19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Finn
R oman’s fingers snapped in front of my face, drawing me out of my trance.
“Earth to Finn,” he barked.
I shoved my business partner and best friend’s hand out of my face before pushing from the chair behind my desk and walking to the window.
He folded his arms across his chest and stared me down. “What the hell is going on with you?” he demanded. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d be concerned if you weren’t a moody, seclusive asshole, but these last couple weeks have been extreme.”
Avoiding his stare, I focused on the wind blowing through the tree tops. Something that felt an awful lot like worry worked its way through me when I thought about how quickly mountain roads could turn treacherous if the wind blew hard enough to create snow drifts.
“You don’t answer your phone,” he continued. “And don’t give me any bullshit about being in the middle of nowhere and not having service. You literally arranged to have a cell tower installed on your property, not to mention we’ve operated with you based up here for years without any problems. I have never had as much difficulty getting a hold of you as I have since the blizzard a couple weeks ago.”
My mind traveled back to the snow storm that delivered the woman who changed my life. Purposely avoiding Tessa the past few days felt like ripping the remains of my tattered soul from my body, but I told myself it was better for everyone this way. Regretfully, my refusal to be in her physical proximity did little to keep my thoughts from straying to her every few seconds.
Endeavoring to remind myself she was not a permanent fixture in my life, I bought her a laptop, hoping she would use it to figure out what her plans would be once she left Absolution.
The day before, I drove her into town to have her stitches removed. It was the most time I’d spent with her in days. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, I missed her.
I mentally shook myself and focused on the conversation at hand. “There’s been some stuff going on around here that had me a bit distracted.”
Roman’s jaw slackened at my statement. “ Distracted ? What the hell has been going on around here that has you so distracted we almost lost our contract with the Department of Defense?”
My brow furrowed as I turned to look at Roman. What the hell was he talking about? I thought while I wracked my brain. I shouldn’t have worried. He was far from done reaming my ass.
“Yeah, asshole. You heard me. I got a call from Donahue the other day. He wanted to know why he hadn’t received the contracts you promised would be on his desk by last Friday.”
I dropped my chin to my chest. Shit . I totally forgot those were due last week.
In the days since my self-imposed exile from the brunette who upended my carefully crafted universe, I attempted to work my way through the contracts Roman was talking about. Each time I picked them up, I managed to read approximately one or two sentences before I was bombarded with thoughts of my curvy houseguest.
I exhaled heavily. Hell, if I was brutally honest with myself, I started daydreaming about the vixen who now starred in all my fantasies as soon as she arrived. Even during the snowstorm, the time I forced myself to spend in my office was futile.
“I saved your ass by the way,” Roman continued. “You’re fucking welcome,” he added, shaking his head before he looked away.
We stood in silence for several moments while I tried to come up with an explanation for how I allowed our company’s most important contract to fall through the cracks.
I needed to come clean about Tessa. Hell, we needed to discuss the fact I volunteered our company’s resources to help untangle her from her ex.
Just man up and tell him the truth .
Before I could find the words, Roman spoke. “Look, I know the last few years have been difficult for you.”
My head jerked in his direction as I prepared to defend myself.
“Nah, don’t even, man. You can continue to lie through your teeth to everyone else, but you can’t hide this shit from me.”
An annoyed huff left me before I returned to staring out the window and he continued. “I’ve known you since BUD/S. And while you weren’t exactly a ray of sunshine back then either, you weren’t the person you’ve become since our last deployment.”
I ground my teeth while Roman continued spewing words he knew I had no interest in hearing. He fucking knew better than to bring up those last few weeks in Afghanistan.
“I get it. I was there too. I didn’t go through what you did, but I lost the same people, Finn."
I opened my mouth to interrupt him, but he beat me to it.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I wasn’t in charge of our squad. I didn’t make the decision that led to what happened. But they gave you an impossible mission, and you made the best call you could with the information you had at the time.”
Snarling so softly I doubted he could hear it, I continued to study the landscape that had somewhat mended my broken pieces in a way nothing else ever had. Well…the way nothing else had until a couple weeks ago.
I tensed when a hand descended on my shoulder. My instincts demanded I shrug off the display of comfort, but the part of my soul that sought absolution for the mistakes of my past clung to it.
At my continued silence, Roman sighed. “Look, I know we’ve talked about this in the past –” He broke off when I grunted, chuckling at my response. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how I remember those conversations going. But seriously, man. I know all the reasons why you never considered it before. But we are so far beyond anything the military could do to us anymore. They can’t pull you from the field for getting help. And no one who cares about you would see it as a weakness.
