Chapter 7 - Chaos
I can't believe I'm sitting here having dinner with her like it's the most normal thing in the world.
Me. Tommy "Chaos" Shelly. The hothead who gets into fights at the drop of a hat. The guy who punched a civilian yesterday without a second thought. The prospect who's spent the last eight months proving he's violent enough, dangerous enough, loyal enough to earn his patch.
And here I am, sitting on this worn couch eating grilled cheese and tomato soup with a twenty-year-old single mother, acting like some calm, well-adjusted adult who knows what the fuck he's doing.
I don't know what I'm doing. I've never had a relationship. Never wanted one. Never thought I was capable of the kind of tenderness and patience that relationships require. My parents taught me that love destroys people, turns them bitter and angry and resentful.
But watching Ruby move around her tiny kitchen, listening to her talk about her grandmother and her dreams and her fears… I want more of this. More time with her. More meals together. More conversations where she tells me things no one else knows.
I want to learn how to be the kind of man who deserves this. Who deserves her. Even if I have no fucking clue where to start.
"You okay?" Ruby asks, settling back onto the couch with her own coffee. "You got quiet."
"Yeah. Just thinking." I drain the last of my soup. "This was really good. Thank you."
"You really mean that, don’t you?" She's smiling, pleased.
"I do." I'm not lying.
It's not about the food. It's about sitting here with her, sharing something simple and perfect. She reaches for the remote on the coffee table. "Do you want to watch something? I mean, if you're not in a hurry to leave."
I should leave. Should put some distance between us before I do something stupid like confess that I can't stop thinking about her. That I've been half-hard since she hugged me yesterday and having her this close is making it worse.
"Sure," I say instead. "What do you want to watch?"
She turns on the television, flipping through channels until she lands on some action movie that's already halfway through.
"I don't even remember the last time I watched a movie from start to end. There's always something to do—laundry, dishes, making sure Liam's fed and happy. And most times when I finally have a moment to sit down, I just fall asleep on the couch."
"We can watch this one now," I tell her. "And if you fall asleep, it's fine. I'll just leave."
She shakes her head, her hazel eyes finding mine. "I would never fall asleep with you by my side."
"You worried I'd do something?" I whisper.
"No." She says it immediately, with complete certainty. "I've met way too many men who are bad people. I have a well-trained sixth sense about these things. And I don't think you'd ever hurt me."
I can't help but laugh, the sound harsh in the quiet room. "Those are words I've never heard before coming from someone else."
"Really?" She tilts her head, studying me. "Are you really that dangerous?"
"I am. To those who deserve it." I hold her gaze, letting her see the truth. "I'm not a good man, Ruby. I've done things—"
"Have you ever killed someone?"
The question should shock me. Should make me lie or deflect. But there's no judgment in her eyes, just honest curiosity.
"Yes."
The word comes out steady. I shouldn't be telling her this. Shouldn't be confessing to a woman I just met that I've taken lives. But if I've learned anything from watching my brothers build their relationships, it's that truth and honesty matter more than anything else.
She doesn't flinch. Doesn't move away from me on the couch. Instead, she asks, "How did you feel when you did it?"
No one's ever asked me that before. My brothers know how it feels to kill someone. Most of them have done it too. We don't sit around discussing our feelings about it. We just do what needs to be done and move on.
I take a long, deep breath. "It used to be harder.
The first time, I threw up afterward. Couldn't sleep for days.
But nowadays... it's just another thing I have to do.
" I pause, trying to find the right words.
"I used to be conflicted about it. But it helps that I've only killed bad people.
People who were hurting others, who wouldn't stop any other way.
In my head, I'm helping the world even if I have to suffer inside because of it. "
Ruby moves closer, reaching out to take my hand between both of hers. Her touch is warm and gentle. "You're not a bad person if you only hurt bad people. You're a protector."
I shake my head. "I am a bad person, Ruby. I've accepted that a long time ago. But I'm glad you don't think so."
The corners of her lips curl into a shy smile that makes her look even prettier than before. "I don't care what others might think. To me, you're an angel sent to protect me and my son."
"If that's how you see me," I say, my voice rough with emotion I don't know how to handle, "then I'll protect you from everything and everyone. Forever. No one will hurt you or your kid."
She's taken aback, her eyes widening. "Forever is a long time."
"I know." I squeeze her hand. "But if you want it, I'm willing to do it."
She's quiet for a moment, and I can see her processing my words. Then her expression changes, becomes playful. "You know, for a guy called Chaos, you don't seem that hotheaded."
I grin, grateful for the lighter tone. "My brothers from the MC can never hear you say that. I have a reputation to maintain."
"I would never say it," she promises, her eyes sparkling. "I'll keep it a secret between us."
