Chapter Seventeen
For the next week or so, Dave was scarce. I started to accept that perhaps this was the groove we’d gotten into, being neighbour-strangers
who once knew each other intimately, but whose time in life was meant to stay in the rearview. Maybe he was the kind of guy
who didn’t think he owed me an explanation for why he’d ghosted me so harshly. Maybe he thought being young excused that kind
of behaviour. But it didn’t stop me from feeling his presence everywhere, and from deeply longing to know what had happened
back then. And then one evening, after staff pizza and drinks—this time I’d carefully stopped after one drink—I arrived home
to see Dave sitting at the campfire. I walked over to the big log opposite him. In the glow of firelight, he was even more
handsome than usual.
“Hey, Golds,” he said softly. My heart sped up just hearing him say my old name.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you back before late night. How have you been?”
“Good, good. I’ve been helping a buddy fix up another house in the evenings. We finished it tonight.”
Baby came over to my side and nudged his nose at me in greeting.
“Well, it’s good to see you,” I said. I held out a box of leftover pizza from the 555 Brewery. “Want some pizza? It has pickles
on it, but trust me, it’s great.”
“Oh, sure, if you really don’t want it?”
“I had my share, no worries.”
He took the box and opened it on the log beside him.
“You weren’t lying,” he said, after his first bite.
“It sounds gross, but it’s perfect, right?”
He nodded, still chewing. Baby lay at his feet and Dave slowly petted his head and neck. I picked up the fire stick and started
poking around in the glowing coals. I desperately wanted to stop small talking, to get right back to that feeling we had after
galloping across the meadow. Just say something. Anything.
“So, when’s our next ride? I’ve been scared to take Snow out on my own.” I hated how shaky my voice sounded. Dave’s face lit
up.
“Oh, I’d love to take you out again. You know, I’m really grateful you are so friendly, I mean, considering what all happened
back then. I keep thinking about it. I thought maybe I’d been too imposing on you before, so I sort of took a step back.”
“I noticed, it was a bummer.”
“Oh,” he said, half-smiling.
“But I’ve been dying for you to bring it up, explain what happened back then.”
“I’ve wanted to. Just been chickenshit, I suppose.”
“Well, it was a while ago.”
“I know, but I still feel badly.”
“Ben told me a bit about how your families didn’t like each other growing up, and how you dated Neve.”
“He did, did he?”
“But when I asked him what happened when you got back from camp, he said it wasn’t his story to tell. That you would have
to tell me.” I spoke to the fire, taking a deep breath before forcing out the words that made me feel so raw and vulnerable.
“And honestly, I do think I’m owed an explanation for how you promised we were going to be together forever and then you just
left camp early and never called me. It was hard to go through.”
Dave’s eyes went a bit glassy. He took a long pull of his drink. I thought it was beer but it was some sort of soda.
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you. That I didn’t answer your letters. It’s hard to talk about.”
“Oh,” I said, “well, I’m here to listen. I don’t shock easy.”
“You remember Nancy?”
“Of course.”
“She came and got me in the middle of the night, right before I was supposed to come meet you. My brother, Damon, was in the
hospital. He was diabetic, and he’d gone to some party and gotten drunk for the first time. He didn’t have anyone to help
monitor his sugar. Him and this girl went upstairs to the attic and he passed out, and the kids didn’t know where he was for
like, hours, and when they found him, they thought he was passed out from drinking so they left him. When your sugars go down,
it can make it seem like you’re very drunk. So they thought he was still drunk and they just left him there. By the time anyone
realized, it was too late. So Nancy drove me to the hospital in Belleville from all the way up north. I made it just after
he passed away.”
“That’s awful,” I offered, putting the fire stick down and trying to catch his eye.
“I was his caretaker, I think we’d bonded over that, right? How we took care of our siblings?”
“Yeah, we did. You made me feel so understood.”
“My dad was a big-time drunk. Still is. I was nervous to leave Damon here alone that summer, but he insisted he could take
care of himself. He was fourteen. I fell into a deep depression and I blamed myself for years. Shit with my dad got way worse.
I got in a lot of fights, started to drink too much myself. I honestly didn’t think I deserved anything good, especially you.
You had so much promise and you’d gotten into film school. I felt you were better off without me, frankly. I got your letters
and I couldn’t even read them. I just knew that I wouldn’t be good enough for you, you know?”
