Chapter 36
“Here, taste this.” I hold the wooden spoon to Leo’s supple lips and try not to imagine her wrapping those lips around something else. I need to keep my dirty, dirty thoughts away since Rune is here with us.
But then she moans, and it goes straight to my dick. Fuck. Down, boy. Not in front of your kid.
“Oh, that’s good. What’s in that?” She’s sitting at the kitchen island and peppering me with all kinds of questions.
“It’s a secret. If I told you, it wouldn’t be my secret recipe, now would it?”
“But we aren’t keeping secrets anymore, remember?” She raises her brow in a flirtatious way, but I’m not falling for her tricks.
“Fine. I’ll tell you. When I’m on my deathbed. Now it’s not a secret, just a surprise for later.”
She scrunches her nose up at me. “Oh, you suck!”
“No, pretty bird.” I lower my voice and let her read the desire on my face. “But you can later.”
“What are you guys doing later?” Rune’s voice pops up out of nowhere, and I jump.
“Jesus, kid. Scared the shi—”
“Nothing, little bird.” Leo sends me a warning glare and wraps her arm around Rune’s cute little head, running her fingers through his golden curls. It’s been really fucking difficult not cussing around Rune. I’m trying, but I wasn’t slowly integrated into changing my language like Leo was.
But let’s be honest, he wouldn’t be my kid if he didn’t have a diverse vocabulary, right? Especially once he starts hanging with Uncle Ga—
Fuck. That hurts.
Damn. Even as mad as I am, I could never keep Gage out of Rune’s life. We’re brothers. I need to talk to him, but every time I look at Rune and see all the years I missed, I can’t help but be angry with Gage for taking four of those years from me.
“Later, I have a surprise for you and your mom. But I’ll need your help. Operation Seize Hummingbird is underway. Are you up for the challenge, recruit?” I lean into him and put on my best James Bond voice.
Leo giggles, and Rune’s face lights up.
“Duh! I want to size a hummingbird!”
I’m still getting used to what words Rune can understand and pronounce. I’m not sure he understands the mission.
“Rune. This mission is the most important mission you will be tasked with. In this mission, our objective is to make Mommy fall in love with Dr. Giraffe. Do you think we can accomplish this together?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” He’s hopping up and down now like a little kangaroo. “We have to! I want you to be my daddy!”
Leo and I look at each other, both our faces dropping.
Part relief and part dread circle through my stomach.
How is Rune going to handle it when we tell him that I am, in fact, his dad?
Will he hate me for being gone for so long?
Will he be mad at Leo? Rune is her whole life.
If he’s upset with her over this, it will ruin her.
She already holds so much guilt. I want to fix this, but I have a feeling that no matter how we approach this, Rune is going to be hurt.
I just hope that we can help him through it and this isn’t a trauma he will carry with him the rest of his life.
I walk around and whisper into Rune’s ear so Leo can’t hear. “After dinner, I need you to take mommy for ice cream. When I give you the signal, go into my wallet and grab some money. Then sneak Mommy away, and when you return, I’ll have the surprise ready. Can you do that?”
He vigorously nods, his excitement leaking from him. I smile and then give Leo a kiss to the cheek, now whispering in her ear the plan so that she knows Rune’s task.
“You are crazy, you know that?”
“Crazy about you.”
She slaps my shoulder. “That was so cheesy.”
I grab her by the nape of the neck and pull her lips to my own. “But you loved it.” Then I kiss her, hard.
Rune runs off and then a few moments later arrives from his room with a plastic fireman’s helmet, knee pads, a turtle stuffy, and a wooden sword.
I peel my eyes away from my stunning little phoenix and look to Rune. “Nice, bud. I think you’re ready. But first we must fuel our bodies for our mission.”
I plate up my famous chicken parmesan for all of us, cutting Rune’s up into small pieces, and meet them at the table.
Once I sit, Leo stands and goes to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of ketchup. “Huh… What are you doing?”
Leo shakes her head. “First thing you need to know for Daddy Training 101: Rune needs ketchup on about 90% of what he eats.”
“Oh, don’t you dare!” I reach for the ketchup bottle, but the red monstrous condiment touches my perfectly seasoned chicken parm and my heart breaks.
“Whose spawn are you? Ketchup demon.” I look at Rune with disgust, and he just laughs.
“Ketchup is sooo good!” He uses his monster voice, and I roll my eyes.
“I’m disappointed in you, Leo. How could you even bring ketchup into this house?”
She sets the bottle on the table and goes back to sit in her own chair, “Blame Auntie Cole. She took him to lunch one day and came back with a grocery bag full of ketchup.”
“Well, Auntie Cole just made it onto my shit list.”
“What's a shit list?”
Leo looks horrified, and I just laugh. Oops.
“Rune, we don’t say that word. It’s not nice.” Her stern, scolding voice makes me want to act out.
“A shit list is when someone does something that makes you mad.”
Rune shrugs and digs into his dinner. The kid inhales his food. And when we are all done, I look at him and give him some fake hand signals and his face goes serious, ready to start his mission.
He goes over to my wallet resting on the entryway table and starts digging.
Leo and I head to the kitchen to put our plates up, and Rune walks up to us. His body language is slow, sad. He’s holding…
Fuck.
“Mommy, why does Dr. Giraffe have a picture of you guys in his wallet?”
She turns, and he holds up the photo booth reel we took years ago. I completely forgot it was in my wallet. I used to look at it every day, but I haven’t in a while. It was too hard to see her face, despite feeling like I couldn’t live without seeing it.
Leo takes it but doesn’t say anything. She just looks at me, fear evident in her eyes. I nod, understanding that she needs me to do this. She wants to run, but from this, she can’t.
