4. Beautiful, Isnt It?
4
BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?
SETH
Watching an adult experience snow for the first time is something I never thought I’d see. My entire life revolves around ice. Coming from Canada, and with most of my travel occurring during the North American winter months, I’ve seen more than my fair share of snow.
But seeing Tara’s absolute delight the minute we get to the top of the mountain gives me a whole new appreciation for its beauty. It helps that I don’t have to scrape any of this snow off a driveway or my car.
“Oh my god, it’s so cold!” Tara squeals when she reaches to touch the snow on the railing beside her.
Linc snorts and shakes his head. “This is summer weather. And, of course it’s cold, it’s frozen water, you weirdo.”
I smirk when they start bickering, but I content myself to look around at the view. Although I’ve lived in the mountains most of my life, something about these ones takes my breath away, and I’m so lost in the majesty of my surroundings that I don’t immediately notice when Kylie appears at my side .
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she asks, her voice wistful while we both look out at what seems like endless mountains around us.
I look over at her and notice, not for the first time, just how beautiful she is. She’s left her long brown hair loose, and it flows down her back in waves beneath the cutest little white toque. When she turns to look at me, her green eyes full of life, I’m once again in awe at how open she seems. She doesn’t appear to have any reservations and is an open book. While we’ve only known each other for two days, I already feel like I’ve known her for years.
I doubt she could say the same about me, though, as I’ve remained my usual, socially awkward self for the most part. I feel like I’ve spoken to her more than any other woman I’ve spent time with in the last few years, though, and I wonder what it is about her that makes me want to open up more.
I realise that I’ve been staring at her for far too long, and she’s looking at me with her head to the side, a bemused smile dancing across her lips.
“Sorry, lost in thought for a moment there. Yes, it’s gorgeous,” I blurt out.
Kylie’s eyes twinkle. “You’re not great at small talk, are you?”
“Not especially, no. It’s not that I don’t like people. I’ve just never been great at socialising,” I say, my usual self-consciousness kicking in.
“I get that. You seem okay with Lincoln, though?” She nods her head over towards Linc, who is gathering snow in his gloved hands behind Tara’s back while she continues to play with the snow on the railing.
“I’ve known Linc since I was eight. We grew up together, went to the same college in the US, and after a few years, ended up working for the same company. He’s basically a brother at this point.”
“Our group of friends is close like that. I don’t really see anyone I knew from Sydney anymore, but the friends I made in school when we moved to Brisbane have been like family for the last eleven years. Well, they were,” she says, her words trailing off.
Her smile drops a little, and she turns and looks out at the view again.
Before I can stop myself, I ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She looks at me with raised eyebrows, and I’m pretty sure she’s as surprised as I am by my question.
“Do you really want to know, or are you just being nice?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I rarely say things I don’t mean, if you haven’t already worked that out. I might not talk much, but I’m a pretty good listener.”
She regards me for a few seconds before nodding, then turns back to look at the view while she speaks. “My older brother, Will, is one of my best friends. And he was madly in love with Tara’s older sister, Annelisa. Well, I’m pretty sure he still is, to be honest. I usually avoid mentioning him too much in front of Tara since Annelisa up and left him out of nowhere just over a year ago. Will kind of pushed Tara away cause he couldn’t cope, which hurt Tara badly. Will was like a big brother to her as well, something that I’ve tried to remind him of so many times, but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to hound Tara about Annelisa, and he couldn’t stop himself if they hung out now. But Annelisa’s leaving has kind of split the group apart. Everyone is still talking, but there’s a weirdness to it now. Tara knows where Annelisa is, but she cut off contact with everyone else, so it’s put Tara in a really shitty situation.” She turns to look back at me and smiles a little. “Bet you’re wishing you hadn’t asked now, huh?”
“Not at all. That sounds like a lot. It’s hard when stuff happens, and you can’t really control how others react to it,” I say, knowing that feeling all too well.
“Yeah. Have you had something similar?”
“Well, not quite like that, but I had some shit happen at work about a month ago and have been dealing with the weight of a lot of people’s expectations ever since. Kind of why we’re here now - Linc convinced me to get away for a while til people find something else to divert their attention to.” It’s the closest I’ve come to talking about work with anyone other than Linc on this trip, and even this feels like too much.
“I’ve honestly never had a job that I cared that much about to cause me that sort of stress. I’m sorry you went through that.” She places a hand on my arm, and the familiarity of her touch startles me for a moment before I realise I like it.
“It is what it is. Just gotta hope things are better once we’re back,” I say with a shrug, wondering how we can turn the conversation away from me again.
But Linc unintentionally comes to my rescue when he smacks an unsuspecting Tara in the back with a giant snowball. She screams, and Kylie doubles over, laughing beside me, while her best friend turns on Linc with murder in her eyes. He darts off with a laugh, and she takes off after him. Kylie is gasping for air from laughing so hard, and I look down at the snow at my feet, a sudden urge to be included in the fun washes over me. Without a second thought, I scoop up a handful of snow and fling it toward her.
She gasps and stares at me for a moment. “Oh, it’s on now, buddy,” she says, reaching down to grab her own handful before I can react.
She raises my shirt and smears the snow all over my abdomen. While I’m more than accustomed to the cold, the sudden touch of snow on my bare skin is a shock and I jump back with a yelp while the icy substance slides down my stomach. She laughs again, sprinting off with surprising speed. I stand in shock for a moment before rushing after her, grasping her around the waist, and softly tackling her to the snow-covered ground, keenly aware that she is not a padded-up defenceman ready for a fight. She gasps when her sweater and shirt ride up, and she arches her back when her skin makes contact with the snow .
