Chapter 9
How can someone so charismatic and bright want to be with someone like me? Wrapping my head around the idea that Ev chose me has been next to impossible. Why me? What is so special about me?
The cafeteria is buzzing with students while I stand in the double-door entry, hiding in the shadows.
Ev is casually sitting on top of a table, his long legs resting on the chair in front of him.
He sits with all his buddies, laughing and joking, blissfully unaware of how captivating everything he does is.
Maybe it’s my rose-colored glasses, or maybe it’s just him, but I am deeply and profoundly in love with Everett Rowan.
It’s been a week since the homecoming game.
A week of us being officially together, and already I can’t imagine my life without him.
He walks me to all my classes, kisses me fiercely and unashamedly.
He continues to write me notes and leaves them in various places for me to find.
My little pieces of him, pieces of breadcrumbs.
It is terrifying how dependent I have become on him for my happiness.
It's probably unhealthy and I should look into counseling, but I don't want to.
Because I never want this feeling to end.
He spots me from across the room, and my chest seizes up, my heart-wings taking flight.
Oh boy. The way he stalks toward me, all eyes are on him, but his eyes are on me.
I want to run. I want to flee as he shines his light on me, illuminating me to the world.
But I don’t. I am slowly getting used to the attention, but that doesn’t mean I am comfortable with it.
That doesn’t mean my instinct to run is suddenly gone. But for him, I’ll stay.
I saw him, kissed him, and talked to him just a couple hours ago in chemistry.
But a couple hours make all the difference when you are as attached as we are.
Sometimes I think we are crazy—actually, I know we are crazy.
Who falls this fast? Loves this fast? Even though the words haven’t been spoken, the feeling is there. In my bones.
“Hi, pretty bird.” He beams his goofy dimpled smile at me.
“Hi.” I’m trying to diminish my smile, but it’s impossible around him. He, on the other hand, does not try to hide his. He embraces it, fearless in what people think or say about us. He is brave. I am not.
But maybe, little by little, he is teaching me to be brave, because I have written back to all his facts that he gave me. Finally feeling like I can openly and truthfully give him more of myself.
“I have something for you.” I reach into my black over-the-shoulder bag and pull out a note. Not shaped into a cute heart like his are, but folded plainly.
He doesn’t say anything, just watches me. Taking me in as always.
“Here. I thought since you gave me some facts about yourself, I could return the favor.”
“Thank you.” His voice is genuine, as if this is the greatest gift I could have given him. He reaches up, cupping my cheek, and I lean into it, pulling his warmth into me. Then he presses a kiss to my forehead, and it’s just the two of us. No one can see me when he is my shield.
“Should I open it now, or do you want me to read it in private?” His hand remains on my cheek. So gentle, yet he is strong as he holds me up with his touch.
“Private. I’m not sure I’m ready to see your reactions to my truth.”
“Okay.”
That’s it. Okay. No fight to make me reveal anything I don’t want to. No push to make me vulnerable in front of him. Just okay. Just acceptance.
“Hey, I actually have one for you too.” He reaches into his dark jeans pocket and pulls out a note. Shaped perfectly, but not in a heart. In a rose.
“What’s this?”
“Oh come on, Leo. You’re smarter than that. It’s a piece of paper that I have poured my heart and soul onto and so expertly folded. Some call it a love note.”
He chuckles as I roll my eyes. “I know that, jerk. I meant the rose. You usually do hearts.”
“Oh that? Yeah. This one is special.”
I cock an eyebrow at him, hoping he sees my suspicion. “Special?"
“Just open it.”
Unlike me, he has no concern or fear when it comes to being vulnerable.
To find number one,
Go to the place where I discovered my sun.
I’ll give you a hint, but it will cost you a kiss.
Trust me, pretty bird, this one you won't want to miss.
– Ev
The smile that beams from his face is full of pride at his little poem. I wouldn't say he is going to be the next great poet, but he is cute.
Number one? Number one what?
“A kiss for a hint?”
He doesn’t wait. He kisses me, pulling me in by the grip he has on my waist. It’s a quick kiss, but nonetheless devastating.
Pulling back, I narrow my eyes at him. “What if I didn’t want the hint?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to kiss you. I’ll need another kiss for the hint.”
Okay, I can do this. Where he met his sun? I’m assuming he means me. So where did we meet? Chemistry class? No. The hallway when we bumped into each other? No, that doesn’t seem right either. Where did I first see him? Come on, Leo, think.
A light bulb goes off, and he reads it on my face.
“No. Whatever you’re thinking, it's definitely wrong. You will need that hint. Pay up, pretty bird.”
He leans in, and I press my finger to his lips. “Mrs. Houser’s classroom.”
“Fuck. Kiss me anyway.” Nipping at my finger, forcing me to move them away, he slams his lips to mine, and I laugh at how ridiculous this boy is.
“I think I am going to be sick. You two are revolting.” Gage’s familiar voice filters into my bubble.
“Whatever, ass. You’re just jealous that you don’t have a Leo.” Ev is still clinging to me. He doesn’t care who is near, who sees. He just wants to be near me, always touching me. Part of me hates it ’cause that means people are looking at me, but a bigger part of me loves it.
Gage’s voice drips with sarcasm. “Yeah. I'm extremely jealous. Come on, Everett. We have that thing, remember?”
