Chapter 19
Tuesday morning, I get up and get ready for school. When I go to my locker, a note falls out.
I don’t know if you’re okay.
I’m worried fucking sick.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t think.
Please be okay, Leo.
I love you.
– Ev
He must have left it for me yesterday. The only place he knew it would be safe for me and me alone.
I wish I had a better way to talk to him.
But I can't waste my money on a phone, I need it for more important things.
I know Ski told him I was okay but Ev isn't the type to just take someone's word.
He needs to see me, touch me, hear me. He needs me as much as I need him.
When I walk into chemistry, he isn’t there. I’m running late this morning, and class is about to start. Why isn’t he here?
Thirty minutes into class, he bursts through the door, interrupting Mr. Roby’s lecture and rushes to me. He grabs my face and slams his lips to mine. Completely disregarding the student's around us.
“Fuck. I thought I’d never see you again. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Gage couldn’t even find you.”
His eyes are red rimmed, the dark circles under them foreign on his usually bright face.
“I’m okay. I’m right here.”
“Mr. Rowan, please sit.” Mr. Roby’s voice is filled with annoyance, like he doesn’t get paid enough to deal with teenage, high school drama.
He sits next to me but doesn’t let go of my leg under the table, I think more reassurance for him than me.
The day goes on like usual, like nothing even happened.
But it did. I have to go back to my mom’s and not my safe space at Mill’s.
I have to live on edge, knowing at any moment, my mom could make a call to the police and report the only two people in my life I have ever cared for, who have ever cared for me—well, maybe Gage too.
We all sit at my private little table in the library at lunch. Ev has been on edge all day, restless and not himself.
"It's okay, Ev. I'm okay." I reach out and lay my hand on his as it shakes.
"You're not okay, Leo. I had no way to talk to you. To see you. I didn't know where you were. Gage couldn't track you and he is like fucking boy genius with his tech shit. The man can fucking hack the FBI but couldn't find you."
I look to Gage who just shrugs his shoulder, arms crossed over his chest. "He's right."
"The FBI, really? You know what. Never mind.
I'm not going to address that bit of information.
" I turn my eyes back to this disintegrating mess in front of me.
"Everett. Listen to me. I'm okay. She didn't hurt me.
I have been surviving in that house long enough, I know what to do and not to do when she is like this. You have to trust me."
"We have to go to the police, Leo. Why can't we?"
I grab his defined jaw between my hands, his green eyes are on fire. He is furious but more than that, he is scared. My brave Everett, taken to his knees by little ol me.
"I'm a minor, Ev. They will take me away. Not much longer and I'll be eighteen. I can leave and she will have no power. Just trust me."
He releases a breath and leans his forehead to mine. "Okay. But Gage got you something."
Gage slides a little flip phone to me and I take it in my hands, pulling away from Ev. "What's this?"
Gage's brow raises and he doesn't answer my silly question.
"Okay, yes. I know it's a phone but why?"
"You need to be able to contact someone in case of emergency. It's nothing fancy. Just has our numbers and Ski's in it. Gage can trace it too. Just in case."
"Everett." I scold him.
"Please, Leo. For my sanity, just take it."
That stupid please gets me. "Fine but promise not to trace it unless it's an emergency. And I'm not using it unless I absolutely need to. Deal?"
"Fine."
"Whatever."
The both say at the same time.
After school, I tell Ev how I won’t be going to work for a couple days while things settle down.
He insists on driving me home, and for a second, I consider it.
But that means he could also come over at any time, unannounced and uninvited, and I fear too much what my mom might do or say.
Ev is reckless in his love for me, with no consideration for his own safety or future. I can’t let him ruin it.
I have to protect him—and Ski—from her.
I tell Ev that I am fine, again. That she didn’t physically hurt me. I tell him about the trashed house and having to dip into my college fund, but honestly, I think I got off easy. It could have—and has been—worse.
Before we part, Ev invites me over for Christmas dinner with his family.
“Ev, I don’t think that’s a good idea. They know who my mom is, don’t they?”
“They don’t care, Leo. They just want me to be happy. And I am with you.”
He embraces me in a giant hug, his arms trapping my head against his chest. "Come on, pretty bird. I want you to meet them. They can be a little much, but they love me. They will love you. I know it."
His poor, naive heart. He has no idea the kind of bias people like his parents have toward my mom and, by extension, me.
Especially since my skin doesn’t look like theirs.
And I could totally be judging them prematurely, but I have seen the way his mother and father have looked at me around town.
I hear the whispers. I may keep my head down, but I am not blind.
“I told them about you months ago. They know I’m happy and that you’re it for me. They want to meet you.”
I pull out of his embrace, "They do?"
"Yes. I promise, it will be fine. Okay, it might be a little awkward at first. I'm not going to lie, they were pretty set on Nat and I being together forever but I talked to them and they are coming around."
"Yeah, that does not make me feel better." I push him away and go to walk away. But he doesn't let me. He follows after me, catching my arm and spinning me. Grabbing my cheeks between his obnoxiously large hands, he squishes my cheeks and kisses my lips.
"Stop. I'll be there. You're not doing this alone. Okay?"
Good thing Gage has been showing me how to have a backbone. It may be time I need it.
“Okay.”