Chapter 14
ALEX
I waited a moment before leaving the computer room.
I didn’t want Kai hovering over me, asking more questions. I was lucky he bought the bike thing. Lucky he didn’t push. Because if he had, I wouldn’t have known what to say.
I knew nothing about bikes.
I had one, sure - but it was out in the back garden collecting cobwebs and dust, probably half-buried under leaves by now. I hadn’t ridden it in weeks. Maybe months.
I took a slow breath, waiting for the ache in my ribs to settle before I finally stepped out into the hallway. The corridor was empty now, the noise of lunch fading into the distance. It gave me a moment to breathe. To pull myself back together.
To pretend I was fine again.
But I wasn’t about to let someone else see me like that - someone else asking questions I couldn’t answer, especially a teacher - so I waited until the hallway was silent before pushing through the doors to the courtyard.
The wind hit me immediately - cool and sharp - brushing through my hair and clearing my head just enough to breathe again.
Sixth form was more relaxed, sure, but I still didn’t want any attention on me.
I glanced around, scanning for teachers.
The last thing I needed was to get caught skiving on top of everything else.
But the place was empty. Everyone was already in form.
Good.
I crossed the courtyard, heading toward the field, then veered left toward the netball courts.
They were boxed in by wire fencing, and behind them - tucked out of sight - was the wall.
The shed full of sports equipment blocked it perfectly from view.
Cones, footballs, even javelins were kept in there, but what mattered was the way the shed hid the wall like a blind spot.
I didn’t know why the wall was there. It seemed a little pointless. My best guess was that it had been built for art class or something, because it was covered in murals and graffiti - layers of colour and scribbles and half-faded names. But honestly, I didn’t care why it existed.
I was just glad it did.
It was one of the few places in this whole school where I could disappear. Where no one looked.
It was easy to climb. I’d done it before. I just wasn’t sure I could do it today.
My ribs protested the moment I pulled myself up, but I managed. Somehow. I settled on the edge, legs dangling, the height giving me a little distance from everything else.
I lit a cigarette, holding it between my lips as I watched the birds hop from branch to branch in the trees surrounding the school. Their wings flickered in the afternoon light, free and unbothered.
I envied them a little.
No. A lot. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated by them - losing myself in the way their feathers moved, in the way they were free. Truly free. I knew almost every birdsong by heart from the hours I spent watching them, being alone in nature.
When I was little, Connor would lock me outside whenever I pissed him off, and I’d climb the tree or sit in the grass, just watching. It’s amazing what you notice when you’re still enough - how close they come when you act invisible. And luckily for me, I never had to pretend… I just was.
And that was something I was good at.
Up here, no one could see me wince. No one could ask why I was hurting. No one could look at me the way Kai had - like he actually cared.
Maybe he did.
Oh, who was I kidding. Of course he didn’t.
Guys like him and guys like me might as well have been two different breeds.
Opposite ends of the food chain. He was the predator and I was the prey.
And the truth was, we wouldn’t even be spending time together if Miss King hadn’t shoved us into the same assignment.
He was a footballer. I was… well, whatever people whispered about me behind the bike sheds.
A low-key dealer. Someone who scraped by.
Someone who didn’t get clean slates or second chances.
He had a future.
I’d be lucky if I survived long enough to see mine.
But there was something about him.
Something that made me question him. Question myself.
He wasn’t gay - I knew that much. He’d been with enough girls over the years. Everyone knew that. But I hadn’t seen him with anyone recently.
No. Stop. He was as straight as a ruler.
He was just a nice guy. Those did exist. Rare, but real.
Either way, being around him felt dangerous, and I didn’t know why. Felt like something that could get me in trouble.
I mean, he’d already dropped me in it with the whole egg situation. I knew it wasn’t his fault - not really. And yeah, it was stupid of me to go home in that state. But it happened. And it happened because of him. Because I’d been standing there, talking to him, not paying attention.
But I didn’t know how to tell him we couldn’t hang out. And I didn’t really want to.
That was the problem.
Being around him felt like danger. Like something Connor would latch onto and twist if he ever got the chance.
But it also felt like being seen. Really seen. Like coming up for air after being underwater for so long, your lungs forget what breathing feels like.
And that scared me more than anything.
Because now I wasn’t just doing the assignment with him. I was studying with him too. Letting him into parts of my life I’d kept locked up tight. Letting him sit close enough to notice things he shouldn’t. Letting him talk to me like I mattered.
And I didn’t know what to do with that.
I let out a mental sigh.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just couldn’t say no.
Part of me thought it was a joke at first - that he was just offering to be nice. But then he asked again. And what was I supposed to say? No ?
Yes. That’s exactly what you should’ve said.
But I had no reason not to. I’d run out of excuses. I said yes because I had to… and because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want his help. Or didn’t appreciate his kindness. Because I did. More than he’d ever know.
And part of me didn’t want him to hate me. Or think I hated him.
I didn’t know why.
I’d never cared how people saw me before. Not really. I mean, people never saw me before.
