Chapter 37
“Ihate moving. Did you know that about me, LJ? I fucking hate it. My body was not meant for manual labor. So just look at this as a testament to how much I love you.”
We have been loading boxes for a whole fifteen minutes. Cole has moved one box of Rune’s stuffed animals and one box of pillows.
“You know, I think the boys can move the boxes. I really could use your help directing them where to put them in the truck and then at Ev’s apartment.” I smile at her, giving her an out, because if I don’t, I won't hear the end of her complaining.
“Yes! Now you’re talking! Bossing around hot, sweaty men. I fucking love you. Thank you.”
She drops the box, not even finishing taking it to the truck, which is ten feet in front of her, and gives me a smooch to my cheek.
“Everett, this one here goes on top!” She marches off and begins pointing her fingers, asking Ev to re-arrange the boxes he already stacked, and like the gentleman he is, he obliges.
Two weeks is all it took for Ev to convince me to move in with him.
Two weeks, even though I knew I was going to say yes the moment he asked.
I had fun making him think I was actually having to think about it.
Now, as the first week of April rolls in, we are finally moving in and starting a new journey.
I texted Gage to help us, and with some bribery and maybe a small fib about Cole not coming to help, I was able to drag him here. I need him and Ev to make peace because I need both of them. Point. Blank. Period.
Ev is the love of my life, but Gage is my best friend, even before Cole. And one thing Cole can never do, thank fuck, is that she can never understand the trauma that Gage and I share. His darkness speaks to my own.
And speaking of the devil, his black Audi pulls up, and he steps out in a pair of black basketball shorts and a black Nike hoodie, his slip-on Vans with tall Nike socks, and backward hat make Cole halt in her tracks.
He walks up to me, his hands tucked into his pockets, and looks up into the truck at Cole.
“We need to work on the lying thing, Leo. It’s rude.” His grumpy face breaks as I give him an innocent smile and bat my eyelashes.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He doesn’t say anything, just rolls his eyes and heads inside. But my little bird bounding down the apartment steps stops him.
His body tenses as I come up behind him. Not touching him, but close enough to give him my comfort.
“Hey, little bird. This is Uncle Gage. Gage, this is your nephew, Rune.”
Gage looks at me, holding my gaze with a vulnerability in his eyes that I rarely see. He is uneasy. He doesn’t believe he deserves the title of uncle. But he does.
“You have a brother?” Rune asks.
And without breaking his gaze, I reply with absolute confidence, “I do.”
Gage looks down at Rune, who is now holding his hand out to shake Gage’s, but he keeps his hands tucked in his hoodie. Still not comfortable with touch. He kneels down, eye level with my little boy. “Hello, Rune.”
“I have an uncle!” Rune jumps into his arms, and Gage catches him on reflex, a shocked look on his face as Rune forces physical touch on my poor, damaged best friend. I expect Gage to retreat, but he doesn’t. His embrace tightens on Rune, clinging him to his chest. “Fuck,” he whispers.
Tears come to my eyes as I think about how long it has been since Gage has been hugged.
“Gage.” Ev’s smooth voice sounds from the ramp of the truck, pulling all of us from this moment.
Standing, Gage and Rune disconnect, but Rune’s small hand stays enveloped in Gage’s large, tatted hand.
“Everett. I just came to help.” It seems as if a full conversation passes between them before Ev nods and Gage walks inside to grab some boxes, finally releasing my son.
That single nod represents a small step in their journey of mending what has been broken.
My heart swells with joy at seeing it because I know how deep Gage's betrayal burned.
Cole comes up next to me, hand on her hips. “Why do the assholes have to be so fucking hot.”
“Auntie Cole said a bad word!” Rune points his finger, and Cole chases after him as he runs away.
“You little tattle tale! Hey, snitches get stitches. Get back here, Ru!”
I swear they are the same age sometimes. I shake my head and walk up to Ev, who is heading back inside for more boxes.
“I need you to speak to Gage. I forgave him. It’s time you do too. He acted in what he thought was your best interest. It’s no different than what I did with Rune, and you forgave me.”
He places his hand on my waist and pulls me in, soaking in my peace. I push it toward him, hoping that my love for the both of them helps him see that we can’t live without Gage. He is too important to us both.
“It’s different, Leo.”
“How?”
“He saw me break, watched me fall apart every day. He watched me become a ghost of who I once was, and he could have stopped it. But he didn’t. For four years, he didn’t end my misery.”