I kneel down so I am eye level with Rune.
“Hey bud, your mom and I took that photo eight years ago. We…” I look up to her, and she nods. “We were in love, and from that love, we created you.”
Rune’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, and he shakes his head. “You… You’re my dad?”
“Yeah, buddy. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you at first. We thought…”
The tears streaming from Rune’s eyes halt my words, my thoughts, my world.
“Stop! You—I—I hate you! Both of you! You’re both on my shit list!” Rune runs to his room, leaving me staring at the ground and Leo sniffling behind me.
When I stand, I wrap her in my arms, and she begins to sob. “This is my fault. I should have told him.”
“It’s going to be okay. I’ll talk to him.”
“No, I should. This was my fault. You wanted to tell him, I… I made a mistake.”
“Leo, let me do this. You have raised Rune for seven years, and you have done so beautifully, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. Plus, I think Rune needs guy talk.”
I can see the hesitation painted on her face, but then she nods. “Okay.”
I start cleaning up dinner, washing off the dirty dishes and loading them into her little dishwasher.
“What are you doing? I thought you were going to talk to him?”
“I will. Rule number one with Rowan men… When you piss them off, you have to give them time to process and cool down. We can have a bit of a temper.”
She giggles. “You? Have a temper? I’ve never seen it.”
“That’s because you only hurt me one time and I didn’t cool off till I found you.”
She doesn’t respond.
After I clean up, I go knock on Rune’s door.
Nothing sounds from inside, so I open the door slowly.
Rune is sitting on his bed, picking at the laces of his football. And I smile—it’s the same thing I used to do when I had a lot on my mind.
I sit next to him, his Spider-Man comforter sinking in from my weight. “I’m sorry, Rune.”
“You didn’t want me?” He whispers between sniffles.
God. Fuck. Knife meet chest.
“I did want you, buddy. I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But I didn’t know about you. I didn’t know till I met you in the hospital.”
“Mom told me my dad didn’t want me. She lied to me.”
I take Rune’s face in my hands. “She didn’t lie. She was lied to. Someone told your mom that I knew about you and I didn’t want you, but it was a lie. Do you hear me, Rune? Your mom was lied to, and she did what she thought was best to protect you.”
“But if that’s true, then why not tell me when I met you?”
I need to do my best to protect Leo in all this, but I won’t lie to Rune. Leo is a fucking amazing mom, nothing like my own. Rune will forgive her.
“Your mom wasn’t sure if I would be here for good. She thought that I might leave again, like she thought I did before. But I never left back then, Rune, and I’m not leaving now. She wanted to make sure of that before we told you.”
He looks down, and I release his face. Then he shocks me by climbing into my lap and laying his head on my shoulder.
“She loves you very much, Rune, and so do I. It’s okay to feel mad. It’s okay to feel sad, even. But we also need to forgive each other.”
I reach up and run one hand through his locks and the other down his back, making small circles. A soothing touch I have seen parents do in the ER but that was never done for me.
“I’m happy you’re my daddy.”
Fuck. Tears well behind my eyes, and I can’t hold them back.
I kiss the top of his head. “Me too, buddy.”
“Do you think Mommy will still go to ice cream with me?”
I chuckle out a “Yes, I think she would love that.”
I walk Rune out to Leo, and she wraps him into a hug, tears streaming down her face. They leave for ice cream, and I begin assembling my obstacle course.
I go to my car and pull out the Nerf guns and ammo then go to the living room and set up the couch cushions as blocks and throw blankets over tables and other furniture to create spaces for Rune to hide.
Then I strap my Nerf gun to my chest, set out the other two guns in front of the front door and wait.
When I hear them come up the steps, I prepare to attack. And when the door opens and I see Rune step through, his Nerf gun pointed forward, I release my confetti gun over his head, showering him with red confetti. Then I pull my Nerf gun from my chest and dive behind the couch.
His and Leo’s laughter is my fucking nirvana.
Let the Nerf gun wars commence.
“Mommy, we have to find him!”
“Find him? I think you better run…” I hear her release a dart, and Rune screams as his footsteps come closer to my own hiding spot. My merciless pretty bird, going after her own son. I pop up from behind the couch and fire at Leo, hitting her in the leg, and she goes down laughing.
“Medic! I need a medic!” she cries, and Rune runs over.
“I’ve got you, soldier. Just hold on. Don’t go toward the light!” Suddenly he is helping the woman who was just an enemy.
I allow him time to wrap a towel around Leo’s leg and then compose himself.
“Okay, Mommy, you ready?”
“Ready,” Leo says. I can hear the smile and determination in her voice.
Mission accomplished. Mommy and Rune are a team again.
After a few missed shots from both of us, I stand, pretending like I don’t see him crouched under the kitchen table, and I let him fire his shot, hitting me right in the chest.
I go down with a wail, grasping at my chest.
“I got you, Daddy! Mommy! Mommy, I got Daddy!”
Fuck. He called me daddy. I’m playing a Nerf gun battle with my son, and Leo is laughing, coming out of her hiding spot. Is this real life? Am I dreaming? If so, never wake me. Please let me live here forever.
“Good job, little bird.” She gives Rune a high-five and then kneels next to me.
“Do you need resuscitation, soldier?”
“Oh yes. Mouth-to-mouth should work.”
She leans over me and kisses me.
I smile against her lips and whisper, “Operation Seize Hummingbird accomplished.”
“I want to do this every night!” Rune jumps onto me.
Good fucking thing I have fast reflexes, or my baby maker would have been seriously damaged, and I still need that.
“Me too, buddy.” I look at Leo. Cradling her cheek in my hand, I run my thumb over her bottom lip. “Move in with me so I can have you both every night for the rest of my life.”