Chapter 12
ALEX
Since Connor had his ‘words’ with me the other night, thinking straight had been a chore.
It had been a while since he’d gone off like that, but the feeling it left behind was all too familiar.
Yesterday I could barely move. Could barely get out of bed even though I wanted nothing more than to be out of that house.
Today my ribs were still sore, but at least my head felt a little clearer.
I should’ve stayed home again. Rested. But I couldn’t stand being there - couldn’t stand being anywhere near Connor.
Lately, he was like a bomb waiting to go off, and I didn’t want to be anywhere close when it did.
He’d asked me to do a drop this morning anyway, so I figured I might as well come to school.
Thankfully, the deal at the bridge on Monday night had gone as smoothly as it could, considering it was a few hours delayed. I counted myself lucky he wasn’t home when I got back, and I could just leave his money on the side and hibernate in my room for the foreseeable.
He came in my room yesterday acting like nothing had happened.
Asking if I wanted to come downstairs for a smoke with him and Spike, like he always did.
Maybe that was his way of coping. I don’t know.
I know that in his head, he probably thought he was doing right by me - teaching me what he thought were ‘life skills’ the only way he knew how.
But it still made something in me twist. And I couldn’t wait to get out of Belrose.
I didn’t know how I was supposed to go back to my job, but I knew I had to. I needed the money. I needed the freedom it brought. I just had to keep my head down for a few weeks.
That’s why I told Kai I couldn’t come to his later, even though part of me was… curious.
Curious about what his life looked like behind the scenes.
Curious about what it felt like to step into his world.
Curious about him.
But curiosity wasn’t enough to risk Connor noticing I was gone again.
So we were meeting for lunch instead.
Well… supposed to be.
I’d been sitting in the computer room for almost ten minutes, and Kai was nowhere in sight. Maybe he’d forgotten. Or decided he had better things to do. But still, I stayed put. I couldn’t face standing up and walking into the canteen or sitting outside with Rach in our usual spot.
My stomach hurt too much for that. A dull, throbbing ache that pinched even when I breathed too hard.
Rach would notice. She always noticed. She had this way of picking up on every tiny detail about my life, even the ones I tried to hide. She’d ask something or look at me a certain way, and I just didn’t have the energy for it today.
She’d never asked directly about my brother, but she didn’t need to.
Everyone knew what he was like. Everyone knew how he could be.
She’d asked about Mum before, but there wasn’t much to tell.
Mum was… kind, in her own way. Just lost. Completely lost. And she’d been through enough that I couldn’t bring myself to blame her for it.
I just wished she could be here. Really here.
Present enough to see what was happening.
Present enough to realise her son wasn’t a good person.
Present enough to move us out of that house instead of drifting through it, clinging to Connor’s friends and customers, taking whatever they handed her like it was nothing.
I shifted in the chair, wincing as the ache in my ribs flared again.
And then the door opened.
I don’t know why it startled me, but it did. I’d been so wrapped up in my own thoughts - in the possibility that he wasn’t coming - that the sudden sound made me jump.
Kai poked his head around the door with this easy smile, like he’d been here a hundred times before.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, voice soft in a way that felt too familiar.
God. He probably thought I was a complete weirdo. Always flinching, always on edge. It wasn’t him - he’d never scared me, not once - but after the other night, every sense in me felt wired, like my body hadn’t got the memo that I was safe here.
“Oh, no,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “You didn’t. I was just… thinking about shit, and then you came in and- never mind.”
I waved a hand like I could brush the moment away, like it wasn’t embarrassing, like my heart wasn’t still thudding too fast in my chest.
Kai stepped fully into the room, letting the door fall shut behind him. He didn’t look annoyed. Or impatient. Or like he’d forgotten about me.
He just looked… relieved to see me.
“I’m glad you’re here.” He said, walking over and sitting on the computer chair beside me. “I kind of thought you weren’t going to show up?” He placed his duffel bag on the floor, probably containing a football kit, knowing him, then his green eyes caught mine.
“Why?” I said, furrowing my brows. “You’re the one ten minutes late.”
“I know. Sorry about that - there was a line in the canteen,” he said, shaking his head as he swung his rucksack onto the back of the chair.
He unzipped it and started unloading food with this weird sort of precision: sandwich, apple, satsuma, yoghurt, tomato pasta pot, Lucozade Sport.
All lined up in a neat row like they had assigned seats.
I raised my eyebrows without meaning to, curiosity tugging at my face.
“It’s okay,” I said, nodding. “Where did you want to start?” I wiggled the mouse, waking the computer up. “Do you want it to be on PowerPoint? Or Word? Miss King said she doesn’t care.” I shrugged.
“I’m easy,” Kai said, already unwrapping his sandwich. “Whatever you think.”
“Okay… PowerPoint?” I clicked the red tab. “Then we can pull images, maybe make a collage or something.”
“Good idea,” he said around a mouthful of food.
I glanced at him - at the way he demolished his sandwich like he hadn’t eaten in days, at the neat line of snacks on the desk and it made a twist pull low in my stomach.
I would’ve eaten something if I could’ve made it to the canteen without wincing every time I moved.
But walking through a crowd like this? No chance.
Kai noticed me staring. His eyes flicked from me to his sandwich, then back again. Without hesitation, he pulled out the other half.