“Oh yeah, that thing. Yup.” He pulls back finally then gives me a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you later. Fly, fly, pretty bird. You have notes to find.”
“Wait. Notes? As in plural?”
As he walks away with Gage, he looks back at me and winks.
I turn and head toward Mrs. Houser's room. Summer school is always held at the high school, and if I am remembering right, she is still on the second floor. Room 14.
When I make it to her class, and open the door, she is sitting at her desk, eating some lunch. “Sorry to interrupt, but someone left a…note here for me. I think?”
Mrs. Houser’s ashy brown hair is hanging over her shoulders, and her black-framed glasses are resting on the tip of her nose.
She is smirking at me, obviously in on whatever Ev has planned.
She nods to the desk I sat in during summer school.
As I look around, I notice that her classroom has remained the same.
Seats are still in rows and columns, all facing the whiteboard turned smart board.
Walking to the desk, I grab the note then make an eager exit.
My favorite things about you.
One.
When you walk into a room, it lights up. Your beauty radiates like rays of the sun. You don't realize how truly breathtaking you are. You walked into my life, into this room, and my world was altered. I knew then, just as much as I know now, that you were the one for me.
You can find number 2,
Where our sparks flew.
– Ev
This boy is crazy! He has me going around the school to find a list of his favorite things about me.
I don’t need a hint or to even think about clue number two.
On Monday, we were practicing with Bunsen burners.
We were lighting our flames for chemistry.
Ev turned the gas up too high, and when I sparked it, it shot up.
I screamed. He laughed and then made a joke about us having so much chemistry.
I slapped him on the shoulder, and he kissed me.
Then Mr. Roby scolded both of us for PDA.
When I make it to chemistry, Mr. Roby just shakes his head. He nods to the cabinet with the stored burners. Like Gage, he seems sick of all this romantic stuff.
I pull out another rose shaped note.
Two.
You are kind. Down to your bones, in every fiber of who you are.
And in the life I have lived, genuine kindness is rare. You are rare.
My rare pretty bird.
I’m already running out of clever rhymes.
So here is number three.
Check Senior Tree.
– Ev
I tuck the rose-shaped note in my bag and head toward Senior Tree.
The only problem? It’s lunchtime, and there are people surrounding it.
I think of asking to use the restroom in my next class.
That way I can avoid people. But I really want to see where this is going.
So I put my big girl panties on and head outside.
Once I approach Senior Tree, I see Gage standing there. He isn’t speaking to anyone, just doing something on his phone as usual. I thought he was with Ev?
“Gage?”
“Fuck. Finally. You are really slow at this, you know that?”
“And you are really grumpy,” I retort.
“Yeah, well, you would be too if you had to help Everett with all the sappy love shit.” He hands me a rose note.
I take it from between his middle and ring finger. He isn’t even looking at me, just on his phone, I’m sure hacking into somewhere he shouldn’t be.
I glare at him and stick my tongue out. Real mature. He rolls his eyes and walks away. Dick.
Three.
You are patient. You listen. you understand.
You hold no expectations of me that I feel pressured to meet.
You are a breath of fresh air.
Number four.
Then there are no more.
(Notes, that is, because I could live a thousand lives and still never tell you all the things I love about you.)
Shit, that kinda ruined the poem?
Fuck it.
Come find me where you chose me.
– Ev
This one is also easy. The field.
When I arrive at the stadium, I see Ev sitting on the same bench where he was injured last week. He is holding a bouquet of roses. It’s the first time anyone has gotten me flowers.
When he hears me approach, he stands and holds the flowers out to me.
“I know it’s kinda cheesy to do roses, but I thought maybe you never got to have all the cheesy shit you should have experienced. Is it an asshole move if I say I’m kinda glad you didn’t? ’Cause now I get to be the one to give you all these first. So we can check getting roses off that list.”
I place a kiss on his cheek. “You’re not an asshole. You are very sweet. Thank you. They are so beautiful. And your notes… Ev, no one has ever said anything as nice and beautiful as you do to me. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Well, good thing I have one more note.” His eyes motion to the bouquet of flowers, and in the center I find one more rose-shaped note.
Four.
You. Are. Mine.
– Ev
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“Okay.” My voice is thick with suspicion. What does he have up his sleeve?
“Will you not go to the homecoming dance with me?” He takes the roses from my hands and sets them on the bench. Then he steps close to me and grabs my face in his reassuring hands.
My hands instinctively wrap around his waist. I am enveloped by him. “That’s… I’m confused.”
“I know that homecoming would be a literal nightmare for you, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to go because of me. So, don’t go with me. Let’s go somewhere else."
“Ev, you have to go to homecoming. You’re nominated for king. And—” I try to shake my head, but he stop me.
“And nothing. I don’t give a fuck about a silly little plastic crown. I just want to be where you are.”
I open my mouth to respond, but I’m not sure what to say.
“Come on. I even dragged Gage into this anti-homecoming proposal. If you don’t say yes, he is going to be pissed that he helped me. Pretty please?”
And it’s that damn please that gets me. “Fine. Okay. I will not go to homecoming with you.” I chuckle at his silly proposal.
But my heart-wings beat faster because he knows me better than anyone.
I would hate to go to homecoming, with all the people and dancing.
Can someone say social anxiety nightmare?
His goofy smile is infectious, his dimples making me melt, and the kiss he lays on my lips is searing. “Thank fuck, ’cause I would not have time to get a tux fitted.”