Chapter 20
“Ihate when Everett is out of town. How many stupid galas and fancy events does one family need to attend?” I ask Gage as we walk the path to Mill’s.
This is my first day back after taking a week away.
I knew I needed to let things settle with my mom.
She tends to forget a lot of things so I knew if I backed off from work and stayed home, it would all blow over.
“You are dating the mayor’s son. They are filthy rich and only get richer by doing stupid shit like this. Although if you ask me, there is something else going on with Mr. Rowan. No mayor of small-town Oregon is that wealthy.” Gage responds as he picks at his fingernails.
I take notice, looking closer and see that his fingernails are all torn up. “Why do you do that?” He looks at me and I motion toward his nails.
“Just a bad habit, I guess. I like to keep my hands busy.”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Yeah. But that’s okay.” He continues picking, looking down at his hands. I want to reach out and stop him from hurting himself but I also know he isn't comfortable with being touched so I refrain.
“You are so strange.” I chuckle and we continue our walk.
Silence stretches on and I think about what Ev is doing now. I imagine him in a fancy tux and plastering on his beaming smile to appease his father and mother. I can’t wait till we are out of here and he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy. He can just be himself.
As I’m walking down the sidewalk, I notice a coin and lean down to pick it up but Gage stops me. “Wait. It’s tails up. Those are unlucky.”
I scoff, “I don’t get to be picky; money is money. Plus, I like the tail up ones.” I pick up the coin and tuck it into my pocket.
“And you call me strange.”
I glare at him and laugh. “Whatever. Can you imagine how many tails up coins there are out there just waiting to be picked? Waiting to prove that they are still worth something, even if everyone else says they are bad luck?”
“No. I can’t imagine. Because they are coins. Inanimate objects that have no feeling, hopes or desires.”
“Okay, dick. Either way, I don’t look away from something of worth just because it has a bad or unlucky side. It holds the same value no matter what side is showing.”
He stares at me, one eyebrow raised as if what I am saying is the stupidest thing he has ever heard.
“Stop looking at me like that! Here, you keep it.” I dig it out of my pocket.
“And next time you find something you think is unlucky or not worth your time, I hope you remember this coin and that your best friend gave it to you as a reminder to stop being such a butthead and look at the brighter side of things. To remember that even if we have an unwanted side, we still hold the same value.”
“Whatever.” He shakes his head, his dark hair swishing with the motion.
But I notice him looking at the coin as if it's the first time he has seen one. Or maybe the first time he has considered what I said. After a few moments he says without looking at me, "Do you really think that? About the unlucky side holding the same worth as the good side?"
"There are no good or bad sides to a coin. It's just coin, remember?" I mock him but his face looks sad. And I feel a pang in my chest. I don't think we are talking about coins anymore…
"I think we all have a dark side, Gage. Each one of us has something that hurts inside that we want to hide away.
That we want to keep secret. But just like that coin you are holding, we have the power to flip it.
Control it. Reveal it or keep it hidden and no matter what we decide to do with our darkest parts, show them or hide them.
We still hold the same value and worth. We are still deserving of being picked, even if our dark side is showing. "
"Hmm." Is the only response I get. But I know he understood me. I know because I see him flipping the coin between his knuckles and then tucking it away in his pocket.
When we make it to Mill’s, the shop is quiet.
I set up and make Gage an Americano, me a Leo.
We sit in silence, working on chemistry homework until a customer arrives.
I serve them and go back to my table. This seems to be our routine.
Usually we do this after school, then Ev joins us after practice.
I enjoy this time. The small conversations with Gage create a closeness between us. A relationship, a friendship that is building. He has given me details about his home life, he doesn’t go into detail, but I know he suffered abuse just as I do and that gives us a bond like no other.
I know I’ll always have someone who understands me. And that is extremely liberating. What is that saying about birds of a feather? I understand it now. There is strength and power in being understood and accepted. I'd like to think that Gage feels the same as I do.
As Gage and I are walking to the front, him to use the restroom and me to get a water, the lights shut off and the entire store goes pitch black.
It's dark outside since it's almost closing time so I can't even depend on the sunshine to illuminate the space.
I jump, grasping onto Gages bicep and let out a small scream.
“Jesus, jumpy much?” He lays his hand over mine and rubs just slightly to comfort me.
“Sorry.” I say as I let his arm go but still keep my hand gently on his shoulder. “I don’t really like the dark.”
“Here.” I feel him move, I think retrieving something from his pocket and then I hear the click and see the flame. I flinch slightly at the sound, and he notices. “It’s okay. You hold it.”
“I’m okay. You can keep it.” I don’t like lighters, every time I hear one, I feel the burn of my scars. My heart rate picks up slightly, preparing for the pain to come.
“Leo. It only holds power if you let it. Take the damn lighter.”
I wrap my hands around his own, holding it with him. His hands are even colder than my own. I nod once and he removes his hand.
“Everyone okay?” Ski comes from the back, flashlight in hand. “Must have thrown a breaker. I’ll be right back.”
He leaves and I continue to hold the lighter, staring at the flame. Lost in my memories. Gage stays with me, close but no longer touching. A few moments later, the lights come back on and I hand Gage the lighter.
“Keep it. Just in case you find yourself in the dark without a light.” He makes his way to the restroom, and I realize that was the first time Gage let me touch him.