Chapter Nineteen #2
“Soft,” I gasped. Had anyone ever asked me that before?
They usually just did whatever they thought made sense until I pulled their head away with a half-smile for effort.
But Dave had learned some things. I closed my eyes, and he pushed both of my legs further apart.
A part of me wanted to squirm away from shyness, until I felt how softly he began to tease me, his tongue tracing all around where I really wanted him to go.
But he wasn’t lost. He was merely an expert tease.
I shivered and moaned, bucked against his face, and he laughed a low growl right into me before pulling away.
“Patience,” he cooed into my thigh, his thumb now teasing me open, his tongue almost, but not quite, touching my clit.
He had the map, he knew exactly where I wanted him, but he was going to make me wait.
I squeezed my legs around his face, my thighs brushing his stubble.
He pushed my legs apart again, both hands holding them down, as he grinned up at me.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes tight in the utter agony of both how exposed I was and how he was making me feel so undone.
He softly circled around a few more times, so slowly at first that I didn’t realize he was moving until I cried out.
“Worth the wait?” he whispered, and then he moved faster. I never wanted this feeling, the pleasure, to end. He stopped only
to say, “Are you going to be a good girl and come for me?”
I could barely whisper yes.
The heat built up so fast when he went back to it, that I started to moan from this sort of animalistic place, a sound I’d
never made before.
“Come for me,” he said and I cried out, shaking all over, living for the feeling of his mouth on me. He kept going, trying
for a second time. I was usually too sensitive, was about to pull him up, but something about his technique made me feel like
I was going to come all over again.
“Do you want me to stop?” he breathed.
“No, no, no, no, no, don’t stop.” And I felt it building again. I came two more times in rapid succession, until the feeling
finally receded. I pulled him up and held him tight while I experienced some delightful aftershocks. “No one has ever made
me do that,” I admitted.
“You’re not just saying that?”
“No,” I whispered, a bit embarrassed but more thrilled that someone had cared to pay attention to me so closely. I knew it
was a low bar, but I’d long considered myself someone for whom it took a lot of time and effort—too much—to get me there even
once, let alone a few times in a row. I squeezed my eyes tight and came back down to earth. He was so hard against me, I reached
down and put my hand around him. He groaned.
“Now, what’s your pleasure?” I asked, while moving my hand up and down. Then I stopped, squeezed him gently, and gave him a flirty look. “Two can play that game.”
He laughed. “You can win. I’ll do whatever you want right now,” he growled, and I started moving my hand again. “Everything
about you drives me crazy,” he said. “I want more of you, please,” he said, pressing a finger between my legs, “if you’re
not too sensitive.”
“I think if you tried to leave this room without fucking me, I’d call the police,” I said, and moaned as he moved a finger
inside me.
He picked me up and brought me over to the bed. A true feat of choreography and upper body strength, frankly, but I wasn’t
holding a single thought beyond Don’t stop. But he pulled out and pressed the tip of his cock against me.
“I like feeling how bad you want me,” he said, looking down at me, and then grinning. He pressed himself against me again.
Then he stood up and went to get a condom. I tried to pull the covers over me, but he pulled them back down. “Don’t move.
I mean it, I want to look at you.”
I felt shy, exposed like that on the bed, but I did as he said, feeling my whole body blush, still pulsing with aftershocks.
I heard the foil package rip, and then he leaned over me. He held my wrists above my head while I writhed against him.
“Is this OK?” he asked, gesturing to the way he was holding my wrists.
I nodded, biting my lip. “Yes.”
He gripped my wrists tighter while staring between my legs. His eyes widened with pleasure.
“What?”
“You just got wetter when I did that.” He winked at me, as I squirmed. I felt a kind of mild shame mixed with such extreme
desire that it melted my shyness away. He leaned over me. I loved the weight of his body on top of me.
“How badly do you want it,” he purred in my ear as I felt him get even harder against my skin.
“Please,” I whispered back.
“Say it again,” he said, pushing just a little bit inside me.
“Please, fuck, oh my god, if you don’t fuck me right now I’m going to burst into flames,” I said.
And he obliged, expertly.
When he brought me a glass of water, both of us still heaving, I started laughing. A full body giggle roared through me until
I could barely catch my breath. He grinned at me.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m just so happy,” I said. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”
“Me too,” he said, as my laughs subsided. He pulled me into a cuddle. He was also an expert-level big spoon. We felt so right.
I felt so safe in his arms. And then I was suddenly aware that the TV was still on and blaring an old episode of South Park. I was so into the sex I hadn’t even noticed.
