Chapter 19
ALEX
“Alex, you okay?” Rach’s voice called from behind me as she climbed up the ledge, her trainers scraping against the brick.
She was staring up at me, concern written all over her face.
“You heard what happened then,” I sighed, turning away from her and watching the birds instead. Easier to look at them than at her pity.
“I think the whole school’s heard by now,” she said, settling beside me and pulling her knees up.
“I figured as much.” I shrugged, digging out my pack of cigs and offering her one. She took it, the lighter’s orange glow flickering across her face as she sparked up.
“So it’s true then?” she asked, taking a long pull.
I nodded, lighting my own cigarette with a shaky thumb.
“Shit, Alex,” she breathed, smoke curling out slowly.
“Shit is right.” I kept my eyes fixed on the tree line, the branches swaying like they knew something I didn’t.
“What actually happened? They’re saying you attacked Coach Lorenzo.” Her eyebrows pulled together as she angled toward me.
“What? That’s bullshit. I didn’t attack him. It was more of a shove… or a push even.” I flicked ash off the edge with a tense hand.
“Which was it then?” she pressed. “A push or a shove?”
“They’re the same thing.” I shrugged again, though my shoulders felt tight.
“No,” she said, matter-of-fact. “A push could be gentle. A shove is more aggressive. So which one was it?”
I let out a long breath, rubbing my palms over my face. “I guess it was more of a shove then.” My elbows dropped to my knees. “Oh, fuck, Rach… what am I going to do?”
“It’s okay,” she murmured, slipping an arm around me. I leaned into her without thinking, my mind spiralling. “Just breathe.”
“I don’t know what happened. I keep replaying it over and over,” I said, staring at the ground. “It’s like I wasn’t even thinking.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. My brother is literally going to kill me.” I dragged a hand through my hair, the cigarette trembling between my fingers.
“Maybe he won’t find out.” She shrugged, though her eyes said she didn’t believe it either.
“Maybe,” I said, even though the word felt thin.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked, leaning her head gently against mine.
“Nothing, I guess,” I muttered, taking another pull. “Just wait out here until school’s over.”
“You’re not coming back in?” She checked her watch, her mouth tightening.
“I can’t go back in there, Rach.” I shook my head, blowing smoke into the cool air. “I can’t do it.”
Not when I knew exactly what was waiting for me. A lecture from Mrs Carter, maybe a detention, maybe worse. My hands still felt shaky, my head too light, like my body hadn’t caught up with the fact that it was over.
“Then I’m not going back either,” she said immediately, straightening her spine like she’d already made the decision.
“What? I can’t ask you to do that.” I shook my head, but she didn’t budge.
“You’re not asking,” she said simply, flicking ash off the ledge.
“I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me.”
“I am my own person, you know. I can make my own decisions.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“Alright then.” She held out her hand expectantly. “Now, can I have a light?”
I let out a small laugh despite everything and passed her my lighter. She relit her cigarette, then leaned her head back onto my shoulder, settling in beside me like she’d been there all along.
Her eyes followed the birds with mine, both of us watching them drift across the sky in silence.