A mental image of her lying beneath me wearing far less clothing flashes through my mind at that movement, and it takes all my self control to shake it off.
I look down at her. “Not so funny now, is it?”
She grins up at me. “Nope, still funny.”
Too late, I realise she’s grabbed another handful of snow and shoved it down the neck of my shirt.
“Ah, fuck!” I arch my own back and let her go, sitting up to try to shake the freezing ice out while she giggles uncontrollably.
I pretend to glare at her, but truthfully, this is the most fun I’ve had in a while, and watching her giggle away makes me smile.
“Incoming!” Linc yells, and I stupidly turn, catching a snowball in the face. “Seth, rookie move! You know you don’t turn into the snowball!”
“My mistake, I’m clearly rusty at this,” I yell back, jumping to my feet and reaching down to help Kylie up.
Once she is standing again, my hand lingers in hers, and she looks up at me with a little smile. I don’t know what this is, but I wonder what she would do if I were to kiss her, and my eyes flick to her lips.
Realising the danger behind this thought, I let go of her hand and step back a little. I really like Kylie, and Tara as well, so the last thing we need is for me to complicate the new friendship by kissing her. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to, though, and I can’t help but watch her when she runs off to join her friend in pelting Linc with snowballs while he screams his surrender.
After dinner, which mercifully does not include melted cheese this time, I head out to the firepit with my book and a beer, ready for a bit of a break from the constant conversation required when surrounded by the tour group. It feels oddly familiar, like when I’m on the road with the team, and I need to recharge my social battery before I can 'people' again .
Linc and Tara have gone for another walk, having become fast friends. I thought Kylie had joined them, but I spy her now familiar form, pacing back and forth along the fence line while she holds her phone to her ear. Even though I had been craving solitude, part of me wants to go over and talk to her. I resist the urge though, not wanting to interrupt her rather animated conversation with whoever she is talking to.
A few others have already congregated around the fire, so I scan the area for somewhere out of the way and see two empty chairs that are still close enough to have light but far enough away that, hopefully, none of them try to come and talk to me. I’ve noticed one or two of the other Australian girls have been trying to get my attention, but I’ve reached my limit on new people to get to know, so I’ve been avoiding their attempts with a polite smile and letting Linc run interference.
I’m several chapters into my book when a shadow falls across the page, and I look up to see Kylie standing in front of me, her phone in her hand.
“Hey. Have you seen our partners in crime?” she asks.
I blink up at her, attempting to bring myself back to reality and avoid being distracted by her smile yet again. “Uh… Yeah. Sorry. They went for a walk.”
She sighs and looks down at the book in my lap. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, it’s fine.” I close the book and put it on the ground beside me, gesturing at the other chair.
“You sure?” she asks, hesitating until I nod, then takes a seat.
I hold up my beer. “Do you want one? I can go grab one for you.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t drink.”
I think back over the shared meals, and realise I’ve not seen her drink anything other than water and pop. I nod slowly, opening my mouth to ask if there’s a particular reason, but think better of it and clamp my mouth shut. There’s something about her that makes me want to know everything there is to know about who she is, but a question like that would be far too personal.
She cocks her head to the side and studies me closely, seeming to sense my curiosity. “I used to drink. A lot. To the point of blacking out. I didn’t like who I was when I was making those choices… So I decided to just cut it out completely.”
I nod again. “Well, no judgement from me. I can get you something else though, if you want?”
She waves her hand. “I’m good, but thank you for offering.” She gives me another one of those heart stopping smiles, and I blink a little, mesmerised.
“Were you talking to someone from back home?” I ask after a moment, surprising myself again by asking her a question about her life.
“Yeah. Our other best friend, Bri. She had to bail because she and her boyfriend started renovating and work got busy, even though she was meant to come on this trip with us. I wish she were here, though - she would have loved all this.” She looks out toward the mountain that we had been up earlier.
“Seems like you have quite a few people you are close to,” I say, feeling a slight pang in my chest that I can’t explain.
“Yeah. I’m a bit of a social butterfly. Always have been. But until last year, I didn’t realise that I’d become reliant on being the life of the party. I’d leaned too heavily into that party girl persona, I guess. Sometimes… I worry that I’m too much for people.” Her voice has dropped a little, and I notice the sadness in her expression while she looks away.
“Why?” I ask, astounded by how someone so inherently friendly could feel like she was too much.
“I often feel like I’ve dominated the conversation when I’m with people. It’s fine with my friends, they all know what I’m like and I can be completely myself with them. But when it’s new groups, like this tour, I leave interactions feeling like I’ve talked too much. Like people just want me to shut up. But,” she pauses, looking like she’s searching for the right words. “It’s like I get word vomit and need to get all the words out.” She cringes and shakes her head at me. “Like right now, in my head, I’m yelling at myself to shut up, but I can’t get my mouth to listen.” She clamps her mouth shut, and puffs air out of her nose.
It’s adorable, and I smile, placing a hand on her arm. “I don’t think you talk too much, Kylie. If anything, I don’t talk enough. Linc always tells me I need to socialise more, but I don’t think I’m wired that way. I enjoy being around people who are so full of life though, even if I don’t always seem that way.”
She lets out a breath and grins at me. “Well, now you’ve gone and done it. You’ll never be able to make me stop talking.”
I smile back, finding her energy infectious. “I can’t imagine ever wanting you to be quiet, Kylie.”
“Good. Because honestly, I actually don’t think I’m capable of being quiet, no matter how hard I try.” She shrugs.
We fall into easy conversation once again, and by the time we notice everyone else has gone to bed, I realise how much she’s made me feel at ease around her. And I haven’t once thought about that last night on the ice.