Chapter 11
M y stomach roiled and churned, but I didn’t say no. That shocked me the most. I didn’t immediately tell her no.
“Ten grand,” I finally said. “Really?”
“Hey, you’re the one that wanted to make a bet.”
“I was joking .”
Benny shook her head. “You want some real stakes to liven this up, then? Here’s the truth that only a sister will tell you, Charlie.
If you keep going like this, you’re going to wake up one day twenty-five years from now and you’re going to regret it.
Do you need higher stakes than that? Do you want to waste your life being afraid and cynical?
I’m not even fully convinced you loved your job.
I just think you never stopped working long enough to evaluate if you were happy or not. ”
“I can’t end up like Mom,” I whispered.
“We’d all be lucky to end up like Mom,” Benny said, hand on her hip. “She is living her life on her own terms. She is more alive than most thirty-year-olds in this city. I think ending up like Mom would be a gift.”
“Hmmm,” was all I said.
“Okay,” Benny countered, and clapped her hands together. “I read about this woman Bronnie Ware who worked as a palliative nurse caring for the dying. She said people had five main regrets on their deathbed. You want to know what they are, Charlie?”
“Not really.”
“It’s a good thing our bet hasn’t started, because you’d already owe me ten grand. This is a request. You have to listen to me.”
I smiled despite myself and rolled my eyes. “Fine. Tell me.”
“I have them memorized,” she stated and started listing the regrets off on her fingers.
“One, I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Two, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” At that one, she pointed her finger at me so hard it hit my breastbone.
“Three, I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Four, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
And five, I wish I had let myself be happier.
You’re failing four out of five. And, not to be harsh, but if you had any friends to stay in touch with , you’d be five for five, babe. ”
“Jeez,” I breathed out. “You can be honest, Benny, but you don’t have to be cruel.”
“I am never this honest. I am very uncomfortable right now. You know I hate confrontation. But I think you need an intervention. Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
I had never met a single soul in the world that could deny Benny Quinn, because even her worst ideas sounded pretty good when she was passionate like this.
Also, I trusted her with my life. She had never wanted anything but the best for me.
Over the years, she’d asked so little of me.
Even though I knew this wouldn’t work or change anything, I wanted to say yes just so this would finally prove to Benny and Mom that they’d be better off if they were more realistic and practical.
“Fine,” I said to Benny.
Benny jumped back, eyes wide. “You’re saying yes?”
“I’m saying yes. I think it’s crazy and it’s definitely not going to work, but I’ll commit. I’ll give it my best try.”
“And the bet? You want to risk the 10-K or you’ll take your chances dying with all five regrets?”
“Gosh, when did you become so morbid?”
“I think the only way to really live is to embrace the fact that one day you die,” she opined.
I laughed. “Let’s make it interesting, then. We’ll do both. I’ll risk dying with regrets and the ten grand. You can hold both over me to get me to comply.”
“This is too much power, Charlie,” Benny said, holding her hands in front of her body like she was about to turn into a superhero villain. “I’m going to be drunk with it.”
“You already are,” I said, putting my arm around her as we finally started the ascent to the house. “But I have one request of my own before I agree.”
“What’s that?” Benny asked skeptically, like this one request was about to foil everything.
“No more talking about Noah.”
Her head whipped toward me, and I saw her narrowing her eyes in my peripheral vision.
“Fine,” she finally agreed. “But I want it on the record that I think not talking about Noah is a mistake and you should —nay, probably need to—talk about it, but I’ll relent for the sake of the month of yes.”
“Okay, then I’m in.”
She stuck her hand out. “Shake on it.”
I grabbed her hand and shook. “There.”
She clutched my hand in hers. “One whole month. You have to listen to me. You have to do something delightful every day. You have to say yes, inhabit the energy of possibility. If you don’t, you give me ten grand and die with all your regrets and never have to listen to me again.”
I nodded and shook her hand hard with my whole arm. She smiled like a kid.
“This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever agreed to,” I said.
“It’s going to be great.”
“For you maybe.”
“I already have my first request,” she said while we were right outside the door to the house.
“I just got nervous,” I revealed, and it was true. My stomach flipped.
“I’m doing this for your own good,” she said. “It’s not like I’m going to make you eat cockroaches or something.”
“I may prefer that to some of the things you’re going to request.”
Benny narrowed her eyes and said, “You have to be nice to Mom and give her a chance and actually spend time with her.”
“ Ugh . Can I eat the cockroaches instead?”
“Charlie,” Benny replied like a warning.
“Fine,” I said. “Fine.”
I had packed for three days in LA and was planning on leaving in mere hours. Now I was going to be here all month. Benny Quinn was a witch, because what the hell had she just gotten me to agree to?