CHAPTER THREE
MATTI
I barely set foot inside the luxury cabin I booked and realize it’s not just grand enough to accommodate the band, it could easily house our entire road crew.
I have half a mind to put out a few calls and invite the whole lot of them, but I stop myself when I consider how the absence of privacy we’re all far too accustomed to might apply itself to my current situation.
Maybe I don’t need everyone I work with to have a front-row seat to the most intimate challenge of my life.
With hardly any luggage to speak of, and hardly any of my packed belongings nearly as appropriate for this trip as I’d anticipated, getting settled only takes a few minutes. I pick the first door off the hall and toss my bag inside. Bunk beds. Yep, that seems right.
No need to dwell on furnishings I’m already more than accustomed to thanks to life on a tour bus.
I make my way along the next few doors, checking out what’s behind them until I find the nearest bathroom, then I move on to examine the kitchen.
Renee said the pantry would be stocked with essentials, and I could have more groceries delivered on request. I’ll wait on that until everyone else gets here.
They’ve got a full-service restaurant at the main lodge and offer room service, so there’s no way I’m going to go hungry until then.
For the most part, everything looks pretty well set up. Great assortment of pots and pans and a really impressive spice rack. Add in some proper groceries and I could spend some time in this kitchen and be perfectly content.
Things take a turn when I open the first set of cupboard doors just left of the fridge.
“What the hell are these supposed to be?” I mutter, taking out one of the itty-bitty mugs stacked on the shelf.
“That’s like two sips up from an espresso.
” I laugh, putting it back. “That’s definitely not going to work. ”
I close the cupboard and pretend I didn’t see anything in there. Might as well consider that one empty. Not going to be using what’s inside anyway.
I waste a few minutes more in the kitchen before I branch out and explore the rest of the place.
Wandering around the empty cabin passes some time but does little to ease the restless feeling turning my stomach and making my muscles twitch with anxious energy. Something aimlessly strolling from room to room is unlikely to release.
Nessa is here with someone.
Oliver.
Is it fair to hate a name just for the sake of hating it? Probably not. But goddamn, I officially hate that name.
Useless though they are for horse-related business, I make my way back around to the room up front and retrieve the one pair of sneakers I brought.
It takes digging down to the bottom of my bag to find them but once I do, I also change out my jeans for board shorts and peel out of my shirt which is already soaked from nervous sweat.
I’m a real fucking catch right now. Bullshit spewing, an irrational hate of names, and nervous sweat. What woman wouldn’t want to come running back to this?
I let out a long breath and shake it off.
The trails around here may be intended for horses, but I imagine they’ll do just fine for a run. And I need to run. Fast. Hard. And for as long as it takes to leave behind the image of Oliver – stupid fucking name, Oliver - standing beside Nessa.
Once I’m outside, I choose the first dirt path I see leading away from my cabin and dart off into the woods. As soon as the resort is out of view, my mind begins to wander, unwinding a little more with every turn along the trail.
Entire conversations between myself and Ness begin to replay themselves word for word, starting with the most recent one.
I slow everything down, letting the words sift through my mind like sand through a sieve trying to find any trinkets I missed in the moment.
Changes in her tone. A shift in her expression.
Anything that will help me make sense of where we are now and how we ended up here.
I need to know. Need to understand. It’s the only way I’m ever going to know how to move forward. With her. And I want to move forward with her.
It’s suddenly inescapably clear that I’ve been stuck at a total standstill without her.
Like I’m still waiting for her to come back.
Like deep down, I still believed she would.
The fact I’m currently running aimlessly through the woods instead of straight toward her, when that would have been the shortest, most direct path forward, adds a laughable level of symbolism to my situation.
Or it would.
If I didn’t nearly plow her over.
“Holy shit. Are you okay?” I have one hand on each of her arms from my last-minute attempt to simultaneously move her out of my path and try to catch her and keep her from falling. We both scramble around for a second, finding our footing, but neither of us ends up in the dirt.
“Where did you even come from?” She’s half laughing, half exasperated, same as she used to sound trying to get mad at the kids when they did something every decent parent would scold them for, but we found ourselves more inclined to laugh at.
I didn’t sound like anything in those moments.
The one time I tried to say something stern I broke down in a fit of giggles.
Nessa never let me attempt it again. From then on, my job was simply to keep the laughter in.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” I release her and take a step back, automatically letting my gaze drift from one end of the trail toward the other.
We’re not at any sort of crossing. There was no bend or turn or even any sort of rock or tree obstructing the view.
“I honestly don’t know how we didn’t see each other. ”
She laughs. “Are you kidding? I know exactly why you didn’t see me.
You totally zone out when you’re running.
It’s like an out-of-body experience for you or something.
I swear, there were times over the years I was amazed you found your way back home after darting out of the house in your sneakers and that glazed look in your eyes you get when you’re buried in your own thoughts. ”
My mouth opens to argue but nothing comes out. I shake my head, chuckling. “I’ve got nothing to defend myself with.”
She gloats back at me, grinning from ear to ear.
Then I remember, I have an excuse – a lame one but still. Meanwhile, she nearly ran into me too and I have yet to hear a reason for it. “That explains my poor navigation skills. How come you’re wandering around the woods and knocking into people?”
Her grin recedes a bit as she gradually raises her right hand, sheepishly revealing her phone. Only takes half a glance to realize her Kindle App is open. “I might have been reading while walking.”
I raise my brow, trying to force my face into some sort of stern expression.
It’s not working. “I hope you don’t intend to do that while on a horse.
I know they seem really chill, but they are unpredictable, dangerous creatures.
” The longer I go on, the easier it is to be serious again.
“I’m telling you, you can’t take your attention off them. ”
Ness, on the other hand, has given up any effort at politely stifling her amusement.
“Still scared of horses, huh?” She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, her gaze lowering to the ground.
When she looks up at me again, she’s not laughing at me anymore.
“Coming to a dude ranch seems a bit of an odd choice for you then, don’t you think? ”
“Wasn’t exactly my choice,” I concede to what I can consider to be at least partially true. Depending on the angle. Did I choose to come here? Yes. Did I choose for here to be a dude ranch? Obviously not.
“Whose idea was it then?” she presses the issue.
Because she knows I’m lying. “Knox wanna come get his cowboy on? Was it Jason’s half-baked attempt at a romantic getaway without actually having to get away from anyone or be romantic in any way?
” She takes a step toward me like she’s moving in for the kill.
“Or maybe this trip was Cass’s idea. Some long-lost childhood dream of ponies finally coming true?
Tell me, which one of them picked this place?
The very same place you knew I was coming to with my sisters. ”
I laugh. Uncomfortably. But it’s all I got for stalling skills.
And my lying skills are even worse. So, I keep the partial truths coming.
“It wasn’t so much that any of us wanted to stay on a dude ranch,” I explain, trying to sound perfectly rational even as her eyes are narrowing and my heart rate is rising.
Even after all the years we were together, this is uncharted territory for us.
I don’t lie to her. She doesn’t stare me down like she’s trying to threaten a confession out of me.
“Certainly not one you guys were staying at.”
Or at least we never did those things before.
“No, I guess you wouldn’t. Especially not given how weird it is all of us being here at the same time.” Her gaze drops to her feet, which seem to be shifting around restlessly, taking turns kicking at dirt for no obvious reason. “Kenley pick this place?”
“Kenley? No.” I’m surprised Ness even remembered I mentioned she was coming. “Kenley had nothing to do with it.”
“What was it then?” Nessa presses the issue again when I stay silent, too caught up in who we’re becoming to keep up with the unfolding of it all.