Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Romy
I pause in the doorway. Zander’s standing in the middle of the hotel room, his jaw tight, hands clenched into fists.
His eyes cut to mine, and I see the storm brewing in them. I almost drop the bag dangling from my wrist. But before I can say anything, he’s across the room. He pulls me into his chest, arms caging me tight and desperate as though he can’t believe I’m actually here.
I sink into him for a second. He feels like home, and I missed him, even though it’s only been a few hours. His heartbeat is pounding, his breath uneven against my hair.
Then he jerks back, holding me out by my upper arms. “What the hell were you thinking?” His voice is sharp. “You can’t leave without me. Where’d you go?”
The whiplash from his emotions takes me a moment to find my thoughts.
“You can’t do that. You can’t—you know how dangerous it is for you. There are cameras everywhere. People everywhere—” He cuts himself off and turns and rakes both hands through his hair. “Jesus, Romy. I called you a bunch of times. I thought something had happened to you.”
Guilt tugs at my gut. I’d never want him to worry about me, but my guilt tangles with the anger of feeling like a caged-up animal. “I’m sorry, my phone is on vibrate in my purse. I just went to buy souvenirs for Wren and Leia, not to run off to join the circus.”
His eyes flash, and the storm there gets a little darker. “You think this is a joke?” he says incredulously. “If one person recognized you… one picture. That’s all it takes for them to rip you apart. To rip our baby apart.”
My chest caves at the word our, but my anger doesn’t abate. I cross the room and toss the bag on the couch. “I can’t live like this! I can’t be locked in a room like your dirty little secret you get to play with whenever you get time.”
He blinks, looking stunned for a beat. “This isn’t about keeping you a secret.”
“Yes, it is.” My voice cracks. “You don’t trust anyone to know about us unless it’s on your terms. And I just can’t do it, Zander. I can’t do this if you’re going to hide us all the time.” I push out my stomach for emphasis.
His face twists as if I stabbed him in the heart. “You don’t understand. I’ve lived this life a long time, you haven’t. You don’t know—”
I throw up my hands. “Then make me understand.”
The air between us is electric and charged with everything we’ve been keeping in during this time on the road. His mouth opens to argue again, so I cut him off, making sure it’s all out there.
“Someone got a picture of me.”
A flash of panic crosses his face. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I was in the store, and I got overheated. I thought I was going to pass out.”
“This is what I’m telling you. You shouldn’t be out there in the first place.” Desperation lines his face.
I hate that I’m the person who put it there, but we’re going to get nowhere by ignoring the problem here. “Will you just listen to me for a second?”
He huffs and sits, then stands again.
“I was overheated. I unbuttoned my jacket, and… and the guy was across the street. I didn’t see him. I looked around before I did it.”
“See, Romy? They’re everywhere. They are everywhere. You cannot… this is why you need to stay in the hotel room.”
“I can’t be in the hotel room anymore! I’m losing my mind!” Tears of frustration prick at my eyes.
He swears under his breath, pacing across the room.
“Fucking hell. I told you—one picture is all it takes. They’re going to be on you like vultures now.
You think this feels like a prison? Just wait until you find out that you can’t even walk on the—hell, you can’t do anything.
Anything, Romy! Now they’re going to be all over you.
All over the ranch. All over the baby. Your entire life just blew up. ”
Beep.
A keycard swipes at the door, and Beau comes in with a concerned look, shutting the door behind him. “What the fuck is going on? You guys can’t be heard screaming at each other. You want even more rumors to come out?”
Zander throws his arm out, not even looking at Beau. “Get the fuck out, Beau. Right now.” His voice is as sharp as broken glass.
I turn to Beau. “I went out to get Leia and Wren souvenirs. Somebody got a picture of me.”
Beau looks me up and down. “Are you sure they knew it was you?”
I nod. “Yeah. He knew.”
His gaze falls to my exposed stomach. “Shit. All right. I’ll handle it. I’m on it now. I’ll try to squash it before it gets any legs. Maybe we can buy it before someone else does.”