“Do you want some?” he asked.
It caught me completely off guard.
“No,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “That’s okay.”
“Go on, have it.” He held it out. “I’ve got two.”
My eyebrows pulled together.
“Seriously.” He reassured as he pulled another full pack from his bag.
“Why do you have two sandwiches?” I said with a smile. Laid out in front of him was already a lot of food.
“I’m a growing lad,” he said with a laugh. “Do you want it or not?” he nudged it toward me.
The ache in my stomach tightened, and I sighed, nodding. I took the sandwich lightly, like it might break if I held it too hard.
“Uh, thanks,” I murmured, trying not to sound as grateful as I felt.
Because no one ever noticed when I was hungry. No one ever offered me anything. No one ever thought to.
But Kai did. Without making it weird. Without making it a big deal.
I took a bite and let the soft white bread and chicken salad settle on my tongue. Yesterday I could barely eat because of how sore my stomach was, but now the hunger hit me all at once. I needed it. I’d barely had anything in almost forty-eight hours - just a packet of crisps here and there.
“You don’t eat lunch normally?” Kai asked, eyebrows lifting as he watched me.
I swallowed before answering. “I do. I just had a big breakfast.” A lie, obviously. But what was I supposed to say - that I hadn’t eaten because I couldn’t get out of bed?
“Is that why you were late?” he asked, already reaching for his pasta pot. I blinked, and somehow his sandwich had vanished. “For history?”
“Oh, no.” I shook my head. “I had to drop something off on the way to school. Lost track of time.”
“Something for your brother?” Kai leaned back in his chair, letting it sway side to side. The question caught me off guard. Most people avoided mentioning Connor altogether. But Kai just… asked.
I nodded and took another bite of the sandwich.
“So what’s the deal with that?” he asked, almost casually.
“What do you mean?” I questioned, my eyes drifting back to the computer screen momentarily.
“I mean-” he gestured vaguely at me, at my size, my build, “you don’t really seem like the type for that kind of thing.”
I shrugged. “I’m not really. I just help him out.”
“But don’t you worry about, like… being caught or something?” he asked, genuinely curious, taking a swig of his Lucozade.
I did. All the time. But it wasn’t like I had much of a choice. And being younger meant Connor saw me as ‘low risk.’ If anything ever went wrong, if I got caught, it’d be a few years somewhere they send people my age, then out again. For him, it would be a completely different story.
I shrugged, because what else was I supposed to say.
“You’re brave,” he said, now moving on to his apple.
I almost laughed - a short, disbelieving sound caught in my throat. No one had ever called me brave before. I didn’t feel brave. I didn’t think there was a single part of me that was.
“What? You don’t think so?” he asked, before taking another bite of his crisp apple.
I shook my head. “No. Definitely not brave.”
“You’re braver than me,” he said, smiling like he meant it. “Honestly.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I said, setting the sandwich down. I’d taken a few bites, and honestly, that was enough. The ache in my stomach was getting worse, and I didn’t want to push it. “You seemed brave enough squaring up to Alfie the other day.”
Kai immediately dropped his head into his hands. “Ah. I’m super embarrassed,” he groaned.
“Why are you embarrassed?” I screwed my eyebrows.
“Because I’m not usually like that.” He looked over at me. “It’s just- that kid has a way of rubbing people up the wrong way.”
“He seems alright,” I said, fiddling with my fingers. “At work, I mean.”
“Yeah, maybe he’s alright to you, but to me and the football lads?” He shook his head. “He’s always stirring shit. Winding people up. You saw what he was like.” He let out a small laugh.
I nodded. It had surprised me - the way Alfie was so ready to start something, the way he knew exactly how to push Kai and Callum’s buttons in that moment.
“I think he was just upset about the mess,” I said. It was the only explanation that made sense.
“Yeah, maybe. Sorry again, by the way,” Kai said. “It was genuinely an accident. I’d never do something like that on purpose.” His green eyes held mine for a moment.
“I know that,” I said with a small smile. “You don’t need to keep apologising.”
“Why do I feel like I do?” He questioned, almost to himself.
I shrugged before saying, “It’s honestly fine. I’m fine. These things happen.”
“What, do you often get covered in egg at work then?” he teased, swinging on his chair.
“No, I can’t say that I do,” I chuckled lightly. The laugh made my ribs flare with pain, but I hoped I hid it well. “But you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, tell that to Alfie.” Kai sighed. “Guy hates my fucking guts.”
“I just think you caught him on a bad day.” His eyes sparkled as I spoke.
“Nope.” Kai shook his head, draining the last of his drink. “He’s hated me since day one.”
“Maybe that’s true, but he has been stressed lately. We’ve been short-staffed the past couple days, and I couldn’t come in yesterday, so…”
Kai’s chair stopped its lazy swing. His eyes flicked to mine, sharper now, like he’d caught something in my tone.
“Why couldn’t you go in yesterday?” he asked, and the way he looked at me made me feel… seen. In a way I didn’t want to be.
“Oh, I just had some things to do at home,” I said quickly, too quickly. I glanced at the computer screen. “We should get some work done. We’ve only got fifteen minutes until the bell.”
“Shit!” Kai said, jolting upright. “You’re right.”