Chapter 21 #2
“You didn’t tell me you agreed to marry Natasha and that you plan on coming back to Aurora after college.” I can’t meet his eyes. My insecurities are coming to the surface, and I can’t bear to let him see them in my eyes.
“I did agree to marry Natasha after we graduated college, but that was before I fell in love with you. When I agreed to it, I thought I really did love her, but now that I know what true love is, I realize Natasha was just comfortable. Our parents have been partners since before we were born. She was always around, but she isn’t you.
And I didn’t tell you about coming back because I’m not.
I was going to do what they wanted of me, but after being with you, your bravery has inspired me. I’m going down my own path, with you.”
I look at him now, really look at him, and only see honesty in his eyes. Those perfectly crystal green eyes.
“Okay.” I let out a sigh. Feeling much more at ease. I wanted to run. But he caught me. Like he said he would.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“I’m sorry that my mom told you all that. She promised she wouldn’t, but sometimes she can’t help herself. She just wants what's best for me, and she is having a hard time letting the image she had of my future go. But you are what's best for me. You are my happiness.”
I give him a quick kiss, and his goofy smile is back.
“You ready to go back out there before they think I’m fucking you in the powder room?”
I laugh. “You are ridiculous. Oh my god, do you think they really think that?” I cover my mouth and my eyes widen.
He chuckles like all this is funny. "No, pretty bird. I don't. But it was funny to see you freak out for a minute.” He kisses my neck, right where my newest scar is, and I slap his shoulder.
"You are such an ass."
He interlinks our fingers and pulls me out of the bathroom. I have to focus on where his hand is laced with my own, keeping me grounded. His touch is a balm to my nerves. I know with him, nothing can harm me. I won’t let their judgment and words feed my demons.
We sit at the table across from his parents, and it feels like I’m in an interrogation room.
“Leora, now that we can expect you to be in our lives for a while." She pauses, looking me up and down again, a sneer on her face. "What are your goals? Where do you plan to attend college? What will you major in?”
I look at Ev, and he nods, giving me the okay to share and be honest.
“I would like to attend whatever college Everett attends. I don’t have any dreams of a specific one, so whichever he chooses, as long as I am accepted, I will go where he goes.
As far as my major, I am undecided at the moment.
I’m hoping that once I begin my classes, something will speak to me.
And as far as other goals go, I don’t really have any.
I just want to go to college right now.”
“No goals, no dreams, no aspirations? You don’t sound like you have put a lot of thought into your future and success, Leora,” his father says, his tone full of disgust.
“Father.” Ev sends a silent pleading look to his father, an irritation hiding under the surface but contained because of who it is directed at. Funny… Ev has never been one to hide his true feelings, but he can’t help it with his parents.
His comment fills me with shame but even more so with fury. I can’t hold my tongue.
“I haven’t been afforded the luxury to dream.
I haven’t allowed myself to plan a future that each night I wasn’t sure would ever come.
I did not come from a life where college was even a possibility until I put in the work to make it one, sir.
” I say the last word with contempt. How fucking dare he.
I have worked hard to get where I am, to survive.
And he sits there in his perfect, thousand-dollar suit, eating a meal that costs more than my monthly grocery budget, and he has the balls to tell me I have no drive.
“Everyone can have goals. Doesn’t matter where you come from or who your parents are.” Ev’s mom looks at me like I’m the whore and not my mother.
Ev grabs my leg under the table and levels his parents with a look that can only be described as furious. “Okay. That is eno—”
I lay my hand on his to silence him. “My goal is singular. Survive. And that is what I have fucking done.”
I take my stupid fabric napkin from my lap and slam it onto my plate. Who eats fucking duck, anyway?
“If you’ll excuse me. I’m done here.”
I walk out and hear Ev’s chair slide out. “Leo, wait up.”
I don’t stop. I’m fuming. I have never been made to feel so low.
Even through all the bullying, I have never been made to feel like I could have done more.
People have always talked down to me, telling me I was nothing.
I was trash. I didn’t belong. But that was the first time in my life someone has told me that I wasn’t doing enough.
That all I have done to survive wasn’t enough.
I should have done more. Dreamed more. Set higher goals.
Well, fuck them. Fuck their goals.
I almost make it to his truck when his warm hand grasps my elbow. He spins me around and catches me in his arms. Holding my face to his chest like he has done so many times.
“I got you.”
I take a minute to breathe him in. Letting his smell wash away all my anger.
“I’m so sorry, Ev. I just couldn’t sit there and let them tell me that what I have done with my life isn’t enough. I just—”
He grabs my face in his hand and looks me in the eyes.
“Shhh. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
If you hadn’t walked out, I was about to.
Don’t listen to them. You have done enough, more than enough, honestly.
I don’t know a single person who, if put in your position, would be as amazing, kind, and gracious as you.
I’m just sorry that I ever thought they would be different. If I had known—”
“Hey, it’s not your fault. Don’t apologize for hoping for the best in people. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”
He kisses me and…
I pull away, suddenly feeling very nauseous. What the heck?
Then I barf. All over his very expensive leather shoes.
“Leo, are you okay?”
He pulls my curls from my face and rubs my back, not giving a single care about his shoes.
As soon as I empty my stomach of the highly pretentious appetizer we were served, I stand and wipe my face with the back of my hand. “Yeah. I don’t know what that was. It came out of nowhere. Maybe I just worked myself up too much.”
“Come on. I’ll take you back to Mill's.”
He helps me into the truck, and my mind is racing on why I just threw up. And then my leg is shaking. Shit. I have to really pee…again.
My heart drops into my stomach.
The nausea.
The heightened emotion.
The peeing every thirty minutes.
When was my last period?
With everything that has happened, I didn’t even realize.
I was supposed to start last week.