Chapter 1
ROSIE
Present Day
Ileaned in closer to my computer screen, as if that would help me, like that would make the numbers on the spreadsheet start making sense, even though basic comprehension had evaded me hours earlier.
The middle of February was arguably one of my busiest times, and it really had me questioning my profession on a daily basis, my love for numbers evaporating between the months of January and March—tax season.
Even the thought of it made me shudder, and my professors tried to warn us in college. But there I was, dying a little bit.
My phone was chirping, and I knew it was the group chat about a dinner that night I had tentatively tried to worm my way out of. But it had been about three weeks since I’d seen my friends, and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be let off the hook so easily this time.
Megan: Rosie, it’s 6:30. No excuses.
Lake: If you back out again Rosie you know she’ll just come drag you out.
Wesley: I haven’t seen my best friend in weeks, I’m having withdrawals.
My heart stuttered in my chest when I read Wesley’s message.
I tried to get my mind to roll over the term he used—best friends—but it couldn’t.
It got stuck, trapped, and I wanted to stomp on it, like the word was a living thing.
But that was all I was, all it had always been.
It was fine. Really. I didn’t even expect him to pay much attention to me after we met in the library our senior year.
Once we got over the initial awkwardness, we spent an hour trying to keep quiet, but that only resulted in us getting kicked out.
We’d been essentially glued to the hip ever since—almost ten years. Ten years of being regulated to a best friend, ten years of this. I pressed my hand to my chest. I felt a sharp pain ricochet through me when I thought about it too much, so I tried not to think about it at all.
Wesley: Come on please come, for me?
I sighed, knowing he had me hook, line, and sinker, and that I wasn’t going to be making any progress on my work that night anyway. Even if I’d honestly been looking forward to cold Chinese food and watching The Holiday. I sent my response.
Okay, I’ll leave in five.
I scooted my office chair back and stretched my arms above my head to try to work out how sore my muscles had become.
Shaking my head, my hair hastily fell out of the claw clip I had it pulled back into.
I didn’t have time to do much about my current appearance, which I was sure looked haggard with how many hours I was putting in.
I stood and opted not to waste time looking in a mirror, because then I would feel compelled to do something about it.
And I knew they were all probably waiting for me to get there.
Megan: Doors open.
Thankfully, our dinners usually consisted of us meeting at her house because she was currently in the middle of expanding her breakfast bistro, and loved using us as guinea pigs.
Most of the time, it worked in our favor.
Other times, not so much. A shiver rolled through me as I thought of the pistachio egg toast debacle that occurred three months before.
As terrible as the food was, it had been a good day, a good memory—one I liked to live in sometimes.
“Guys, can you please sit the fuck down so I can feed you?” Megan hollered at us. Lake and Wesley were roughhousing like teenage boys with the football game on in the background, and I was sipping on a mimosa, looking at them since I had been delegated as their referee.
“Hey! That was an illegal grab!” Wesley barked out as Lake flipped him on his back and was laughing over him, declaring himself the winner. “Rosie! What do you think?”
“Lake won.”
“How dare you!” He threw his hand over his eyes in mock rage. Then, I saw the way he smirked, and I knew he was up to no good. But before I could move, he had sprung up and flung me over his shoulder.
“Declare me the winner, and I’ll let you go!” He spun me around, and I couldn’t help the shrieks that escaped my mouth while I used my fists to beat on his back. Eventually, we were both laughing so hard that neither one of us could breathe, so he had to put me down.
“Heathens! All of you, knock it off. It’s chow-time,” Megan scolded us, and I sat down next to Wesley, across from Lake.
It was normally just us four. I’d met Megan and Lake after Wesley introduced me in college, and we’d all essentially been inseparable ever since.
Megan and Lake dated briefly in high school, but they were strictly friends now, although I sometimes couldn’t help but wonder.
I saw the way he looked at her when he thought no one was looking—the way I wished Wesley would look at me.
“Okay, so I had an idea. It’s my own spin on avocado toast.” Megan was flying around, plating up her dishes and placing them in front of us.
She talked a mile a minute about taste profiles, and what was popular, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the plate she had placed in front of me.
What…what is that? I saw Wesley looking at me out of the corner of his eye, his expression matching one of my own.
“Okay! Don’t just look at it. Dig in!”
I really didn’t want to, but I saw the way the boys had already taken their first bites, and I begrudgingly used my fork to cut part of the toast with it.
“You have to get some of the egg, too!” Megan scolded me since I had just gone for a corner. Shooting her what I hoped looked like a smile, I took a bigger slice of it and placed it into my mouth.
Oh my god. Poison. It’s poison.
“Well?” Megan demanded, and I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on my plate. I felt the way my face was flaming, and I knew I was about to give it away.
“I’m speechless,” Lake choked out—or maybe it was on the second bite he was trying to take. Megan raised her eyebrow at him. “It can’t be that bad.” She ran over and snatched the bite from him.
