Chapter Seventeen #2
upon. I called Reggie and had a lively debate about the definition of willful negligence, and then remembered I had tenants’
insurance and hung up.
I went back to the fire, but Dave had put it out and gone to bed.
Standing outside, the coyotes howling in the distance, I realized Dave hadn’t told me how Ben factored into the whole story.
What did he have to do with it? All I wanted to do was climb into bed with Dave and hold him close.
What he’d told me changed everything about the memory of our relationship.
Making out with Ben had been fun, but with Dave, I felt like I had a chance for true intimacy.
The next day at camp, I pulled Ben aside as lunch was wrapping up for a little session behind the winery. I’d started to think
about the small circling of chairs overlooking the valley behind the building as a place to have the deep talks.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked nervously. “I’m not ready to be cancelled today and I’m a little hungover.”
“Aha, this week I feel hydrated and ready to take on the world! But nothing is wrong, I just had to find a moment to tell
you that the fake boyfriend role might be more of a series regular situation? My mom is coming tonight. I don’t know how long
she’s staying. But you really don’t have to keep it up just because she’s here. We can just say that we broke up. She might
not even remember, the wine was flowing that night, after all.”
He gave me a look I couldn’t puzzle.
“You worry too much, pal. I’m a great fake boyfriend.” Ben shifted back to his normal charming self, seeming totally unfussed.
Pal.
“OK, I just didn’t want to be demanding, you know.”
“You are not demanding. I come from a family of demanding, and you are not it.”
A group of campers ran by us toward the horses.
Their tween romps matched the wildness of the horses, who seemed to catch the urge to run from the kids.
The noon sun was blazing. They looked like they were about to play soccer, but because they were a group of theatre kids, they started practising semi-joking runs toward each other, like lovers in an overwrought movie.
Their joy and abandon was infectious. I felt all the muscles in my body relax.
I took my ponytail out and shook my hair, then braided it, still watching.
“Did you attend Firefly as a camper when you were a kid?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, every year even before I was old enough to be a camper. Me and Damon both. My parents let me bring him so I’d have
a friend.”
“Damon, Dave’s brother?”
“Yeah.”
I told him that Dave had explained how Damon died. “But he didn’t tell me how it had anything to do with you or why you guys
don’t like each other.”
“Maybe he’s over it, then.”
“Over what?”
“Damon and I were best friends. He had type 1 diabetes, and Dave was always helping him to monitor his sugars and take his
insulin and stuff like that. Damon was getting old enough and was really responsible, you know? Most days he was totally fine.
But Dave made me promise to look out for him. And I did. But I was also only fourteen. And I wasn’t at that party. Like, we
were drama kids. Everyone at that party was too cool, and I didn’t feel like going to get beat up that night. Plus I had an
audition in the city, so I wasn’t even in the county. But he blamed me for years, for not keeping up my part of the bargain
to watch him.”
“Oh, that does seem like a lot to put on your shoulders at fourteen.”
“Yup, and it’s not like I didn’t feel fucking awful. He was my best friend. I was only able to say that it wasn’t my fault
after like, a year of therapy in tenth grade.”
“That’s rough,” I said. I felt such tenderness for him. I put my hand on his arm and squeezed. He put his head on my shoulder like a little boy.
“Neve and I haven’t been the same since then either. Something shifted that she swears is just normal sibling shit but I don’t
know. I miss when she was nicer to me, if I’m being honest.”
I felt really bad for Ben, for his fourteen-year-old self. It was impossible for us to be around teenagers all day and not
remember who we’d once been, what our fears and insecurities were. I bet it was hard for Ben to stick around with the memories
of his own teen years.
My phone buzzed. A text from my mother. Where are you?
“Sorry, it’s my mom,” I said, rolling my eyes. I got up and leaned on the back fence to type.
I’m at work, You arrive tonight?
No, I’m here now.
My heart sank. I thought I’d at least have the afternoon to prep and clean the cabin. Then again, she’d flooded my apartment
and ruined my floor, so maybe I shouldn’t be too concerned.
OK, be there soon. Make yourself at home.
I looked up and Ben was gathering his things. “Well, Elise, I hope you have a good weekend. I’m off to the city tonight for
the premiere of a movie where I had five lines, but damn if they weren’t perfect start to finish,” he said, laughing.
“There are no small parts, right?”
“I see holes in that logic, but yes, true.”
“Have a safe drive,” I said. I hadn’t asked after the woman who appeared in a lot of his Instagrams. We didn’t hug goodbye.