I raise my hand. “No.”
“Romy, let the man do his job,” Zander grits out.
“No. I don’t want to keep being a secret. I don’t want to hide in a hotel room for hours on end and go from town to town and not see one goddamn landmark anymore.” I look at Zander, wishing he’d look at me, but he keeps his gaze anywhere but on me. “Zander, I can’t do this anymore.”
I don’t know if it’s what I said, but Beau looks at me—and I can see it in his face. He knew this would happen. That this would become a breaking point.
I’ve gone along to get along, but I’m taking control of my own damn life now. I’ll suffer the repercussions of it, and I know Zander will too. And for that, I’m sorry. But I cannot keep doing this.
“Beau… let the story leak.”
He sighs. “Romy, Zander has a point. If we’re going to do this, let’s do this right.”
“What’s right? What do you want me to do? This isn’t a life. I don’t have a life anymore. I mean sure, the hours…”
I look at Zander. He sits down and puts his head in his hands. I’ve never seen a man more stricken.
“Beau, can you just give us a second?”
Beau nods. “Yeah, of course.” He steps out of the room, the door shutting behind him.
I go over and sit next to Zander. “I love the hours when we’re here together. I love spending every minute with you that I can. But I can’t live like this. I miss my family. I miss the ranch. I miss fresh air.”
All he does is nod.
“This isn’t working, Zander.”
“I know.” His voice is raw, and he doesn’t pick up his head to look at me.
But does he really understand? I’m not sure.
Is he willing to take the few hours he has with me here because he’s too afraid of losing me?
“I think I need to go home. You finish this out, and then we can talk.”
“Romy…”
I place my hand on his thigh. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t pull away, but he still doesn’t look at me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to put you in this position, and I would never ask you to choose me over any of this.
I want you to have everything this world has to offer you.
You deserve all the success in the world.
But… we need to figure out something else.
” He still says nothing, so I continue, “Maybe we can try where I stay on the ranch, and you travel without me again. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a compromise somewhere.”
He lifts his head.
Finally.
“I get it, Romy. You can stop now. I get it. We’ll get you on a plane back to the ranch.”
“Zander—”
“No. It’s fine. It’s what’s best for you.”
Zander stands, crosses the room, and opens the door, ignoring my objections to talk. Beau must be waiting outside, forever the protector and faithful friend, because Zander speaks.
“Get a private plane for Romy to go back to the ranch. And DeSoto goes with her.”
Beau steps back into the room. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Zander, DeSoto stays with you. I can get her someone—”
“No. DeSoto goes with her. End of conversation.”
I stand, and Beau’s eyes flash to me.
“Zander, what are you doing?” I ask.
“You want to end this, right, Romy? It doesn’t work for you. My lifestyle doesn’t work for you.”
“No, I want to talk.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I get that you don’t want to live the way I’m asking you to live. I get it. I understand it. But… where there is no choice—”
My heart splinters. “What are you… you’re breaking it off?”
He turns to me, finally looking me in the eye.
The storm is gone, and all that’s left is a barren landscape of cold tundra.
“What’s gonna change, Romy? I’m still going to be Zander Shaw when we wake up tomorrow morning.
I still have to do interviews. I still have to work to pay all these people under me.
I can’t just stop working because I fell in—”
“What?” My voice is a whisper.
He shakes his head, and I swear there are tears in his dark eyes. “Nothing. Just… just go. Pack your bag and go.”
Zander grabs his hat—the one I’d taken off and set on the table—and he walks out the door.
“Zander,” I call after him.
Beau calls, “Zan, come on. Come back here.” His gaze shoots to me, then the other way down the hall. “DeSoto, get Michaels on him now.”
I crumple onto the couch, and tears sting my eyes before they pour down my cheeks.
A body sinks down next to me, and two arms wrap around my shoulders and tug me into a hard chest. Beau makes sure I’m not alone. Just like Zander would want.