20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Finn
R oman left for my parents’ house shortly after dismantling the labyrinth of falsehoods I spent the last several days constructing. I shook my head at myself. If I was honest, I was lying to myself for far longer than the last two weeks.
When I returned to my hometown, my reason for not getting help had been simple – I deserved the purgatory my life had deteriorated into. It didn’t matter my decisions as a leader were made to further our mission. Those choices led to the death of my teammates. In my mind, there was nothing in existence that could absolve me from my sins, so I saw little point in trying.
As time went by, and I sequestered myself further from the outside world, the ghosts who haunted me became familiar. After a while, the thought of losing something that was such an ingrained part of me was almost as terrifying as the idea of starting over. My brothers weren’t allowed to start over. Why the hell should I be given the opportunity?
To further inflict my self-imposed exile, I pulled away from everything except work and my family. My work provided an outlet, a way for me to do good, to right some of the world’s wrongs. And while there weren’t enough assignments in the universe to absolve me of my crimes, I was determined to rectify as many as possible during my time on this earth.
I initially contemplated pulling back from my family, insisting to myself they didn’t need my dark cloud hanging over their head, but quickly squashed the idea. Knowing my mother the way I did, she would stage a systematic invasion of every aspect of my life if I tried to pull back from them.
As a result, I fell into a pattern that defined the last several years of my life. I built my house, ensured I had everything I would need to run the business from my cabin, and only went into town to grab supplies. And while I knew happiness wasn’t for me, I was satisfied with my life. At least I was until a certain brunette managed to pull me under her spell.
I paced across my office and checked my watch for the tenth time in the last five minutes. Exhaling harshly through my nose, I reminded myself Tessa was perfectly safe in her bedroom.
After retreating to her room, Tessa and Reagan barricaded themselves inside. When I knocked on the door to check on Tessa, Reagan cracked the door wide enough to squeeze her face into the gap. I attempted to locate Tessa behind the stubborn redhead, disappointment filling me when I was unsuccessful. After mentioning we needed to leave within the hour to avoid being late for her first shift, Reagan’s eyes narrowed. She assured me Tessa would be ready on time before promptly shutting the door in my face.
I returned to my office, determined to be productive, only for my thoughts to drift the moment I sat down.
When Reagan picked Tessa up that morning, I told myself it was for the best. She needed to make friends. Convincing myself having her away from the house would enable me to focus, I spent the next several hours trying to work, only to repeatedly check my phone in an almost obsessive manner. Logically, I knew she was coming back, but a small part of me was worried she would change her mind about staying and ask Reagan to drop her at the nearest bus station.
I tried to deny it, but the idea of never seeing Tessa again filled me with grief exceeding anything I’d ever known.
Despite my initial panic when Roman discovered her in my home, the relief I felt at Tessa’s return was comical. The knot in my chest loosened, and I could breathe for the first time since she left.
The thoughts running through my head since her arrival were disorienting. I knew I didn’t deserve her, but that knowledge didn’t stop the intrusive thoughts I continued to experience, regardless of how many times I told myself I wasn’t the man she needed. In spite of the abuse she endured, there was still a part of Tessa that was pure and innocent. Getting involved with me would only tarnish her spirit.
Still, I knew Roman was right. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t like the parallels I could now see between her ex and myself. With that firmly in mind, I pulled the weathered piece of cardstock Gunner gave me long ago from my desk drawer.
My hand remained steady while I dialed the number, but my pulse raced. A loud ringing reverberated through the line while I questioned what I was doing. Just as my thumb moved to disconnect the call, a man picked up.
By the time I ended the call, I had an appointment the following week for my first therapy session.
Soft giggles floated down the hallway, the sound pulling me toward the living room where I found Reagan standing in the doorway. She cleared her throat, and I noted Tessa’s absence.
“May I present the new, improved, and seriously badass Tessa Devereaux?” Reagan asked rhetorically before stepping off to the side.
Improved? There wasn’t a damn thing about that woman I would change.
We both stood there for several long moments while we waited for Tessa to appear. Fed up with her stage fright, Reagan marched a few feet down the hall, before dragging Tessa into the room.
I choked on my breath. She was always gorgeous, but the combination of her outfit and braided hairdo brought her beauty to a level that put Aphrodite herself to shame.
Fuck . I knew she was out of my league before, but the Siren standing before me drove home just how lacking I truly was.
