doorstep, followed by the memory of the woman I saw him with this morning.
“Oh…sure. I mean, I don’t have much going on.” I force myself to look him in the eyes again. Poor lonely Sophie. He probably thinks you have no life.
My inner mean girl needs to shut up.
Liam smiles broadly. “Great! That’s great. Thank you. It’ll just be dinner and then I’ll come home. I won’t be long.”
I force a laugh. “Take your time. Everyone deserves a break once in a while.” As I turn to leave, my phone starts buzzing. Claire is calling me. “I need to get going but I will touch base with you tomorrow or Friday morning to firm up our plans.” Then I duck out the sliding glass door.
“Hi,” I say quietly, picking up the FaceTime on the deck.
“Where have you been? My goodness. And who is that fine-ass man behind you? It looks like he is staring at you,” Claire asks, laughing. I’m confused for a moment, thinking Liam followed me outside. Then I realize she can see through the sliding glass door, and he is standing right at the door with Lucy, watching me. The back of my neck tingles just knowing he is looking at me.
“Oh, that’s Liam, the neighbor. No, he’s not available. And no, I hadn’t even noticed,” I lie, indignantly. I have definitely noticed. “What’s going on?”
“ Well ,” Claire drags out her words dramatically. “You’ve been a little MIA since you got there. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Since Claire and I work together, she’s not only used to talking to me every day, she’s used to seeing me daily too. We give new meaning to co-dependent friendships.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ellie, my landlord, and the sweet baby Lucy she watches each day.” I sigh, walking down the deck steps. “It’s been sort of healing for me to take a step back and stop analyzing my next move constantly. Just sort of be , you know?”
“I get it,” Claire says nodding. “I miss you though. I guess I’ll just have to hang out with Derek,” she grumbles. Derek is Claire’s very loving and supportive husband of five years. They’re madly in love. And while I know she’s being playful about my return, Claire is much more impulsive than I am. She’d prefer I figure out my life there as opposed to here and the sooner the better.
I plop on the patio chair outside the cottage and let out an exasperated breath. “I just think I need this time to figure out what I want now. I don’t know what my life looks like without James. I really thought we were a success story, you know? Like we may not have been able to have kids the traditional way, but I thought we had made it through some pretty hard stuff. I didn’t see this coming at all. Thirteen years is a long time to be married. It just goes to show you can think you know someone and be oh so wrong.”
My voice catches, and I force myself to swallow my grief. Even six weeks later, the weight of it all catches me by surprise sometimes. Maybe if I keep up a tough exterior, my heart won’t completely crumble.
Claire relents with a grim smile. “Okay, I understand. I’ll just have to man up and carry on without my bestie. In the meantime, you have some soul-searching to do, girlfriend. How many more days are you there?”
Claire can be a little pushy. I know it’s because she cares so much about me, but it’s only been four days. I haven’t even let myself start thinking about what’s next. She follows it up with a heartfelt, “I just want what’s best for you,” and I let it slide.
“I’m honestly not sure, maybe forever.” For the first time, I admit to the possibility out loud. I don’t hate the way it sounds but Claire probably does. “Want to come for a visit?”
* * *
By Thursday, I haven’t seen Liam at all, and since I am babysitting for him tomorrow night, it’s time to touch base with him. I don’t have his number, so I decide after some dinner to saunter over to his place and knock on his door. Relax. I tell myself. This is a favor you’re doing for him. For Ellie really, nothing more. Who cares if he’s tall and muscular and probably wearing one of those too-tight T-shirts that shows all his muscles in a completely agonizing way.
It has been a long time since I’ve been curious about a man other than James. I think that’s why I am so nervous. For all I know, he asked me to babysit because he wants to go out on a date, which is none of my business. I glance down at my phone to check the time, 7:45 p.m. Another text from James catches my eye at the same time but I ignore the unread message and stick my phone back in my pocket.
Okay, here goes nothing. I walk up Liam’s front steps and immediately notice the video doorbell. Nothing like being on camera to make me feel self-conscious in my monotone loungewear. I press it anyway.
The front door swings open, and Liam appears momentarily surprised to see me. He recovers quickly, offering me a smile that immediately puts me at ease, though I can’t pretend I don’t notice him looking delicious in low-slung gray joggers and a fitted black T-shirt. I knew he’d be wearing one. I force myself to look only at his face. Meanwhile, I am fully aware he is taking in my entire ensemble while I stand there hoping my underwear doesn't show through my beige pants under his porch light. For what feels like an eternity, even though it’s only a few seconds, we’re both standing there sizing each other up. I didn’t think this through.
“Sophie, hi.” Liam rubs his palm down the length of his face. Is he flustered? “I wasn’t expecting you…anyone,” he corrects himself quickly.
“I just realized I never touched base with you about tomorrow night, and I don’t have your number so…” I force myself to swallow any minor embarrassment I’m feeling. We’re both adults. Presumably, he has seen pajamas before. This is not a big deal. Yet, seeing Liam up close again, looking this effortlessly good in the glow of the golden hour of all times, is really doing something to me that should be unwelcome, but strangely isn’t.
“It’s cool. Now we’re both guilty of sneaking up on the other’s porch.” Liam grins at me again and runs his hands through his messy hair. He is gorgeous when he smiles like that. He is so fit that I wonder when he has time to go to the gym. His dark hair is cropped on the sides and longer on top, and he has just a shadow of a beard. His clear blue eyes have a weight behind them, like he’s carrying something on his shoulders too.
