Chapter 11
KAI
Biology was dragging, and Alex still held a firm place in my mind.
I ran a hand through my hair, trying to focus on the worksheet in front of me, but my eyes kept drifting - analysing his every move from where he was at the front table.
He just sat there all lesson looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.
No.
Looking like he was somewhere else entirely. Somewhere tucked away in that complex mind of his, far from this classroom, far from me, far from everything.
He didn’t raise his hand. Didn’t whisper to anyone. Didn’t even pretend to pay attention.
He just stared at his desk, shoulders tight, jaw set, like he was holding himself together with sheer will.
And I wanted to see him.
I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he talked to me much. It wasn’t like he seemed happy to see me. Half the time he looked startled when I even said his name.
So I told myself it was curiosity.
That was safe.
That made sense.
I’d never met anyone like him before - someone who could be so quiet yet somehow take up so much space in my head. Someone who made me notice things I didn’t usually notice. Someone who made me think about things I didn’t want to think about.
But deep down, it felt like more than that.
And that terrified me.
Because I didn’t do emotions.
A pen sliding down my forearm tore me out of my thoughts.
“You doing much later?” Jessica Miller asked from beside me, chewing gum like she was trying to set a world record. I moved my arm away.
Jess was a good-looking girl - everyone knew that - and she dressed in a way that made sure people noticed her. But she was also… well, Jess. She flirted with everyone, collected attention like it was a hobby.
We’d had a thing once. If you could even call it that.
Just a kiss and a rub at Zack’s party the other year, a bit of clumsy messing around before she moved on to the next guy five minutes later. It hadn’t meant anything to me then, and it definitely didn’t now.
I didn’t want her. And it didn’t matter how many times she tried to throw herself at me.
“Just training,” I said, turning to face her.
“Always training,” she sighed, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “Aren’t you strong enough now, Kai?” Her pen was now dragging down my bicep like she was testing the texture of it.
“You can always be stronger,” Anderson chimed in from behind us. “Right, Cap?”
I nodded, chewing on my pen, letting Anderson think it was all about strength. Like I was chasing some number on a barbell.
But it wasn’t that. Not really.
It was about being as fit as I possibly could be. About keeping my head clear. About staying in control.
Yeah, I trained weights - but I also did cardio, boxing, interval training. Anything that pushed me hard enough that I didn’t have room to think about anything else. Anything that kept the noise in my head quiet. My eyes pinned on the overall goal - my future.
Jess didn’t get that. Most people didn’t.
To them, it was just muscles and showing off and being ‘Captain.’ To me, it was survival.
I had to be the best. Not just in the gym but on the pitch too.
Football wasn’t like rugby or any other contact sport.
You didn’t just need to be the biggest. You had to be the fastest too.
With a strong throw and an even stronger kick.
“Do you think you could bench me?” Jess asked, twirling her ponytail around her pink-painted nails.
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “How much do you weigh?”
“You should never ask a lady that,” Frankie gasped dramatically from across the table.
“Is she a lady though?” Anderson snickered, earning a slap on the arm.
Jess whipped around to glare at him. “You weren’t saying that in my DMs last year.”
Anderson’s face went red, strands of his dark hair landing in his eye line. “That was- I didn’t- you-”
The whole table erupted into quiet snickers, and Jess looked smug enough to float.
“I can pull the messages up right now,” Jess said, scrolling through her phone with a dramatic flourish.
She leaned closer, eyebrows raised. “You’re so perfect. Wanna get a milkshake sometime?” she read aloud, giving Anderson a look like she’d just caught him red-handed.
“Get a milkshake?!” Johnson practically choked, his neat cornrows shaking as he laughed. “Where were you gonna take her? Maccy Dee’s? Nah, you deserve better than that, love.”
“What’s wrong with a McDonald’s milkshake?” he added, suddenly defensive, his chiselled jaw tightening.
“Nothing,” Frankie said, shaking her head. “But you don’t go there on a date.”
“Yeah, lad. Come on, surely you knew that,” I laughed, dropping my head into my hands.
Anderson groaned, his extra-large build somehow making every chair look far too small for him. “It was one message! One!”
Jess smirked. “One too many.”
Frankie nudged her. “To be fair, at least he asked you out properly. Half the boys in this school just send emojis and hope for the best.”
“You said you liked the emoji!” Bryce shouted from across the room, and Frankie let out a loud chuckle.
“I say a lot of things, babe,” she shot back, flipping her blond hair.
“You sent an emoji when you pulled Frankie?” Anderson looked over at Bryce, eyebrows raised. “What was it?”
“Love-struck face with a wave,” Bryce said with a shrug.
“Real smooth,” I added, shaking my head.
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it? Better than your whole milkshake thing.” He gestured to Anderson lazily, a smug smile on his face.
“I’d like to clarify. It wasn’t the milkshake that was the problem,” Jess laughed, reapplying lip balm in her front camera.
“Settle down over there,” Mr Patel called out, not even looking up from the board. The guys tried - and failed - to hold in their laughter.
“Sorry, sir,” Frankie said, in a tone that was about as sincere as a wet paper towel.
I should’ve been laughing too. Or at least pretending to. But my eyes drifted back to the front of the room - to Alex, hunched over his desk, staring at nothing.
And suddenly the noise around me felt far away.
Because no amount of banter or teasing or Jessica Miller twirling her hair could distract me from the fact that something was wrong with him.
And I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to know what.