The bastard between my legs woke up and hardened as I scanned Tessa from head to toe. Lashes that were always long and thick accented her eyes more than usual tonight. Her lips shimmered, a dusky pink hue spreading across her cheeks.
God, what I wouldn’t give to devour those lips.
Continuing my perusal, I took in the figure-hugging blouse she wore. The dark red material dipped low between her breasts, and my mouth watered with each cleavage-raising inhale. A black skirt clung to her hips, the hem falling halfway down her thighs. But her legs . Goddamn, her legs were going to be the end of me.
Charcoal grey suede boots rose well past her knees. I fought the desperate need to palm my erection, the few inches of skin peeking out between the hem of her skirt and the top of her boots causing my mouth to water. Vaguely registering how the height she gained from the heels brought her almost eye level with my six-foot four frame, I fought back a groan as I took in the entirety of her new look.
Fuck, I was going to need bail money if she was determined to go into town looking like every man’s wet dream.
I was debating whether I had time for a cold shower when I saw her face. The uncertain expression she wore pulled me in her direction.
Her stare remained downcast, her shoulders rounded forward, and her hands were once again wringing themselves within an inch of their life.
No. No, that was simply unacceptable.
I stepped forward, directly in front of Tessa.
“Hey,” I murmured to get her to look at me. My voice was thick and hoarse. Slowly, she raised her head before meeting my eyes.
The urge to devour her threatened to consume me, but I pushed my arousal away and focused on her needs.
She searched my expression. Worried my hunger for her was written across my face, I did my best to school my features.
“Hi,” she whispered, self-doubt heavy in her voice.
I had no idea what she wore when she lived in L.A., but based on the way she was acting, I was willing to hazard a guess her current outfit was pushing her outside of her comfort zone.
Needing to see the confidence and strength I glimpsed before, I locked onto her gaze. “You look absolutely stunning,” I told her, praying she heard the sincerity in my words. “Truly, Tessa. You are breathtaking.”
Her face flushed, the pink hue spreading across her cheekbones while I imagined how that blush would spread to other parts of her body with my head between her thighs.
The tension in the room shattered when Reagan spoke. “I know, right? She’s a knockout. This little outfit only cost sixty bucks, and I’d bet my paycheck she’ll make triple that tonight in tips alone. The boys are going to be fighting one another to sit in your section,” she predicted and grinned at Tessa.
My blood heated with jealously. She wasn’t wrong. The men were going to be drooling all over themselves when they got a look at Tessa. I felt my fists begin to clench while images of men hitting on her played before me.
Fuck . I needed to get a hold of myself. I was never jealous with any of the women I dated before, but the idea of someone else making a move on Tessa filled me with rage.
Deciding the best course of action was to end this conversation, I checked my watch. “We better get going. I told Theo I’d have you there at five so he could get you set up before your shift officially starts.”
Tessa nodded before turning to Reagan. “Thank you so much for taking me shopping and for helping me get ready.”
When Reagan enveloped her in a hug, she froze. God, how long had it been since this woman was shown affection from the people around her? She seemed to handle my mother’s embrace alright, despite a small squeak of surprise, but there was still a stiffness to her afterward. While I supposed it was possible Tessa simply wasn’t an affectionate person, something told me there was more behind her response.
Finally relaxing into the embrace, Tessa raised her arms and awkwardly wrapped them around Reagan.
As Reagan pulled away, she looked Tessa in the eye. “You go kick ass tonight. Don’t take shit from anybody. Theo won’t tolerate bad behavior from the customers and neither should you.”
Tessa’s face lit with a smile at Reagan’s words of encouragement. “I won’t, I promise.”
“Atta girl,” Reagan said, returning Tessa’s smile with one of her own. “I’ve got a few things I need to take care of, but I’ll try to swing by later and see how things are going, alright?”
Tessa nodded, the tension in her shoulders easing at the idea there would be at least one friendly face in the crowd tonight. Well, two friendly faces. She was out of her mind if she honestly thought there was any way I wasn’t sticking around for the duration of her shift.
I told myself hanging out at the bar while she worked would prevent me from having to make a trip back in to pick her up when she was done. But the truth was, my instinct to protect her refused to let me leave her there alone. While I doubted her ex knew where she was, I couldn’t verify that until she gave me his name. Not to mention the drunk men who liked to cop a feel as the night wore on.
I patted my pockets to verify I had my wallet and phone. “Ready?” I asked.
Like the brave girl she was, Tessa squared her shoulders, a look of determination spreading across her face. “Yep. Let’s do this.”