Chapter 21 Wesley
WESLEY
Iwoke up from a fitful night sleep of dreams where blue faded into swirling browns and greens, the guilt about the night before starting to creep in.
I decided to take a quick shower because Caitlin deserved an explanation, although I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to say.
I assumed that starting with how part of me wanted to book a flight to Timbuktu at the thought of giving her a key wasn’t the best way to go.
The water was scalding, but it started to loosen up some of the aching muscles.
Leaning my head against the cool tiles of the shower, I started to lather my hair and work my way down my chest. I wasn’t insanely fit, by any means, but I worked out, and it kept my physique well toned after years of baseball.
As I continued to wash myself, my mind started to wander again, drifting to thoughts of Rosie.
Seeing her the night before had ripped something open in me that was eating me up from the inside out.
I could have sworn I heard her laughter in the beads of water on my shower curtain. The sound ricocheted in that closed space, bright and infectious—something that reminded me of home. We’d shared countless inside jokes, late-night talks, and shared custody of Ted.
At that moment, something felt different, the image of her golden hair tousled, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she challenged me to a video game duel.
The picture of her flickered to life, almost like she was before me in the shower, and I almost reached out to grab her.
Reality kicked in before that, and I shook my head. “Get a grip,” I muttered to myself.
The image of her still floated around me in the steam, teasing the edge of my consciousness.
The familiar warmth spread through me, a tightness that was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
Why am I thinking about Rosie like this?
It almost seemed…wrong. I never let my mind go there because it felt disrespectful to think of a close friend that way, almost like I was invading her privacy, but I just couldn’t help myself.
What’s happening to me?
I’m not an eighteen-year-old teenager with no self-control.
No matter how hard I tried to push the thoughts down, my cock had other ideas, and was rock hard in my hand.
It was as if my body had decided to entirely ignore my mind’s protests.
The water cascaded over me as I grappled with the reality of my situation, trying to come to terms with it.
The one thought—no, not thought, person—consuming my mind and body was Rosie.
My knees buckled, and I couldn’t believe I was there, in that moment, so turned on over thoughts of her that I thought I was going to pass out. I had to get out of there. Masturbating to Rosie while still with Caitlin made me a dick, and I was beginning to think I already was one.
I vacated the shower quickly, not bothering to check if I’d fully rinsed out my shampoo and conditioner combination.
I dried off quickly, dressing in a rush, and even though I was about to be making my way to end things with Caitlin, I still couldn’t stop thinking of Rosie.
I had half convinced myself it was because I was having withdrawals from her, of our time together, but we were adults.
We had busy periods of our lives where we were passing breezes in the wind, and it had never affected me before.
Not like that. What is this? And what the actual fuck was that in the shower?
I was rolling around the question for what seemed like the hundredth time, feeling like the answer was right there.
I was so close…I threw my door open, still trying to grasp what it all meant.
I caught Caitlin there, frozen in what looked like the start of a knock.
She gave me a cautious look, and I felt like such an asshole.
My cheeks burned with what I had been considering doing in my shower seconds before.
The guilt that had been following me all morning doubled in a millisecond when it clicked that I hadn’t thought about Caitlin’s feelings at all.
Only mine and Rosie’s.
“Caitlin.” I moved back, letting her into my place. “I was about to come see you.”
“I see that,” she said as she wrapped her arms around her like she was ready to protect herself, and I had to fight back bile as it rose. “I think we should talk,” she told me. I could only nod.
We made our way to my kitchen. “Would you like some coffee?” I asked, and she looked at me with annoyance before shooting Ted a look that could only be described as scalding.
If Ted weren’t an inanimate object, I would have been offended.
“No,” she said coolly. “Wes, I think we can agree that this isn’t working,” she told me.
And if I hadn’t spent the better part of the past few months with her, I would have suspected it was the end of a business deal, not a relationship.
She was so cold, so formal, but I couldn’t really blame her. The previous night had not gone well.
“Caitlin…” I started to try to explain myself, but… I still wasn’t sure what to tell her.
She held her hand up to me. “I ignored the flags, the big, bright red ones, because despite this mess”—Caitlin basically spit out the word mess—“you are a good guy. I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re just clueless, Wes.”
“Clueless?” I mimicked her like a parrot, confused by everything she was saying. I thought that maybe she had realized it wasn’t working, just like I had, but I had a feeling I was in for a rude awakening at the hands of the woman seated across from me.
“Wes, you cannot tell me that, after last night, there is nothing going on with Rosie.”
My mouth dropped open. “I would never cheat.”
She raised her eyes in my direction and stared me down, taking in my reaction before exhaling slowly. “Oh, Wes. You still haven’t caught on yet, have you?”
What is she talking about?
“Caught on to what?”
She just shook her head and let out a small laugh.
“I’m not sure if that makes it worse or better.
You know you spent the entire evening last night, waiting for one person, looking for one person, and very clearly thinking about one person.
And I think that you should be with that person.
We both know that person isn’t me.” She slid off her seat, and I was honestly in a state of bamboozlement.
It felt like the interconnecting parts of my body underneath my skin and connected my brain and heart were finally starting to communicate.
“I should go.” Caitlin gave me a brief hug, and I was still stuck on what she had said. You should be with that person.
Rosie.
Before she made her way down the foyer and out my front door, she turned to me. “You whisper her name in your sleep, you know. Just another one of those red flags I hop-skipped over.”
“I didn’t know,” I responded lamely, because really, what else could I say at that point? I was at the beginning of my revelation, and she was at the end of hers.
“I know,” she said, giving me one last look over, a soft hum passing her lips before she turned and walked out.
And I needed to find Rosie.