“We all make mistakes. You didn’t give up on me when I made mine. Don’t give up on him.” I place a kiss to his cheek and move to help Cole wrangle Rune while Ev and Gage have a much-needed talk.
When they finally emerge, there’s a smile on Gage's face, one that he only gives his best friends, and my heart feels a peace it hasn’t felt in a long, long time.
My family is whole once again. I’m sure Ev will tell me what transpired between them in that little apartment, but if not, that’s okay.
As long as we’re moving forward, that’s all I care about.
Once the last box is loaded, we head to Ev’s apartment.
I haven’t even seen it, but it doesn’t matter.
It will be everything I have ever wanted because it will have my boys.
I am fully prepared for Top Ramen and mac ‘n’ cheese nights, hot cocoa and movie nights, slow mornings filled with snuggles and breakfast. My hummingbird heart is nestled firmly in my chest, feeling at home for the first time in her life. She feels safe.
Ev’s apartment is simple. Like he always said he wanted, it’s small and cozy.
Gray vinyl floors and white walls that should feel cold and empty, but his dark leather furniture and mixed metal decor brings a warmth to the space.
It doesn’t have any pictures though, which we’ll change since I brought all of mine of Rune and me, but we need some with all of us as a family.
Gage walks in with a box in his hands. Setting it down on the kitchen counter, he turns to me. “How in God's name did you find someone like her?”
“She’s great, right?” I say excitedly.
“I wanted to strangle her on six different occasions in our ten-minute drive.”
His irritated eyes and grimace make me laugh. “She isn’t that bad.”
“I think I have a ruptured eardrum. Does she know she sounds like a dying cat when she sings? If you can even call it that.”
“Hey! I can hear you!” Cole comes in empty-handed.
“I’m aware,” he growls and then walks out the door.
“God, what crawled up his ass and died? He is so grumpy,” she says as she flops down onto Ev’s large leather couch.
“Gage is an acquired taste, but once you earn his love, he is like no one else. He’s just…been through a lot.”
“Yeah, so have you and you’re not a dick.”
“What's a dick?” Rune walks up next to me. He is so quiet sometimes, like a sneaky little mouse.
“Jesus help me.” I cover my eyes and shake my head.
“It’s another word for your penis, buddy.” Ev walks in with a box in hand, setting it down. He looks at me proudly like he just saved the day.
“What's a penis?” Rune is looking like we just placed a sudoku puzzle in front of him.
“Seriously, Leo, have you not taught my boy the correct terms for his anatomy?”
I shrug. “We call it his winky.”
“Jesus fuck, help me.” Ev runs his hands down his face.
“Hey, I did my best with the dad stuff! Cut me some slack!” I’m getting frustrated now.
He must read it on my face, because he comes and wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into his large frame.
“I know, pretty bird. I’ll teach him. It’s important he knows the correct terminology just in case…
well, just in case someone… Fuck. Huh. He just needs to call it by its correct name, okay? ”
A sickness hits my stomach because I know exactly what he is trying to say without saying it aloud.
“Okay.”
He leans down to Rune. “We can go over this another time, but your penis is what you call your winky, and from now on, I don’t want you to call it your winky…or dick. Let’s just stick with penis, okay?”
“Penis.” Rune giggles. “That's a funny word.”
Gage walks in with another box.
“Hey, Uncle Gage. I have a penis. Do you have one too?”
There is not a single ounce of shock or embarrassment on Gage’s face with Rune’s statement and question. “Yes, buddy, a very large one.”
“Gage!” I slap him on the back of the head, and he chuckles to himself.
Cole’s eyes widen, and Ev buckles over in laughter.
Rune starts jumping up and down. “I want a large penis. I want one like Uncle Gage!”
Gage pats him on the head. “Well, based on who your dad is, you will always be lacking, but hey, he knocked up your mom, so there is always hope, bud.”
Ev stops laughing and wraps Gage into a head lock and ruffles his perfectly messed-up dark hair. “Oh, you fucker!”
“Okay, no more talk of penises please! Come on, Rune. Let's go see if your dad has any Oreos and ketchup.” Cole covers Rune's ears and guides him into the kitchen.
Once the boxes are all moved in, Ev gives Gage a ride back to my old apartment since he refused to ride with Cole again, and Rune and I settle in with a movie.