Chapter 20
ALEX
When the school bell rang, we waited until the laughter faded, until the shrieks and chatter of girls being girls drifted off into the building.
“I think the coast is clear,” Rach said, glancing over her shoulder.
“You go,” I said. “I’m gonna stay a little longer.”
“You sure?” she asked. “It’s just I have a shift at the Whip.”
“Yes, go.” I smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” She looked like she was about to leave, then turned back to me. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“I know,” I said. And I did. It wasn’t that I couldn’t tell her - it was that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want her to see me differently. Or worse, pity me. And what would I even say?
It was better this way. Keeping things to myself.
“Okay. I love you,” she said with an almost sad smile.
“Love you too,” I whispered.
She jumped down from the wall, gave me one last wave, and then she was gone.
Only when the courtyard settled into complete silence did I finally breathe out.
My mind was still replaying the moment on a loop, zooming in on tiny details - the sound of his footsteps, the shift in his voice, the brief touch on my shoulder.
I kept imagining different outcomes, different reactions, different versions of me.
But no matter how many times I rewrote it in my head, the truth didn’t change.
It happened. And sooner or later, I’d have to deal with it.
But that day wouldn’t be today.
I climbed down from the wall carefully, shoulders tight, ribs aching, and grabbed my bag.
Then I started the walk home, keeping my head down.
With any luck, I wouldn’t run into anyone.
I was embarrassed enough already. I didn’t need someone from the changing rooms stopping me, replaying the whole thing, asking why I’d done what I’d done or looking at me like something was wrong with me.
I slipped my earphones in, pulled my hoodie up from under my blazer, and hoped the world would just pass me by.
The pavement blurred under my feet, the music dulling the noise in my head.
If I could just make it home without being seen, without being asked anything, maybe I could pretend - for a little while - that everything was normal.
Even if it wasn’t.
I’d been walking for about ten minutes when a car slowed beside me, the window rolling down. A red Corsa. I recognised it instantly.
“Need a ride, stranger?” Alfie asked, all cool behind his sunglasses.
I crouched down to his level, ignoring the stab of pain in my ribs. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my face. Relief washed through me the moment I saw him. I hadn’t been to work all week, hadn’t spoken to him since he’d agreed to the date on Saturday.
And Alfie went to Westley. He didn’t know what happened today. He didn’t know much about me at all. And honestly, I liked that.
“Sure,” I said, with a smile.
He grinned and popped the door open from the inside, nudging it toward me.
“I shouldn’t normally be seen with one of my rivals,” he said, nodding at the Belrose badge on my blazer, “but I’ll make an exception for you.”
I laughed. “Lucky me.”
“So, where you heading?” he asked as he pulled off, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping the beat of whatever song was playing.
“Warrick Road,” I said, assuming he’d know it.
“You’ll have to put it in. I’m not from here, remember.” He nodded toward the screen, hit the navigation button, and flashed me a grin.
I leaned forward, typed in my road, and hit start.
Alfie looked far too pleased with himself.
“What?” I asked, eyebrows pulling together.
“I have your address now,” he said, sounding ridiculously proud.
“Real smooth,” I said, folding my arms. But it was just my road. I knew better than to put my actual house in. I didn’t need Alfie knocking on my door.
“Now I just need your number to go with it.” He winked, and I felt my cheeks warm.
“You were calling me a stranger a minute ago. Now you want my number?” I said, pretending to be confused.
He gave me an amused look and handed over his phone. “Put your number in.”
I took it, then frowned. “It’s locked.”
“1234,” he said, casually.
“Seriously?” I laughed as I typed it in. “That’s the worst password ever.”
“Or is it the best one?” he countered. “Because it’s so predictable, it’s almost not.”
“No. It’s bad,” I said, shaking my head as I saved my number under Alex x .
“Alright, if you’re so good at them, then what’s yours?” he asked, genuinely curious.
“Huh?” I was taken aback.
“Oh, come on. I won’t tell anyone.” He smirked, eyes fixed on the road ahead.
