Chapter 54
KAI
Callum had rounded up all the lads and taken us to McNeil’s pub on the high street. This wasn’t the best place in Belrose to go for a drink, but it was the place Johnson knew he’d get served with his fake ID. That was good enough for everyone.
I’d already had two pints, the empty glasses sweating on the sticky table in front of me. Johnson was at the bar getting another round in, leaning over the counter like he owned the place.
The boys were loud and obnoxious - louder than usual, even.
Turns out when Kai Fields says he actually wants to get messed up and go out drinking for a change, the boys take full advantage of that.
They were shouting over each other, laughing too hard, slapping each other’s backs like everything in the world was fine.
No one asked me why I suddenly wanted to drink like I wanted to forget everything. No one why I kept checking my phone even though I knew there’d be nothing there. No one asked why I couldn’t sit still, why my leg wouldn’t stop bouncing, why my chest felt too tight.
They just took full advantage of having a drink with me.
Callum threw an arm around my shoulders, nearly knocking me sideways. “Look at him!” he yelled to the table, grinning. “Fields is actually fun tonight!”
The lads cheered like that was some kind of achievement.
I forced a smile, lifting my glass even though my stomach was already warm and heavy. The pub lights blurred a little at the edges. The noise felt like it was vibrating through my skull.
Good.
I wanted it to drown everything else out.
I wanted it to drown him out.
Alex’s voice when he ended the call.
Mum’s tears.
The house slipping through my fingers.
I took another drink, letting the burn settle in my chest.
If I couldn’t fix anything, I could at least forget for a few hours.
“So I might have done a thing,” Callum said, already looking kind of guilty as he leaned across the table, cheeks flushed from the alcohol.
“What have you done, Cooper?” I asked, not sure whether to smirk or be genuinely worried.
With him, it was always a gamble. He was forever making bad decisions, organising stupid things, dragging us into chaos.
Usually I’d be on the other end regretting every life choice that led me to being his best friend - but tonight, the warmth in my chest settled me. I didn’t care.
“I may have texted Amanda to come, and she’s bringing Jessica,” he said, his words slightly slurred as he wiggled his eyebrows like this was good news.
“Fuck sake, what have you done that for?” I muttered into the rim of my glass, taking another long sip.
“It was the only way she was gonna come,” he defended, shrugging like that made it reasonable. I just stared at him for a moment, the noise of the pub fading into a dull hum. Jessica. Of course.
It was no secret she liked me - hell, she liked all the football lads - but me in particular.
Probably because I’d never given in to her.
We shared one drunken kiss one night, but that was it.
She was open about it too, always flirting, always trying to get close in school.
And yeah, she was pretty. Drop-dead gorgeous, actually.
Petite blonde, curves in all the right places.
On the first day of school, I’d fancied her back.
But her personality had put me off quick.
Desperate.
Clingy.
Velcro.
I’d never been the type to want someone breathing down my neck, closer than my own shadow. I didn’t need that. I had aspirations. I had dreams.
But my stomach rolled as I thought about Alex - how I’d only known him two weeks and how the desire to be close to him was already burning like a small fire inside me. I was the one texting, calling, finding excuses to talk to him. I was the one reaching, and he was the one pulling away.
I was his Jessica.
The thought made something twist painfully in my chest. I downed the rest of my drink in one go and moved straight onto the one Anderson slid in front of me.
“Do you know what, fuck it, lad,” I said, taking a long gulp, letting the alcohol burn away the ache. “I’m glad she’s coming.”
The words felt foreign on my tongue. Wrong. But I needed a distraction. I needed not to think about Alex. And Jessica would help me with that.
The boys began clinking their glasses together, patting me on the back and shouting things like “Go on, Cap!” as if I’d just announced I was getting married.
“Make sure you wrap it up, though,” Henry said, brows furrowed like he was giving me medical advice.
“I’m not going to shag her,” I retorted, finishing off another pint. “I wasn’t planning on it anyway.”
“Yeah, but it always happens like that,” Callum said, leaning back with the confidence of a man who’d never once thought before speaking.
“One minute you say you’re not interested and then next thing you know, you’re balls deep in their drained swimming pool while their dad’s upstairs on a work call. ”
The boys didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“Well, that’s oddly specific,” Josh said, swinging on his chair, trying not to choke on his drink.