“Good lord, spit it out, spit it out. I don’t think I cooked it right.”
Wesley’s face had almost turned a green color as he raced over to the sink to dispose of the food in his mouth. “What the hell did you just try to feed me?”
“Pistachio toast,” Megan said, as if that made everything make sense. We all started laughing again.
My phone rang. I saw it was Megan, and I rolled my eyes, knowing she was calling just to double-check that I was in fact on my way.
“Yes, Mother, I’m coming.”
“Good. I have a new dessert that I need your opinion on. It’s lemon.” She knew lemon was my favorite, so it didn’t surprise me that she wanted my opinion. I had an addiction. Even those lemon sour heads—I always had some on hand.
“Be there soon.” I hung up, not waiting for her answer. I’d be at her place in less than ten minutes anyway.
The drive through our small town was easy enough.
I’d come to Chapel Hill for school and decided to stay.
Since Megan, Lake, and Wesley grew up here, it only made sense when they stayed.
My hands started to sweat on the steering wheel, even though it was only fifty degrees.
It always seemed to happen before I saw Wesley.
Ten years, and you would think I’d be able to control the way my body reacted to him. I couldn’t.
I pulled into the small gravel road that gave way to the two-bedroom cottage Megan had inherited from her grandparents, and saw that Lake and Wesley’s vehicles were already there, my suspicions that they were waiting on me confirmed.
I didn’t bother to knock since she had already texted me that the door was open.
The voices of my friends echoed through to the doorway, and I felt my heart swell as I made my way toward the kitchen.
Wesley stood with a beer in his hand and leaned on the counter, staring over Megan, commenting on her stirring technique while Lake chopped up what looked like an onion.
“Seems like I’m right on time.”
Wesley’s head snapped in my direction, and I hated that I felt relief when I saw the way his smile produced both dimples, not just one.
His one-dimpled smile was polite. But nope, I got both dimples.
My step faltered as I walked into the kitchen, and I gravitated toward him.
He also made his way to me and pulled me into a hug.
“It’s been too long,” he murmured into my hair—I only came up to his chest.
“Yeah, you know, busy time with work and all.”
“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it any less annoying.
” He huffed, and I found myself staring at our reflection in the window, not wanting to be the one to pull away.
But all good things come to an end, and he pulled away from me, patting me on the head as he did.
I almost flinched at how friendly the gesture seemed.
“Quit hogging her. Sit down. Let’s all catch up.” Megan nodded at the small table that was already set with a salad in the middle. “Wine first. Lasagna and garlic bread later.”
I breathed a sigh of relief that she was sticking to something familiar. Megan must have seen the expression on my face because she stuck her tongue out at me.
“Here you go.” Lake appeared out of nowhere, handing me a glass of white wine. I sat down at my usual spot, Wesley next to me, Lake and Megan across. We all started going over our weeks, making jokes when appropriate, complaining about coworkers, and it felt really damn good to be there.
“So, Wes, when are you gonna tell us more about the girl you’ve been seeing?” Lake took a swig of his wine, and I swear, all the air in the room evaporated as I swung my head to Wesley. He was blushing.
Girl you’ve been seeing. I was stuck on that phrase, pulling it apart, inspecting it letter for letter until I could understand it. Girl you’ve been seeing.
“Oh, yes, Wes, tell us about her! Lake spilled that you went on two dates last week. That’s not like you at all.” Megan prompted him to continue, and I had to remind myself that it would be inappropriate to just walk out. I didn’t want to be there. Not in that conversation.
“Yeah…Caitlin…” The way he said her name in a whisper, like it was something he couldn’t believe was real, like it was the only thing that meant something.
“She’s something else. Something special,” he told the table, and I sat frozen, worried that one movement would shatter the illusion I was creating as my mind tried to shove every feeling I was having into a box.
A box I could take out later, in the comfort of my home, and fall apart.
“That’s great, man. I’m happy for you,” Lake said. And he meant it. I could tell by the way he said the words while looking at Megan.
“Give us all the details. How’d you meet?”
Please don’t, I wanted to shout. But still, I sat frozen, trying to zip-tie the box shut because tape wasn’t working.
I heard the first few words—something about a concert.
I had known about that concert. He had asked me to go, but I couldn’t because work had just started to pick up.
What if I had gone? Would my heart be breaking right now?
“This is really great news. Bring her next week!” Megan said, and I was instantly regretting coming. While we were all close, I’d kept my crush on Wesley to myself. What good would saying it out loud do? He’d always made it abundantly clear that he was my friend and nothing else.
A friend and nothing else, just like always. Just like always. Finally, I felt the box shut, and I turned and looked straight ahead at the wall. “I’m happy for you, Wesley.”
How I managed to keep my voice steady, I’ll never know, but I didn’t miss the way Megan tilted her head at me and my words.
I didn’t miss it one bit.