“You’re not supposed to tell people your passwords. That’s not how passwords work.” I shook my head. Alfie was definitely on top form today.
“But I told you mine,” he said, eyebrow raised above his sunglasses. “Or do you have something to hide?”
“I… erm-” I stumbled, not sure what answer he was fishing for.
He snorted. “I’m only messing.” His hand tapped my knee, light and casual. “You should’ve seen your face.”
He laughed to himself, and I forced a laugh back - but it felt wrong. Something about the moment didn’t land the way it was supposed to.
After a beat of silence, I decided to say something.
“You working tonight?” I asked, nodding at his uniform.
“No, these are my driving clothes,” he deadpanned, sarcasm dripping.
“Ha. Ha.” I rolled my eyes.
“So, when you coming back? Rani said you had a family emergency or something.” His eyes drifted to mine quickly before returning to the road.
“She told you that?” I thought managers were meant to keep things private, but I guess not. Then again, Alfie basically did half the managerial jobs anyway.
He nodded.
“Oh. Erm… next week, probably.” I fiddled with my hands in my lap.
“Good,” he said, smiling.
“Why - have you missed me?”
The words slipped out before I could stop them. I meant it as a joke, but it came out softer than I intended, almost hopeful.
“No, I just need to sort the rota out,” he said, not missing a beat, eyes fixed on the road.
I felt myself shrink a little, pulling inward. This - this was why I could never tell if he was actually into me or not. He’d called our date a date, sure, but he was always so hot and cold. One minute warm, the next like I’d imagined the whole thing.
Then his hand landed on my knee again, light but deliberate.
“Of course I missed you,” he said, smiling now as he drummed his fingers lightly on the steering wheel. “I’m excited for our date on Saturday.”
“You are?” I asked, shifting in my seat, trying to read him.
“Yeah, course. Although not as excited as I am for you to see me play. Then I can put Kai Fields and the rest of that lot in their place.” His jaw tightened when he said Kai’s name, the smile fading.
“They’re not that bad, are they?” I asked, glancing over at him.
“Please tell me you’re not friends with them now.” His voice sharpened, annoyance slipping through as he rolled his eyes.
“I’m not,” I said quickly, heat rising in my chest. I definitely couldn’t tell him I’d been spending one-to-one time with Kai Fields. “But in class, he seems alright.” I shrugged, trying to sound casual even though my pulse jumped.
“Well, he’s not.” The words came out clipped. His whole demeanour shifted as he stared straight ahead at the road. The air in the car tightened, and suddenly I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t. I just let the music fill the silence.
I was relieved when we pulled up to my road five minutes later. He parked, but his eyes still weren’t on me. I sat there for a moment, unsure what to do, before sighing and reaching for the door handle.
“Bye then,” I said quietly, pushing the door open.
His hand closed around my arm.
“Wait.” His voice softened, tugging me back.
He took off his sunglasses and set them on the dash, then dragged his hands down his face with a groan.
“Sorry. I’ve been a complete dick.” He let out a breath as if he’d been holding it for minutes.
He looked at me properly then - really looked - his brown eyes tracing mine, softer now, the tension easing from his shoulders.
“It’s okay,” I said, shrugging it off even though something tight stayed lodged in my chest.
“No, it’s not.” He reached for my hand, his fingers brushing mine before he committed to holding on.
“I’m sorry.” He put his head in one hand.
“I think it’s because I like you. And when I hear you talking about him - the person I can’t stand - hearing his name come out of your mouth…
it gets to me. More than it should. I know that.
And I know it’s no excuse. I know it’s wrong of me, but I just can’t help it.
It’s like something inside of me just flips. ”
“You like me?” I swallowed, the words barely making it out.
“Of course I like you.” He nodded once, slow and certain, his eyes flicking to my lips before coming back to my face. He leaned in slightly, voice dropping. “Do you like me?”
I nodded, my cheeks heating. At least… I thought I nodded.
“Come here,” he said gently, his eyes drifting from mine to my lips before he leaned in. His hand brushed my cheek, steadying me, and then he pressed his lips to mine - soft, certain, like he’d been waiting for the right moment.