Only Rach. Or my brother - for all the wrong reasons.
But this felt different.
And part of me wanted to run as far away from Kai Fields as possible… while the other half wanted to stay exactly where I was, watching the whole shit show unfold in real time.
And it would be a shit show. I could feel it.
So why wasn’t I more afraid?
“Thought I’d find you here.” A familiar voice called up to me.
I looked down and couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at my lips. “Shouldn’t you be in lesson?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Rachel said, shielding her eyes from the sun as she rounded the shed and climbed up toward me.
Her hair was different today. Instead of space buns, she had it pulled into a high ponytail, which made her fringe stand out - sharp, messy, and somehow perfect on her. It suited her. Made her look taller, fiercer, like she could take on the whole school if she had to.
She perched beside me on the wall like she’d done it a thousand times, plucked the cigarette straight from my mouth, and took a slow drag.
“You know you can just ask for one,” I said, amused.
“I know.” She exhaled a thin stream of smoke, then handed it back. I took it with a smile and inhaled again, letting the burn settle something inside me.
But then her eyes narrowed. She reached out, cupping my cheek, turning my face toward the light.
“What the hell happened to your face?” Her eyebrows shot up.
“I fell off my bike,” I said, rolling my eyes. I knew this was coming. This was exactly why I’d been avoiding her all day.
“Sure you did,” she said, dripping sarcasm. I shot her a look - the one that meant drop it . She held my gaze for a moment, clearly wanting to push, but then sighed and let it go.
“You know,” she said, holding out her hand expectantly, “I will take that cigarette now.”
I huffed a laugh, reached into my blazer pocket, and handed her one. She leaned in as I flicked the lighter, the flame catching with a soft click. She sparked it up, took a drag, and let her shoulders relax.
For a moment, neither of us spoke. Just two kids hiding on a wall behind a shed, pretending the world wasn’t heavier than it should be.
“Did you ask supermarket slut about Saturday?” she asked her head leaning on my shoulder.
Shit. I’d forgotten about that. I didn’t know how I was going to get away. Connor had eyes on me all the time lately.
“Shit, Rach,” I said, already bracing for her disappointment.
“What? Did you ask him or not?” She pulled her head back, brows furrowing like she was ready to fight someone.
“I did, it’s just-”
“Well, what did he say?” she pressed, practically vibrating with excitement.
“He said yes-”
“Oh my god, amazingggg !” She clapped her hands together, grinning like a kid at Christmas.
“But I can’t come anymore.” I tried to say it gently, but nothing ever landed gently with Rachel. She was hot-headed, impulsive, and the queen of saying whatever popped into her brain.
“If this has anything to do with Connor, I’ll kill him.” She cut me off before I could even finish.
“It hasn’t,” I said, shrugging, even though we both knew she didn’t buy it.
Her eyes narrowed. She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what I wasn’t saying.
“You can’t even get away for an hour? Tell him you have to walk the dog or something.”
“We don’t have a dog,” I said with a laugh.
“Fine, say you’re going shopping or- I don’t know- why don’t you say you’re getting ice cream with a friend like a normal teenager.”
I sighed and took another drag of my cigarette.
“What’s he got you doing then?” She asked, the smoke curling into the air.
I trailed my eyes away from hers. “He hasn’t got me doing anything. He has a big shipment coming in, and I offered to help out.”
“So you’re on the road then?” Her eyes narrowed, and I knew she was holding back what she really wanted to say.
I shrugged, flicking my cigarette to the ground below and watching the orange glow fade out.
“What if I buy something?” she said suddenly.
“What?” I turned to her.
“Let me buy something. I can be your 12–1 p.m.” She smiled like she’d solved world hunger.
“Don’t be stupid, Rach.” My eyebrows pulled together.
“I’m not. I’m serious. How much will you make him in an hour?” she asked, genuinely. “Go on. How much?”
“I dunno, like a couple hundred. Depends who’s around.”
“Done.” She said it so fast it knocked the wind out of me.
“No, Rachel.” I shook my head. “You’re not buying anything just so I can go get ice cream.”
“Yes, Alexander. I am.” She pulled her purse from her bag and offered me the cash. I was honestly shocked she carried that much around, but her parents were well off. Like sports cars well off.
“No. You’re not.” I pushed her hand back. “I’m not taking it. I’m not letting you get involved in any of that.”
“Well then I’ll call your brother myself. Book you in that way.” She shrugged. “I’ll get his number.”
“Rach, that’s not even funny.” My stomach twisted at the thought of Connor being anywhere near her.
She let out a long sigh. “Just say yes. Please.”
I held her gaze. She wasn’t going to budge. I knew she wouldn’t actually call him - at least I hoped she wouldn’t - but the fear still sat heavy in my chest.
“Fine,” I said. “But I’m paying you back.”
“Oh, you will! By getting the ice cream.” She grinned triumphantly.
“That’s fair,” I finally said.
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight. Too tight. My stomach throbbed, and I knew she noticed- but she didn’t say anything.
Well… I guess I was going out on Saturday after all.