None of this story was what I expected, at all. I thought he was going to tell me he went back to Neve because I was boring, and after we had sex, he got tired of me, like boys sometimes did. I was so shocked, I went over to sit next to him and grabbed his hand.
“I am so sorry, Dave. I am so, so sorry that your brother died, that you felt responsible. I can’t believe you went through
that and I wasn’t there for you,” I said. “And that I spent so many years being pretty and mad at you.” I squeezed his hand
and he squeezed it back.
“I’ve thought about you so much since then,” he said. “You never left my mind. Even when I met Julia and I thought I was in
love with her, in the back of my mind, I knew. I knew it wasn’t as big a love as you and I had shared. But Julia also kind
of, I don’t know, she got me. Her dad had been to jail, like my mom had. I mean, we met at a meeting for adult children of
alcoholics, so we, like, have a lot of the same trauma. And she got pregnant in that first year together, so getting married
made sense. But it fell apart pretty quick. And secretly, the fact that you were still out there somewhere, and I had let
you down so profoundly, it made a difference. Every time Julia made a mistake, I would judge her so harshly, unfairly, because
I would think about how you might be in a relationship. It wasn’t fair. We weren’t together long enough to really be tested
in any way. Who knows if we would have truly worked out as adults, you know?”
“I know,” I whispered, utterly overwhelmed. He smelled so good next to me. Was it selfish to wonder in that moment if we had
another shot? Maybe if we reckoned with who we’d been and what happened with honesty, we could potentially open up the chance
to be together again. I mean, I was who he was looking for in his Tinder profile, wasn’t I? But I’d just been kissing his
nemesis. Four beers or not, I wasn’t that messy.
I gave him a long, sincere hug, the kind we used to give everyone at camp.
“I’m glad to know you again, Dave. I feel like fate gave us this weird summer, side by side. You know?”
“It’s certainly forced me to reflect on some things, some patterns.”
“Me too,” I said.
My phone started buzzing in my purse. I ignored it. But then it wouldn’t stop.
“One sec,” I said, pulling it out. Calls from Katie. Marlon. My landlord. My landlord?
“Sorry, my landlord who never calls me keeps calling.”
I paced around the cabin and called Marlon back.
“Okaaay, so your mom ran a bath and forgot about it, and it flooded the downstairs store. Reggie is pissed as fuck.”
“Well, I’ve been pissed at Reggie for years about never fixing my window, so he can chill.”
“This is serious, Elise. She has to go. He’s talking about evicting you.”
“I can’t be evicted! Living beside you is literally the Friends daydream come to life.”
“I know. I also think your mom needs company. She knocks on our door constantly, even Kris is losing patience.”
“Where is she now?”
“I put her in a cab to Katie’s but she can’t stay there for more than a night or two. You know that.”
“I know.”
“Charles is still not answering anyone’s calls.”
“I’m so sorry that this all fell on you, Marlon.”
“It’s cool. But I am tired. I think you do need to step in even though you’re on your country soul makeover quest.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry, Reggie makes me so on edge.”
“It’s Toronto, we all have eviction PTSD. I get it.”
“She’s not herself. I know she’s always level seven annoying, but something else is up.”
“Got it. I’ll take it over,” I said, feeling a mix of shame that I wasn’t around and annoyance that my mother seemed to need a babysitter.
My mom had proven over and over that she’s hyper independent, in need of no one.
If she’s suddenly having a mid-life crisis, then why should we have to be part of it?
But I didn’t want to inconvenience Marlon, or make Kate and Sarah’s life more stressful before the wedding.
Plus, I was sitting pretty in my free cabin all summer.
Maybe a few nights with me would send her back to Charles.
I called Katie.
“I heard about my bathtub. Does she have dementia?”
“No. I just think she’s never been alone in her whole life and is spiralling.”
“Is she at your place yet?”
“She is fifteen minutes away according to Uber. Sarah is going to lose her mind.”
“Look,” I said, wanting more than anything not to say what I was about to say, “if she’s really driving you nuts, Mom is welcome
to come stay with me in the county until the wedding. If she’s desperate.”
“Really?” Katie started to cry. “Thanks, sissy. I’m so grateful. We have so much going on right now.”
“I’m having a weird summer anyway, why not make it weirder?”
I tried to sound upbeat. I’m sure she knew I was feeling dread. When we hung up, I got a text from Sarah: thanks for keeping up your end of the deal.
I should have felt proud of myself, maybe even brave. But all I felt in the moment was doom and like my life was being infringed