Chapter 12
W hen we entered the house, Mom was descending the staircase looking so beautiful my breath caught in my throat. She was in wide-legged pants the color of silky cream and a coral bodysuit that set off her features perfectly. She lit up a room the way she lit up a screen.
I remembered running lines with her every week, transfixed by the way she could embody any character at will.
I used to believe she’d become a star; it just felt inevitable.
It was as much my dream as it was hers. And, so, every “no” broke my heart, too.
Maybe I was too young to learn that even if you believed in yourself, you still might not make it.
That sometimes no matter how much you want something, it could still be elusive.
“You will not believe what Charlie just agreed to, Mom,” Benny said, as all three of us ambled into the living room.
Benny and I fell into the chairs facing the couch where Mom sat in the middle, legs crossed, arms sprawled across the back, like she was a queen on her throne.
This was the Triple Quinn configuration.
“Tell me,” Mom said, smiling. “I just have to leave to meet my agents in Beverly Hills in thirty minutes.”
“Well, first, some context,” Benny said. “Charlie is now single. Josh broke up with her on her birthday of all days. And she lost her job on her birthday, too. Isn’t that messed up?”
“What?” Mom said, sitting up straight and looking directly at me. “Why didn’t you say, Charlie? I’m so sorry about Josh. His loss. And I know how much you loved your job and how hard you work. What happened? You gave everything to that damn company. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I’ll find another job.” Even to my own ears, I didn’t sound that convincing. My voice was too high-pitched and fast, like I needed the reassurance more than Mom did.
“Not many people would be fine after all of that,” she said, sounding skeptical of me. “And it’s okay if you’re not.”
“I’m fine,” I said again. Mom knowing the predictable life I’d built had just fallen apart in one fell swoop was already too much. Me being upset about it would only give her the satisfaction I never wanted her to have.
“Okay,” she replied. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this when you got here?”
“I didn’t want to hear how everything works out in the end in my favor.” I tried to keep the mocking to a minimum, but the way Benny was staring daggers into me, I could tell I had failed.
Mom didn’t notice my tone. She simply asked, “And what’s so wrong with having faith that it’s all going to work out? Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Because not everything works out, Mom,” I retorted. “Not everything happens for a reason. Terrible things happen every single day and we have no way to stop them. That’s reality.”
Mom looked at me a little too long, like she was waiting me out, and then she turned to Benny and said, “Well, what did our Charlie agree to, then?”
“Oh,” Benny said, slapping her hand on her knee.
“Right. Yes. So, first, she’s agreed to stay here all month.
Yay! Second, I’ve demanded she take time off, do nothing, go find something delightful or surprising every day, to follow her whims, AND she has to do anything I request. All month. It’s her month of yes.”
Mom let out a laugh and then turned her attention back to me. “You agreed to this? You? Are we in the multiverse? Did we change timelines? When’s the last time you took a month off? Never?” She wasn’t being mean-spirited; she was genuinely shocked.
“It’s only for a month,” I quipped. “I think I can survive one month without working.”
“You can?” Mom asked, smiling. “Well, I had no idea.”
“I’m going to make her say yes to life,” Benny said, crossing her arms. “If it’s the last thing I do.”
Already, my annoyance was rising like a pot of water set to boil.
“Well, I think it’s a lovely idea and I am thrilled you’re going to be here for a month, Charlie. If I had it my way, you’d stay forever. Or, at the very least, you’d come home way more often. It’s so much brighter when you’re here.”
That surprised me. It was?
“Well, I’m off,” Mom said, standing up. “I’ll see you girls tonight. Don’t wait up. I’m having dinner out.”
And then she was gone, and Benny and me were left in the living room.
“Go take a nap,” Benny said. “But when you’re up, let the games begin. I have a whole plan for today.”
“Oh, God, what is it?” A cold sweat started to break out on my neck.
“Answer me this, what color would you never dye your hair? And what hairstyle would you never get?”
“Blond,” I said. “Bangs.” Two things that required maintenance and were that specific type of “girlie” I never felt I could pull off. Frivolous. That’s what it was. Blond with bangs was frivolous.
“Great,” Benny said, typing something into her phone, then sliding it into her back pocket. “I made an appointment with my stylist, Mari. You’ll be going blonde and getting bangs.”
I shook my head and laughed. “Great,” I said, mock-sweet. I mean hey, if I agreed to this, I guess I was going all in. That would be the only way to prove them both wrong. They thought they knew better than me? Then yeah, game on .
“After, we’re going to get you new clothes, which you’ll wear to this tapas restaurant tucked away in Malibu that I’ve heard great things about. You’re paying.”
I laughed again. “Alright, then,” I said. “You’re the boss.”
“Oh, I like that.”
“I thought you would.”
“Go sleep. You have two hours before our appointment.”
“Pretty efficient for someone who isn’t very organized.”
“I learned from the best,” she said, and she patted me on the top of my head before I stood and headed for the stairs.
I hadn’t even been to my old room yet. When I opened the door, I thought for sure it would have been changed, but it looked exactly the same.
It was like stepping into an old identity.
There was my white linen duvet, freshly washed.
There was my little bunny stuffed animal I could never seem to part with.
There were my school awards and even my diploma from Stanford, framed and set above my little desk where I’d done countless hours of homework.
There were pictures of me, Benny, and Mom with people who were now famous, who passed through Quinn Canyon on their way to superstardom.
There were a handful of pictures with old high school friends, people I’d since lost touch with.
Benny had always been my best friend, but I used to have other people, in high school and college.
I used to have... a life. There were posters for movies and bands I loved.
When had I stopped watching movies? Why didn’t I even listen to music?
That was all I ever wanted to do when I was younger.
Mom, Benny, and I would have marathon movie days.
The house used to be filled with music. It was like everything I once loved had dried up.
Flinging myself on the bed, I stared up at the ceiling. There was no possible way to be confronted with the things I used to love without another scene playing through my mind, and I had nothing but time to let it roll.