"Our first secret," I say.
She leans closer, her voice dropping. "What will the second one be?"
My gaze drops to her lips. Full, pink, slightly parted. I've been fighting this pull since yesterday, this attraction that's consuming me from the inside out. But I'm done resisting.
"This one," I say, and lean in.
I close my eyes, my mouth half-open, having no idea what I'll find on the other side.
Her lips? Her cheek? Nothing at all, followed by a slap or being kicked out of her house?
And it would be deserved. We met forty-eight hours ago.
She's on the run with a kid. Kissing a biker probably wasn't in her plans.
I'm still overthinking when my lips meet hers.
Holy fuck.
My cock throbs, going from half-hard to fully erect in seconds. My heart races like I've been running. My head feels blank, wiped clean of every thought except this moment, this feeling, this woman.
I've kissed many women. Lost count years ago. But none of them made me feel like this. Like I'm doing the best thing I've ever done in my life. Like this moment will be burned into my memory forever.
Ruby kisses me back, her lips soft and eager against mine. I cup her face, angle her head to deepen the kiss, and she makes this small sound in the back of her throat that shoots straight to my dick.
Her hands come up to frame my face, and we're making out like teenagers on her couch. I slide my hands down to her hips, feeling the curves there, wanting to explore every inch of her body.
When we finally break apart, both gasping for air, I have no idea how long we've been kissing. Could've been seconds or hours. Her cheeks are flushed, her short ginger hair mussed from my hands, but she's smiling.
"You're an amazing kisser," she breathes.
"So are you." I pull her closer, my hands still on her hips. "And kissing you isn't the only thing I want to do right now. But I'll respect it if you want to stop."
She glances toward the hallway, probably thinking about Liam sleeping. "I want this so much. But if we hear a single sound from his bedroom, we have to stop immediately."
"That's fine." I don't waste another second. I help her climb onto my lap, and she straddles me, her thighs on either side of mine.
I grab the hem of her shirt and she lifts her arms, letting me pull it over her head. Her bra is simple, white, nothing fancy. But when I unhook it and toss it aside, revealing her breasts, I forget how to breathe.
"Fuck, Ruby," I groan, cupping both breasts in my hands. They're full and soft, perfect handfuls that jiggle slightly with her movement. Her nipples are already hard, begging for attention.
I squeeze gently, watching her throw her head back and bite her lower lip. The sight of her like this—lost in pleasure, trusting me—is the hottest thing I've ever seen.
I lean forward and take one nipple into my mouth, sucking hard. She gasps, her hands flying to my hair. I tease the stiff peak with my tongue, then move to the other one, giving it the same attention.
Ruby starts moving her hips, grinding against the bulge in my jeans. The friction is incredible and not nearly enough. She leans down, her breath hot against my ear. "Is that your cock poking me through your jeans?"
"Yeah," I grunt. "You're making me harder than I've ever been."
She climbs off my lap and I want to protest, want to pull her back, but then she drops to her knees in front of me and I realize what she's planning.
"Since you helped me yesterday," she says, her fingers working at my belt, "it's my turn to help you."
"Ruby, you don't have to—"
"I want to." She unzips my jeans and tugs them down my hips.
"I hope you enjoy this," she whispers, and pulls my briefs down.
My cock springs free, nearly slapping her in the face. She moves aside at the last second, then wraps her small hand around my shaft. Her grip is firm as she strokes slowly, her other hand coming up to cup my balls.
"Fuck," I breathe, my head falling back against the couch.
She leans in and swirls her tongue around the head of my cock, licking up the precum beading at the tip. The sensation is incredible. Her tongue is warm, soft and driving me insane.
"You taste good," she murmurs, then wraps her pretty lips around the head of my cock.
I grunt, my hands fisting in the couch cushions. She takes me deeper, her mouth hot and wet around my shaft. Her tongue works against the underside as she bobs her head, taking more of me with each movement.
"Jesus, Ruby." My chest heaves as I watch her. Watching her mouth stretched around my cock, seeing her cheeks hollow as she sucks, is going to be my undoing.
She pulls back with a wet pop, stroking me with her hand while she catches her breath. "Am I doing okay?"
"You're doing fucking perfect." I reach down and brush her hair back from her face, wanting to see her clearly. "You look so beautiful like this."
She smiles, then takes me back into her mouth. This time she goes deeper, relaxing her throat to take more of my length. I feel the head of my cock hit the back of her throat and I have to fight not to thrust up, not to fuck her mouth the way my body is screaming at me to do.
She sets a steady rhythm, her hand working what won't fit in her mouth. Her other hand massages my balls, and the dual sensation has pleasure building at the base of my spine.
"Ruby, I'm close," I warn her. "If you don't want—"