I mulled over what he said. As I opened my mouth to address the truth my best friend spent the last five years trying to get me to see, the front door opened and shut. My phone chimed with an alert, notifying me the security code I assigned Tessa was just entered on the front door alarm panel.
Roman’s brow furrowed when the girls’ laughter and their accompanying footsteps echoed down the hallway. Shit .
When Roman knocked on my door with no notice this afternoon, I knew my time was limited if I didn’t want him to run into Tessa. I checked my watch, silently cursing myself for not getting rid of him faster.
His blue eyes searched mine briefly before he spun on his heel and exited my office. I ran after him, but the damn giant had legs the size of oak trees. Even with my considerable height, he still beat me to the living room where Tessa and Reagan were setting several shopping bags on the sofa.
Reagan spun from where she stood next to Tessa on the far side of the room while Tessa froze, her attention locked on Roman’s hulking presence. Her eyes met mine, the fear written across her face causing my heart to thrash in my chest.
While the instant need to soothe her nearly overpowered me, something inside settled when I realized her immediate reaction was to seek me out. I gave her a brief smile, assuring her she had nothing to be afraid of…a gesture Roman did not miss.
My best friend studied my face before turning toward Tessa, who was now wringing her hands in the hem of her shirt, her eyes locked firmly on me.
A seductive grin tilted Reagan’s lips as she took in my business partner. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Roman Kincaid. It’s been quite a while since you’ve graced this small town with your considerable presence.”
Turning his attention from Tessa, Roman chuckled while Reagan sashayed over to him.
“What can I say, Reagan? My schedule simply doesn’t allow for many visits out to the middle of nowhere.”
Reagan tsked at his words before admonishing him. “Better be careful there, sailor. If Mama Remington hears those words, she’ll tan your hide.”
I mentally fumed at Reagan’s correct use of Naval terminology when speaking to my best friend.
Roman chuckled at Reagan’s statement despite knowing the truth behind her words.
Reagan’s smirk grew as realization lit behind her eyes. “In fact, I’m willing to bet she doesn’t even know you’re in town.” No one spoke. Considering I hadn’t known Roman was in town until he showed up, I highly doubted my mother was aware of his visit. Taking our lack of denial as confirmation, Reagan’s eyes bounced between Roman and me. “Hmmm. It sure would be a shame if someone let it slip her surrogate son was in town and couldn’t be bothered to stop by and say hello.”
Damn, she was good.
Roman’s eyes sparkled with amusement while the redhead played him like a fiddle.
When I left the Navy and returned home, Roman came with me. It wasn’t the first time he visited, but it was the longest stretch of time he spent in my hometown. Given he grew up as an orphan in foster care and had no home to go back to, he accompanied me during several of our leaves from the service. Despite my mother already having three sons who were considered successful and contributing members of society, she latched on to Roman like the prodigal son she was searching for. Roman could do no wrong in her eyes, but the exception would be his failure to notify her of a visit to town.
While Roman and Reagan had met and flirted numerous times over the years, nothing ever came of it. I was pretty sure I knew why, but Roman refused to talk about his love life with anyone, including me.
“Well, we certainly can’t have Mama Remington upset so I’ll be sure to swing by the house on my way out of town,” he conceded after being suitably chastised.
Satisfied he wouldn’t skip town without a visit by my parents’ house, Reagan turned around and began scooping bags into her arms. Tessa followed suit, her stare locked firmly on the floor.
As they turned to head down the hallway that led to the bedrooms, Reagan paused, her eyes narrowing on me. “Well, since the stone statue over there doesn’t seem inclined to use the manners I know his mother taught him, I’ll introduce you to the newest resident of Casa Remington. Roman, this is Tessa. Tessa, this Roman, Finn’s business partner and best friend.”
I ground my teeth, knowing Reagan’s introduction just imploded any potential conclusion to the conversation we were having before their arrival.
Reagan headed down the hallway, Tessa close on her heels.
Roman and I stood in silence, their footsteps growing quieter before the tell-tale snick of Tessa’s door closing echoed down the hall.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply while I prepared for the argument about to ensue. After several moments of silence, I opened my eyes to find Roman studying me. My mouth remained closed, but I held his stare without waiver.