Once the shock of his lips on mine settled, I let myself fall into the gentle rhythm he set.
It felt natural - easier than I expected.
I’d imagined my first kiss so many times, wondered what it would be like when it finally happened.
And it was good. But somewhere beneath the flutter in my chest, there was this tiny ache of disappointment.
I always thought it would feel… bigger. Like fireworks or something cinematic. Instead, it was quieter.
Still, for a first kiss, it was good. More than good. It was mine.
When he pulled back, I felt the heat rush to my cheeks.
“You’re so cute,” he whispered, and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”
“See you,” I managed, still smiling as the cold air brushed against my face.
I kept smiling all the way up the path to my house, wrapped in the glow of the moment.
And when I stepped into an empty house, something in me finally unclenched.
After what felt like a completely shitty day, things were, shockingly, looking up.
Was it na?ve? Probably .
Would I take the win anyway? Absolutely .
I grabbed two packets of crisps from the kitchen cupboard and headed upstairs.
Dropped my bag by the bed along with my blazer and hoodie, kicked off my shoes, turned on the TV, and waited for my Xbox to boot up.
The same Xbox Connor bought me two Christmases ago after he found out I was gay, because, and I quote, you need to man up.
As if shooting zombies can magically make you attracted to women.
I shook my head at the memory, pushed open my window, and pulled a cigarette from my drawer.
The lighter clicked, the flame caught, and I flicked the first bit of ash into the tray on my bedside table.
Then I shuffled back against the wall, legs stretched out, letting the smoke curl lazily from my lips.
What a shit show of a day.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. A message from Alfie.
Hey cutie x
I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my mouth. For a second - one tiny second - it felt like the world wasn’t collapsing in on itself.
I was just about to type something back when the front door slammed so hard the walls rattled. Heavy boots thudded up the stairs, each step landing like a punch to my chest. My heartbeat lurched, thudding in time with them.
The smile vanished.
I knew those footsteps. It seemed as though the whole house was shaking with the impact of them. Connor was home. And from the sound of his footsteps, he was coming straight for me.
The door slammed open so hard the handle dented the wall.
“Why did Mum get a call saying you pushed a teacher at school?” His voice was low, sharp, the kind that made my stomach drop before he even stepped inside.
“I-I can explain,” I stuttered, already backing up, eyes wide.
“You’re supposed to be staying out of trouble.
” He hissed, crowding me, taking up space, making me feel even smaller.
My back ached as he pressed me back against the wall.
“You don’t get it, do you? Every time the school phones home, every time you can’t control your fucking anger, it threatens my business.
” His finger jabbed hard into my chest. “I don’t need anyone sticking their nose in. Don’t you understand that?”
“I do. I’m sorry.” I murmured, but the ache in my chest was now deeper than the ache in my ribs.
He didn’t believe me. He never did.
“You will be.” His hand shot out in one swift motion and grabbed the cigarette from my bedside table, and before I had the chance to squirm away, it was against my arm, pressed hard against my burning skin.
The pain was instant and blinding, a hot shock that stole my breath.
My eyes clamped together as I tried - and failed - to hide the wince that escaped me.
It was pointless trying to pull away. He was so much stronger than me.
I was weak. He held me there, unmoving, until the cigarette finally hissed out, and he decided he was finished.
When he finally stepped back, he gave me a cold, sideways look. “You’re lucky you’ve got a meeting with Mum and the head tomorrow. Otherwise, I would have beat the shit out of you. Do anything like this again, and you won’t be going back to that school.”
He slammed the door behind him.
I collapsed onto my bed, swallowing hard, trying to force the tears back.
My arm throbbed, the skin hot and angry beneath my palm, joining the marks that came before it.
The sight of it made something inside me fold in on itself.
I curled around the ache, not even sure what to do with it, how to make it stop.
A shaky breath escaped me as I pulled my knees to my chest. I pressed my forehead against them, eyes squeezed shut, and tried to breathe through the sting - slow, steady, anything to keep myself from falling apart.