Chapter 39
39
JOHNNY
I’m pacing Rory’s back porch when I hear her pull up out front. She was supposed to be here an hour ago, and while I’m perfectly aware she’s found a life here with people outside of me, it isn’t like her to leave me without an update on her whereabouts. Especially not when we had plans.
Every potential reason for her absence—the bad and outright terrible—played over and over in my mind until I’d driven myself half-crazy and called Daisy, asking if it was acceptable for me to get in my truck and drive around Cherry Peak in search of her. She said fuck no, so I listened and collapsed on the camping chair that I’m pretty sure I ripped with my ass to wait it out a bit longer.
I only made it ten more minutes before I resumed pacing.
Swinging myself off the edge of the porch, I rein in my frustration. She’s here now, and that relief is far more important than anything else.
Her car door slams shut before the beep of her doors locking echoes through the cooling evening air. I’m already halfway around the house by the time she steps onto the curb, her purse nearly dragging on the ground beside her with how slouched her shoulders are .
“Where were you?” I ask before wincing at how aggressive that sounded and correcting myself. “Are you okay? I was worried.”
The need to pull her into my arms chomps at me. She’s here in front of me, and with how distraught she looks, that has to be enough for now.
“Can we sit? In the backyard?” The heaviness in her voice makes my heart crack.
“Yeah, darlin’, of course we can.”
I keep my eyes on her, watching closely as she passes me with little more than a brush of her fingers against my chest. With my stomach bunched into a knot, I follow her to the porch. She drops her bag before joining it on the edge, her legs swinging as she runs an antsy hand through her hair.
“You’re freakin’ me out a bit, sweetheart,” I say, sitting beside her.
Our thighs brush, and I press mine right up against hers, needing the small contact to soothe me just a bit. When she doesn’t pull away, I take that as a good sign. I can almost hear her mind running as she stares blankly at the tiny wooden shed beneath the crabapple tree across the yard. The ground used to be covered in its apples, but once we brought baskets of them to Eliza, she turned them into jam. I never thought I’d enjoy picking apples off the ground as much as I did then. With Rory, I think I’d enjoy just about everything.
“I’m sorry for ghosting you,” she apologizes.
“Don’t be sorry. I just want to know what’s wrong. Do I need to kick someone’s ass?”
There’s no sign of humour in her expression. “I should have called you earlier so you weren’t wasting your time here waiting for me.”
“It’s okay, Rory. I was worried, not upset because I was wasting my time. There’s no such thing, ’kay?”
She tips her shin and swallows. “Did you eat?”
“No. I was planning on making you something. If I have to eat another burger from the diner, I might actually turn into one.”
“They’ve started to taste like sawdust.”
I laugh softly at the blunt reply. “Come inside with me, and I’ll cook you something with substance. I’m not the best, but let me try.”
“Not yet. Just . . . Just sit here with me first. I want to talk out here and watch the sun set.”
It’ll be any minute now. The stars will be out before we know it. “Okay. We’ll stay here.”
She inhales deeply before speaking. “I was late because I was meeting Lee.”
“He’s here? Why? What does he want?
“He claims to want to get to know me. And Wanda. Both of us. He’ll answer all of my questions.”
I choke on an immediate refusal. It isn’t my decision whether she agrees or not. But fuck, my gut screams that this is a terrible idea.
“He flew all the way here to tell you that?” I ask stiffly.
“He said he didn’t have my number, so he couldn’t call.”
“Un-fucking-likely.”
“I know, but it doesn’t matter now. He’s here, and I haven’t given him an answer.”
“Are you going to say no?”
She has to, right? He’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve a minute of her time, let alone as many as it would take to settle her curiosity.
Her pause in answer has my throat constricting. Staring at her, I search her face for anything that’ll give away her decision, but she’s a steel wall. The sight of her mask after weeks without it is enough to make me want to vomit.
“I don’t know if I’m going to say no,” she admits, her voice almost too quiet to hear, even in the silence.
“Why not? Did he do something worthy of your forgiveness? ”
“No. But he’s offering me what I wanted in the first place. The answers he has for me is why I left my life in Calgary and came to Cherry Peak. I’d be an idiot to turn away this chance.”
I try to understand where she’s coming from, nodding along with her words. She’d be okay here in Cherry Peak, with all of us at her back in case he stepped out of line. I’ll tie him to the back leg of a bull and let it take him for a ride through the field if he hurts her.
“Okay, so how long is he planning on staying?”
She doesn’t reply right away. Seconds tick by as I wait, my pulse thundering in my ears.
“He isn’t staying here. He flies back to Toronto in two days, and he wants me to go with him.”
I stop breathing. “Go with him?”
“Yes. Both me and Wanda. We’d stay for a couple of weeks.”
With a weak inhale, I turn my head straight forward, unable to keep staring at her. “You want to leave?”
“No. I want to stay. But it isn’t that simple. Not for me.”