“So…” I look at him expectantly.
He leans against the doorframe and licks his lips. My stomach flutters, which once again catches me off guard. I need to stop imagining the feel of those lips, especially considering the fact that I haven’t dealt with any of my own shit. Think about literally anything else , Sophie.
“Right. Sorry, Sophie.” My name rolls off his tongue as if he’s speaking a romantic language. “Why don’t you come in for a minute, and I can show you some things for Lucy?” He steps back and gestures for me to enter. I want nothing more than to shrink into myself.
First of all, I internally reprimand myself, you left your house with nothing presentable to wear, like twelve pairs of underwear, and some chargers. I feel like I need to go shopping before I can realistically babysit for the guy. If I show up like this, he is going to… Why do you care? I scold myself again. Because some male attention wouldn’t be the worst thing for my fractured ego. I can admit that at least.
“Okay, sure,” I say, following him inside and glancing around. Liam’s house looks like a once loved and cared for home that has been taken over by a bachelor. To the right is a formal sitting room, but boxes of things take up most of the space. To the left is an oak staircase with various collage photo frames from the ‘90s hung up in the stairwell. Shoes are stacked on each step, presumably waiting to be carried upstairs. A jacket is draped over the handrail. I follow him down the short hallway, passing a powder room before we enter the kitchen. A table and highchair sit amid various clutter—dishes in the sink, mail on the countertops, leftover dinner, and a bottle of milk resting on the highchair tray.
“I, uh, didn’t get a chance to clean up dinner yet. Lucy was a handful tonight.” His lips twitch into a sheepish smirk. Just then a lazy golden retriever comes up and sticks its nose right in my crotch. I laugh and skirt away. Liam winces. “Oh…are you okay with dogs? I’m sorry. This is Maggie. She’s pretty calm and will probably leave you alone once she sniffs you. She may or may not jump on your lap as soon as you sit down.” He pats the dog on the head affectionately, and my heart swells a little. Maybe Liam is a little softer than I thought.
I nod. “I’m fine with dogs. Hi Maggie.” I ruffle her ears.
Liam’s entire upper body relaxes with relief. “Good.” He clears his throat. “So, you can see, this is the kitchen, and the family room down here is usually where I hang out with Lucy. This is where most of her toys are.” He walks one step down to a living room off the kitchen where there is a couch, recliner, a pack-and-play with some toys in it, and a bouncer that Lucy is probably too big for now. I follow him, looking around at the pieces of his life.
The TV on the mantle has the evening’s baseball highlights on. We both turn our attention to it as the newscaster is showing a replay from today’s Phillies game. On the screen, Trea Turner scores the game-winning run for a final score of 5-3. “Yes!” Liam whispers as he watches.
I am surprised to find myself smiling. “Do you like baseball?” I ask him, even though it’s obvious he does. Small talk is not my strong suit.
“I do. I played my whole life until I graduated high school. I love the Phils,” he says with a wistful smile. The conversation hangs in the air for a minute, and I wait for his lead. “Anyway, I’m just planning on going to dinner. It shouldn’t be real long. If you don’t mind feeding Lucy and putting her to bed, you can come over at about 5:45?”
His relaxed demeanor is putting me at ease. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him but also knowing what a terrible idea that is. I’m nowhere near ready to start something new.
I nod. “Sure, I can do that.” My phone buzzes in my hand. James. A picture of us from our wedding day flashes on my screen as it rings. I catch Liam noticing it.
“Do you need to get that?” he asks, taking a step back toward the kitchen. Maybe he wants to give me privacy.
I hit decline. “Definitely not,” I mutter quietly. I take a deep breath. Liam looks so good, and my emotions are all over the place. I am lonely and attracted to him. I have to get out of his house. It’s too tempting.
The need for male attention to heal my bruised ego is clouding my judgment. I am a therapist. If I were a patient, I would tell myself to run and not look back—at least not until I’ve had the chance to digest these major life changes of the past few weeks.
I have to figure out my life. I will. I will figure out my life.
Tomorrow.
Liam moves back into the kitchen and walks over to his fridge. “Can I get you something to drink?”
He’s being so nice. I sigh. “That sounds good, but I really ought to be going.” I follow him back into the kitchen with intentions of heading toward the front door.
“Are you a wine girl?” He cocks his head at me, a smirk playing on his full lips. “I think I have some red wine in the cabinet. You know, if you don’t want to be alone.” He almost convinces me.
Not only is he hot, he’s thoughtful, too. I saw evidence of that when he door-dropped me food the other night but now, he’s further proving it. He’s enticing me. Be strong, Sophie. A rebound is not what you need right now. Run. Away. “I can’t. But I will see you tomorrow at 5:45.”
“Okay.” He catches me by surprise when he walks over and lifts my phone out of my hand, holding it up to me so my face can unlock it. Then he starts typing. “Here’s my number though. I am going to call myself, so I have yours.” He watches my face while it rings. Our eyes stay locked until we hear his voicemail pick up, sending a shiver up my spine. He hands it back to me and our hands graze.
Is it my imagination or did his touch linger a second too long? My breath catches. I’ve got to go.
“Great. Thanks. See you,” I say abruptly. I am out the door before I can hear him say goodbye.