He gave a slight bob of his head. “She’s staying here?” he asked, already knowing she was. The only confirmation I gave was a small downward jerk of my chin. He continued to study me before spinning on his heel and walking back to my office.
I stood there for a moment, momentarily shocked at his response. Knowing he would never let me off the hook that easy, I strode toward my office.
Roman stood behind my desk, flipping through the papers scattered across the normally organized surface.
“That’s it?” I asked.
He lifted his head slightly to look at me before straightening and slipping his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. “What would you like me to say, Finn?” he asked casually, as though we were talking about the weather.
I stared at the man, at a complete and total loss for words.
Roman sighed heavily before he walked toward the bookshelf where framed pictures from our time in the SEALs sat.
“You know, I was serious when I said you’d been more of a moody asshole than usual over the past couple weeks,” he said while he scanned the photographs of our teammates. “But at the same time, during the few occasions when I actually got your ass on the phone, something was different. I couldn’t place what it was, but something almost seemed…lighter about you.”
As much as I hated it, I couldn’t help noticing I had an almost identical thought myself only a few days prior.
“I ultimately dismissed the feeling because you were far surlier than you’ve been in years, so I convinced myself I was imagining it.” Roman glanced at me from where he stood. “But I wasn’t imagining it, was I?”
His question hung in the air.
No, he wasn’t imagining it. I wanted to deny it, but Tessa soothed some part of myself I believed was permanently broken. My nightmares, while still present, were less frequent since she showed up. The guilt that never went away, and likely never would, wasn’t quite as oppressive when I was around her.
No, he most certainly wasn’t imagining anything. But that didn’t mean she was mine to keep. I’d let her stay here. I’d make sure she was safe and help her escape the hold her ex had on her, and then I’d set her free. I knew it was the right thing to do, but something deep inside screamed and banged on the walls of my chest in protest at the thought of letting her go.
Seeming to sense the battle raging inside my head, Roman sighed. “I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say she’s been here since around the time the last storm hit.” I noticed his words were a statement and not a question.
I nodded but gave him nothing else.
Roman’s head bobbed up and down lightly while he studied me. “She told you about the guy?” he asked.
My eyes snapped to his. He chuckled, shaking his head. “Give me some credit. I’m not that stupid. She froze like a deer in the headlights the instant she saw me. The look in her eye when she clocked me was complete and utter terror. And don’t even get me started on the fact her immediate reaction was to look to you for reassurance.
Breaking my silence for the first time since he began his analysis of the situation, I lied through my teeth. “I’m just helping her get back on her feet. She needed a safe place to stay while she figures out her next move, and I have more space than I know what to do with. That’s it.”
Roman walked toward me and I tensed. I wasn’t physically afraid of Roman. We sparred more times than I could count over the years, but I knew if it came down to it, I could hold my own against him.
He smirked at my defensive posture. “You done lying to yourself yet?” he asked as he pointed in the direction of the living room. “Because the man I saw out there was not an emotionally detached good Samaritan who is letting a complete stranger , one who likely has years of trauma to unpack, stay in his house.”
I clenched my jaw when his words hit their mark, but he wasn’t done. “The man I saw out there was one whose first instinct was to comfort the woman who’s bringing him back to life. The same woman I’d bet money is causing all your protective instincts to flair back to life.”
Roman sighed heavily. “Look, I’m not stupid,” he continued. “So please, do me the favor of not lying to my face. You can deny it all you want, but you and I both know you are not just helping her out of the goodness of your heart.”
I opened my mouth to set him straight, but he held up his hand before I could utter any of the bullshit I was putting together in my head.
“And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, if she can pull your head out of your ass when the rest of us have tried and failed for years, then I’m all for it. But you have to remember she has demons. They may be different from the ones you and I deal with, but I’m betting they’re just as powerful.”
My brows furrowed in confusion as I held Roman’s stare. “Make your point already,” I demanded.
The lines of his face softened slightly before he struck the final blow. “You really think you can help her with her demons while your own are chasing you down like the hounds of hell?”
I grappled with the truth Roman shoved in my face, my stubbornness flaring to life.
“I’m fine. I can control myself,” I said.
Roman continued to stare at me while I stubbornly held his stare before he landed the final nail in my coffin. “Yeah, I bet the asshole who put that fear in her eyes said the same thing.”
Knowing he knocked every ounce of wind from my sails, Roman walked over to my desk before sitting down and continuing to flip through papers as though he didn’t just obliterate the walls of self-denial I spent the last several years fortifying.
Well. Fuck .