“Remember when we used to know lines from this show?” I asked him, remembering our younger selves.
“It seems so scandalous now,” he said, as he got up to turn the TV off. He took Baby out to pee, and I pulled on my underwear
and then snuggled under the blankets and listened to my heartbeat. I felt so blissful I hardly knew what to think. When they
came back, Baby fell asleep at the foot of the bed almost immediately, and Dave brought over the remaining popcorn and a red,
blue, and white Popsicle from the freezer.
“I keep these for Finn, but if they’re not the best after-sex snack, I don’t know what is.”
We passed it back and forth, sitting on the bed side by side.
“So, how did this compare to canoe sex in the low-rise jeans era?” I asked.
“Well, this time I wasn’t afraid I might hurt you, and also, I think now I understand where, uh, everything is on a woman.”
“You sure do. You could teach a class, frankly.”
“You didn’t come back then, did you?”
“No, but that’s not unusual. I don’t think I came with another person for a few years after I started having sex.”
“Well, I’d like to make it my personal mission to right this wrong.”
He threw the Popsicle stick into the air, and it landed in the sink. Then he got back in bed with me, resumed being the big
spoon. He hugged me close, kissing my ear. I felt him hard against me and pushed back against him. “Round two?” he asked,
and I put one of his fingers in my mouth and sucked. “Yes, please.”
He kissed my neck gently, teasing me as he writhed against me, slowly pulling my underwear back down. He moved against me,
still taunting, as we continued to lie on our sides. He reached over me to retrieve another condom from the drawer of his
bedside table. He tried to go slow at first, but the sound of his breath ragged and unravelling in my ear made me mutter,
“Faster, please.”
He pulled me up so that he was behind me. I gripped the bed frame and arched my back.
“Oh my god, you are so hot,” he said, putting both hands on my waist and sliding back inside me. He reached around with one
hand to touch me, moving slowly at first. After a while, I replaced his hand with mine so he could get lost in fucking me
with abandon. He slammed into me, building up hard and fast, and just as he was about to come, he mumbled, “I’m coming, I’m coming,” and to my surprise, I was too. Another first for me.
“That was basically movie sex? I didn’t think it was possible, I assumed it was like, an invented scenario?” I said.
“Coming at the same time?”
“Yeah, it’s never happened to me before.”
“Wow, two first-time situations with me—I feel pretty proud, not gonna lie.” He laughed.
“I want to sleep beside you, but would we sleep?”
“I don’t think I could,” he said. “I think I would just keep ravishing you until we had a serious mutual dehydration problem.”
“It also might be hard to explain to my mom. We’re not close enough to discuss this kind of thing.”
“Plus, she’ll think you’re cheating on Ben,” he said.
I laughed. “Oh god, I keep forgetting about that.” But it was kind of true. I didn’t want to leave, though. I felt like all
of my dreams had come true, and here I was, in his arms.
“I never stopped thinking about you,” I confessed.
“Neither did I,” Dave said.
“So why, why didn’t you ever try to find me?”
He sighed. “I guess I thought our lives would never be compatible. And then my life with Julia happened.”
“Do you still think our lives wouldn’t be compatible?” I said, sitting up and looking right at him. I pulled the sheet up
so it was wrapped around me. Okanagan was back, having pushed open the screen door with the sheer force of his giant cat body.
He jumped up between us, as though mediating this strange moment.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. He pulled on his T-shirt and boxers and sat down beside me again. That wasn’t the answer I wanted
to hear. I wanted to stay in our post-sex euphoria state, I wanted promises and exclamations. Surely, we could have a rational,
honest conversation in the morning. I petted Okanagan in a distracted kind of way, unsure what to say. His purr filled the
space between us. Dave then pulled me close, and I rested my head against his chest, but I felt him mentally move further
away.
“You good?” I whispered.
“Better than good. Perfect.”
I weighed out whether the pleasure of sleeping in his arms outweighed the explanation I would have to give my mother if I stayed in Dave’s bed.
She was already physically too close to me, and as much as the little girl part of me still wanted to be closer to her, the reality of that wasn’t actually what I wanted.
I didn’t trust her to hold any of the vulnerable complexities of my life.
And I didn’t want her judgment, even if it was silent.
I waited until I heard his gentle snores.
Then I pulled my clothes on and went back to my couch bed next door.
I drew a heart on a piece of paper and the tagline from the movie: What if you had a second chance with the one that got away?