“Why was it drained?” I asked, eyebrows knitting together.
“Because it was being cleaned,” Callum said matter-of-factly, taking another sip. Foam clung to his upper lip like a moustache. “That was until we made it dirty again.” He laughed into his drink, and the boys almost spat theirs out.
“Who the fuck let you fuck them in their swimming pool?” I said, shocked I hadn’t heard this story before.
“A man never tells,” he shot back, putting a finger over his lips.
“That’s ’cause it didn’t fucking happen,” Josh joked - and within seconds, Callum was shoving his phone in his face.
“Oh yeah? Well look at this,” he said proudly, gleaming at the screen.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m looking at here,” Josh replied, squinting.
“Why are you showing us feet pics?” Henry asked, confused. “Are you into that?”
“No, that’s her feet, and they’re mine.” He said, pointing them out.
“Why?” Was all I said, shaking my head.
“Well, I’m not gonna take a picture of her naked body, am I? That’s messed up.” Callum rolled his eyes, as if this was the most reasonable thing he’d ever said.
The boys burst out laughing again.
“Why did you take a picture at all?” Henry asked, cheeks puffed from holding in his laughter.
“’Cause I knew one day I’d tell this story and you fuckers wouldn’t believe me,” Callum responded proudly.
I just shook my head into my hands.
“I think I need something stronger, Anderson,” I said, handing him my card. “Is there anything that’ll make what he just said go away?” I laughed, though it came out a little too sharp.
“I know just the thing,” he smirked, taking my card and heading to the bar.
He returned five minutes later with a tray of shots.
“Did somebody say tequila?” he grinned, sliding the tray onto the table, and the boys erupted into cheers.
And I reached for the first shot like it was a lifeline.
By the time Jessica arrived, life felt softer around the edges, and my only focus was keeping the buzz going. I’d lost count of how many shots I’d had, but each one made me feel better. Drowned out the noise in my head.
Drowned out him.
Jessica spotted me instantly - of course she did - and made a beeline across the pub, her smile already too bright, too knowing.
“What happened to ‘my body is a temple’ ?” she said, side-eyeing me over the rim of her glass as she slid into the seat beside me instead of across from me. Her knee brushed mine under the table, and she didn’t move it.
“Yeah, well, temples are overrated,” I sighed, tossing back another shot.
“Cheers to that.” She smiled flirtatiously, clinking her glass against mine. Her fingers lingered on my hand this time - not by accident. She let her thumb drag lightly across my knuckles before pulling away, her eyes flicking up to mine like she was checking if I’d noticed.
I had.
Of course, I had.
She leaned in closer, her shoulder pressing against mine as she took a slow sip of her drink. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you like this,” she murmured, her breath warm against my ear. “Kinda suits you, though.”
I laughed under my breath, rubbing a hand over my face. “Don’t get used to it.”
“Oh, I don’t know…” she said, tilting her head, her hair brushing my arm. “I think I like this version of you.”
She was close enough now that I could smell her perfume - sweet, floral, too much - and it mixed with the tequila in my throat, the warmth in my chest, the ache I was trying to drown.
She touched my arm again, fingers trailing lightly down to my wrist. “You look like you needed a night out,” she said softly, almost gently, before her smile sharpened again. “Lucky for you, I’m here.”
I forced a grin, reaching for another shot.
Lucky. Right.
If only it felt like that.
Time seemed to be going by faster, and with every waking moment, Jessica was getting closer to me. Her legs brushed mine under the table, her hand drifting over my thigh, her fingers tracing the hem of my shirt like she was trying to memorise the shape of me.
Usually, I would’ve pushed her away by now. But tonight, it felt nice to be touched. It felt nice to be wanted.
“Your body is unreal,” she whispered against my cheek, her voice warm and syrupy from the alcohol, as she trailed a finger down my chest. “Do you remember Stacy’s party? When you kissed me?”
I closed my eyes for a second, letting the room sway. “Yeah, I do,” I said, a small laugh tugging out of me.
“Do you remember how I touched you?” she asked slowly, her hand sliding down my torso, her fingers curling into the hem of my jeans. She leaned in closer, breath brushing my jaw. “We were babies then… but now, now I know what I’m doing.”
Her lips hovered near mine, her breath hot, voice low enough to drown out the pub noise. “Just say the word, Fields,” she murmured, “and I’ll give you whatever you want.”