“Why not?” I ask, jolting to my feet. Rejection throttles me, hurt following close behind. Maybe it’s selfish of me to be upset, but that doesn’t make it easier not to be. “You don’t need this guy. Are you really going to leave this place and everyone here for him?”
Are you going to leave me for him?
She twists to stare up at me, the first crack appearing in her armour when she frowns. “I’m not going forever.”
“So you can guarantee that once you know everything you need to and have that closure, that you’re going to come back for good? You said you came here for answers, so what happens once you have them? Will you leave again?”
She pushes to her feet and takes a step toward me before stopping herself from coming closer. “You have to think about this from my perspective. I just met the other half of my DNA after thirty years of not knowing him. It’s not as simple as just accepting he’s an asshole and moving on with a fuck you to my curiosity. I can’t help but want to know him. He’s supposed to be my family.”
“Then just tell me you’ll leave Toronto after you’re finished there and come back to me. If you come back, then I’ll wait for you. I’ll hate it while you’re gone—we both know I’m too goddamn needy when it comes to you to be happy with you gone—but I’ll suck it up. If you choose this place and you choose me, then nothing else matters.”
She looks away from me. “So if I decide to stay in Toronto, then what?”
I reel backward, a fist lodging itself in my chest. “Stay in Toronto?”
“I grew to love this place. What if I grow to love it there? I don’t know if I’ll want to live there forever, but maybe I’ll want to stay for a few months.”
Licking my lips, I shake my head angrily and take a single step toward her. “You’re trying to push me away so you can make this decision easier for yourself, but I won’t let you. We both know you won’t stay in Toronto. You grew to love Cherry Peak, yes. But you falling in love with me had something to do with that. Admit it.”
“He’s my family, Johnny,” she says, her eyes stormy, scared.
“I’m your family!” I shout, my chest huffing. “Eliza and Wade and Anna and Poppy and Bryce are your family. James and Bernice are your family. Your mom is your family. Riley Rose is just a man who was in love with your mother decades ago and who treated you like you were nothing when you went to him. We would never do that to you. I could never toss you away like you were nothing.”
I take my hat off and tap it against my thigh while running my fingers through my hair. That air feels hotter than it is, my skin damp. “Blood and DNA aren’t everything. Sometimes it isn’t enough. You’ve found another family here full of people who chose to be in your life without obligation. Isn’t that worth more? ”
She flinches, the remnants of her mask crumbling. The devastation and helplessness that fill her eyes nearly strikes me down at the knees.
“You’re right. But I need this. I can’t explain why, but I do, and I hate it! I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this, but all I know is that there’s something inside of me that’s unsettled. It’s like a piece is missing. It could be Riley or a million other things, but I don’t know!”
“I want you to find that piece, Aurora,” I tell her, defeat dripping from every word.
I could continue to push her toward the outcome I want, but this has to be her choice. This isn’t a decision I can make for her, even if the choice she wants to make is killing me inside. She’s my fucking person, but I can’t force her to stay with me. I’ve always known that Aurora was a woman who made her own decisions and followed her own path. I just never thought those two qualities about her would be the ones that hurt me the most.
She blinks, and tears leak from the corners of her eyes before she angrily swipes them away. Sniffling, she stares at my hat, then my boots, anywhere but my face.
“This is why I didn’t want to fall in love here.”
“Don’t do that. You’re not allowed to regret us. I sure fuckin’ don’t. I’d have rather had you for these few weeks than not at all.”
“I didn’t want—this wasn’t my plan. It should be easy to leave. A clean break.”
I close the gap between us and hold her cheek, letting my eyes drop at the comfort touching her brings me despite everything. She rubs her cheek against my palm, breathing fast as her eyes finally lock onto mine.
“I love you. Your happiness is the most important thing to me. If this will make you happy, then go. You deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted. I’m not going to stop you.” Each word carves out a bit more of me, but I force myself to continue. To drop my heart at her feet and offer her everything I can at the risk of her kicking it across her yard. “The one thing I won’t give you is a clean break, Rory. You don’t get to leave and not come back. So, I’ll be here waiting for you. You go, and you learn what you need to, but when you come back, it’ll be my arms you run into. So take your time, darlin’. Get your answers and your peace because once I get you again, I’m not lettin’ you go again. Not ever.”
More tears fall down her cheeks, but I’m there wiping them away before she can.
“I can’t ask you to wait. If I take too long?—”
With a single shake of my head, I stop her. “You’re not asking. I’m telling you it’s what I’m doing. I’ve already waited for you for twenty-two years; what are a few more months?”
She tries to drop her head forward to hide her pain, but I keep it right where it is, not letting her pull away from me. Squeezing her eyes shut instead, she bites down on her lip and cries, her chest shaking with the force of it.
“I love you,” she declares between sobs.
I tuck her into my body and stroke the back of her head. “I know. I’ll keep loving you even while you’re gone. There’s no other option for me.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do. We deserve each other.”
I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. And I’ll spend every moment I can making sure that one day, she believes it too. Whether she’s here beside me or across the country, my heart is in her back pocket.